( 2011) Cry For Justice (11 page)

That strong, manly resolve was already on very shaky ground. Nora must have sensed it, and she was ready for the kill shot. She resorted to one of the dirtiest tricks in the book: she stuck her hot, moist tongue in my ear and nibbled at my earlobe while her right hand slithered ever so sensuously down my midriff. This was a battle I was already prepared to lose.

“Because,” she said as she pushed me back down and straddled me with those strong, tanned legs, “Mr. Justice, you are one of the really good guys, which is the reason I am here.”

“You better believe it, lady.” She was driving me a little wild.

“And you know what else?”

“Enlighten me, please.”

“Because you have a big heart, Mr. Justice.”

I was in a state of bliss. “That right?”

And just like that, her sexual teasing came to an end. She eased herself up and stretched her naked splendor on top of me and gently kissed my lips. The tender kiss promptly descended into a wanton sparring of tongues.

This passionate exchange was over in less than a minute. Nora held my face with both hands and slowly pulled away from me, her eyes boring into mine, studying me. She then came closer and tenderly kissed my eyes something she had never done before. As far as I could recall, only my mother had ever kissed me that way. After that tender moment, Nora slid off me and lay beside me, a lean and shapely leg folded over mine. And then she uttered something that would forever change the character of what had thus far been the very best, most desirable relationship I had ever known.

“I’m falling in love with you, Jason.”

A sudden pang of dread invaded every inch of my body. We were doomed.

Eight

It was already too late. I felt my world rapidly spinning out of control, careening into a dark oblivion at Mach 5 with little hope of a survivable landing.

The dreaded words shattered the silence with a thunderous force. The beast had been set free, and any attempt to rein it in now would be futile. This was territory we both had agreed not to dive into. She had crossed that imaginary demarcation line, a line as important as the border between two uneasy neighbors, like the Rio Grande in Texas or the thirty-eighth parallel on the Korean peninsula. You just didn’t go there without calling first. Spontaneous or not, those words forever changed the nature of the relationship. She knew it as well as I did. A pact had been broken. Emotions would be involved. No good could ever come of it.

The long, heavy silence lasted longer than it should, the sheer weight of it pressing down on both of us. The drumming of the rain on fiberglass surfaces above became the only sound in the universe. I could also hear the incessant soft clang of rope against hollow metal most likely a line on one of the nearby sailboats beating against the aluminum mast. I could no longer hear her breathing. Or mine. It was as if our vital signs had ceased, stifled by the stark realization of what had just happened and could never be undone.
Shit.

And then she did something that took me completely off guard. She put her hand over her eyes as though caught in an embarrassing situation. Had she come to the same realization as I? I didn’t know whether to feel relief or be even more worried.

The silence dragged on.

Then she did something even more unexpected: she began to laugh. It started as a little laugh that became louder the longer it went on, as if she had heard one of the best punch lines in the world and was just now figuring it out. I wasn’t sure whether to be concerned or offended.

“I’m sorry, Jason.” She was trying hard to control herself. “Forget I said that.”

“I’m confused.”

“It’s okay,” she said as her laughter subsided.

She got up on an elbow and silently held my gaze for a long moment, as if searching for some meaning in my expression. What it was escaped me. She broke the silence by saying, “We had an agreement and I broke it. I should not have said that.”

“No need,” was the best I could come up with.

“But I do,” she quickly countered. “Besides, we both know you’re not the marrying kind not at the moment, anyway.”

“You can’t make a blanket statement like that!” I said, hoping to defuse a difficult situation with a bit of humor.

“Oh, yes, I can.” She made a sound like a small laugh. “You are the perennial bad boy. You’re a good person and you have a heart of gold, you’re very attentive, and God knows you’re funny. You make me laugh; you make me forget about the sadness of life. When I’m at my wits’ end, all I can think of is how much I want to see you, and suddenly my world is brighter.”

I thought I saw a tear, but she took quick action to conceal it, lowering her head and pretending to fix an eyelash.

“Heck, you make me want to live forever! Did you know that, Jason? You make me want to
live
!”

