3 Days (5 page)

“Ew…” I never ate sardines, they creep me out. “We ate
sardines
?” My stomach reeled at the thought.

“No. The game, sardines, the game. We played it, all four of us.” A hint of impatience was in his tone.

“Oh. Well, no. Like I said, all I remember was sketching that tree and that was it.” I looked down at my shoes, consciously aware of my inability to pluck two days of my memory out into the open.

I allowed a long moment of silence before adding, “Just tell me what happened.” We pulled into my driveway. My parents weren’t here yet. They had wanted to stop at the drugstore to pick up my prescription on the way. Blaine put the truck into park and locked his eyes with mine. His breathing unsteady, he had pain in his eyes, as if looking at me hurt him physically. We were locked in a stare for what seemed like an hour before he broke eye contact and looked down at his hands. In a hurried tone, he answered, “Nothing happened, just a normal weekend. You left after the game, went home, we played video games with Jared the next day, and on Sunday, we went to Lingo’s for lunch. I overslept Monday morning when you fell, so I didn’t see it happen.”

I opened my mouth to ask more. I knew he had kept something from me. But as I did, Blaine flew out of the driver side of his truck, ran to my door, pulling it open. I stepped out at the very moment my parents were pulling into the driveway to let us into the house, ending our discussion.

Chapter 10

Blaine and I are just friends
.

An annoying fact I had to remind myself of every day. I enjoyed being with Blaine, and I knew he liked having me around. Most guys expect a female friend to leave so they can hang with their guy friends, but Blaine never asked me to go, and Jared didn’t seem to mind either. We were like the Three Musketeers, except when Crystal came over, making us a “fearsome foursome” as Mrs. Lasser liked to say.

Two months had passed since my accident, and I still had no memories of the two days I had lost to amnesia. But it didn’t matter now, things were back to normal again, mostly. As much as I would like to have thought Blaine had been in better spirits, it was apparent he was putting on a show. Sometimes, when he thought I wasn’t looking, I would sneak a glance at him from across the hall at school and recognize agony in his features. When I was around, he forced a smile and tried to make me laugh. To everyone else, he was the same old Blaine. But in my eyes, I could see him dying inside, little by little. It killed me to look into his eyes and watch the brightness dimming slowly every day. Blaine held a secret. One so dark he refrained from sharing with anyone, not me, not even Jared.

But carry on we did. For the first time in two months, I started to think everything would be ok. We had nearly finished cleaning out our lockers at the end of the day, getting ready for our first day of summer vacation. Jared came up to me and shoved his yearbook into my abdomen without even looking in my direction, and said, “Here, sign.” I exaggerated a grunt, pretending like he had hurt me with his callous way of approaching. Just then, a football came barreling through the air in our direction and smacked Jared in the shoulder. “What the heck, man?!” Blaine had thrown a pass that, apparently, he had not let Jared know about beforehand. Jared rubbed the sore spot on his shoulder.

Blaine came running up to us, laughing hysterically. “You’re supposed to catch the ball, not bounce it off your jelly rolls.” Jared looked to me and blushed. Clearly, Blaine had just embarrassed him. Suddenly, his mouth turned up to a devilish grin, and I knew Blaine would be getting something in return. Without taking his eyes off of me, Jared swept his leg behind Blaine’s and hammered his hand into Blaine’s chest. In the count of two, Blaine had been knocked on his ass. His face burned red hot, and while he gathered his bearings, he growled, “You’re gonna pay for that!”

As Blaine pushed himself off the floor, Jared’s expression took a turn for an exaggerated look of fear. In a small voice, he chirped, “Uh oh!” and set off in a sprint for the door. Yup, summer was here, and the boys were ready to play.
Yes, everything is going to be all right
.

Blaine pulled the truck over in front of my house to let me out and proceeded to hold a fist out to me in anticipation for me to bump knuckles. With a limp fist, I retaliated and said, “You and Jared still planning on going camping next week?” With the statement, a huge sense of éjà vu washed over me.
Weird
.

