4 You Say Tomahto and I Say You’re Dead (2 page)

"Oh my God!" Spaz felt a giggle form in her belly. She tried to stop it, but it bubbled out. She opened her mouth and laughed—actually roared! She clung to Ollie and her knees buckled. Bean looked at her like she was flipping out. Ollie laughed along with her. Tears rolled down their faces. Spaz laughed like she'd never laughed in her life. She finally calmed down and wiped her face on her sleeve. Ollie dug in her purse for a tissue. She looked at Spaz and they howled again.

The door burst open and Nurse Williams poked her head inside. "Everything okay in here? I heard the racket and . . . .Oh, you just got an eye-full of the boyfriend's new 'do?" She straightened and grinned. "Yup, I did the same thing first time I saw all that purple stuff stickin' up all over. Heard it from the ER nurses he was quite a hit down in surgery too. That hair jammed up the clippers and they had to cut it off. Took 'em a while to realize he wasn't some cross-dressing sweet dude who got hisself popped by some pissed off john. They said that hair started melting when the clippers got hot and it smelled like someone had set Barbie on fire."

They laughed all over again. Nurse Williams checked Bean's vitals and left.

Bean laid a hand on Spaz's, chuckling until he hurt himself again. "I know I look like a freak, but they can't un-glue me until I'm out of here, or my hair grows long enough to cut off the wig." He covered his eyes with his good hand. "I'm so screwed."

Spaz gently pulled away. She patted his head and smiled. "You are way too weird, Beanie Boy. I don't know why I hang out with you."

Bean batted his eyes. "Told you I'd grow on you."

Spaz rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like mold." An idea popped into her mind. "Wait! I can help you with your hair problem." She dug around in her backpack until she found the purple beanie she'd made him wear when they'd first found Amy, dead in the alley.

Bean's eyes lit up. "My beanie! You brought my purple beanie." He snatched the beanie out of her hand. He tried to put it on, but pain knifed through him. "Ahhh! Damn."

"Slow down, Bean Pole. This is so not worth the pain." She took the beanie from him and gently pulled it over the chewed up wig. "There. Better than having your head look like you got run over by a random lawnmower from hell."

Bean smiled. He picked up a small mirror. "Sweet."

He put the mirror down. He laid a hand over Spaz's. "Thank you, my friend."

Totally embarrassed, Spaz laid his hand on his belly and patted it. She blew out a breath and changed the subject. "Hey, ya got some nice abs there, Beanie boy. There's more to you than meets the eye, Ryan-O'Sullivan." Saying his real name still felt weird on her lips.

"Thank you, Evie Danielson." Bean smiled as he watched her eyes grow big. He let her stew over her real name and turned to Ollie. "I'm sorry, glad you came, Ollie Uh, I missed group."

Ollie's eyes crinkled. "Good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor."

Spaz crossed her arms. "Hah! He only lost his marbles, the dumbass."

A voice came from the dark side of the room. "Better his marbles than something important."

A woman stood up from a chair across the room. Bean took Spaz's hand again. They watched as the woman quietly walked into the light. Spaz looked at her flaming red hair and green, green eyes. It was the woman from the lobby. The one who walked Spaz through the door! Oh my God. This must be Bean's mom. Spaz yanked her hand away from Bean. Bean sucked in a breath through his teeth.

Chapter 3

"Sorry." Spaz backed away from the bed. The woman smiled.

Wow.
Bean's mom was one of the most beautiful women she'd ever seen. She scooted behind Ollie, trying to look small.

She heard the woman speak.
Cripes. Even her voice is beautiful.

"Ollie, how nice of you to come. I didn't want to butt in on your laughter." Ollie moved aside. "And you must be Evie. We met down stairs. Ryan has told us about you."

Spaz watched the woman take her hand. She looked into her smiling eyes. "Eh—uh, sorry I almost got your son killed. Sorry I called him a dumbass. And an imbie. Uh, I'll go now."

Bean smiled. "She always does that."

His mother looked at him. "Does what?"

"Calls me a dumbass and then takes off."

Maureen O'Sullivan took Spaz by the hand. "Don't go. It's great to know Ryan has friends like you."

"N-Not like me, ma'am. I—I didn't mean to call him a dumbass, Really. I—"

"Why not? I call him a dumbass pretty often these days."

Spaz stopped pulling on her hand and stared wide-eyed at Bean's mom. "Mrs. O'Sullivan, don't you hate me for almost getting Bean uh, I mean Ryan killed?"

