3volve (10 page)

              Watching her walk away, I wonder if it’s ever possible to hide anything from kids. Do they realize how I’m struggling? Do they know I’ve been picking up double shifts? And how exactly do they come to that conclusion? She didn’t answer any of the obvious questions.

Now I know why they are reluctant to continue with the application process. They don’t think I can afford to pay for it.

              They don’t know there is a way we can pay for it. And it wouldn’t be frivolous spending either. But I would have to talk to someone I’ve been trying so hard to avoid.

Chapter 14

We picked up more than a painting on our trip. We picked up the missing element in our relationship. Spending time with Olive and Evey really solidified how differences aren’t always a bad thing in families. Plus, it doesn’t hurt when they meet a cute girl to show them what they’re missing about college life.

             
I hang our new painting over the couch in the living room. It’s hauntingly striking. You can’t tear yourself away too long before looking back at it.

              “Looks good here right?”

              “Yeah if you’re a tortured soul. Tsk tsk.” Jeremiah shakes his head in mock disapproval.

              “A
hot
tortured soul,” Jeremy laughs. And I smack both of them—rightfully so—upside the head.

              They both turn around rolling their eyes, and sit heavily on the couch. Propping their feet on the coffee table, they look at each other, wiggling their eyebrows and shrugging. Oh, boy, here we go. I kick them, wanting to be let in on their secret conversation.

Jeremy folds his hands. “We’ve decided we’re going to go for it: the school. We want it,” he tells me.

“Mom and Dad would be proud—” Jeremiah adds.

“—because they wanted us to go, but it’s more than that,” Jeremy finishes his sentence.

“But we also want to go for us. And also…” Jeremiah says solemnly.

“We don’t want you to have to sacrifice anything else. So, if we don’t get the scholarship, we won’t go,” Jeremy tells me. I can see regret in his eyes.

“You don’t have to worry about that, I’ll take care of it,” I say, thinking about how many more shifts I’ll have to pick up if we don’t get the scholarship.

“No. We won’t do it if we can’t afford it,” Jeremy says, standing his ground.

I ignore him, standing up to kneel between them. I pull them into a quick hug. “Oh, you guys are back! Ah, I didn’t break your twinness after all.” I smile and slap their shoulders, and they both laugh. “I’ll make the call right now!” I squeal, going into the living room to call Mrs. Pascal.

I take a deep breath and dial her number. She answers on the second ring, “Hello, this is Mrs. Pascal.”

I clear my throat; I didn’t expect her to answer. “Yes, hi, I’m sorry to call so late. This is Cristal Escobedo, I was calling about the application….”

“Yes, Ms. Escobedo, I’m glad to hear back from you. Have you decided?”

“We would like to follow through with the application process.”

“Great. Even if you aren’t approved for the scholarship?”

“Yes. They deserve a chance. I’m sure we can work a payment plan of sorts?” I ask, walking further away from the kitchen so they don’t hear.

“Of course. We can go over our payment plan if it comes to that, but we require a heavy first payment,” she cautions.

“I expect nothing less.”

“Let’s see.” She clicks her tongue, hitting her mouse as she looks in her calendar. “Are you available Monday at 10 a.m.?”

“Yes, I can do that,” I lie. I’ll have to call in sick, one day won’t hurt, and it’s for a good cause.

“Great. Of course we expect all three of you to show up, prompt and dressed accordingly.”

“Absolutely.”

“See you then, Ms. Escobedo. Goodbye,” she says curtly.

“Yes, ma’am. Bye,” I hang up.

My phones blurts out Chewbacca.

“Hey tell Charlie what’s taking so long! He promised to shoot hoops with us,” the boys call out from the other room.

I swipe down to see his message,
Can we meet up at our usual place? Lunch?

I reply,
Okay. I need to talk about something too.

             
I change my outfit at least five times. Then tell the boys I have errands to run before I run out the door.

There is a quiet mumbling in the store, so I don’t hear Charlie approach. I bump into the person in front of me when he places his hand on my elbow.

“Shoot, I’m so sorry,” I apologize to the man in line. He should seriously be more considerate about giving me notice. “You should wear a bell so I can hear you at all times.” I roll my eyes at him.

“Nah. That doesn’t sound appealing. You weren’t answering your phone,” he wags his phone in my face, “but you answered my text. Finally. I wanted to take you out to lunch.”

I try to focus on anything but his close proximity. This shouldn’t be awkward. “I’ve been busy buying all of this.” I lift up my recent purchases—purchases I’m glad I bought because at least I’m buying books instead of toys or a video game. Books are much less expensive and durable, besides they’re going to need these when they get in to that school.

