3 Seconds (Time for Love Book 6) (10 page)

“I’m sorry, if
I’d know she was going to be here, I would have given you a head’s
up.”

“Hey, Bren, can
you take Dec for a minute?” Victoria asked, holding out the chubby
little boy who was currently waving his hands and kicking his feet.
“I need to run inside and get the tongs for Brock.”

“Sure thing,
Tori,” he said with a grin for his nephew. “Come here, Big
Man.”

Declan cooed as
he settled into his uncle’s arms, and the tender look on Brendan’s
face as he nuzzled the baby made my heart lurch, and my tummy
tickle.

“You’re a
natural with him,” I said, reaching a hand out gingerly to touch
Declan’s soft little leg.

“He’s easy to
be natural with. Such a happy baby,
aren’t you, Big Man
?” He
said the last in a soft, baby voice, causing me to laugh. “I hope
they are just as lucky the second time around.”

“Oh, are they
expecting?” I asked.

Brendan looked
around, as if to make sure no one was near and replied, “Yeah …
shoot, I’m not supposed to say anything. They haven’t told anyone
other than Brady and I yet.”

“I won’t say
anything,
promise
,” I said, making an X over my heart with
my finger. “How old is Declan?”

“Thanks, uh,
about eight months or so. They want to have kids close to the same
age, so they’ll grow up together. Plus, my brother’s kind of a
caveman, so I’m sure he has visions of keeping Victoria barefoot
and pregnant whenever possible,” he said with a chuckle, the look
on his face telling me he was only half joking. “They were talking
about having four or five, which is just crazy talk, but if it
makes them happy, whatever. I can babysit and give them back,
right?” he added with a grin, but something about his words niggled
me.

“How many kids
do
you
want?” I asked, suddenly afraid of his answer.

Brendan kissed
Declan softly on the head, his green eyes looking at his sweet
nephew as he answered matter of factly, “None.”

The tingling in
my stomach subsided, and was immediately replaced with nausea and
dread. It looked like Brendan and I had to have a serious talk.

Chapter
Seventeen ~ Brendan

“God, Sasha and
TJ crack me up,” I said as we walked into Bronagh’s place. I smiled
as I remembered their reaction when they found out that Bronagh
taught at the culinary school.

“So, you’re her
student?” TJ asked with a grin.

“Yeah,” I’d
answered, hugging Bronagh close to my body. The crowd was thinning
out, and we were saying our goodbyes. It was the first chance I’d
gotten to really talk to the couple.

“That is so
hot,” Sasha said, running her hand along TJ’s chest. “A forbidden
romance.” She turned and leaned closer into TJ and said playfully,
“Can we play student/teacher later?”

I laughed when
TJ turned to me and mouthed,
Thank you
. Then jumped guiltily
when my sister-in-law’s voice came out of thin air.

“
Sasha
,”
Victoria admonished as she walked by, catching Sasha’s question to
her husband. “There are children present.”

Sasha just
rolled her eyes good-naturedly and tossed her brilliant red locks
over her shoulder.

“Please, Tori,
these kids can barely make gurgling noises, let alone understand
what I’m saying.”

Victoria
conceded, but had still shot us all a warning look as she continued
on past us.

“Yeah, everyone
was really nice,” Bronagh answered, pulling me back to the present.
She seemed off; in fact, had been very quiet most of the
evening.

“Is everything
okay?” I asked, concerned. “Did someone say something that upset
you? Was it Abby?”

“No, everyone
was great. I’m glad I had a chance to meet them.”

“Then what is
it?” I asked, my throat closing nervously when she indicated that I
should sit on the couch, while she sat in the chair across from
me.

“We need to
talk.”

Now, I may not
have been in a relationship before, but I’d seen tons of movies,
and I knew it was never a good thing when your girlfriend said she
needed to talk. I began to rack my brain to try and figure out what
could have upset her, so I could come up with a rebuttal and stop
the fight before it started.

“Okay,” I
managed, my mind spinning, but unable to come up with any reason
why she’d be angry with me.

“You said you
didn’t want children…” she said, more like a prompt than a
question.

