2020: Emergency Exit (16 page)

He joined the military as soon as he could to get away from me. I was fortunate his going away was what eventually brought him back to me. When he did return, we spoke at length and I leveled with him. I didn’t need or want an apology from him. Not for his years of bitterness and anger towards me, or for any of the many hurtful things he’d said to me. I deserved them. But I did hope he’d be able to accept my apology at some point. I hoped he’d realize I was sincere.

I’m not saying Danny forgave me then, but I do feel like he gave me another chance. One of the things he told me that night was that he never let Hayley in on what was going on, why I was always gone. She never knew. Sophie always defended my absence and Danny did as well. They stood up together for me, the coward. That alone spelled out the burden I’d been for him and legitimized so many of his reasons to hate me.

He’d come around even more this past year, and we at least created the foundation for a father/son bond again. We worked a lot of problems out. Having Hayley back living with me made a big difference too. I began to see a little light again.

As he stood in the rain and watched me say goodbye to Sophie a few days ago, Danny knew my pain. He knew my regret. But as much as I’ve wanted to pull him closer to me, I’ve made a conscious effort to let him be the one who comes to me. I’ve backed off, and I’ve given him space. I’m more thrilled than ever we have what we do today, and I don’t want to mess that up.

Now, as we gathered at the farm near Mount Rushmore, I watched him watch Tara. I knew that look on his face, as I’d seen it directed at me many times. He didn’t trust her. Whether that had anything to do with me, or not, I wasn’t sure. I wanted to ask, but didn’t. I didn’t have a problem with her.
Clearly.
But even if I had given her a free pass, Danny was reserving judgment.

TWENTY-EIGHT: “Coin Toss”

Outside Newcastle, Wyoming, Captain Eddie had a decision to make. Should he turn around and go back to Deadwood, certain he’d find what he expected regarding the fires? Or should he zip straight across on Highway 16, Mount Rushmore Road, towards Custer and hope to cut them off? He knew, even if they had been in Deadwood, they still had to go south to get to Colorado. Running back there now would only cost him time, and the Americans would probably be hidden elsewhere by then. They still had to come west towards him at some point. From his maps he could see, no matter what, the Americans would eventually have to pass by one of two ways to continue on their mapped-out route, and he could easily guard both of them. He opted to forget Deadwood and head towards Custer.

The dilemma was the presence of the other two Qi Jia companies. He and his men had avoided scrutiny and questions thus far because their story made sense. But those other two companies knew Eddie’s men were supposed to be heading east now. Eddie had probably erred in making that so definitive. Now, if those other companies ran into him again in Custer, they would question his motives and report his moves. Central Command hadn’t contacted him yet, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t. He was sure they had their ways. He couldn’t afford to run into either of those other companies. Somehow, he had to stay out of their way—physically and on the radar screen—as he and his men passed through Custer. That could get tricky. A single passing drone would pick them up with ease. Like the Americans, Eddie was going to have to hide. Getting caught in the process would be impossible to explain. His actions would be viewed as treason, and in Qi Jia’s code of conduct handbook Eddie had already read what treason would get him: A date with the firing squad.

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We didn’t know if Captain Eddie and his men were even following us anymore. Hiding out in the casino safe for protection didn’t afford us much of a surveillance opportunity. We knew troops had passed through to the south and to the west, out of Deadwood, based on the hundreds of tracks through the ash and dust. Our own tracks were at least camouflaged, mixed in with the others, and, tucking in behind the larger force moving south, we hoped we’d left Eddie behind for good. It was foolish to be wary of a single troop, when every soldier in the country had a target on Americans, on anyone who didn’t match their uniform dress code.

That’s what was so troubling about being pursued by Eddie and his men. It didn’t make sense that every other military company seemed to have a large zone to monitor or designated route to follow. They didn’t seem nearly as target specific as Eddie. Surely the invading army hadn’t assigned a company of men to chase down individual American families. So how and why had Captain Eddie and his men followed us all the way from Grand Forks? Could it legitimately be about that Markus guy we’d killed? Would they be doing this all for that one guy? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to pass the chase on to someone else, or at least call for help? Were they not in contact with a headquarters? Wasn’t anyone watching their movements?