"He's alive, he's a hero, and he will recover. Plus he has a pretty girl visiting on a lovely day. What more could I ask?"

Bean rolled his eyes. "Geez, Mom."

Spaz tugged on her hand again. "But you don't understand."

"I think I do."

"You don't want me hanging around your son, Ma'am."

"Why would you say that?"

Bean struggled to sit up. "Mom, don't go there. Spaz, just shut up, Mom won't care."

Ollie put a hand on her shoulder. "Evie, no."

Spaz gave up the struggle. Her eyes burned. She looked at the floor. "'Cuz . . . I'm a ho."

"And I'm a chemist. Now does that clear the air? Calm down and come back in."

Maureen again took Spaz's hand. She drew her farther into the room. Spaz looked dazed, but didn't fight. "You don't care I was a—"

"Do I care Ollie is an ex-police officer, and a social worker, and a gardener, and what else is it you do, Ollie?"

"Probation Agent."

"Ah, yes, probation."

"But I'm a skank."

Bean held up a finger. "Uh, I'm a dumbass."

Maureen bent and kissed him on the forehead. "We know that, dear." She turned and pulled up a chair. Spaz sat. "You two visit. Ollie and I need a cup of coffee. Can we get you anything, Evie?"

Spaz blinked. She shook her head. Maureen linked her arm with Ollie. "Then we will see you later, bye." They turned and left.

Bean smiled at Spaz. She continued to stare at the closed door. Bean reached over and touched her hand. Spaz jumped.
"What!
I mean, what?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Is your mom always like that?"

"Like what?"

Spaz stared at him like he was from outer space. "Never mind."

"What?"

"No wonder you're the way you are. Is she for real?"

"About as real as they come. Don't let her fool you. She can kick ass with the best of them."

"Yeah, like Bambi whoopin' up on Thumper, right?"

"Uh, not exactly. More like a smiling Doberman. You think everything is okay, but when you turn to leave she bites you in the butt."

Bean laughed. Spaz laughed with him. A look of pain crossed his face. He grabbed his chest. "Ow, damn. Not really, ow—but she's got a mean streak a mile wide. Just, uh, ask her students. Those big bad jock straps whimper when she walks into class."

"You lie."

"I never lie."

The sound of large feet slapping on the tile floor outside the door made them both turn. A quiet knock sounded, followed by a quiet, "Mrs. O'Sullivan?"

Bean's eyes twinkled. He whispered, "Watch this." He smiled at Spaz and held a finger to his lips. "Uh, Mrs. O'Sullivan is not here."

"Thank God. Go on, Tank. Get in there."

Spaz smiled when she heard someone else say, "Yo dude, just drop the flowers and let's beat feet before she comes back."

"You wimpin' out on us, Punt? Just shut up. We lost the bet so we gotta pay up. Lean Mean Maureen ain't even here, so we're safe. Come on, let's do it."

Two sharp knocks on the door and it swung in. Spaz stood looking at the three biggest monster men she'd ever seen. Bean grinned from ear to ear. "Hey, guys."

The one in front looked around the room. "Hey, Ryan, we brought you these."

He held out his hand and Bean took the smashed flowers. "Thank you very much. You guys didn't have to come all the way up here."

The second beast held out a crumpled card. "We wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean, you're one stand-up dude, man. I mean, you took one for a friend."

"You're a kick-ass sonofabitch, man."

"Dude, you are . . . Chuck Norris!"

The other guys nodded and mumbled. Bean turned pink. "Thanks, guys. I'm glad you came up. My mom should be back in a minute if you want to wait—"

They began backing up. "Naw, man, no. We gotta bail before the Wicked Buh-Witch of the West comes back—"

"Come on, guys, she's not that bad."

"What are you smokin', Boy Wonder? Your momma is one scary-assed bitch."

Bean shrugged. "I guess she has her moments."

A quiet voice from the hall drifted over the stunned crowd. "Did I hear my name? Oh, hello, boys. How nice of you to come up." Maureen and Ollie stepped around the beasts into the room. "I forgot my wallet." She walked to her chair and picked up her small black wallet. She sent Spaz and Bean a secret smile.

The beasts huddled inside the door. "Aw crap, now we're screwed."

"Fubar."

"Train wreck."

"Shut up, Elmore."

"Stick a fork in it."

Bean spoke up. "Mom, the guys brought me flowers and a card." Maureen stepped forward. The guys shuffled back. Maureen smiled a sly little smile and stepped closer. They stepped back again. Maureen leaned forward. They leaned back. She leaned back and they straightened.

