17 - Why I'm Afraid of Bees (2 page)

All I needed was for her to start fussing over me and threatening to call the
other boys’ parents. If that happened, Barry, Marv, and Karl really
would
kill me the next time they saw me.

As I crept up the stairs, Claus the cat came leaping out at me.

“Yowl!”

“Whoooooa!” I was so shocked, I almost fell back down the stairs. “Get away
from me, you monster!”

I pushed the cat away and hurried down the hall to the bathroom. I gazed into
the mirror and almost heaved. I looked like road kill!

I rinsed off my nose with ice-cold water. Then I cleaned off all the blood and staggered to my room.

I took off my ripped-up T-shirt and hid it behind my bed. Then I put on a
winter shirt with long sleeves. It would be hot, but it would hide my scratched
arms.

Downstairs in the kitchen, I found Mom and Krissy. Mom was getting out mixing
bowls and eggs, and Krissy was tying a big apron around her waist. As usual,
Claus was purring and wrapping himself around Krissy’s legs. Why did he act like
such an innocent little kitten around her, and such a monster around me?

“Hi, Gary,” my mom said to me. “You want to help us make peanut butter
cookies?”

“No, thanks,” I said. “But I’ll lick the bowl for you later.” I walked over
to the table and picked up the bag of taco chips I’d left there before.

“Well, at least you can help by getting that new jar of peanut butter out of
the cupboard and opening it for me,” Mom said. “This recipe calls for a lot of
peanut butter.”

“Sounds good,” I said. “Just so long as it doesn’t have any honey in it.”

I opened the cupboard door and took out the peanut butter. I tried to twist
off the cap. I twisted as hard as I could, but the top just wouldn’t move. I
banged the jar on the countertop and tried again. Still no luck.

“Do you have a wrench or something around, Mom?” I asked. “This thing just
won’t budge.”

“Maybe if you ran hot water on it,” my mother began.

“Oh, puh-lease!” Krissy said with a snort. Wiping her hands on her apron, she
crossed the room and grabbed the jar away from me.

With two fingers, she twisted off the cap.

Then she started laughing her head off. My mom started laughing, too.

Can you believe it? My own mother was laughing at me!

“I guess you forgot to eat your oat bran this morning,” Mom said.

“I’m leaving,” I muttered to Mom and Krissy. “Forever.”

The two of them were laughing together. I don’t think they even heard me.

Totally miserable, I stepped out the front door and slammed it hard behind
me. I decided to ride my bike around the block a few times. When I went around
to the side of the house and got it out of the garage, I started to cheer up a
little bit.

My bike is really awesome. It’s a new, blue, twenty-one speed, and it’s real
sleek and cool. My dad gave it to me for my twelfth birthday.

I jumped on my bike and headed down the driveway. As I turned onto the
street, I saw some girls walking down the sidewalk. Out of the corner of my eye, I recognized
them.

Wow! I thought. It’s Judy Donner and Kaitlyn Davis!

Both Judy and Kaitlyn go to my school. They’re really pretty and very
popular.

To be honest, I’ve had a major crush on Judy since the fourth grade. And
once, at the fifth-grade picnic, she actually smiled at me. At least, I think it
was at me.

So when I saw those girls walking down the street, I decided it was a good
time to try to be really cool.

I flipped my baseball cap around so the brim was at the back of my head. Then
I folded my arms across my chest and started pedaling no-handed.

As I passed them, I glanced over my shoulder and flashed my most glamorous
smile at Judy and Kaitlyn.

Before my beautiful smile faded, I felt a tug at my sneaker. I realized
instantly that my shoelace was caught in the chain!

A horrible grinding sound filled the air. The bike jerked and lurched from
side to side—and I lost control!

“Gary—!” I heard Judy shriek. “Gary—look out for that car!”

CRAAAAAAACK.

I didn’t see the lamppost until I hit it.

As I toppled off my bike and shot sideways through the air, I heard the sound
of metal crumpling, ripping, and shredding.

I landed on my face in a deep, warm puddle of mud.

