90 Days (Prairie Town Book 2) (16 page)

     It was nice to just sit there and have a conversation about anything and everything.  They seemed to learn so much about each other in such a short amount of time.  Even though they talked on the phone often when he lived far away, it was the usual friendly pleasantries and her hinting around to the fact she wanted them to move to Prairie Town.

     Sometimes she wasn’t sure who wanted him and Ags to move closer more—her, or Lydia?

     While sitting in his cramped car, she learned that his favorite color was blue; hers was purple.  She told him about how her favorite food was Mexican; he revealed to her that he’d eat almost anything. They laughed at corny jokes and random memories from their awkward adolescence, but then things got a little too real for her.

     “I liked school, sometimes.” He gazed at her thoughtfully.  “But there were times when all I wanted to do was walk away.  I really struggled just to graduate.”

     “Me, too.” She admitted, huddling in her hoodie.  “There was…stuff that happened and it made things really hard for me.  I wasn’t sure if graduation would actually be in the cards for me or not.”

    “Do you mind if I ask what happened?”

    
Oh, crap.
  Her shoulders sank and she stared at the dashboard.  Why did she have to open her big mouth?

     “Hey.  Look,”—his hand fell against her knee and she watched his fingers dig into the fabric of her jeans gently; a comforting squeeze—“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Laney.  I’m probably too nosy for my own good.” He flashed her that resilient, heart-stopping smile of his, the one that showed off his dimple, and her pulse quickened.  “I’m just trying to learn more about you is all.  You can tell me to shut up at any time.”

     “I don’t want you to shut up.” She returned his smile.  “I guess I’m just a little afraid of changing whatever opinion you may already have about me.”

     “I doubt anything you say would ever change that.” He promised, the light from the stereo causing his eyes to sparkle. 

     Oh, lord.  Her body was responding in terrible ways and all he was doing was breathing!

    
Should I tell him?

     No. No, she couldn’t possibly tell him.  Letting Benji know that part of her past just wasn’t going to happen.  What if he judged her?

    
He promised nothing I say will ever change that.

     But she wasn’t sure she believed that.  Even Lydia was acting different since she’d told her.  Though her sister blamed her stress on the wedding, Laney was fairly certain it was because of her.

     “You know, one time when I was fifteen,”—he broke through her thoughts—“I stuck a dead fly in my teacher’s coffee.”

     “What?” She laughed, staring at him in bewilderment.

     “I’m not proud of it.” He shrugged.  “But she made me go into the girl’s locker room to change and I’d just come out that I was transgender.”

     “Oh, Benji…”

     “It’s okay.” His fingers squeezed her knee again and it was only then she realized he’d never moved his hand in the first place.  A shiver of excitement raced up her spine.  “It was a nightmare changing in front of them because they all asked questions and they all stared at me.  I
hated
having breasts and back then all I could do was bind them down…”

     She tried to imagine Benji as a teenager.  He was probably so cute, but so scared.  What an awful teacher.

     “It wasn’t like a scene from
Carrie
or anything, but it still sucked.  I didn’t want to take my clothes off in front of them and I could tell they were uncomfortable, too.  Mrs. Pentograph had a fucked up view on life, I think.”

     “What a bitch.” She muttered, feeling upset with a woman she’d never known—and never would.  It was simply the fact she’d hurt Benji.

     “She was definitely a bitch.  But hey—she drank that fly and didn’t even know it was in there.  I got a little satisfaction from it.  Of course now I feel bad about it because it’s gross when you think about it, but it made me happy at the time.”

     “She deserved it.”

     “Yeah, she did.  I hate that kids like me today are still forced to use a bathroom they don’t want to.  Did you know that transgirls still get harassed when they try to use the women’s dressing rooms in stores?”

     “No…” Her mind instantly floated back to Lydia.  Did Lydia have those issues, too?

     “Yeah.  It’s difficult for trans people to be accepted as, well, regular people.  Society views us as weirdos… freaks of nature, but the truth is, we’re just normal people, Laney.  We just want to be accepted.  Why is it such a big deal letting us use the dressing rooms we want?  Letting us take a piss in the bathroom we identify with?  It’s not fair. It fucking sucks.”

     “I’m so sorry.”

     “You don’t need to be sorry, Laney.  You’re not like those assholes.  I mean… you look at me and I don’t feel like you’re wondering, ‘why is this fool pretending to be someone else?’”

     “People have actually asked you that before?” Her blood began to boil.

     “Of course they have.  Life for people like me isn’t easy, beautiful. Sometimes it sucks.  People out there… they think that if you’re born with this part or that part then you should act like you own this part or that part.  But that’s not how it works.  Not in here,” he pointed to his head, “and definitely not in here.” He placed his hand over his heart.  “Us, as human beings, we were never meant to be so simple.  Hell, if that’s the case, then why did whoever created us give us the ability to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex
or
the same sex?  Or both sexes, if that’s what you’re into.”

     She was fascinated with the words coming from him.  It was as if Benji was pouring his heart and soul out to her and she clung to every syllable as he spoke with his hands, so passionately and so fiercely.

     “Why would we be able to think so much, and feel so much, and do so much, if we were only supposed to be as mundane and boring as society wants us? Why give us the medical knowledge that allows a man to become a woman if he wants to?  Why make it possible for a woman to go into a doctor’s office and come out no longer burdened with her period, something she never asked for in the first place?  Laney, you have no idea how incredible it was for me to realize I could finally become the person I always felt I was.”

