1 Dicey Grenor (24 page)

Where had
Remi
been when I was human, struggling with the disorder?
Alone.
Scared.
Unlovable.
Willing to do
anything
to get rid of what made me different.

Yeah, well, he was
just saying all this because he was captivated by my
vampireness
,
high on my blood. He hadn’t known the human me, the weak Willow. The one who
cried when she was picked on and was too ostracized to have childhood friends
or…

I fell asleep at
some point and that suited him just fine. He climbed on top of me and pumped his
way to another orgasm. When I woke up, he was just finishing, sweat beaded on
his forehead, heavy-breathing and all.
Kinda
made me
wish I hadn’t missed the whole encounter.

Remaining inside
me, he rested his head on my shoulder and breathed, “Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

His chin hair
moved indicating he was smiling. “You’re right.” He sighed. “I’ve
been wanting
to do that since I first saw you at Hades.”

Good time to ask
what I’d
been wanting
to know. “How do you get turned
on by death anyway? Why do you like sex like that? Most men want a responsive
partner.”

Flashes of his
brain waves told me he was remembering something…a pretty girl, black hair,
blue eyes. After moments of silence he finally said, “My first sexual
experience was with a dead girl…and I liked it.”

Holy
shit on a stick.
I didn’t know how his kidnapping fit in to that, but I
knew it did somehow. He must have been forced. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. Not for
me anyway. Aaron didn’t like it. I did. Be sorry for him.”

I held him close,
resisting the urge to ask if that was when he first shifted. Didn’t know if
remembering and talking about it would traumatize him or help. There had to be
more to the story than a six-year-old boy kidnapped and forced to have sex with
a dead girl. Did “first sexual experience” mean actual intercourse? Had he been
capable of that at six? Maybe he had been captive for years. Maybe he’d been
kidnapped at six and hadn’t had the experience with the corpse until he was
eight or ten.

It was all too
inconceivable.

Could he handle
opening up about it? Could I?

He raised his head
and looked down at me. “By the way, how old are you?
Couple
hundred years?”

“Nope.
I’m a newbie, turned when I was twenty-one and I’m only twenty-four.”

“So your body’s
always
gonna
look like this?”

I nodded. “And
since I knew I’d be frozen in time, I got a Brazilian wax, relaxed the hair on
my head so it would always be straight and long, got a
mani-pedi
…”
I laughed.
“Turns out, none of that mattered.
My hair
and nails grow as they did when I was human.”

“Really?
How is that? Aren’t you dead?”

“As
a doorknob.
I guess the same magic that animates my body makes my hair
and nails grow too.”

“So everything
functions normally?”

“Not
exactly.
My tear ducts work, I make saliva, but I don’t pee or poop. Don’t
sweat either.” I had never shared this much about myself with anyone. We were
both treading on uncharted territory tonight.

“Can you fly?”

“Hell
no.
But I can move really fast and jump really high. Human eyes wouldn’t
know the difference.”

“Damn, that’s hot.”
He kissed my cheek. “Hey—I’m not going to turn in to a vampire now am I?”

“No. The affects
of my blood will wear off.”

He exhaled. “Good ’cause
I’d never want to be a vampire. I love dead things, but I don’t want to be
dead. There’d be no thrill of nearly-dying again and there’s no greater rush
than coming close.”

I wondered if he’d
change his mind if he truly was on his deathbed. “I can’t turn you anyway. I’m
not strong enough. It takes a
maistress
vamp and
powerful witch to do it.”

“Who’s your
maistress
?”

“I have a
maistre
. Only men can sire female vamps, only women can
sire male vamps.” I wrapped one of his long curls around my finger. “It’s kind
of like a marriage.”

He stiffened…and
not in a good way. “You’re married to a
maistre
vampire?”

I caressed his
shoulders to ease the blow. “Yes, but it’s not like you think. He has hundreds
of brides. He can have as many as he wants. We’re not exclusive.”

