12 Rounds (23 page)

Chapter Twenty Nine

~Hadlee~

“Where are we going?” Sean hasn’t looked in my direction once since we got into the car. And that makes me wonder why he asked me to leave with him in the first place.

“You’ll see,” he says, eyes straight ahead, staring out the window.

“Is it a surprise?” I arch an eyebrow, willing him to look in my direction, and raise my voice in a joking manner.

He only chuckles. “Sort of.”

Sort of.

Sort of.

What kind of answer is that?

“Listen if you didn’t want me to come with you why in the hell did you ask me to come with you in the first place.” It’s my birthday dammit and I’ll pout if I want to.

“Your making assumptions.” His gaze darkens and he looks in my direction. Finally. “Of course I wanted you to come with me. That’s why I asked you.”

“I’m not making assumptions,” I tell him. “You’ve been silent for practically the whole ride and you haven’t looked in my direction once.”

“That’s because I’m driving.” His voice lowers. “I do recall us almost getting into an accident the last time we were in the car together.”

“Oh.” Now I feel a little silly. And embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” I say with sincerity. “I didn’t mean to get all snippy.”

“It’s all right. I’ve been a little quiet too because I’m still pissed about the way that fucker was touching you.”

“Ryan?”

“Is that his name?”

“Yes.”

“I want to kill him.”

“Don’t. Please don’t.”

Sean looks at me incredulously. “Are you defending him?”

“Yes—er—I mean no. I just don’t want any problems, okay? He’s my boss.”

Sean scoffs and mutters under his  breath, “Not for long.”

“Just drop it, okay!” I snap and lower myself in my seat. “It’s going to be hard enough facing him on Monday. I don’t want or need the added drama.”

“So you’re just gonna let it go?”

“Wouldn’t you?”

He looks at me like I should know the answer to that question. Then says, “Fuck no.” He makes a sharp right and pulls off the road. “I’d knock his teeth out.”

“Don’t you think that the better person would just forget it ever happened?”

“No,” he snaps, “the better person would take a stand and not continually put up with something like that.”

“I tried!” I raise my voice. “I tried to get him to back off, but he wouldn’t listen!”

“Maybe you should have put those self-defense  moves you’ve learned to good use then.”

Face palm. I’m an idiot. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”

“It was probably
your mind drew a blank
kind of moment. Believe me, I have had more of those than I care to admit. Like after your attack. I drove you to the hospital when I should have called an ambulance.”

I turn my head and look out the window. Tears flood my eyes and I can’t find words. I’m having a hard time breathing, thinking clearly, and keeping myself from shaking. That was the lowest point of my life. Something I couldn’t control, but still the absolute lowest of lows. I hate thinking about it, but I can’t help it. This man sitting across from me, as dark and tortured and bad as he claims to be, is my hero.  Finally, I clear my voice and the words come out shaky. “I can’t…I can’t.” I swallow hard. “No one has ever done anything like that for me.”

Sean touches my shoulder and I face him, blinking back tears. I don’t want to cry in front of him, but I’m having a hard time holding everything back. A solemn look crosses over his features and he lifts his hand to my face, wiping my tears away with a gentle sweep of his thumb. “No tears.” He sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up.” He lets out a soft, shaky laugh. “It’s your birthday and I’ve ruined it with my slip of the tongue.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m just overly emotional. I’m just glad you’re here.”

He cups my chin and stares at me for a moment. He moves closer, and closer,  and closer until his lips are a breath away from mine. I can taste his cinnamon breath as his lips part and I think he might kiss me. My nerves start balling together somewhere inside of me and I’m not sure of what to do.

Do I feel safe with him?

Yes.

Do I trust him?

Absolutely.
 If I can trust him with my life, I can trust him with anything.

But am I afraid to take what he and I have to the next level?

You freaking bet.

My experience with guys is limited.

And I’ve heard plently of stories about Sean from women at the gym to know he doesn’t have a virginal bone in his body.

He’s still an inch away from my face. I can still feel his warm breath as it caresses my cheek, leaving goose bumps in its wake. I close my eyes and wait for his kiss. Lips parted. Heavy breaths. Racing heart.