“Ah, yeah,
that’s right,” I replied, still unsure of why that would cause a
problem.

“Why not?” she
asked, pushing her hair off of her face and leaning in, like she
needed to read my every movement when I answered. “Is it the job?
The music? Do you just not want kids now … or
ever
?”

Sensing the
importance of my answer, I laid it all out.

“I never really
thought about it growing up, having kids and becoming a dad, but
when I got older, I realized it wasn’t something that I wanted to
do. To bring kids into this world, and then possibly leave them the
way my parents did … Like I said before, I’ve been without my
parents almost as long as I was with them. I don’t remember
anything about the first five years of my life anyway. I barely
remember the nine years after that. I remember my mom taking me to
soccer practice, and that my dad used to love to try and make her
laugh, but that’s about it. I can’t remember what they look like,
or how being with them made me feel … All I have are a few
pictures, and my brothers.”

“So, you’re
saying you don’t want to have kids because you might die and leave
them?” Bronagh asked, and I don’t know if she tried to come off as
condescending, but that’s how I took it.

“It may not
sound rational to you, but that’s how I feel. I don’t want to do to
a kid what was done to Brock. He had his whole life ahead of him,
and everything changed in an instant. That’s a lot of pressure for
a kid.”

“But the
chances of that happening…”

“Yeah, I know,
I get it. It’s slim, but there are enough kids out there, that
whether or not I have any doesn’t really tip the scales. I’m happy
to be an uncle, and to live my life without children of my
own.”

Bronagh had her
head down, and when she lifted it, the look on her face caused my
heart to stutter.

“Well, I’m
not.”

“What are you
saying?” I asked, suddenly terrified of her answer.

“I’ve
always
wanted kids, but I wanted to be established and have
a career first, so I focused on that. When I got married, I thought
we’d start a family right away, but he was always career-minded and
wanted to wait. When he eventually wanted to start, I was having
doubts about our marriage, and didn’t want to bring children in to
a shaky relationship … Then we got divorced. Now, I’m thirty-five,
and I feel my opportunity slipping away. Even if I met someone and
we decided in a few years we wanted to have kids, I’d be lucky to
get pregnant with one, let alone have the three I’d always
imagined.”

“So, you’re
saying you want to have a family right away.”

Bronagh’s eyes
were shimmering when she said, “What I’m saying is that I
do
want to have kids, and although I like you, and enjoy what we have
together, I can’t afford to waste my time right now. We’re simply
at different stages in our lives.”

I sprang to my
feet, anger, hurt, and humiliation warring within me.

“A
waste of
time
… Is that what you think this is?” I asked, hurt winning
out and making me feel things I never wanted to feel.

“I didn’t mean
it like that, Brendan,” she began, rising to her feet as well.

“Bronagh,” I
pleaded, trying to remain calm and not lose my shit. “We’ve only
been seeing each other a few weeks. No couple would be hinging
their relationship on kids at this point, there are too many
factors. I mean, what if I couldn’t have them, or we stayed
together … tried, and it didn’t work out? Give it time. Give
us
time.”

She closed her
eyes, shaking her head slowly and causing my gut to twist
painfully.

“But we’ve
already had the conversation. We can’t take it back. I
know
now that you’re never going to want kids. I can’t go back and erase
that knowledge. Is there even the slightest possibility that you’ll
change your mind?”

I could tell by
the sadness in her eyes that she knew my answer before I gave it,
but still I responded, “No, Freckles, I don’t see myself changing
my mind.”

Bronagh held up
her hand ask if she was going to touch me, like she needed the
contact, then thought better of it and dropped her hand limply at
her side.

“I guess that’s
it then … I’m sorry, Bren.”

“Wait,” I said,
holding up my hands and hoping she didn’t notice the crack in my
voice. “Let me just say one more thing. I know it’s been a short
period of time, but I’m falling for you, Bronagh … I’ve never felt
about someone the way I do with you, and I hope you’ll think about
that, before you make any rash decisions. I’ll go. I’ll give you
space, but you know where to find me if you change your mind.”

When she didn’t
respond, just watched me with that heartbreaking expression on her
face, I turned to leave.

