1 Shore Excursion (26 page)

W
hen they found me, my hair hadn’t turned white, and I wasn’t babbling or chewing on a long-dead hand
or anything, but I was dirty, exhausted, and scared.

I heard a scraping noise and a torrent of Swedish, then Jay’s voice.
I saw a blaze of light as the massive door swung open.

“There she is.
Oh, my God, Sidney, are you all right?”

Then he picked me up in his great big arms and carried me out of that awful place.

“I still don’t understand how you found me.”

I was sitting propped up on pillows in my bed on the
Rapture
, sipping a double or maybe a triple brandy Alexander.

“Hannah Weiss, Sidney. You have Hannah Weiss to thank,
babe,
and
also
the captain
.
Hannah
saw you go into the crypt and she didn’t see you after that, and when you didn’t get back to the ship in time for the sailing, she called me and told me and wouldn’t let up until we got Vargos
.
He freaked out and held the ship and sent
out a search party to find you.
”

“Well, thank her I will, bless her little heart, first thing tomorrow.
I just can’t talk to anyone else tonight.
And I’m really glad it’s a sea day tomorrow.
If it’s
okay
with you, I’d like to sleep in a little in the morning.”

“You got it, Sid.
After that ordeal, you deserve a little pampering.”

“I just feel so stupid, Jay.
It’s embarrassing for a tour leader to get herself in a jam like that.
What kind of dumbass
accidentally locks herself
in a cathedral crypt and delays a sailing?
Diana will fire me for sure, now.”

“Sidney.
I wasn’t going to tell you this until tomorrow, but you might as well know it now.
It wasn’t an accident, Sid.
Someone locked you in that crypt.
The door was wedged shut, and a
heavy
trunk
was pushed in front of it
, along with the ‘closed to visitors’ sign
.
We had to move it to get you out.”

“But why, Jay?
Why? Who would do that to me?”

“I don’t know, Sidney.
I don’t know who, but I sure can guess why.
You are getting on someone’s nerves, big-time
, babe
. Someone is trying to warn you off, telling you in a major way to stop meddling.
Did anyone see you when you were on the computer in the
I
nternet café, Sid?
Brooke, Hannah, Ethel, Gertrude, the Johnsons and Chet Parker
were
with me the whole time, so it wasn’t them.
I don’t know where the others were.”

“Captain Vargos was somewhere in the church or the square, Jay
;
I saw him.
Jerome
Morgan was around, too, and I think he saw the print-outs.”

And then I told him about Morgan and his warnings.

“That’s bullshit, Sidney, pure bullshit.
He’s no more James Bond than I am. You stay away from that dude
. S
tay
far, far away.
Think about it, sweetie, think real hard. You’ve really got to watch your back from now on.
We can’t have you getting yourself killed. Or, more importantly, getting
me
killed.
K
eep your head totally down until we get home
, okay?
To hell with all this, Sid.
Leave the heavy lifting up to Empress.
Someone comes up behind you one of these nights and gives you a quick shove over the rail, and it’s all over.”

He probably had more to say along the same lines, but the phone rang.
It was Gertrude
, who
thought she had seen a mouse in her cabin.
Jay
swore
and left to check it out, but not before saying,
“All I really want now, babe, is to get both our asses and what’s left of the High Steppers back to New York as soon as possible
—
and not in a pine box in the cargo hold.
Diana can fire both of us anytime she wants.
I don’t care.
I’m too
creative
for this job, anyway.”

My
en
tomb
ment
was
a very effective deterrent
.
If
someone
had meant
to scare me off,
they had succeeded.

I decided that night that I was going to stop trying to be a hero and heed all the dire
warnings
people were hurling at me.
Perhaps t
hey did
genuinely
care about my safety, even
Captain Vargos
.

Moreover, I realized that I really owed that handsome gentleman an apology and
my
thanks for holding the ship and sending out the posse to find me.
D
elaying a sailing is
a truly rare occurrence on
Empress Lines.
They don’t want to pay one extra
penny
in port charges.
They’d hold it for the Pope, maybe, but not for
a lowly travel agent.

I threw back the covers,
then
showered and dressed, taking special care
with my clothes and makeup.
T
hen
I
turned
off
the lights, locked the cabin, and took the elevator up to the Sun Deck, hoping to find Captain Vargos on the flying bridge, watching the stars through his brass telescope.
Now that I was far away from the cabin
and out of Jay’s space
, I could spritz myself with
a little
perfume
sample
Helga had snared for me. My behavior had already
upset
Jay enough; no need to
set off
his allergies as well
.

As I stepped out on deck, t
he wind gust
ed in
from the east
, billowing my sk
irt out and making my hair whirl around my head.
I was really
careful this time,
watching my back
,
minding
Jay
’s advice
,
staying in the shadows
. As I walked I
listen
ed
for
footsteps,
ready to duck back inside at the slightest hint of anything wrong,
but
no one
was
on deck but me.
Everyone else was in the Broadway Showroom for Comedy Night.