I heard the car rumble past me.

Slowly, I pulled my face out of the mud.

Guess I didn’t look too cool, I thought bitterly. Maybe at least I’ll get a
little sympathy.

No way.

I could hear Judy and Kaitlyn laughing behind me on the sidewalk. “Nice bike,
Gary!” one of them called. They hurried away.

I had never been so humiliated in all my life. If I could have, I would have
put down roots in that mud puddle and turned myself into a tree. It might not be the most exciting life in the world. But at least no one laughs at a
tree.

I’m serious. At that moment, I would have happily traded lives with a tree.
Or a bird. Or a bug. Or just about any other living object on the planet.

With that sad thought, I decided to get myself up and out of there before
anyone else came along. It took all my strength to peel my wrecked bicycle off
the lamppost. Luckily, I didn’t have far to drag it.

For the second time in the same afternoon, I crept into my house and up the
stairs so I could get cleaned up before anyone saw me. Now, as I studied my
reflection in the bathroom mirror, I saw there was no way I could hide all my
cuts and scrapes from my mom.

“Oh, who cares?” I moaned as I washed the mud off my face and hands. “Who
cares if Mom sees them? I’ll be doing her a favor by giving her something
else
to laugh at. It’ll really make her day!”

I went back into my room and changed into my last clean shirt. Then I glanced
around, trying to find something to do.

I decided to boot up my computer. Playing with my computer is one of the few
things I really like. When I’m lost in the world of a computer game, sometimes I
can actually forget I’m a total jerk named Gary Lutz. Nobody in a computer game
ever calls me Lutz the Klutz.

I turned on the computer and decided to have another try at the
Planet
Monstro
Fantasy game I’d been stuck on for two days.
Monstro
is a
really cool game.

When you play it, you’re a character named The Warrior, and you’re trapped on
the planet Monstro. You have to get yourself out of all kinds of scary
situations.

Before I started to play, I thought I’d check Computa Note, one of the
electronic bulletin boards I’m connected to on the computer.

I’d left a message there on Monday, asking if anyone knew how to defeat the
two-headed dragon that kept eating me on the thirteenth moon of Monstro.
Sometimes other people in the country who are playing the same game will send
each other hints.

When I accessed Computa Note, I saw the following computer-game-related
messages on the screen:

To Arnold in Milwaukee: Have you tried rubbing smashed-up eucalyptus
leaves all over yourself in the rain forest game? It’s an ecologically correct
way of repelling the poisonous ants in EcoScare 95.
From Lisa in San
Francisco

To R from Sacramento:
The only way to escape from the flood on your
spaceship in SpaceQuest 20 is to inflate your suit and float away.
From L in St. Louis

To Gary in Millville:
Try stabbing the dragon between the eyes. It worked
for me.
From Ted in Ithaca

Oh, terrific, I thought. I’d been
trying
to stab the dragon between
the eyes. But the creature always ate me before I could do it! What was “Ted in
Ithaca” doing that I wasn’t?

I decided to leave another electronic note, asking Ted to explain what he
meant. But, as I started typing, I noticed another message at the very bottom of
the computer screen.

I read it. Then I read it again very carefully:

TAKE A VACATION FROM YOURSELF.

Change places with someone for a week!

What could that mean?

I pressed the Enter button so I could read what was next. I desperately
wanted more information about the message. This is what I saw:

TAKE A VACATION FROM YOURSELF.

Change places with someone for a week!

PERSON-TO-PERSON VACATIONS

113 Roach Street, Suite 2-B

or call 1-800-555-SWAP

How could it possibly work? I asked myself. How could two people change lives
without getting into all kinds of trouble?

I had to admit it sounded totally crazy.

Crazy, but interesting.

I yawned and scratched the back of my head.

“Ouch!” My hand grazed one of the painful bumps I’d gotten from Barry, Marv,
and Karl.

It really hurt. But the stab of pain helped me make up my mind. I was
definitely
ready for some changes in my life.