“See you in
class,” I managed, then got out of there as fast as I could, before
I did something embarrassing like cry in front of her.

Fuck!
I
thought as my heart seemed to explode in my chest. I paced back and
forth on the sidewalk as I tried to come to terms with what just
happened.

This
was
why I never got into a serious relationship.

This
was
why I fucked girls, enjoyed the pleasure, and left feelings out of
the equation.

This
was
why I should have run the other direction when I saw Bronagh at the
club that night.

I’d finally
fallen in love, and the woman I wanted to give my heart to, didn’t
want it. I‘d obviously totally misread the situation, if she could
bail so quickly. I’d brought her to meet my family and all the
people who meant anything to me, and given her more of myself than
I’d ever given anyone. And I wasn’t enough.

I needed a
drink and my guitar, then I would focus on finishing up school at
the top of my class. Maybe getting the job with Chef Agard and
moving to France wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Even if I got the
job, I wouldn’t leave right away, and if in that time Bronagh
didn’t change her mind, leaving for a different country would be
better than living here with the memories of us at every turn.

Chapter
Eighteen ~ Bronagh

“Tell me I did
the right thing?”

I was still in
my pajamas, even though it was four in the afternoon, and wasn’t
even embarrassed that my friends had found me curled up on the
couch, empty bags of Doritos and Peanut M & M’s littering the
ground around me.

“Well, it
sounds like you’re doing what you think you have to, but
Nonie
, the
waste of time
thing was pretty harsh.”
Ming’s soft hand on my brow eased the harshness of her words.

“I know,” I
whined, slightly embarrassed that I was reduced to whining. “I
didn’t mean it that way … I was just speaking without thinking, and
that’s what came out. “I peeked out from under my curtain of hair
and cried, “You should have seen the look on his face. It was
awful
.”

“He’s a big
boy, I’m sure he’ll get over it,” Ming said, wiping orange crumbs
off of the cushion before sitting next to me.

“I don’t know,
Ming, he looked heartbroken. I’m the first person he ever opened up
to, and I totally shut him down.”

“Are you sure
this is what you want to do, honey?” Cass asked from her perch on
my chair. “If you’re both so broken up over this, maybe you were
too rash?”

I shook my
head, even as my heart lurched at her words.

“He doesn’t
want kids …
ever
. You know how badly I want ‘em,” I
hiccupped, sitting up and pushing my blankets around me, cocooning
myself in.

“He’s young
though … Maybe he’ll change his mind.”

“But, I’m not.
I don’t have time to wait and see if he will. What if he never
does?”

“Is it just his
own kids he doesn’t want, or any kids at all?”

“What are you
talking about?” I wasn’t sure if my brain was mush from my crying
jag, but I had no idea where Cass was going with that question.

“I mean, what
if he met a woman with a child, would he not date her, or is he
open to being a stepfather?”

“Are you
telling her to have a kid with someone else, then chuck the guy and
get back together with Brendan?” Ming asked, her face blank. We
were both used to Cass’s crazy way of thinking, but this seemed out
of left field, even for her.

“No, not
exactly. But what if you were artificially inseminated, or adopted
a kid … It wouldn’t technically be his child, and you’d get to be a
mom. Win/win.”

I stared at her
for a moment, trying to process what she was saying, but still
coming up empty. I shook my head slowly and replied, “No, I don’t
think so, because if we were together, raising a child … any child
…
he’d still be a father.”

Cass put her
back up and said, “Jeez, you don’t have to shout, I’m just trying
to think outside the box.” The she gave me a big smile and a
wink.

I smiled in
return, unable to help myself, and was overcome with gratitude at
having these two women in my life.

“You’re crazy,”
I said with a small laugh.

“You just
needed to get outside of your head for a moment, and let go of some
of the guilt,” Cass said softly, reaching her hand out for mine.
“Neither of you are wrong, Bronagh, and you can’t feel bad for
wanting what you want, just like you shouldn’t be angry with him
for not wanting it. But I have to ask, if
you
are this
upset, and
he’s
devastated over you breaking it off, are you
positive there’s no way you can work it out?”