The flying bridge juts out from the ship just above the Sun Deck
.
As I reached the rail on the deck below it, the sky was sparkled with stars,
and sure enough,
when I looked up,
the captain’s brass telescope was there
, gleaming in the moonlight. T
here was no sign of the captain.
Very disappointing.

I was staring out at the waves, in the shadow of a stanchion
,
watching the white foam rush
by in the dark sea, when a gleam of light from above caught
my eye.
Looking up,
I saw
Captain Vargos step out onto the flying bridge
, and I
was
just about to call out and wave to him when he bent to adjust the telescope,
adapting the height to better suit the beautiful
young
blond
e
who stood beside him.

Damn
.

I slipped back into the shadows.

You missed you
r
chance with him, Sidney,
you fool
,
I thought, as I slipped silently away,
and now he’s moved on.
You
never ever get it right,
dummy,
do you
?

I stomped back down to my
room,
not only sad
and disappointed
, but
pretty steamed, too, mostly at myself for believing his compliments and swallowing all that garbage he had told me about being lonely and stuff.

Was he using those lines on
Blondie, too, when he asked her to look at the stars?

W
e reached St. Petersburg in the late afternoon on Saturday.

Everyone was on the rail for the sail-in past the rusted hulks of the old Soviet sub base.
The wind off the sea and the glorious light as we approached Peter’s Window on the West
helped
clear away the cobwebs
left
in my brain by my awful experience in
the church in
Stockholm.

The fresh sea air and the
loveliness
of the sunset’s golden glow on the stones of the magnificent old buildings also
gave me new
resolve
:
Just enjoy the beauty around you. No more
wast
ing
time or
energy
on
what might have been with
Stephanos Vargos, Master of the
M/S
Rapture of the Deep.

The last day at sea had been, thank God, uneventful.
I slept late, had
a pleasant
lunch with Brooke, Hannah and Ethel, then sat in on the shore excursion talk and slide show
. Meanwhile I seized the opportunity to
chat up everyone I could find
. I was
all
too
ready to
solve the mystery
, turn
my information
over to the cops
and just go home, back to New York, far, far away from dangerous killers and handsome,
fickle
captains.

I did
not see Captain Vargos or
his
little
blonde
Barbie-doll all day.

Jay stayed in the cabin going over my notes and computer printouts
.
Later,
he talked the purser into letting him use a computer in his private office.
He
was
finally
getting
down to business
.

My
own
search hadn’t yielded a lot.
There were
no hits
whatsoever
on either Fernando Ortiz
or
Jerome
Morgan.
I thought that was odd
—
unless they really were G-men.
We
found
no
hard
evidence that those two were even connected to each
other, except that Fernando was apparently the only person Morgan ever spoke
to
, excluding, of course, his astonishing speech to me in Stockholm.

The jury was still out on Morgan, but with no evidence to the contrary on Fernando, I decided that he was in the clear. I liked him, and
just because Jay didn’t, I
wasn’t going to hang him
out to dry
.

Abe was a different story.
Abe
was all over the place.
He had been the focus of a
ny
number of reported investigations
,
although as far as I could tell, he had never been convicted of anything.
Either he was truly innocent
or
he had a lot of clever lawyers.

No one had seen much of Abe lately.
He stayed in his cabin or by the pool most of the time, especially since Sylvia’s sudden departure.
I didn’t have a clue what he did all day, but he sure wasn’t playing shuffleboard with the High Steppers.

The
re was next to nothing on
any of
the others—a few
harmless mentions
—the
except
ion being
one
shocking
account of Muriel Murphy taking it all off in Grand Central Station before being arrested for public
intoxication
.
No wonder her parents
were trying to
put the lid on her
.

Most of the tours for St. Petersburg were fully booked
;
everyone was excited about
visiting
all
the fabulous palaces,
the Winter Palace, the Catherine Palace and Peterhof.
I was excited
too
, and not just about the tours.
Fernando
Ortiz
had called my cabin after lunch and invited me to dinner and the ballet at the
famed
Mariinsky Theatre.

Who knew what the Captain was up to?
I decided I didn’t care.
I had plans of my own.

Besides,
Fernando
clearly
liked me a lot, which is more than I could say for a certain captain
.
I hoped
he
would be watching through his stinking telescope
as
we
rolled away from
the dock in the shiny black limo
.

Jay didn’t like Fernando Ortiz at all and he had preached the Stay Away From Him sermon
again
to
me
that
morning.

For
once,
though,
Jay wouldn’t
object to my going
out with Fernando
, because I wasn’t going to tell him.