But it doesn’t come.

Then I hear him say, “Not now. Not here. Not like this.”

My eyes snap open and he’s propped in the corner of his seat. He looks sexy positioned that way. With his tight fitted back v-neck wrapping around his muscled arms, showcasing his tattoo’s, and his faded jeans secured around his waist, but loose around his thighs. He watches me curiously for a second, his hand against his mouth the he nods at the window. “Come on.”

I’m confused. “Where are we?”

He smiles, dimples denting his cheeks and I’m thankful I’m not standing because seeing him smile like that takes my breath away, and I’m sure it would make my knees buckle. “So inquisitive,” he says with a smirk. “Do you trust me?”

“I do,” I blurt out fast. It’s weird that I’m sure I can trust him. But somehow I know it and can feel it in my bones that he’s loyal. Deep down I know he’s a good person. He’s just a bit misunderstood.

The times I’ve been around him, he’s always telling me that he’s not a good guy, but I don’t understand his self-loathing. He’s beautiful. Driven. Yes, sometimes cocky. Okay, he’s cocky a lot. Sometimes cold and moody. But deep down inside I know there’s a good person. I just know it. Bad people don’t go around saving lives. Bad people don’t stand up for the people they care about. I think Sean is too harsh on himself.

He opens the car door and gets out. I wait a second before following him only to discover that he’s walking around to open the door for me. He laces his fingers through mine and helps me out of the car before walking me around the front end. I gaze out into the miles of endless night sky and flat cleared land.

We’re in an open field.

He brought me to a field.

“What is this place?” I ask, puzzled. Sean laughs  and secures both hands around my waist, hoisting me up onto the hood of his Navigator.

He laughs again then climbs up next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “I own this land,” he tells me as I settle my head into the crook of his arm. “It’s the one place I come to when I need to clear my head. You’re the first woman I’ve ever brought here.”

I stare up at him through my lashes. “Not even Teagan?”

Another laugh and I can feel the vibration exciting his core. “Not even Teagan.”

“So why me then?” I really do want to know this. This guy could have the woman of his choosing. He’s jaw-dropping gorgeous. Rich. A decent human being. And has a body that puts David Beckham’s  to shame.

He stares out into the wide open space and squints his eyes. “I’ve never had that deep connection with a woman. You know the connection you feel where you want more than just a few rounds of hot, nasty sex.” I blush and look down at my hands when he mentions those words. “I’ve never felt that connection until I saw you again. Finally, after all this time I’ve realized that I want more and I want it with you.”

“I’m flattered Sean, but—”

He silences me with a finger to my lips then he leans closer to my face. I can see the definition in his long dark lashes and the way they curl up almost touches his eyebrows. I can see the emotion in his eyes. Even if he didn’t place his finger against my lips, seeing him look so raw, so real,  so emotional, that alone would be enough for me to swallow my words. “I know I don’t deserve you. I know I’ll never be good enough. But I want to try Hadlee. Please just let me try.” His lips flutter softly against mine  and send shockwaves to my already racing heart. He pulls away slightly and caresses my cheek with the back of his hand. “You’re so good, Hadlee. So pure. So true. I wish you’d let some of that rub off on me.”

“It’s not that,” I say trying to control my breathing, “it’s not that I don’t want you or want this. It’s that I’m so screwed up inside and I’m not sure when,  or
if
,  I’ll ever get better. I’m terrified of doing something wrong because of the state I’m in.”

His fingers sweep across my cheek as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ears. “Don’t you think I’m just as fucked up as you are? I might even be worse.” He pulls me closer and tightens his grip around me. “All I know is that you, Hadlee Flax, are different than any other girl I’ve ever met and I’m willing to give this my all. Yes, we’ve both got issues. We’re both mentally and emotionally fucked up. But I’ve got this theory that we just might be what each other needs to make it through our broken and fucked up lives and live to see the next day.”

