15 Years Later: Wasteland (11 page)

"I don't know what the hell is going on, but this isn't the way to sort it."

"That man isn't the husband you used to know. He's a..." began Johnnie.

He hesitated.

"A what?" Zed asked.

He genuinely wanted to know.

"A...a...complete asshole that you can't trust."

His brother was lying, or at least holding something back, and that put him on edge.

"With me, now!" Lannie ordered.

She helped Johnnie up and hauled him away out of sight. Zed staggered over to the bench and slumped down. He was exhausted, more mentally than physically, though his face hurt, too. He had thought that now all his questions would be answered, and yet none were. The situation was seemingly more complex than before.

"Not how you expected it to go down?"

He looked up to see Rave standing over him. He shook his head as he wiped blood from his mouth and felt the swelling on his jaw.

"You see, that is this life. Everyone wants something from you. Water, food, blood, sex."

"Yeah, I am starting to see that."

"That really your wife?" she asked in a softer tone, a tone Zed had never heard her speak in.

He pulled out the photo to show her, and it was unmistakeable.

"Yep, it is, or rather was, but she’s not the woman I remember."

"You don't remember much."

He smiled a little but soon winced from the pain. He was trying to process everything he had just learnt, for it was a massive amount to take in. His mind veered into a dream as he thought of the little girl from the picture, and a tear came to his eye as he realised he would never see her again. That only became worse knowing his wife was gone, too. He couldn't blame his brother for that. He needed to understand where he had been all these years and why. Lastly, he remembered some of the good times he’d had with Johnnie. They were in his memories the closest friends anyone could ever be. It seemed like everything he had gone looking for was lost.

What is there to live for?

"You're my uncle?" a quiet voice asked.

He snapped out of his sad dreams and looked down at Johnnie and Lannie's son. A tear still seeped down his face, but he couldn't help but smile.

"Yes, yes I am."

Zed had never felt more alone in the world than he did right then. Had that boy not approached him with the first real sign of friendship he had encountered in the town, he felt like he would have walked right out of there. But in that boy’s face he could see his daughter, and that was enough to keep him grounded for the moment. Rave said nothing to him as he sat there for an hour under the watchful eye of many of the inhabitants. He was starting to lose faith in his very existence. Having found those photos when he woke up had given him something to live for, something to aim for.

Now what do I have?

He looked around and studied everything he could see. It wasn't so different to Hope. People trying to get on and survive. There seemed little joy in their lives. Finally, he noticed Lannie approaching. She looked exhausted, but she still managed to smile when she caught his gaze.

"I am sorry. Johnnie had no right to attack you like that," she said, taking a seat beside him.

"I don't know what I deserve."

"You really don't remember all these years since you left us?"

He shook his head.

"I am sorry. I really want to remember, but I just can't. Why did I leave?"

"Johnnie said you died fighting a gang to the South. Said they took your body."

He shrugged.

"That was what, twelve, thirteen years ago?"

"You'd know better than me."

"Nobody really keeps count of the days and years anymore."

He pulled out his photos once again and showed her the ones he thought were his parents. Her eyes turned to a look of sadness. He didn't even have to ask. Her face said it all.

"So that's really it? Everything I ever had is gone?"

"Not gone. I'm still here. Your brother is still here. I know he's angry with you right now, but you have to understand what we have been through together. It's not been easy all these years. Johnnie went up against the Boss, and at a time when he could have done with his big brother more than ever. You were nowhere to be found. He relied on you. Back when he thought you were dead, he probably never thought anything of it. But now, realising that you were out there all this time…. He needed you, and so did I. But now it's too late."

Zed was smiling as if amused by some fact she had given, despite the bleak picture she had painted of their lives.

"What?"

"Johnnie? My brother went up against the biggest badass in town?"

"Yeah?"

He began to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Okay, okay, my memory is fucked, but I remember things from back before all this nightmare began. He was a little punk. Got beat up by everyone who cared to try."