“Yup. Got all the gear ready, we just have to wait until Jared gets paid,” he replied, unaffected. It’s not uncommon for Jared and Blaine to take long camping trips in the summer. They loved the outdoors and were really good at survival stuff, like building fires and finding shelter. “See you tomorrow night?” he added.

“Only if you promise that you and Jared won’t toss me around like a rag doll!” I laughed, but I was only half kidding. They played too rough some of the time.

He put the truck in drive and, while pulling away from the curb, shouted out the window, “I can’t make any promises!”

Chapter 11

Opening the front door to my house, I had an instant feeling of dread. It was as if I knew something bad was going to happen, and I could feel its energy all around me. It was then that I noticed my parents were sitting at the kitchen table, serious looks on their faces. They asked me to come and join them, and it was then that they dropped a bomb on me. Since finishing grad school, my father had been settling for a teaching position at a nearby high school. But now, he was offered a much higher paying job teaching at a college about three hours away. He had accepted the offer last month, but they didn’t want to fill my last month of school with worry, so they waited until now to give me the news. It would mean we would have to move. I had the rest of the month to say goodbye to my friends and pack. We were moving in only two weeks!

While sitting in my room, staring at the wall, only one thing popped into my head. Blaine. When I moved, I wouldn’t be able to see Blaine every day. The thought of being apart from him made my stomach hurt. He would never know what he means to me, or how he made me feel, because I had been so stupid all this time and didn’t tell him. My chest began to get tight, as if someone were digging a bolder into my sternum. I clutched my middle, grasping at my shirt. Curling up in a ball on my bed, I gave in to the pain and sobbed.
Blaine and I are just friends. That is all we will ever be
.

Chapter 12

The next day, I kept my plans with Blaine and Jared and headed over to Blaine’s house. We played video games, joked around, laughed, and ate pizza. I kept up a front of everything being normal to avoid having to drop the news on them both that night. I wanted the night to be special. It wouldn’t be if I added my moving drama to the mix. So I was surprised when, after Jared walked out the front door to go home, Blaine asked me, “All right, Laquin, what’s up?” Looking down at me, he wasn’t buying my act. With an anguished sigh, my lip began to quiver. I don’t know what compelled me to do it, but I threw my face into Blaine’s shirt and bawled for what seemed like forever. In response, he just wrapped his arms around me and combed his fingers through my hair. I felt so safe, so warm, in his arms. Finally, when I was sure I could hold my composure, I pulled back. “Sorry,” I sniffled, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

“Wanna talk about it?” Blaine offered, guiding me back into the family room.

I plopped myself onto one end of the sofa, and Blaine sat on the opposite end. Looking up, my gaze met him square in the face, and I told him everything.

It came as a shock for Blaine too, but he seemed to be handling it well. I guess while consoling me he had managed to talk himself down as well. Or maybe he was glad I was moving. Surely it couldn’t be that. He was giving me a speech that was more grown up than I would have thought Blaine was capable of, but he was. When he was finally finished, we agreed that I would tell the rest of our group tomorrow at Lingo’s, so there wouldn’t be a scene. It would be easier for me having to make the announcement in public. I would be less likely to cry with a crowd full of people around me.

And so that next day, we carried out our plan. It would have gone perfectly had it not been for the fact that we had no idea Crystal wasn’t afraid to cry in public. We spent most of the lunch consoling her. She finally left with Jared, eyes red and swollen.

The next couple of weeks were a blur. Blaine and Jared had postponed their camping trip for the week after I left, so they could get as much time with me as possible before the move. Blaine made sure my last couple of days were packed full of activities, so I wouldn’t have time to think about leaving my friends. We went indoor rock climbing, hiked on the trails, visited the zoo, and played Frisbee golf. We would have been in a paintball war if Jared hadn’t pulled his hamstring during our hike. The “fearsome foursome” had never had so much fun before, and we were all exhausted by the end of each night. It was the best sendoff anyone could be privileged to get.

