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Authors: Daniele Bolelli
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BOOK: 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know: Religion
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Bottom line, you need to appear exciting, and sound believable when you promise your followers that their miserable existences will be filled with miracles. Being a little crazy can also help as long as you can spin your insanity as a form of divine enlightenment that only
seems
crazy to the unenlightened masses. Since most followers, by definition, consider themselves unenlightened, you have a decent shot at selling this bullshit to them.
seems
crazy to the unenlightened masses. Since most followers, by definition, consider themselves unenlightened, you have a decent shot at selling this bullshit to them.
Oh, yes … bullshit. I almost forgot. Having a black belt in bullshit is probably the most important requirement of all. No matter how wild your claims, and how reality disproves them, you can be shielded by your great skill in bullshitting. Anything can be rationalized. Anything can be spun to your advantage, including failed promises and prophecies. Hell … Christianity began with the expectation that the world would end within a few years, and look how far it has gotten … You need to have an answer to every objection, and seem so sure of yourself as to make it appear that anyone not seeing the truth of your answers is obviously a moron. Since most people don't like being considered morons, they may second-guess their initial opposition, particularly if you have already recruited a few diehard followers on your side. There's strength in numbers. Mob mentality rules. The greater the number of people swallowing your bullshit as if it were gold, the greater the self-confidence required by anyone who wants to question you. “
It doesn't seem right
”
—those on the fence may think—
“
but can I really be the only one who sees this
?
Can all these people really be wrong
?” Once you get them thinking this way, expect them to be your followers before the day is over.
It doesn't seem right
”
—those on the fence may think—
“
but can I really be the only one who sees this
?
Can all these people really be wrong
?” Once you get them thinking this way, expect them to be your followers before the day is over.
Being intelligent is not a strict prerequisite but it helps. Alternatively, you just need to find followers who are significantly dumber than you, which will make your job of manipulating them much easier. In either case, foster psychological dependency and use your followers’ insecurities to your benefit (incidentally, this is something that happens on a regular basis within most major organized religions, so remember you have lots of competition).
Which religion you pick is not too important. You can either argue that your message is the true version and fulfillment of an already popular religion, or you can start your own thing from scratch. There are advantages and disadvantages
in each. But regardless of what you choose, you need to enlist God on your side. You can't be too moderate here. You are either God's ultimate prophet, or God Himself. Jim Jones (of Jonestown Massacre fame) proclaimed he was the reincarnation of Jesus, Gandhi, Buddha and Lenin. David Koresh more moderately only claimed to be the second coming of Jesus. And Da Free John would simply say he was “the living truth, the way of salvation, and the Eternal Master of Men.” (
Mmmhhh
… I wonder if this is what he put on his business card ….) It is a lot easier to convince people to part with their cash and spouses if they feel it's God who is asking for them.
in each. But regardless of what you choose, you need to enlist God on your side. You can't be too moderate here. You are either God's ultimate prophet, or God Himself. Jim Jones (of Jonestown Massacre fame) proclaimed he was the reincarnation of Jesus, Gandhi, Buddha and Lenin. David Koresh more moderately only claimed to be the second coming of Jesus. And Da Free John would simply say he was “the living truth, the way of salvation, and the Eternal Master of Men.” (
Mmmhhh
… I wonder if this is what he put on his business card ….) It is a lot easier to convince people to part with their cash and spouses if they feel it's God who is asking for them.
Coming up with a flamboyant name may help by making you sound more exotic and out there, but it could also backfire, depending on your audience, so be careful (were there really people who took seriously a dude who called himself
Da Free John
?!?)
Da Free John
?!?)
Last, but not least, it may be a good idea to create a sense of urgency. I strongly recommend predicting some cosmic apocalypse about to consume the world (except for your followers, of course) or coming up with a horrible conspiracy by some evil enemy out to get you (anyone who sounds powerful—from the devil to the U.S. government—would do). Nothing brings people together and make them more fanatical than facing some common threat.
If you follow the previous steps and play your cards right, the sky is the limit. You want multiple wives? Done. Your own private island in Fiji? No problem. Just make sure you don't run out of bullshit when some of your followers realize you have been playing them all along. Many major religions have succeeded at this, so it can be done.