She didn't see the funny side and looked offended.

"This life has changed him. It's changed all of us. If you don't get that, then I really don't know you anymore."

She got up and stormed off. He jumped up and called out in hope of getting her to come back.

"Oh, come on, I didn't mean it like that."

But she didn't stop. He slumped back down only to find Rave smiling at him with her characteristic crazy face.

"Not you as well?"

But she just kept smiling.

"All right, what?"

She began to giggle.

"What?" he asked again.

"It's just funny is all...you have those photos. It took you only a few days to find the people in them, and none of them want to see you. Maybe you should have tried a few years ago."

"That really helps."

"I remember you," said a voice beside them

They turned to see a young man in his early twenties.

"Zed, yeah, I remember you."

At last! Someone who might actually be useful!

He tried to recognise him, but not even the face was familiar.

"Ed."

"I am sorry, Ed. I don't know why, but I have no memory of this place. That is why I am here. I am trying to find out who I am, and where I have been."

He looked confused and seemed to completely pass over what he had said.

"It's okay. I was young when you left. You wouldn't remember me. I see everything that happens around here. What d'ya wanna know?"

What a relief.

"Tell me something, Ed. What happened when Johnnie went up against the Boss?"

Ed instantly shied away and even looked down as if to avoid eye contact.

"Sorry, Zed, we don't talk about that time. It's over."

"What's over? Please help me understand."

He thought about it and finally responded; although Zed sensed he was only going to get half the story.

"Johnnie fought the Boss. Tried to stop him taking what everyone's got. Nearly killed him it did. Killed lots of others."

"And that's why you live all the way up here?

"Yes, Boss said if we stay away, stay up here, he wouldn't come back."

"And did he keep his word?"

Ed nodded.

"Why would he leave you alone, this town and the man who stood against him? Why?"

"More trouble than it's worth," Rave suggested

"Come on, if he's anything like Jay, then we both know he wouldn't let it go. You remember this war?"

Rave shook her head. "I was not here when that happened. Must have been many years ago."

Ed nodded in agreement. Somebody called his name, and he turned and left without another word. Zed sighed, as he wanted to ask so many more questions. But as he thought about it more, he wondered what they would even be. Some of the questions he did have had been answered in ways that didn't help or weren't good to hear. So many others just seemed redundant now. His face turned to stone, realising how little he had. Not on him, but what he had to look forward to.

"You see it now, don't you?" Rave asked.

"What?"

"What life is really like. You held onto this idea of life from the old days. They are gone now. This is what we have."

Once again she put her hand on his thigh in a suggestive manner.

"You have to enjoy what you can. Take what you can."

He lifted her hand away.

"No, I can’t accept that. There has to be more."

She sighed, and he could see she genuinely believed in her simplistic approach to life. He could respect and appreciate it, for she had never known any different. He got up and took a walk, leaving her there. He paced out towards the path they had come in on and up onto a rock that looked out for miles. His mind was going back over everything he had heard and experienced that day.

His thoughts turned to his wife, and he realised that they must still be married, but what did that mean in this world? It was just words. He thought about his brother being with her. That created a bitter resentment he felt growing ever deeper, and yet he seemed to have no right to feel it until he understood why he left.

Did I really leave, or was I taken?

Constantly the questions went though his mind, but with so little information, there seemed no answers.

The sound of stones and gravel being tread upon caused him to turn sharply and reach towards his knife without actually drawing it. He froze as he found his brother standing just a few feet away. He carried a shotgun across his body in a casual fashion, but he didn't seem to have any intention to use it.

"Lannie says you don't remember all these years, even the first one when you were with us, that true?"

He nodded, but his brother still seemed suspicious.

"I can't imagine what kind of trick you are trying to play, but I don't buy it."

Zed didn't understand his hostility at all.

"You could have come here and killed me years ago if you wanted that, why now?"