"Thank you for coming up, gentlemen."

The beast named Tank tried to get out the door. "That's okay, Ms. O. We just wanted to tell Ryan he did a good thing even though he got shot. It's an awesome dude who'd take a bullet protecting a friend."

They looked at Spaz. She ducked her head. "Yeah, I'm the one he got shot over."

Tank grabbed her hand and about shook her arm off. "You must be a hell of a chick, Dude-ette. Most guys wouldn't do what Ryan did."

Spaz pulled her hand out of the crushing grip. "You mean most guys with a brain."

They all chuckled and Maureen cleared her throat.

They scrambled for footing. Tank patted Bean on the head. They fell over each other trying to be the first one out the door.

"Oh, boys?"

The group froze. They slowly turned back.

"Don't forget the quiz on heavy metals tomorrow. This little visit will not guarantee you an 'A'."

Someone in the back groaned. Tank looked at his watch. "Oh look. Time to go. I gotta be over at the tomato farm before noon. Two workers quit or something, so I got a lot of overtime. Plus, you'd think with the big boss in jail they'd have shut down even for a day. But
nooo
. Not the Hunnicuts. Business as usual, that's Big Frankie."

They started backing out of the room. Spaz jumped in front of Tank.

"Wait! Are you talking about
I Say Tomato, You Say Tomahto
, The hydroponic tomato farm on Highway P?"

Bean looked confused. "Hydro what?"

She shushed him "You're high, Bean. I'll tell you in a minute." She turned to Tank. "You work for Franklin Hunnicut? I didn't know he owned the tomato farm."

Tank nodded. "Yeah, it's kind of weird growing tomatoes without using dirt, but yeah, I load trucks, keep inventory of the chemicals, kind of all around go-fer guy. But now I gotta answer phones and run the farmer's market once a week."

Spaz smiled a slow, sexy smile that made the big guy gulp. She stepped close to him. "I always wanted to see how growing tomatoes in water worked. Think maybe sometime you could . . . " she blinked slowly, "show me around?"

Bean cleared his throat. Spaz ignored him. She gently laid a hand on Tank's arm. He turned red. He ran a hand over his face. "Hell yeah! I-I mean sure, any time."

Someone shoved a pen and a ripped napkin forward. Tank grabbed them and Spaz scribbled her cell phone number on the napkin. "Thanks, Tank. Bye now."

The boys nodded and tumbled into the hall. They sounded like a thundering herd heading for the elevators.

Maureen smiled. "I saw them pile out of the elevators and head this way. My, my. The things one learns about oneself when eaves dropping on her students. One of them likes me—I'll have to work on that." Maureen and Ollie laughed like schoolgirls and left.

Chapter 4

The door closed and Bean jumped all over Spaz. "Just what were you thinking, giving that idiot your number?"

Spaz shrugged. "I'll give my number to anyone I want to. It's none of your business, Bean Head."

"It is if you're going off to check out the tomato place for clues to a murder."

She held a hand up. "Stop it. Now. Just shut up a minute. I'm
not
going to get in trouble, or get hurt. I just think we need to run this by the others , that's all."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Cross my heart and hope to—"

He grabbed her arm. "Don't say it."

She took his hand. "Okay. Hey, I wonder what Ollie and your Mom are up to."

Bean smiled and ran a thumb over her knuckles. Spaz jumped and Bean ignored her. "I don't know. You know, I think Ollie reminds Mom of Grandma O'Connor. She died last fall. So it's like getting motherly advice from someone who understands where you're coming from. Get it?"

Spaz was thoughtful. "Yeah, I do get it. I get it 'cuz I always pretended I had a mom like Ollie who would talk to me, and hug me, and hang my art on the fridge like my friends. Ollie has filled that need."

"Oh, was that your finger painting I saw on her fridge?"

"Shut up, moron. You know what I mean." She smiled and she squeezed his hand.

"I know." They were both quiet for a moment. Bean cleared his throat. "Hey, does this mean we're friends yet?" He batted his eyes and smiled like some goofy freak.

Spaz dropped his hand. "Don't press your luck, Bean Dip."

Bean sighed and turned his head.

Oops, I must have hurt his feelings
. Spaz felt rotten. "Yo, Beaner. Are you for real? Of course we're friends, you idiot. I was just kidding, man. What you did—you jumped in front of a
bullet
for cripes sake! Don't be a—"