“So he’s okay with
me laying up in you like this?” He rocked his hips for illustration, making me lose
myself momentarily.

“Uh…not
exactly.
But don’t you worry. I’ve got it all under control.”

“I know y’all burn
in the sun, but how do I kill him at night?
Just in case he
comes after me.”

I laughed. The
likelihood he’d survive a one-on-one fight with Max was nil, but that wasn’t
the point. “I can’t tell you that. If he dies, so do
I
and his whole lineage.”

“Really?
Shit in a creek.”

“That’s why
maistres
and
maistresses
have to
be so strong. Their power provides our life force. Their blood mixes in with our
blood and sustains us. Kill them and
it’s
lights out
for the rest of us.”

 
“Damn. I hope he’s somewhere safe then. I
heard VET has just about wiped out the entire vampire species in the U.S. Every
country has passed anti-vamp laws, but none of the others seem to enforce it as
well. I wouldn’t want to lose you.” He smiled and kissed my cheek tenderly,
belying the sadness in his eyes. “Where is he anyway?”

“Can’t tell you
that either. Nowhere in this country though.”

He relaxed.

We lay in peaceful
silence until he yawned and I knew it was getting close to time for me to
leave.

“I came in you a
lot. You can’t get pregnant, right?” he said sleepily.

“No sexually
transmitted diseases either.”

“Cool.” He
searched my eyes. “Most women want kids. You’re okay with not having any?”

“God,
yes.
I never wanted any. Can you imagine me falling asleep while feeding
a baby? Or passing this gene along?”

“Know what you
mean. With my mental state, I would never want to be responsible for a child
and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to bring one up in a world where
things like what happened to me happens
.”

“Will you ever
tell me what happened?” I asked.

Suddenly, flashes
of his past coursed through my mind like a whirlwind. I saw a man, a dark
cellar, a cot, a machete slicing through his hairy back as blood splashed about…

Remi
threw the memories from his mind like vomit. Few more
minutes and I would have known the whole story without him telling me.

Maybe if I told
him the affects of our bonding he’d stop broadcasting his feelings and memories
so strongly.

“It’s probably
best that Aaron fills you in.” He put his head back down. “I’m so tired right
now.”

I caressed his
back. “I’ve taken a lot of your blood.”

“You gave me so
much of yours too. My body still feels like it’s on fire. Like if I dipped in
the pool it would boil instead of cooling me off.”

“I’ll take less
next time.”

His dick jerked
violently within me. “I like that there will be a next time. I want to come in
you over and over again. But you don’t have to hold back.
Ever.
Take whatever you want.
Whenever.”

I enjoyed him
coming in me too. Ivan and I had always used condoms and Max had always
withdrawn at his critical moment, so this was the first time I had experienced
it. But there was another person to consider when it came to sharing blood and
bonding.

“I’m so glad you
feel that way but I don’t think Aaron would like that,” I blurted before
thinking of
Remi’s
reaction to my comment. I was
cheapening our moment by making him feel like he played second fiddle to Aaron.
Not to mention it was a terrible time to bring up Aaron’s feelings in all this
after I’d spent the past few hours feeding
Remi
and
feeding from him.

He tensed. “Aaron
doesn’t have to know. He doesn’t have to know we fucked or what you are or that
you were even here. You are
mine
. I’ll rip that damn diary to shreds
before I write a lick about it.”

This was the
jealous streak I’d glimpsed when I mentioned my relationship with Dr. Floyd to
him. And that relationship was innocent. I sure hoped jealousy between two men
in the same body wasn’t going to be a problem.
Remi’s
possessiveness mirrored my sentiment for him, but he’d forgotten I wanted both
of them. I had been forthright about my feelings for Aaron. Maybe not the next
time we had sex or the next, but one day soon I would switch Aaron in and fuck
the shit out of him too.

“That’s sweet of
you, but he already knows I was here,” I said. “I saw Emmanuel then Aaron.”