"I don't remember. That's the honest truth. I woke up a few days ago in this hellhole, and people have been trying to kill me ever since. So I came looking for the only thing I could remember," he said.

He let go of the grip of his knife and carefully and slowly reached in for the photos in his jacket.

"You remember these?"

He looked sad to see them and almost wept at the sight.

"That ain't us anymore," he said, his lips quivering as the words came out.

"Why? Why can't it be?"

"I wish you were still the brother I remember, but you're not."

He seemed anxious, and his grip tightened a little around the weapon. Zed had to defuse the situation in any way necessary.

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want anything from you. I just want to know who I am," he said, holding up his hands to offer no resistance.

Johnnie's finger was reaching for the trigger, but Zed did nothing in response.

"Do you want to die?"

Zed shook his head.

"Why can't you just put up a fight? Why can't you let me have this?"

Zed said nothing, and Johnnie’s hands started to shake. Finally, he sighed, lowered the weapon, and slumped his head.

"I can't do it. I should. You deserve it, and you know it."

"No, I don't. I keep telling you. I don't remember."

Johnnie stared into his eyes and slowly studied him. He was starting to believe him. He stepped up beside Zed and sat down to look out into the countryside. Zed cautiously sat down next to him.

"Why did you have to come back now, after all this time? You don't have any love for us. Why couldn't you just stay away?"

It was starting to dawn on Zed that his brother and wife's stories didn't seem to quite add up.

"You told Lannie I was dead, but you knew I wasn't, didn't you?"

He begrudgingly agreed.

"I knew you were alive, but you weren't the man she married, nor the brother I grew up with. Maybe this story about your memory being lost is true. And maybe that means for a while you are the brother I used to know, but how long until the monster comes back? How long until you turn back into him?"

"I am sorry for whatever I might have done to you, but that wasn't me, or not that I can imagine. I came looking for you all because you were all I had left to care for in this world."

Johnnie sighed.

"You know there was a time when all I wished for was that you would come back to us, but it just never happened. And now I can never forgive you for what you have done."

He got up and went to walk away.

"Please tell me, tell me what you know about these past years. What did I do to make you hate me so much?"

He stopped and shook his head.

"No! I will never have Lannie see you for what you are. It was better when she thought you were dead. I will not tell her, and if you never remember, well, that would be a small mercy. Stop asking questions, Zed. If you care at all for us, you will get back on the road and never come back."

He left, and so Zed was none the wiser.

What is he so upset about? What could I possibly
have done?

He hated his brother for having taken his wife, and yet he could see there was something far worse that he had done. He just wished he knew what it was.

"You see what getting too close to people does?"

Rave had been sitting quietly and listening in on everything.

"I don't believe that. If you could be reunited with your sister, wouldn't you do everything to make that happen?"

"I would kill anyone I had to for it."

"Exactly," he replied as he sat back down, and she took the place where Johnnie had been.

"This Boss was cruel. I don't know what he did to your brother, but I can imagine."

"Yeah, and maybe if I had been here, that would have turned out different."

She was already shaking her head.

"He would have ripped you in two. You are lucky you were not."

"You've met him? The Boss?"

"The old Boss? I saw him from a distance a couple of times, but we were never allowed to get close. Not even Jay could ever really talk to him."

"Sounds like a real asshole."

"But he was strong."

"You still respect him, don't you?"

She nodded.

"Powerful man. He kept order, kept people alive."

"There are more than a few ways to live. Not all of them I would call living."

It was clear that she didn’t agree, and that made him doubt how reliable an ally she would ever be.

Will she dump me or stab me in the back if a better opportunity
arises?

Still, something in the back of his mind made him trust her. It made no sense at all, not after she had tried to kill him, but he had to trust his instincts, for he had little else to work with.

“What will you now?” she asked.

He thought about the possibilities. He’d never given a second thought as to what else he might do. He’d expected his search would go on far longer, and reap some benefits if he ever reached the end, but it seemed now he would have no such luck.