30 Nights (6 page)

Tonight I owed it to myself to have one more fantasy. One more night of make-believe before my world changed.

With my eyes still closed I pressed my hand to the side of my throat, letting my fingers rest lightly on my skin. I pictured Eric in the kitchen at the university standing in front of me as he had last week. This time I kept standing there, hand at my sides, looking up at him. His gaze had the same intensity to it, but my fantasy Eric looked at me differently. There was no curiosity in his gaze, only desire.

My hand became his. I did my best to mimic what it must feel like to have his large fingers slide across my throat and down to stop just above my breasts. His gaze wouldn’t leave mine, even as his hands explored. He’d be gauging me, my reactions to his touch. He’d notice the change in my breathing, the way I’d blush when I realized he was about to cup my breasts.

When my fingers reached my nipple, I slowly dragged my thumb across the hard peak. The fabric of my nightshirt was soft and increased the pleasure I felt. I repeated the action several times, trying to fight the urge to simply plunge my hand between my legs and get myself off.

Eric wouldn’t do that. Oh no, he’d tease me, draw things out until I was begging him to let me come. I don’t know how I knew that about him, but I did. He’d be purposeful with his caresses. Keeping that in mind, I slowly slid my hand across to my other breast, teasing that nipple as I had the first.

My fantasy Eric would lean in and nip on my earlobe. His hot breath would make me shiver, would cause my pussy to dampen with need. He wouldn’t say anything right away, knowing what teasing would do to me. He’d press his lips to the sensitive spot just below my ear, licking my skin.

I squeezed my already-shut eyes tighter as I pushed my hand beneath my nightshirt. My skin was soft, but no matter how hard I tried to picture my touch being Eric’s I couldn’t quite manage it.

The sound of his voice in my head was what really saved the day. I didn’t need his hand on me, only his presence in my mind directing me toward the pleasure that I so desperately wanted.

I didn’t stop then, didn’t hold back. With one hand on my breast pinching and rolling my sensitive nipple, I finally slid my other between my legs. I hadn’t bothered sleeping with panties on since I was a teenager, so there was nothing else preventing me from slipping two fingers on either side of my clit and pressing down on my mound.

A moan popped from me, which only encouraged me. My thin pubic hair was wet from my arousal, and I brushed it out of the way as I pressed on the base of my clit.

Yes, I’d show him. With my thumb I pressed down on my clit and slowly stroked the hood. I continued to tease the folds of my labia with my fingers, circling my opening. I didn’t care what the reality was; my fantasy Eric had a wonderfully big cock. I used two of my fingers to mimic what I hoped he’d be like and pressed them deep inside.

I wasn’t a virgin. I wasn’t even particularly naïve about sex. I’d had several boyfriends over the years and had enjoyed myself with each one. But not once had I experienced any sort of deep emotional connection with them. We had fun for a time, but inevitably went our separate ways.

With Eric it was different. He’d barely looked at me and that was all it had taken for me to become obsessed.

Awkwardly at first, I began to fuck myself with my fingers as I continued to rub my clit with my thumb. I turned my head so my nose was pressed to my pillow and bit down on the cotton cover. Eric would laugh at the futility of that, his brown eyes would sparkle.
That’s not going to help you.

I pinched my nipple harder, a punishment and a treat. My arousal was cresting, my orgasm racing forward like an ignited fuse toward its powder keg.
Glenna, you look so beautiful.

“Eric.”

The fantasy slipped away then, as it always did and all I could focus on was my body and the release I needed. I rolled onto my stomach and thrust my body upon my hand, increasing the pressure tenfold on my clit. My nipples rubbed hard against the cotton of my shirt, a frantic back and forth as I drove my body onward.

There. Nearly there.

I was aware of the muscles in my face tightening half a second before my orgasm hit me. I cried out into my pillow as pleasure overrode every bit of reason and logic that lived inside me. It was heaven and lasted for far too brief a time. Within a few moments it had faded away and my body relaxed. I should have moved, gotten up and washed my hands, but I didn’t. I wanted to cling to this moment, this final fantasy. It was possible that things would go better than I hoped.