28 HEIL JESUS!Here's today's quiz: who said that the government should regard “Christianity as the foundation of our national morality, and the family as the basis of national life”? Saint Paul? The pope? Some evangelical Christian leader? Not exactly. Try Adolf Hitler …
Popular wisdom tells us that Nazism has nothing to do with religion: it was born from a purely secular worldview. If any connection with religion is made at all, it is typically to some weird reinvented form of Nordic paganism, but never to Christianity. Even though there are bits of truths in this, reality is much more complex than one would expect.
Getting inside Hitler's head is obviously a scary proposition and … let's face it … it's impossible since the guy is dead. There really is no way to know for sure what he thought. But his public track record reveals quite a few
disturbing facts. Besides the detail that he grew up Catholic and at least nominally he remained Catholic until the end of his life, in his writings and speeches he paid homage to Christianity over and over again with multiple references to “eternal providence” and to the “creator of the universe.” He declared that Protestantism and Catholicism were “essential to the soul of the German people.” He added, “We hold the spiritual forces of Christianity to be indispensable elements in the moral uplift of most of the German people.” And he referred to Jesus as the “one true God” and his “Lord and Savior.” In his interpretation, Jesus was a great fighter who opposed the Jewish hierarchy. And Hitler's own job was to finish what Jesus had started (Mel Gibson probably feels the same way, but this is another story …). Granted that many Christians may have some issues with Hitler's take on Christianity, but still ….
disturbing facts. Besides the detail that he grew up Catholic and at least nominally he remained Catholic until the end of his life, in his writings and speeches he paid homage to Christianity over and over again with multiple references to “eternal providence” and to the “creator of the universe.” He declared that Protestantism and Catholicism were “essential to the soul of the German people.” He added, “We hold the spiritual forces of Christianity to be indispensable elements in the moral uplift of most of the German people.” And he referred to Jesus as the “one true God” and his “Lord and Savior.” In his interpretation, Jesus was a great fighter who opposed the Jewish hierarchy. And Hitler's own job was to finish what Jesus had started (Mel Gibson probably feels the same way, but this is another story …). Granted that many Christians may have some issues with Hitler's take on Christianity, but still ….
In any case, without the assist served by nearly 2,000 years of anti-Semitic Christian theology—both Catholic and Protestant—the Final Solution would have been impossible to pull off. The genocide bandwagon would simply not have recruited enough support.
If the Church was secretly opposed to Nazism—as many people say—than they were very good at hiding it. Already in the late 1920s, the pope had struck some deals with fascist regimes across Europe. For example, in
exchange for having Mussolini name Catholicism as the only official religion of the state, and give them monopoly over issues of birth, death, marriage and education, the pope had encouraged Catholics to support Italian fascism—even going so far as calling Mussolini “a man sent by Providence.” In a similar vein, the Church ended up supporting to varying degrees fascist movements in Spain, Portugal and Croatia. Graduating to making friends with the Nazis was the next logical progression. In the 1933 Concordat, the Church agreed to dismantle a German Catholic party to reduce political competition for Hitler. Both Protestant and Catholic groups regularly staged celebrations for Hitler's birthday. And to add a Catholic cherry to the Nazi cake, a German archbishop went so far as to officially bless the Fuhrer.
exchange for having Mussolini name Catholicism as the only official religion of the state, and give them monopoly over issues of birth, death, marriage and education, the pope had encouraged Catholics to support Italian fascism—even going so far as calling Mussolini “a man sent by Providence.” In a similar vein, the Church ended up supporting to varying degrees fascist movements in Spain, Portugal and Croatia. Graduating to making friends with the Nazis was the next logical progression. In the 1933 Concordat, the Church agreed to dismantle a German Catholic party to reduce political competition for Hitler. Both Protestant and Catholic groups regularly staged celebrations for Hitler's birthday. And to add a Catholic cherry to the Nazi cake, a German archbishop went so far as to officially bless the Fuhrer.
But wait … didn't Pope Pius XII harshly condemn Nazism? Yes … with great bravery he did this
after
Nazism had been defeated. While it was still powerful, Pius XII had preferred silence. Long before most everyone else knew, this pope had seen hard evidence that genocide against Jews was taking place. By the latter years of the war, Jews were rounded up by
SS
soldiers literally
within sight of the pope's windows. And yet he never even threatened to excommunicate the thousands of
SS
soldiers who were practicing Catholics. Speaking out against the Holocaust may have helped more people realize that the rumors were indeed true, and pushed Western nations to make it easier for Jews to migrate. But Pius XII later said he was afraid speaking out might make things worse … which brings up the obvious question: at what point during the Holocaust did the pope think things were going well? The genocide machine was already working at maximum capacity killing over 6,000 Jews a day. How exactly could have things been worse?