***

On my last night, Blaine had nothing planned because I had to finish packing up my stuff for our trip early the next morning. So, while I was stuffing my clothes into a big brown box, I was surprised to hear the doorbell at 9 pm. Hearing muffled conversation out in the hall, then a knock on my bedroom door, I opened to find Blaine standing on the other side. His face looked ragged, and there was pain in his eyes. He was gripping two envelopes so hard they were crinkling in his palms. He smoothed them out and handed them to me, slowly. “These are for you. I won’t be there in the morning when you leave. I think it is better that way. Everything I want to tell you is in this letter.” He pointed to the envelope marked “READ NOW.” Then he pointed to the envelope marked in bold red lettering “DO NOT OPEN UNTIL MARCH 12, 2013 @ 5AM.”
Okay, that is a little exact
.

Before I could say anything, he rushed down the hallway and out the front door. A horrible thought occurred to me in that moment. It might be the last time I would ever see Blaine again. And I felt a tear roll down my right cheek.

Chapter 13

I closed the door to my bedroom, shoved a pile of clothes out of the way, and sat at the end of my bed. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the two envelopes in my hand. The envelope with the date marked on it seemed so strange to me. I have seen people label items “DO NOT OPEN UNTIL XMAS,” but this was taking that to a whole new level. I tried to think of a way that the date on the envelope was significant. What would I be doing in the spring of 2013? Well, the only thing I could think of was graduation. No matter where I went to school, I would be a senior that year and preparing for graduation. Maybe this was his way of standing beside me when I did. I respected his wishes and began to rip open the envelope labeled “READ NOW.” Smoothing out the lined notebook paper, I quickly realized there wasn’t much written. The letter read:

Kara,

I know you won’t understand why I will not be there tomorrow to say “goodbye,” but you have to believe me when I say it is better this way. In fact, you are really going to hate me when I say we cannot see, or speak to, each other ever again. It has nothing to do with the way I feel for you, I care for you deeply. More than you will ever know. It is just something that has to be done. One day, in the future, this will make perfect sense to you. I have something of a dark cloud that follows me, and I can’t bear to see you follow in its wake. Always know that I will be praying that you are adjusting well to your new life, and please don’t let me hold you back from moving forward.

With a heavy heart, I say “goodbye.”

Blaine

I felt like I was going to be sick. No. I
knew
I was going to be sick. My stomach was doing flips as I felt the bile rise to my throat. I ran down the hall, letter in hand, and locked myself in the bathroom. I lost everything I had eaten earlier that night, along with every secure feeling I had remembered having.

The move was quick, and the drive seemed too short. Maybe it was because I wasn’t looking back, or because I drifted in and out of consciousness, napping along the way. I had been up all night, comforting my mother by faking a stomach bug. I had nothing left, in my stomach, or elsewhere. As soon as the tires hit the interstate, I made a promise to myself. I would never let myself hurt like this again, never let anyone break me the way Blaine did. I had thought we had a connection, a friendship deeper than just sharing fries at Lingo’s. But I had been wrong, and I wasn’t going to let that happen again. So I put up a wall that nobody could get through.
Blaine and I were no longer friends. And nobody else will be either
.

***

I spent all of my free time jogging. In the last 18 months, I had managed to avoid social situations and coast through school with average grades. It felt as if the only release I could get from my thoughts was in the woods. I was lucky to have found trails that were challenging enough for me. I was becoming quite fast, and some trails were so short I would have to run them three times before I got tired. My parents were constantly worried about me, prying every chance they could get. But I had become a notoriously good liar. I only had to keep up the front for a few more months and I would be graduating.

It was the beginning of spring in my new town, 2013, only a matter of days before I would turn 18 and set out on my own. College was out of the question. In the time since our move, I had given up on any dream of having a future in art. It seemed sort of pointless to be around all those people learning how to draw when I preferred the solitude of an empty room. Being anti-social was my new normal behavior, and it showed.

Running was my release. It was my party, my alcohol, my drug. It was the cure to the constant pain that ripped through my chest every day. When I was running, it was as if I left my body and went somewhere else. I didn’t have to be me while my feet were hitting the ground, one in front of the other. I didn’t have to be Kara.