At first we assumed they had to be communicating with some higher authority, checking in periodically. But then it became clear they couldn’t be. If some base somewhere knew one troop was tracking a group of Americans on a specific route, surely they’d send men from another direction to intercept them, and yet that had not happened. There couldn’t be any communication between a central command and Eddie’s troop. We had passed through several heavily occupied areas already, and not once had we seen any indication of anyone trying to cut us off or help Eddie.
Interesting
. Maybe this invasion wasn’t as coordinated as it seemed.

My questions had gained reasonable traction in Danny’s head as well. He listened as I shared my thoughts, without interrupting, even nodding occasionally. If Eddie wasn’t following us anymore, perhaps it was because of the other troops we’d seen. Maybe we’d gone beyond their designated search area. Maybe they didn’t have permission to go any further. On the other hand, if they were still following us, maybe no one knew they were. Maybe someone else would have a problem with that. It was something to keep in mind.

Tara’s farm turned out to be a pretty good place to hide out for the day. We parked the trucks in the sub-ground level of one of her barns, covering them with cold bales of hay, and we hung out on the barn’s main floor. Her husband wasn’t home, which didn’t seem to surprise Tara, but clearly seemed to disappoint Emily. Hayley continued to hang out with her and preoccupy her, but Emily hadn’t been able to sleep yet without nightmares, and we knew this had to be a particularly difficult situation for her to accept or understand.

Cameron and Blake took the camera and climbed the hill behind Tara’s farm to get a better glimpse of the immediate area. Tara told them they’d have a great profile view of Mount Rushmore from the top. Cameron told her he’d take a picture. No one heard them come back into the barn a short while later, until Cameron spoke, “You guys are not going to believe this!”

TWENY-NINE: “Mount NoMore”

We expected him to say something about seeing Captain Eddie, but the look on his face was more sadness than worry, and the camera he held up clearly contained whatever he was about to show us. The first few pictures said it all. Mount Rushmore wasn’t there anymore. No Washington. No Jefferson. No Roosevelt. No Lincoln. Their chiseled faces had apparently been used for drone target practice. Fourteen years of work, eighty-seven years of existence, gone in a day.

Hayley walked away with Emily while the rest of us talked, the first time anyone had been alone with Emily without Tara around. When Tara, who had been preoccupied with the photos, noticed Emily was gone, sudden panic flashed across her face. She ran out of the barn, and Danny and I followed her. “Emily!” Tara called out.

“I’m here, Mama,” came the cheery reply from the side of the house.

As we jogged towards the house, Hayley and Emily came around the corner. “I was showing her the goats, Mama,” Emily said with a smile. “They’re still alive!” Clearly the chemicals hadn’t reached this area.

“It’s okay, honey,” Tara replied, pulling Emily to her, as we looked at Hayley, who wasn’t smiling. She seemed to be glaring at Tara, who flushed a dark shade of red.

I started to ask about the glare. “Hayley, wha—”

“What’s going on?” Danny cut me off.

“Dad,” Hayley addressed me. “Would you take Emily back to the barn?”

“What? Why?” I replied.

Danny grabbed my arm. “Dad,” he said calmly but with a serious tone.

Got it.
“Okay.” Looking at both of them and then Tara, who didn’t return my glance, I led Emily back towards the barn. When I peeked back, the three of them were gone, apparently into the house.
What in the world was going on?

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Hayley brushed past Tara into the house, searching until she found Tara’s bedroom. Tara followed but didn’t object. “What’s going on, Hayley?” Danny asked, watching her go through the closets and drawers.

“Do you want to tell him, or should I?” Hayley replied with another cold look at Tara.

Tara shrugged, tears beginning to form in her eyes. “You don’t understand—”

“Emily has never met her dad,” Hayley cut her off, standing still for a minute. “I asked her to tell me a little bit about him, and she said she’d never met him. Never!”