after
Nazism had been defeated. While it was still powerful, Pius XII had preferred silence. Long before most everyone else knew, this pope had seen hard evidence that genocide against Jews was taking place. By the latter years of the war, Jews were rounded up by
SS
soldiers literally
within sight of the pope's windows. And yet he never even threatened to excommunicate the thousands of
SS
soldiers who were practicing Catholics. Speaking out against the Holocaust may have helped more people realize that the rumors were indeed true, and pushed Western nations to make it easier for Jews to migrate. But Pius XII later said he was afraid speaking out might make things worse … which brings up the obvious question: at what point during the Holocaust did the pope think things were going well? The genocide machine was already working at maximum capacity killing over 6,000 Jews a day. How exactly could have things been worse?
Some argue Hitler's professions of faith are not to be believed since supposedly in his private statements he didn't seem too fond of Christianity. And maybe they are right … but the outright dismissing of any connection between Nazism and Christianity is just a bit over-simplistic.
29 BUDDHIST FUNDAMENTALISM?!?It would seem like a safe bet to assume Buddhism should be immune to sudden attacks of rabid fundamentalism. Buddha, after all, was the first to state that people shouldn't get overly hung up on his teachings. In the parable of the raft, Buddha had argued his teachings were no different than a raft whose purpose is to carry one across a river. Once you have made your
crossing, it doesn't do anybody any good to keep holding on to the raft for the rest of your life, or to worship it as a sacred icon. The raft is just a means to an end—something to carry you from place A to place B. And perhaps you don't even have to use the damn raft in the first place. Maybe you can figure out another way to reach your destination.
crossing, it doesn't do anybody any good to keep holding on to the raft for the rest of your life, or to worship it as a sacred icon. The raft is just a means to an end—something to carry you from place A to place B. And perhaps you don't even have to use the damn raft in the first place. Maybe you can figure out another way to reach your destination.
Given this unambiguous, all-out attack on dogma, it would seem like fundamentalism could not possibly find any space within Buddhism where to lay its eggs. And, for the most part, this has been the case. But fundamentalism is a crafty beast. And the words and intentions of a founder sometimes have preciously little to do with the religions named after them. Jesus's endless tirades against accumulation of wealth and those in favor of loving one's enemies didn't prevent much of Christianity from becoming infatuated with wealth and war. So, should we really be that surprised to catch Buddhism secretly making out with fundamentalism?
In the 1200s, a young Japanese monk named Zennichimaro grew disillusioned with the forms of Buddhism to which he was exposed, and decided most of the words attributed to Buddha were worthless junk. Only a single composition, the
Lotus Sutra
, was true and worthy of being revered. After changing his name to Nichiren, he went on the attack. All forms of Buddhism other than his own—he proclaimed—were nothing but heresy. And the only sensible thing to
do in the face of heresy was to squash it—with violence, if necessary.
Lotus Sutra
, was true and worthy of being revered. After changing his name to Nichiren, he went on the attack. All forms of Buddhism other than his own—he proclaimed—were nothing but heresy. And the only sensible thing to
do in the face of heresy was to squash it—with violence, if necessary.
What happened to the parable of the raft? What about Buddhist nonviolence? Nichiren was clearly not a big fan of these concepts. Killing heretics—according to him—was not murder, but self-defense against the poisoning of Buddha's teachings. Over and over, he petitioned military rulers inviting them to impose throughout the land the “only true and correct form of Buddhism”—which is to say, his own. All others should be eliminated. When authorities showed themselves less than enthusiastic about heeding his call, he tried his hand at scare tactics by predicting that failure to impose his views as a state religion would result in famine and war. When even the fear card didn't deliver the desired results, he proclaimed he was the reincarnation of a bodhisatva, or, alternatively, of Buddha himself. And yet, local authorities remained unimpressed. They actually quickly grew annoyed with Nichiren and his fundamentalist dreams, and banished him on a couple of occasions. As a result, Nichiren's brand of Buddhist fundamentalism never had the muscle to back up its theology. But what if Nichiren had been able to find a receptive ear among a particularly powerful warlord? What if the powers that be had actually taken him seriously and followed his theocratic advice? Then, perhaps, Buddhism may have followed the fashion trends of Western religions, and witch hunts and inquisitions would have been launched in the name of Buddha.
BOOK: 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know: Religion
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