“Really?” I said, trying to keep the atmosphere light. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Liar!” She smiled again. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you are the way you are. God knows, in my line of work I need all the distraction I can find. I need time away from my patients, time to disconnect from the hopelessness and despair. You make that time worth it.”

“Speaking of work, have you considered the merits of a career change?”

She laughed again, and I was starting to feel better about this mess.

“See?” she retorted. “So like you. There isn’t much you consider beyond the pale, is there?”

Guilty as charged.

“You are one of the worst closet cynics I’ve ever known,” she said. “Irreverent to a fault, a true iconoclast oh, yes, and did I mention way outdated and very counterculture, Mr. Justice? You are a sucker for the mind-set of the seventies. And that is what I love about you: the fact that you are so utterly and remorselessly
you
.”

“And this is bad because... ?”

She gazed into my eyes for a moment, the smile on her face replaced by a sudden sadness. I didn’t like what I saw.

“Jason, let’s face it: you’re not interested in forever. I know you have some valid and very deep-seated reasons for dismissing marriage as a broken institution. God knows I should be right there with you, a card-carrying member of the Abolish Marriage Now! Federation of America. And yet, I seem to have let my club membership lapse.

“My time with you has made me realize that inside this tough-open-minded-modern-woman exterior of mine lives a very old-fashioned girl a girl who chooses to believe that life is more than just casual sex or friends with benefits. That a traditional lifelong commitment with the right partner is not only attainable, it beats the alternative all to hell and gone.”

“Nora... ,” I interrupted.

“Let me finish, please. This is important. I believe that having someone to share your memories, someone to grow old with, is a precious and wonderful thing to have and to cherish, a worthwhile goal, and that just because we may fear failure, we should never stop seeking. Do you understand what I’m saying, Jason?”

I said nothing. What the hell was I
supposed
to say?

It was obvious now that Nora was rethinking our arrangement. She had become emotionally involved in this affair of ours and failed to see the big picture: the dire consequences of wallowing in the quagmire of unrealistic expectations and the ensuing disappointments which was exactly what this lifelong contract that she envisioned entailed. Emotions had wormed their way into the picture. Things would never be the same.
Damn it!

“Can’t say I completely disagree with you.” Feeble answer, but what the hell. Things were quickly spiraling out of control, collision alarms were blaring in my head. We were boxed in. There would be no winner tonight. It was a toxic mixture of disparate goals and existential angst. No wonder so many marriages failed so miserably.

“I know this is contrary to what we agreed, Jason,” she said. “I wasn’t planning on this, trust me. But I also realize I can’t help the way I feel.”

I remained silent. I had to let her air this out.

She smiled, looked down for a second, and was back at it in no time. “Okay, let me ask you this. In simple terms, how do you feel about me, Jason?”

Touché
. That was the real question, wasn’t it? And in its answer rested the fate of our relationship. I had to tell her exactly how I felt, the cold hard truth, and damn the consequences. She deserved nothing less.

“Nora, you know I care a great deal about you.” After uttering the words, I realized how patronizing and canned they sounded. But I had to finish it. “But if what you want to hear is whether I love you or not, the only honest answer I can give you is, I really don’t know.”

Nora stood and paced in front of the semi-circular berth. Even as a dark silhouette, she was a sight to behold. She crossed her arms under that bare, gorgeous chest and said, “So if I walked away right now, never to come back again, would you miss me?”

It’s always about the subtext, isn’t it? The implied meanings, the unspoken words that carry so much weight. Nora was not one to mince words or dance around an issue. Her question had all the quiet finesse of a poison-dart hunter in the Amazon. I heard the veiled threat and understood its significance. This was not going well.

“I think you know the answer to that,” I snorted. “You’d be sorely missed.”

“Why? What will you miss? Is it the sex? It can’t be just that, can it, Jason? Or am I wrong?”

Now, how the hell do you respond to that one, Counselor?
“No,” I began. “The sex is great. In fact, it’s fantastic. But it’s more than that.”
Oh, man, I am on a roll now.