I fan my fingers across his cheek, gazing deep into his eyes, and I know what he’s saying is real. I know what he’s saying is the truth. When you’re as fucked up as we are, going through life is much harder alone. I know I have Lara, but it’s not the same. She doesn’t understand everything. I get this gut feeling that Sean does. He knows what it’s like to lose control of who you used to be and let the self-hatred eat you alive. He knows what it’s like to be damaged and broken into a million pieces, not knowing when or if you’ll be able to piece yourself together again. The watery depths of his eyes pierce my soul and I whisper, “You saved me.” In more ways than one.

In one swift motion, he rolls on top of me, brushing my hair away from my forehead and answers me with, “That’s what you don’t get, Hadlee. You’re saving me too. Every second I spend with you, you save me a little more. When I’m around you, I want to better myself. I want to be a better man.” His leans in so close so close so close to my lips that I’m breathing his air. When his lips almost touch mine he whispers, “Can I?” I lock eyes with him, certainty flashing in specs around my irises.

Can he kiss me?

Yes.

Can he hold me?

Forever
.

Is he the one person who can piece back the person I used to be?

I hope so.

Oh God, I hope so.

I tilt my head up and caress his bottom lip with a soft sweep of mine. He deepens the kiss and my mouth parts wider as his tongue slips past the barrier of my teeth twirling around it in a circular motion. Everything’s hazy. Blurry. Closing my eyes, I trail my fingers up his shirt and dig my nails into the hard, rigid muscles of his back. He straightens slightly, pulls of out of the kiss, and with a soft caress of his tongue licks my ear.

That does it for me, I’m completely unglued and I arch my back with a moan.

“Can I try something?” he murmurs, his voice husky and inside my head, I swear he’s singing to me. I can hear him in the darkened corners of my mind soothing me. Crooning. I can feel his lilting accented voice cradle my eardrums.

“Yes,” I hiss.

Then I feel his finger trail down my neck. I stiffen. It’s going to happen. I’m going to lose it, I know it. I pant and wait for his hands to flash before my mind. I wait for my throat to close off.

I’m waiting, waiting, waiting.

But it doesn’t come.

I don’t see him.

I can’t hear him.

Feel him.

I open my eyes wide when Sean’s lips brush against my neck, feeling not only like a weight has been lifted from my chest, but feeling an undeniable amount of pleasure spreading like the venom from some poisonous insect throughout my entire body. As he leaves a trail of kisses from my neck to my collar bone, short raspy breaths leave my throat and the urge, the want, for him to do more is unbearable. I want it so much my legs are trembling.

Turning my head, I hold back a groan as his tongue flecks against the base of my neck and I bite down on my lip to keep myself from letting the garbled words I want to say come out.  Then it’s like his lips disappear. Vanish. Evaporate into the burst of stars shining down from the heavens. I puff out my bottom up and prop myself up on both elbows. I face Sean who’s wearing a devious smirk, also propped up on his elbow, but on his side. “Why did you stop?” I ask, pouting. I was really
really
  enjoying that.

He tilts his head to the side and purses his lips. “I think you’ve had enough for one night.”

My mouth drops open and I close it quickly. Then I say with a bit of attitude, “Since when do you get to tell me what I’ve had enough of?”

I lie back as he reaches for my hand. He kisses each fingertip before lacing his fingers through mine. “I don’t want to force you into anything you’re not comfortable with or not ready for.”

“You’re not forcing me. I was into it,” I huff. To me it’s not just a lust thing either. I feel that connection to him. That bond that I’ve always wanted to share with someone. Tiny tingles travel across my skin. It’s the can’t eat, can’t sleep kind of feeling. It’s a feeling I’ve always wanted to experience, but never have. Until I met him.

It’s crazy how sometimes you just know how you feel about someone before you know them. I find it crazy that I knew I wanted something more from him the first time he locked eyes with me at the gym. And knowing how he saved me, that just enhanced the emotions I was already feeling.

Sean sits up and pulls me into his lap. He kisses my temple and I plant my nose against his chest, inhaling deep.  His cologne is a mixture of his essence and Burberry Brit. “I want you to feel safe with me,” he breathes into my hair. “I want you to know I’ll never hurt you. It’s too soon for us to get that intimate.”

“But you’ve hooked with plenty of women I’m sure. And I assume most of them were one night stands. Obviously you didn’t care about getting too intimate too soon then.”