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life getting beat up!” I told myself.
“Or crashing into lampposts, either! Or being the last person chosen for the
team!”

I took out a piece of paper and copied the address from the screen. As I did,
I realized it was only a few blocks from my school. I knew just where it was. I
could stop by the Person-to-Person office the next day.

I’m really going to check it out, I decided.

Making up my mind like that improved my mood a lot. I was beginning to feel
almost cheerful when I went back downstairs. But not for long. When my family
sat down in the dining room for dinner, my father noticed my banged-up face.

“Gary!” he exclaimed. “What in the world happened to you?”

“Er,” I said. “I had a little accident on my bike.” I winced as I said the
word “bike”. I was thinking about the mangled wreck in the corner of the garage.

“I don’t believe that for a minute,” Mom said. “I’m sure you’ve been fighting
with those big kids in the neighborhood again. Why in the world can’t you children learn to settle your disagreements peacefully?”

Krissy started laughing so hard, she almost choked on her tuna casserole.
“Gary doesn’t have any disagreements with those guys, Mom!” she said. “They just
like to beat him up!”

My mother shook her head angrily. “Well, I think that’s just outrageous!” she
said. “I have a good mind to call those boys’ parents up right now and give them
a piece of my mind!”

I groaned loudly. “I’m telling you, Mom, I really had an accident with my
bike. If you don’t believe me, go check it out in the garage.”

Then my father
did
believe me. He started lecturing me about bike
safety and why I should have been wearing my helmet and how I was going to have
to pay to have the bike fixed with my own money.

After a while, I stopped paying much attention. As I pushed my casserole
around on my plate, all I could think about was my plan for changing my life
with Person-to-Person Vacations.

The sooner the better, I thought. The sooner I get out of this life, the
better off I’ll be.

We finished dinner, and I went upstairs to play on my computer again. I spent
the rest of the evening with my
Planet Monstro
game.

I kept trying to stab the dragon between the eyes. But even though I followed
Ted from Ithaca’s advice, I couldn’t do it. The dragon ate me twenty-three times.

Finally, I gave up and crawled into bed. I was so wiped out, I started
drifting off to sleep almost right away. I turned over and pulled the blanket up
under my chin. I curled up into a ball. The toes on my right foot touched
something.

“Huh?” I said out loud. “What
is
that down there?”

My heart pounded in my chest.

Slowly, I moved my toes again.

“Ohhhhhh.” My blood turned into ice.

I jumped out of bed and let out a bloodcurdling scream.

Frantically, I ripped the blankets off my bed. In the dim light coming in
through the window, I could see the rat—fat and hairy, its red eyes gleaming
at me.

I screamed again.

Then I heard laughter down the hall. Krissy’s laughter.

My stomach sank. I made my way to the switch and turned on the light.

Sure enough. The rat still stared at me from my bed. But now I recognized it.
A gray rubber rat. One of Claus’ favorite toys.

In her room down the hall, Krissy squealed with laughter.

“I’m going to get you, you little brat!” I screamed. I thought about going
down the hall and really thumping her. But I quickly decided against it.

Even though Krissy is only nine, she happens to be pretty strong. There was an excellent chance she could beat me up.

With an angry growl, I grabbed the rat off my bed and heaved it into the
corner of my room. Then, my heart still pounding with rage, I turned off the
light and climbed back under the covers.

“Tomorrow,” I promised myself in the dark room. “Tomorrow, you, Gary Lutz,
are going to check out that ad and find out if you can change your life. Even if
it’s only for a week, it has to be better than this miserable life you have
now!”

The next day I kept my promise to myself. After breakfast, I walked the six
blocks to Roach Street and started reading the street numbers, trying to find
number 113.

I guess I was looking for some kind of big, glass office building. But when I
finally found number 113, it was on a small, gray building that looked something
like my dentist’s office. A little sign on the outside read:

PERSON-TO-PERSON VACATIONS,

Suite 2-B

I opened the door and walked up a flight of steps. At the top, I opened
another door and went into a kind of waiting room with beige carpeting and tan
leather chairs.