“I can see that. Lucky bastards,” he laughs, “Don’t look now, but he is seriously checking you out,” Charlie nods his head to the cashier.

Pfft.
“He’s totally checking you out,” I reply.

The line starts to pick up and we’re next in line. I try to act normal—or as normal as I could with Charlie right beside me making goofy expressions. “I’ll have an iced coffee,” I say, gesturing to Charlie, “He’s paying.”

“Why do I always end up paying?” He pretends to be annoyed, “Especially since you’re all about independence. Gosh, what’s a guy to think? Also, this doesn’t count as lunch. I want to take you out to eat
food
,” he eyes my figure. I wrap my sweater around myself self-consciously. I know I’ve lost too much weight working two jobs.

“Fine,” I tell the barista, “I’ll take a blueberry muffin too,” then turn back to Charlie, “Now we’re having brunch.”

“You are insufferable.” Charlie shakes his head.

“Oh, but you love me so,” I instantly regret saying it as soon as the words leave my mouth. I grab the muffin in a hurry from the counter and walk over to a table.
Can you say any more awkward?

“Okay, then.” He pays and follows me to the table.

I sit awkwardly avoiding eye contact. “I’ve decided to go through with the settlement. I need the money for something important.”

“Is everything okay?” he asks concerned. “I’ll of course provide any assistance I can with the process.”

“I need the money for school. It was important to them before the accident.”

“I’ll let them know and when everything settles, I’m sure they will contact you.”

“Okay.”

“Well good, then.”

“So what’s the haps?” I ask him, trying to take away from my little outburst but also because my curiosity is getting the better of me.

“Paps?” he finishes with a smile, but it feels flat.

We both laugh for a moment, thinking of our shared memories, but then we stop, silence overtaking the moment.

Charlie is staring intently at me from across the table. This isn’t good.
What was I thinking, you can’t go back to being friends, not after you cross that line.

“Cris, there’s something I have to tell you.” He takes a sip of his coffee.

“Okay,” I say reluctantly, picking at my muffin, afraid of what’s going to follow.

“I have to leave for six months. We’re undergoing a startup overseas, so it’s going to take a lot of work. I opted to go.”

“Why would you do that?” I ask accusingly, my hurt welling up inside.

“What’s keeping me here?” he counters.

I look down, “I don’t know.” I bite my lip.

He sighs, “I think this is coming at a really good time. I need to get away, clear my head.”

“From what?”

“From everything. I need space.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning,”

“Tomorrow!” I scoff. “That’s so fast. You told Jeremy and Jeremiah you would be there for their first game together again. You promised.”

“I did, and I wouldn’t make a decision like this lightly. But I need to leave, you get that right?” he asks, hesitantly reaching for my hand but stopping. Instead, he passes a piece of paper across the table. “It’s my contact info, if you need anything.” Charlie’s face is pale, his once sunny disposition gone.

Even when he’s mad at me, he’s still making sure I’m taken care of. I hold on to the paper, concentrating on the blueberries, not wanting to look up. If I do, I know I’ll end up crying like some heartbroken teenager. I pick out the blueberries, one by one, delaying the inevitable.

“That’s it?” he asks, hurt.

“What?” I say a little too fast. I can feel his stance slink over, defeated, pushing the table faintly.

“Tell me not to go; tell me to stay here. Tell me this is all some misstep,” he pleads with me.

“I…can’t—” I finally look up at him. But he doesn’t wait for me to finish, he’s pushing his chair out, standing up.

“I hope you have a good holiday and the twins enjoy their presents,” he turns around to leave.

I watch him walk out of the store, crushed but resolved I made the right choice. I wouldn’t be good for him anyways. He should be out working and doing his thing. He can’t stay here because he feels sorry for me. No, I can’t be in a relationship with someone like that. And he would end up resenting me from keeping him from what he loved because he loves the freedom his job provides him.

              I get up, throwing away my pitted muffin in the trash.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The interview goes as smoothly as expected. I’ve never been the social butterfly, always resorting to the freeing effects of tequila and jello shots. But the boys, they were always so talkative, charming, and passionate.

They exhibit this coolness many people would kill to have. She seems impressed with them. How regardless of the past months’ events, have pulled through it all. I was worried she would see Jeremy’s poor grades and automatically throw him in another pile. But she doesn’t do that. She says she’s impressed by him.

              When we leave the interview I feel confident this will be their new school.

Chapter 15

Looking at them playing basketball, it feels right. That’s where they should be. How lucky are they, to know exactly what they want out of life at such a young age.

They are going to be fourteen, and before I know it, they are going to go away to college. What am I going to do with myself when that happens? When my baby brothers aren’t babies anymore? I wipe the tears forming in the corner of my eyes.