He slowly raised
his head like it weighed a ton and stared down at me. “Emmanuel?” I nodded. “Holy
shit, we’re fucked. If he’s shifting again, we’re all in trouble. He gets NO
shifting privileges anymore.”

“He doesn’t want
it either. Don’t worry. I can help with him like I did tonight. And Aaron’s
gonna
get back on his meds.”

He just stared at
me,
his jaw
ticcing
, then he
withdrew from me and got up from the bed. “You realize that may be the end of
me? Or is that what you and Aaron are planning. You want me out of the picture.”

I blinked. “No, I
didn’t know that. He said there would be side effects. I didn’t know…”

“Aaron’s the host,
Willow. If he gets on meds to control shifting to alternates, what the hell do
you think will happen to me?”

I hadn’t thought
it through. I thought the meds would just help him
manage
the
alternates. But what the hell did that mean exactly?

Oh, no,
Remi
was right.

He grabbed a pack
of cigarettes from the dresser, went to the bathroom and closed the door.

What in the world
were
we going to do? I didn’t want to inhibit
Remi
and I had a good feeling Aaron felt the same. He needed
Remi
, relied on him, in fact. They were a package
deal. Couldn’t see a use for Mason or Emmanuel or
Vlad
,
but we needed
Remi
. They were co-dependent, two peas
of the same pod. We’d all be screwed if Aaron got back on meds.

Couldn’t let that
happen.
Had to think of something.

But time was
suddenly of the essence.

I went to the
bathroom where
Remi
sat on the floor smoking near the
shower. I told him I had to go and kissed his cheek. He just stared. I told him
not to worry I’d think of something but I definitely wanted him. His face
softened and he asked me to stay. He reminded me of his offer to move in with
him. He would close the blinds and curtains to keep the sun out for me. Would
even get a coffin or clear a spot in his closet.

While spending the
day shut inside with him appealed to me more than I was willing to admit, I
thought of the secure room I had waiting for me at Hades so I declined.

“Besides, I like
watching Christian TV on Sunday mornings and I know you’re Jewish.”

“Actually, I’m
atheist,” he smirked.

Chapter 28

Atheist?
Oh, boy. I should have known.

I’d thought Aaron’s
soul stood a chance as a Jew since he was one of God’s chosen people.
But
Remi
, an atheist?
If his
beliefs affected Aaron’s soul, they didn’t stand a chance. At least I was a
believer. They needed my help in more ways than one. He needed to be converted
fo
’
sho
’.

He laughed. “This
is wild. I can almost hear your thoughts. A minute ago, I swear you were
worried about me being jealous of your feelings for Aaron and now you want to
convert me, don’t you?”

Guess he was
discovering the benefits of our blood connection on his own. Although I
preferred the upper hand,
him
reading me was only
fair. And seriously intimate. If he fine-tuned his psychic connection to me, he
would hear my thoughts even clearer. I’d keep that part to myself for now.
“Yep.
That’s what I was thinking.”

He shook his head.
“A Christian vampire.
Isn’t that an oxymoron?”

“Maybe.
But who can be sure?”

I mean, the bible
said to confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus was the
Son of God and you’d be saved. I didn’t see any stipulations like if thou art a
vampire all bets are off. On the other hand, as conceded earlier, I’d given my
soul away in exchange for being undead. Realistically, I watched church on TV
out of habit from my upbringing not for any real affect on my spirit, soul, or
body.

Not wanting to get
too deep in that just now, I kissed him long and thoroughly to distract him
from my thoughts. Then after verifying his multiple bite wounds had healed, I
got my
patootie
out of there in an instant.
Had to run like hell to beat the sun, but I made it.

No, I didn’t
captivate him into forgetting the sex or my confession.
Couldn’t
risk messing with his brain anymore than I had already.
Not until I
talked it over with
Saybree
. She had known there was
something different about him yet she still said he’d be a great day companion
for me. Surely, she would have some guidance as to how to keep him safe.