Danny looked back and forth between Hayley and Tara and tried to catch Tara’s eyes. “In eleven years?” Danny asked in disbelief. “But you said he was in the—”

“I was raped,” Tara interrupted quietly, silencing Danny and Hayley immediately. “Twelve years ago,” she continued. “I was at a party my senior year at Texas A&M. Someone put something in my drink, took me to a room, and raped me.” There was bitterness and hurt in her voice now, and Hayley’s angry façade was evaporating. “I’ve never had the heart to tell my daughter where she came from. Her dad’s not a soldier. I don’t even know who her dad is. I never even reported the rape—and yes, I know I should have. Before you say anything else, or start judging me for anything else, let me try to explain.” She looked at both of them and neither objected. “The first eight years or so it was simple enough to keep Emily in the dark. She didn’t really ask any questions, never had any friends over—didn’t really even have any friends. But around nine or ten, yeah, she started to ask questions. Other people were asking her questions. I could have—should have—told her then, but…I don’t know…”

“You couldn’t,” Danny said it for her. Tara was quiet for a moment. “I get it,” he continued. “But she honestly still believes he’s a soldier or something—that he’s just never been able to come home. Wouldn’t it be—”

“I know, I know,” Tara jumped back in. “It sounds stupid. What kind of child would be that naïve, right? A very sheltered one…obviously. So maybe what kind of parent would do that to their kid—Is that what you’re thinking?” She didn’t let anyone answer. “We all played our part…Mom homeschooled her until she got sick and she and Dad moved up to Medora. Then I took over. I knew I couldn’t keep this up forever, but who wants to tell a little girl her father’s never coming home—even if you think she would’ve known that long before now.” Tara was sobbing now, but she kept going. “I mean look around you—look at the world I built for her. It’s all make-believe. These photos, they’re of someone I’ve never met, all photoshopped with me. Even the wedding pictures. I’m not married. Never have been. Dad and I—we decided it would be best to tell Emily her dad was in the military. That way, when she was old enough to take it, we could tell her he’d died. She could be proud of her father then, and no one would think less of her. I never wanted her to be ashamed of me, and I definitely never wanted her to be ashamed of herself. What was I supposed to do?”

Hayley was kicking herself now for her earlier attitude. She approached Tara, but Tara backed away, resisting her touch. “Tara, I’m sorry,” Hayley whispered. “We didn’t know any…”

Danny was taking it all in. Now he understood. “So why come back down here? Why not tell her right after the attacks and get it all over with then?” he asked.

Tara gave a weak half-smile. “That would have made sense—I know—but truthfully we didn’t even know the attacks were real until you guys came to town. I honestly didn’t want to come back down here. I mean, when we left to go visit Mom for the last time Emily had told me she hoped her dad would be here when she got back. She said the same thing to Mom and Dad when we were up there. I was trying to avoid all of it. I guess I’d hoped some miracle solution would pop up, or that my dad would rescue me again and somehow make it all make sense to Emily.”

Hayley had approached her again and this time Tara let Hayley hug her. “Tara, I feel terrible. You could have just told us.”

Tara laughed. “If it were only that easy. I’ve never told anyone. I don’t have any idea how I would have brought it up. To you there may have been a million opportunities you could think of along the way. To me, there just never was a good one. I just didn’t want to do the explaining to Emily on my own, and didn’t want all you guys to be here when she found out he wasn’t here. I realize it doesn’t make any sense to you, but it is what it is. I’m nowhere near perfect…I’m sorry.”

Hayley was hugging Tara now, and Tara wasn’t resisting. “My dad’s plan wasn’t ever for me to come back here as much as it was to take Emily away with me, with you guys, and have some kind of chance of living. He couldn’t bear to watch his daughter or granddaughter die, and he knew it was only a matter of time up there. And you heard him, Mom was way too sick to travel. She wasn’t going to make it more than a few more weeks, or months. Dad didn’t want Emily to watch her die like that either.” Tara sat down on the bed.

“It makes sense, Tara,” Danny said. “All of it. Honestly, I don’t know how I would have told anyone either.”

Tara nodded. “I really didn’t want to cause any problems for anyone. I’m sorry it’s become such a mess. And I’m sorry for however I’ve misled or angered either, or any of you, in any way…”