I still haven’t told the boys Charlie isn’t coming this weekend to see them play. And I’m hoping they won’t broach the subject.

It’s been two weeks since he left. Two weeks since he hasn’t called or messaged. Not like I was expecting him to call. But a small part of me was hoping he would.

Sniffling, I peel fresh oranges and lay out crackers for them when I see they’re about to come in. Man, I really have this cooking thing locked down.

              The boys run in from the backyard. And the kitchen is instantly filled with sweat and outdoor smell—gross. I feel like I need to hose them down outside before they come inside.

              I pick my head up and nod in their direction, “So…uh…you plan to take a shower right?”

              “Nah, we’re cool.” Jeremiah grabs two Gatorade’s and throws one to Jeremy.

              “So when is Charlie getting in?” Jeremy asks out of breath, opening his drink.

              “Soon. Soon,” I say, glancing up at the clock again. Irritated that time has decided to slow on the one day I wish it wouldn’t, I throw a towel at them.

“Dry off and take a shower, ya’ll rank,” I say, playfully scrunching my nose.

              “Oh we love you too!” Jeremy wipes his face and throws the towel at me. I jump back too fast for him and the towel lands on the floor.

              “But seriously though, up, up,” I point upstairs.

              They finish their drinks and each shoot them in the trash can, dragging their feet upstairs after grabbing the dish from the counter.

              I’m so glad they are finally playing basketball again for the team. Heck, I’m just glad they are outside, even if they are sweating up my kitchen. I smile at them bickering over who gets to use the shower first when the mailman drops off the mail in our slot.

              I walk over, crossing my fingers,
Please give me some good news
. I reach down and pick up three letters, searching for their school confirmation letter—that’s right, it
will
be a confirmation. Then I see it—the school emblem in the left hand corner.

              “Yes!” I rip open the first and second letters, frantically scanning the confirmation letter. They both were accepted! Ah, I’m so excited!

I open the last letter;
We regret to inform you that your request for financial aid has been denied.

             
I slouch down on the couch. After all my talk, I was really hoping they would get the scholarships. I lean back, the letter pressed against my face.

And I start sobbing, the kind of tears I’ve been holding back for weeks. They come out hard and stifled, wetting the rejection letter. I wipe my face with my sleeve. I thought it was finally getting better, but shit. I throw the soggy paper aside.

              Holding my face in my hands, I stare straight ahead when I see it—another letter.

What the heck, I can’t get worse news. I look at the address; it’s from my parents’ insurance company. I open it and read the letter. It’s about a settlement from a wrongful death case. Apparently a third-party lawyer notified them of the accident. Who told them about the accident?

              I keep reading. They want to set up a meeting to go over the terms of the claim.

It was probably Charlie. Of course it was him that set all this up. He
was
in charge of everything.

              I keep reading, they want to set up a meeting to go over the terms of the claim.

             
At least they send me letters telling me what’s finally going to happen. It’s only been months since the accident. It’s only been a few weeks since I found out all the important people in my life were lying to me about only the important stuff.

              Sure. It’s about time I get this letter.

Thinking of him, I can’t help but kick myself.

I fell, and you fell with me. Your expectations were grand, but mine were realistic. I cried, and you cried with me. I fake a smile and pretend. But your absence has grown. And my failures have been realized. So now I try, and you stop.

              “Sis, you okay?” Jeremiah hops back into the living room. Jumping from the last few steps like Charlie would do, or maybe it’s something he learned from them.

              “Of course! Like duh.” I stuff the letters into my purse. “Are you ready? It’s exciting! The last time I saw you two play together I think the terms, pee and wee were involved.” I laugh grabbing my keys.

              “A lot has changed since them. Watch I’ma crush it out there.” He rocks the ball back and forth against his palms. “Yo Jeremy, let’s go! Stop all your primping.”

              “I wasn’t primping. I was mentally preparing.” Jeremy rolls his eyes and slaps the ball out of Jeremiah’s hands.

              “You nervous? It is your first game back after your suspension.”

            
 
“Yeah, but it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing. I only missed a few games.”

              “Okay, okay. Ready?” I ask them. They both nod their head.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

              I always knew they were special, ever since they were little germs running around the backyard. But now, now I have the pleasure of seeing them in their element, playing basketball and being part of a team. They definitely didn’t get
that
from me, I’ve never been a team player.

              I’m proud of them. And I don’t feel the slightest bit jilted when they tell me they’re going out to eat with the team after winning. Who am I to keep them from celebrating?

              Having the house to myself has its perks. I get to walk around with a face mask, without having obnoxious remarks thrown at me. I can have a Jane the Virgin marathon and eat cheese covered everything. And I don’t have to worry about how I look, because it’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone. Anymore.