In this moment all things were possible.

After some time, I slid my hand from between my legs. My eyes opened of their own volition and my gaze landed on the cards.

Of course I would take them to work tomorrow.

I would show them to Eric.

And I would hope for the best.

7

F
or the first time all week, I slept like the dead. I didn’t know if it had been from the orgasm, or if the exhaustion had finally caught up to me, but either way I slept well. I also slept past my alarm.

“Shit!”

Getting dressed turned out to be an entire production. I wasn’t the type of person to typically freak out over my wardrobe. Get up, get dressed, go to work. Done. End of story.

Oh no, today had to be the day that my inner teenager decided to come out to play games with my confidence. I wanted to look good for the barbecue, but not unprofessional. Sexy, but not desperate. Three sundresses and a pair of capris later, I forced myself to put on my navy blue flower-print skirt and a white dress T-shirt, grab the cards, and leave my apartment to catch the bus.

Which I missed. Because of course I did.

To make matters worse the light cloud cover turned dark by the time I was dropped off at my stop. The rain started with a light patter for all of thirty seconds before the heavens opened up and dumped their entire contents on me. I should have run to cut the amount of time I had to endure the rain in half. But there wasn’t any point. I’d chosen to wear my hair down, which was now plastered to my body. Thankfully I had a hair elastic in my desk so I could put it in a braid. I just needed to get there first.

I was late and looked like hell, so there was no way I wanted to walk past Eric’s office. Given how this past week had gone, he’d be holed up there talking to his students or something, so he would be easy enough to avoid. I’d have time to hit the bathroom and clean up and dry off before I’d see him at the barbecue. For the first time in ages, I took the staircase closest to my office.

The air in the building was cooler than outside. I hadn’t expected the rain and didn’t think to bring a jacket, so my damp clothing clung to my skin. My nipples were two bullets making their presence known from beneath my shirt for anyone to see. I pushed the door open and stepped out into the hallway of my floor.

Eric had come out of the men’s washroom at the exact moment.

We both froze and stared at each other.

“Fuck.” I groaned.

He was wearing a plum dress shirt, the shirtsleeves once again rolled up, exposing his forearms. Only one button was undone at his throat, making it impossible to see any of his chest. Oh, he had on the charcoal gray dress pants, too. That was a nice combination on him. Very sexy.

“Glenna?”

My gaze snapped up to his. “Yes?”

“You look . . . uncomfortable.”

“I can honestly say that’s the understatement of the week.” I looked down at my chest and shifted my purse to hide behind it. “It’s been a, well, a morning. A very wet and frustrating morning.”

He nodded. For a moment I thought he might crack a smile, but instead he started to walk away.

I wanted to die. An earthquake could have come along and shaken the building down around me and that would have made me happy. Or a giant sinkhole! Yes, that would have been much better. I sucked in a breath and took a few steps toward my office.

“Glenna?”

I shivered. Damn cold clothes. “Yes?”

“Will I see you later? At the Social Committee event?”

Water dripped from a wet tendril and landed on my purse. The cards were safe and sound from the wet deep inside. “I’m not sure.”

“I hope so.” A beat of silence. “You better dry off so you don’t catch a cold.”

“I will.”

His words were chased with the clicking of his shoes as he walked down the hallway toward his office.

Despite everything, he still wanted to see me.

Another shiver got me moving again and into my office. Jasmine was at her desk, and Nell was sitting against it. I’d clearly interrupted something because they pulled apart and Nell’s face turned red. Nell’s short blond bob swished as she scooted farther away from Jasmine.

Okay, that was cute.

“What the hell happened to you?” Jasmine laughed and tossed me the roll of paper towels we kept for accidents. “And you’re late. I didn’t think you were coming in, slack-ass.”

“Thanks, Jaz. Like my morning was going so well, I needed to be harassed by you.”

“I keep telling her she’s too mean to people, but she doesn’t believe me,” Nell said as she stood up. “Do you have something dry to wear?”

“I have a sweater. I’m sure it won’t take long for me to become less wet rat. Thanks though.” I really liked Nell and hoped Jasmine didn’t screw things up with her this time.