I had to think of something quickly. Giving the appearance of too much mulling over an answer to that particular question was not advisable. But whatever I decided to say had to be truthful. “You. I’d miss you! I’m addicted to you, Nora,” I finally blurted out.

She cocked her head.
“Addicted?”
She muttered the word once more.

She turned and walked into the head. I heard water running. The sink. Then it stopped. She came back and turned on the overhead lights.

I squinted in the sudden brightness. It took my eyes a moment to adjust, as if bedazzled by her naked glory. It occurred to me that perhaps she had turned on the lights so I could have one last good look at her beauty before it walked out of my life, perhaps for good.
Cunning.

“Addicted?”
she repeated as she picked up her underwear. “Did I hear you right, Jason?”

Yup, I was right. She turned her back and began reaching for clothes. We were toast.

“Nora...”

“I have to admit,” she said, ignoring me, her tone a tad sharper than before as she slid into her skimpy underwear. “I have been practicing medicine for over fifteen years. I’ve seen my fair share of medical ailments, and I’ve dated my fair share of men, been married once and engaged twice, but this is a new one on me.”

She pulled on her jeans and shirt and walked out of the stateroom. I barely had time to jump into a pair of shorts before hurrying after her. We’d never had a fight or a disagreement before. This was new territory for both of us. I caught up with her in the main salon. She was standing silently in front of the exit door, her gaze fixed on the deluge outside. She had her shoes on, and a dark hooded poncho.

“Nora,” I said, “please don’t go at least, not like this.”

“Believe me, I don’t want to go,” she said without looking back at me. “I much rather stay here. Maybe even forever.”

“Then take off that coat and let’s talk.”

I heard a small snicker in the twilight. She finally turned and faced me, and I could make out the smallest shadow of a smile. Her eyes were on mine, searching, probing. Tears gleamed on her cheeks. This time she didn’t bother to conceal them.

“Even though this is the first time I’ve had a reason to be mad at you, I still can’t do it,” she said softly. “And you know why, Jason?”

I shook my head and took a step toward her.

“Because it’s you who should be mad at me. I am the one breaking the agreement. I knew what I was getting into. You were always upfront.”

“I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me,” I said.

I was now about two feet away from her close enough to smell her perfume. This was it: if we were ever to get past this, it would happen right here, right now. Or it wouldn’t.

“I’m sorry, Jason. I can’t.” She looked up and held my gaze. “Not now, anyway. I need some time... need to figure some things out.”

Shit.

“Nora, if you don’t want to spend the night with me, that’s fine,” I said as I stepped around her and looked through the window at the miserable, watery world outside. “But it’s close to three in the morning, and it really is dangerous driving in these conditions.” I turned and put a hand on her cheek. “Hate me if you have to, but don’t go out there tonight. Take the stateroom. I’ll sleep in one of the guest rooms. Or whatever I’ll sleep in the engine room if you want me to. I just want to know you’re safe.”

She gave me a wide smile. I loved that smile.

“You have this nasty ability to always come up with the right thing to say, you know that?”

“I know. It’s a curse.”

“It’s a blessing.” She raised herself on her toes, leaned in, and kissed me gently. “Don’t ever change, Jason.” She raised the hood of the poncho and cinched the strings, her car keys dangling noisily in her hand.

“Nora, please...” I wanted to plead with her, but I knew it was useless. She had made up her mind. It obvious she wanted to put some distance between us. Even if she had to swim to get there.

Before opening the door she said; “You are going to help Amy, aren’t you?”

“I’m going to look into it, yes.”

“Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“Only if the other guy promises first.”

“I’m serious, Jason. I couldn’t live with myself if you were hurt doing a favor for me.”

She finally opened the door, and a maelstrom of rain, wind, and thick-as-butter humidity rushed the cabin. Without uttering another word, Nora stepped away from me and into the storm. The door blew shut behind her, and she was gone, swallowed by the soupy darkness. I wondered if we would ever be together again. But I already knew the answer. I shouldn’t count on her ever coming back.