Jay
and Edgar
had plans to
skip dinner and go out drinking
off the ship
with a Russian pianist Edgar had known at Ju
i
lliard.

“I mean, I can’t wait, Sidney,” Jay said.
“Vlad has this amazing apartment and Edgar says we are going to
experience
some of
the best iced vodka
ever
. So don’t expect me back anytime soon.
You’re on your own
tonight
. But be careful,
love
, because when I get back from
my
little adventure I will be in no condition to rescue you from any tombs.”

“I’ll be fine, Jay. Y
’all
go and have a good time
;
don’t worry about me.
I’
ve
g
o
t the High Steppers covered through dinner, and then I’m
going to the ballet
.
Nothing bad
can happen at
the
ballet
.
”

After the
port
talk I
had my chance to confront
Pete Murphy about Gladys’ tall tales.

“Why did Gladys lie like that, Pete?
About
Dr. Sledge being
your mother
’s doctor
?
I found out that y
our mother passed away three years ago in Florida.”

Pete’s big face reddened.
He shook his head.

“Because she was embarrassed, Sidney, that’s why.
About Muriel’s drinking.
We both are.
Gladys tries to cover up everything about Muriel. See, Gladys has been talking to Dr. Sledge a lot lately about Muriel’s drinking and mood
swing
s and I guess she thought that dumb story about Dr. Sledge’s brother would help hide it.
”

He took out a handkerchief and blew his big nose.

“I know it doesn’t do any good, Sidney, but Gladys feels like she has to cover up for Muriel.
She always has.
I don’t know why.
Anyone can see she has a problem.
Muriel is our youngest, you know.
We thought maybe it would help if we took this trip, spent more time with her, just the three of us.
We hoped this nice cruise would help her make some friends and bring us closer together as a family. We have all our meals together, and we’ve signed all three of us up for nearly every class and excursion they offer.
Keep her busy, I said, get her interested in something besides her singing, because I know that ain’t going nowhere, no matter what Gladys says.
But
with all the bars around, Muriel’s
just gotten worse. I’m looking for her now. We thought we could watch her,
keep
our eyes on her, but she’s an escape
artist
.
See ya later, Sidney.
I go
tta go. I hope you understand.
Don’t think too bad about Gladys.”

I watched in pity as that poor, driven man shuffled off down the glittering arcade, peering into every shop, looking for his baby.

I strolled in the same direction,
hoping to buy
a small gift for Roz
, my friend
in the office
.
I always
try to
bring
home a little
something for her.

The ship was in full Russia
n theme.
The shops were stuffed with
Russian merchandise
—
fur hats, amber jewelry, vodka, and those painted
–
wood
,
nested dolls.
Dr. Zhivago was playing in the movie theater that evening, and
the dinner menu included
Beef Stroganoff and Chicken Kiev.

N
ear
ing
the end of the
row of
shops, I
thought I
saw
Captain
Vargos approaching
but soon
realized it was only First Officer Avranos.
I
felt
another
brief
pang of
long
ing
to be going to the ballet with the captain instead of Fernando
.
Get real, Sidney, I thought, Pack up the violins.
I
firmly
shoved
all
thoughts of the captain aside and
scooted down
stairs
to the beauty salon for my appointment. At the ballet, I
would
be looking good
and
having a marvelous
time
.
Little czarina, that’s me.
I bought a manicure
and
pedicure, because you never know, do you?

I tried to
glean
more information about Sylvia and Abe
from
Monique, but she didn’t add much to what I already knew.

Monique was indignant.
“He is a bad man,
z
at one. Why she ever wants to be with
’
im, I do not know.
Sylvia is
a
beautiful girl, beautiful hair, beautiful skin, big bosoms.
Many men desire
’
er.
Why she wants to sleep with
z
is old toad?
Pff
!
For
’
er, of course, from
’
im, many gifts. Fur coats, jewelry, many, many gifts. She likes that. She loves gifts. For me, all
z
e gifts in the world would not
suffice
.”

I fully agreed.
No amount of
luxurious gifts
c
ould
convince me
to hook
up with
a guy like Abe
,
either
.

Of course, I had no basis for comparison.
The best
gift
I get from my cheap dates is
a
rose from the deli on the corner and maybe a heart-shaped box of chocolates on Valentine’s
Day
.

Jay was standing at the racks outside the photo gallery hunting for pictures of himself when I finally emerged from the beauty salon.

We walked together to our cabin.
He
commented on
Monique’s handiwork the entire way.
For once, I passed.

“You really look terrific, Sidney.
Very chic.
I don’t see why you don’t splurge like this more often.
Put a little fun in your life
.
Don’t be so stingy!”

Have I mentioned that even though Jay has
a
great apartment and
a closet full of
designer clothes, he never has a dime?
At the end of his pay periods he has to go to parties put on by travel vendors and people he barely knows
just to
eat.