“Well, I’ll let you two get to work.” Nell looked at me for a moment before leaning in and placing a quick kiss on Jasmine’s cheek. “I’ll see you after?”

“Lunch. And then supper and a movie.”

It wasn’t until Nell was gone and I’d managed to pull my hair into something that wasn’t a complete mess that Jasmine started in on me again. “Okay, when you walked in here you looked as though someone kicked your dog and stole all your candy. What’s going on?”

“You two aren’t going to the barbecue? I heard they got ice cream for dessert this year.”

“No, we’re not. Talk.”

Why? Why did I choose her as my best friend?
“I can’t, Jaz. You’ll just give me a hard time about it and then you won’t leave me alone until I tell you more.”

Which was completely the wrong thing to say to her. Jasmine was on her feet and leaning on my desk within a second. “Dude, what the hell? Spill.”

“No.”

“Glenna.”

“
No
.”

“I’m not going to stop until you tell me. You said it yourself. So it’s better to fill me in now so I leave you alone.”

I didn’t have the strength to fight her. That said, I didn’t have to tell her everything either. “I took your advice.”

“That’s good. I give lots of excellent advice. What specifically did you do?”

“I realized that I needed to take a chance so I reached out to a man. Sort of. Well, I’m going to reach out to him. I think.”

Jasmine’s grin could have lit the room. “Anyone I know?”

Of course she knew who, but there was no way I’d give her the satisfaction of saying. “I don’t want to tell you. Nothing might actually come of this, and I don’t think I could handle your teasing if it doesn’t.” I turned to her and took her hand. “I love you like a sister, you know that. But things have been a bit weird since Great Glenna died. I’ve been, I don’t know, soul searching or something. I decided that you were right and I needed to get out there and try a few things. So that’s what I’m doing.”

Jasmine squeezed my hand in return. “I know I’m a jerk at times. I don’t mean anything by it. I worry that you keep yourself too closed off sometimes. When you brought those sex cards in last week I saw something in you kind of spark. Or something. That sounds stupid. I’m just happy to see you getting out there again.”

“Speaking of sparks, you and Nell. That was some serious eye-fucking going on when I came in.”

There was normally an edge to Jasmine and everything she did. But when I mentioned Nell, that edge melted away and every muscle in her body seemed to soften. “Yeah, Nell. I’m pretty certain that I love her.”

“I’m really excited for you.” For as long as I’d known her, when Jasmine was with Nell it was the happiest I’d ever seen her.

“Okay, I’ll leave you alone about your mystery man. For now. But the moment things start to get interesting between you I expect to be brought up to speed. With diagrams if necessary. Got it?”

“Deal.”

“Let’s get to work then. You need to reschedule one of your interviews, by the way. Something about your ten o’clock student getting stuck at a resort in Cuba.”

I rolled my eyes. “Life’s so rough.”

Jasmine’s third degree was enough of a deterrent that I’d forgotten my embarrassment about Eric seeing me this morning. I’d chanced a look in the small locker mirror that I had tucked away in my drawer once I’d gotten Jasmine turned onto other topics.

Holy shit I was horrid. Like
horribad,
horrid. Why Eric had wanted me to keep my meeting with him was beyond me. If his interest was solely in the cards, then maybe.

But I couldn’t help but hope that he wanted more than that. More from me.

The day became a weird mix of fast and incredibly slow leading up to the barbecue. Meetings and interviews would eat the clock only to be chased by prolonged periods of the second hand crawling at a snail’s pace when I had nothing to do. Jasmine was oblivious to my struggles, chatting away about summer students, professors, and changing course codes.

God, this was insane.
I
was insane for wanting to go down this road in the first place. But the wheels had been set in motion and, like everything else in my life, once I started down a path I had to see it to the conclusion.

Unlike the previous week, Jasmine stayed until three. I wanted to rush her out the door, but couldn’t. So I was forced to bide my time and wait. Finally, Jasmine’s computer dinged and a smile bloomed across her lips. “I think the rest of this can wait until next week.”

“Oh? Heading out?” I should have been excited, but instead a wave of nerves fluttered throughout my innards.

“Nell said that the registrar has gone for the day and she’s the last one in the office. Everyone else has already headed over to the party. I hate to see my wonderful girl all alone on a Friday afternoon.”

“That would be terrible.”

My excitement grew as Jasmine got her things together and headed out the door. It was still early enough in the day that there was lots of time for me to talk to Eric. I hadn’t seen him since my arrival this morning, but a quick glance down the hall told me that his door was closed. He must have left for the event as well.

Shit.

I’d half been hoping to catch him before he’d gone so we could have walked over together. Yeah, that was a bit preteen of me, but it would have been nice to gauge his mood, maybe get a feel for what he was thinking before we were thrust into a group.

Even after Jasmine was gone, I didn’t get the cards and head out to the party. There was nothing stopping me now, nothing holding me back. Instead of doing what I’d been dreaming about for days now, I sat in my chair and stared.

The cards were in my purse, waiting for me to free them, to bring them into the light of day. Eric and I might have a laugh over them. We’d share our thoughts over a beer and hamburger. There was no reason for me to wait, to procrastinate. No reason at all.

And yet I didn’t move.

Coward. I was a big, stupid coward.

Great Glenna’s voice, mixed with Jasmine’s, echoed in my head. I was being foolish. With a growl, I fished the cards out of the hiding spot. My palms were damp now, and I had to rub them on my skirt to dry them off so the moisture wouldn’t absorb into the paper.

Okay, I can do this.
My hair had dried from earlier and the braid was still looking mostly neat. I’d just have to put the cards in my pocket and then I could get Eric alone for a few minutes and show him . . .

Shit.

When I got dressed this morning I didn’t think of the practicality of wearing this particular skirt. I didn’t have any pockets to hide the cards. And while I could take my purse with me, it was heavy and awkward and not something anyone else would have. Well then.

I took them out of the bag and flipped the front card around. There, no one would be able to see what was written on them. I attached a paper clip to ensure they wouldn’t get loose and fly away. That was it then, I was all set.

Ignoring my nerves, I grabbed the cards and left to chase my adventure.

 

The crowd at the alumni building was surprisingly dense. This was the first big get-together of the year and people were all fresh from their holidays and excited to see one another. The smell of grilled hamburgers and buns mixed with the scent of charcoal. Laughter and talking overpowered the buzz of music playing from what must have been someone’s phone.

I should have brought my Bluetooth speaker, because that was going to get annoying.

“Glenna!”

I was super proud of myself that I didn’t groan, wail, or cry as Sasha marched toward me, a flimsy paper plate in hand and a Cheshire cat grin on her lips. Current president of the Social Committee, Sasha had this way of getting you to do things that you really didn’t want to do, and feel completely guilty about the whole thing in the process. She only talked to me when she wanted something.

I was so screwed.

“Hi, Sasha. The party looks great.”
Please don’t ask me to flip burgers. Please don’t ask me to flip—

“I know you just arrived, but can you take over from Rachelle? She needs to step out for a phone call for twenty minutes and you’re the only other person who I know won’t burn the hamburgers. All that practice you had as a student working fast food, I know you wouldn’t let it go to waste.” She actually batted her eyes at me.

No, I make more than minimum wage now!
“Sure, no problem. Same spot as last year?”

“Yes. You’re a doll.” And then she strode away.

My stomach growled as I walked past the table that held an array of salads on my way to the grill. Poor Rachelle was coughing as a plume of smoke blew in her face. “Dammit.”

“I heard you needed a backup.” I held out my hand for the spatula. “I’m here to save the day.”

I didn’t know Rachelle well, but I was more than aware of her problems at home. The look of relief was genuine. “You’re a saint. I have to call Matthew’s school. He’s gotten into a fight already.”

“Family always comes first. Go. I’ve got this.”

Any chance that I was going to be able to sneak away and talk to Eric was now officially gone. Not wanting to ruin my outfit, I grabbed a discarded apron and covered up before going down the line flipping the burgers. There weren’t any pockets in the apron either, so I had to settle for putting the cards on the table beside me.