     He searched her eyes as his own softened and a small smile played at the corner of his mouth.  “You don’t know what hell it was for me when my parents tried to trap me in an imposter’s body.  It wasn’t real to me.  I never would have been happy.  And there are so many,”—his voice became teary—“so many who are still stuck, no matter how much progress they’ve made because there are people who believe we’re sick and crazy.  To them, we’re ‘it’ or ‘thing’.  We may never be accepted by them, Laney.”

     “That’s really not fair.” She sniffled, quickly knuckling away a tear.  The thought of her sister going through such discrimination and hate; to think of Benji and Ags suffering through the taunting and teasing and bullying—it was all becoming too much.

    
And here I thought my life was bad enough to end.
  Her stomach churned. 
I never had it half as bad as they did.

     “Laney…” Benji’s warm hands cupped her face and he frowned.  “Why are you crying?”

     “I’m sorry.” She whispered, looking upwards in an attempt to stop her tears.  “I don’t mean to.  It’s just…it’s awful, Benji.  To know people are still stupid and narrow-minded.  You can’t even use the proper bathroom?” She lowered her head and began to cry, hard and embarrassingly loud.

     His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her closer, shushing her gently as his lips ghosted over the shell of her earlobe.

     “It’s all right, Laney.  I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you cry.  Please don’t cry.”

     “I don’t mean to.”  God, she hated her emotions.  She hated that she cried over everything these days, but knowing the hell people like Benji—people like her sister—had to go through… it was simply too much.

     What could she do to make it better for them?

----------

Benji

     The last thing he’d wanted to do was make her cry.  Hearing Laney’s soft hiccups and quiet sniffles, just broke his heart.  She was too beautiful, too sweet.  A woman like Laney never needed to cry.

    
Yet I fucked that up.
  He thought, tightening his arms around her as he tried to comfort her.

     Had he known talking about his past or bringing up the facts of reality would upset her this much, he would have kept his big mouth shut. 

     “B-Benji?”

     “Yeah?”

     “When I was younger, I really hated my hair.” She confessed, pulling back to peer at him.  Her beautiful eyes glittered with tears and all he wanted to do was wipe them all away, so he did.  As his fingertips slowly traced beneath her eyes, she continued talking in a trembling voice.  “I purposefully put gum in it so my mother had to cut it off.”

     “Your hair is beautiful.” He murmured, seizing the opportunity to run his fingers through her thick, soft tresses.  “You’re beautiful.”

     Her smile broadened and he felt a glimmer of hope; he could make her happy.  He could take away the sadness clouding her days.

     “Laney?”

     “Yes?”

     He licked his lips and carefully moved his hand to the back of her head.  Their gazes locked and he swallowed hard.

     Now or never.

     He could see the question in her eyes, but what he needed was an answer.

     “Can I kiss you?”

     “Yes.” She replied breathlessly.

     He leaned in and claimed her mouth with his, giving her such a glorious kiss that he swore he could hear angels singing.  It was the kind of kiss he’d only read about in corny romance novels when he was younger—and bored.  It was the kind of kiss that won every award from every event in the movie industry.  This was the kind of kiss everybody dreamed of, but very few ever experienced.

     Now it was his, and it tasted like cinnamon lip gloss.

     Laney’s lips moved fluidly against his and as the seconds passed, she became eager for more.

     He’d give her as much as she wanted.

     Opening his mouth to her, he felt her tongue slide forward, timidly tasting him—just like at the bowling alley.

     At least they didn’t have an audience this time.

     “Benji.” She whispered against his lips when the kiss ended.

     “I’ve wanted that for a really long time.” He confessed.  “Since the moment I first laid eyes on you, Laney.”

     “Really?”

     “Really.” He slid his thumb over her bottom lip and smiled when she kissed the tip, his heart swelling with happiness.

     “I’m glad to know that.” Her lashes touched against her cheeks as she closed her eyes and leaned upwards to kiss him again.

     He happily reciprocated.

     But then a thought struck him, something that always had to be out in the open when it came to anything involving his feelings. 

     “Laney.”

     “W-what?” She asked worriedly.  “Should I not have done that?”

     “No.  No,” he laughed.  “Please do that whenever you want to.  Anytime.  Anywhere.  I don’t care.”

     “Oh.  Okay.” She blushed and looked away bashfully, undoubtedly biting on her bottom lip.

     “Laney.” His fingers hooked beneath her chin and he guided her gaze back to his.  “Before anything else happens between us…I mean,
if
anything else happens…I need to know how you feel about this.”

     “What do you mean?  I’m pretty sure me slipping you the tongue states how I feel about it.  Pretty strongly, actually.”

     “No, I get that.” He laughed.  “I just mean… about me, I guess?  It’s okay if you don’t really want this.”

    
“Benji.”

     “—I don’t exactly have the equipment you’re used to and even if I am able to afford bottom surgery one day it’ll be for—”

     “Benji.”

    “—I’d really understand if this is some sort of vulnerable moment thing or something, and—”

     She silenced him with another kiss.  It was hungrier this time, and the demeanor of their lip-lock changed from sweet and tender to fiery and soul consuming.

     “I don’t care.” Laney panted against his mouth.  “You’re you.  That’s all that matters to me.”

     Smiling against her lips, he accepted her response and kissed her again.

     “God, I love how you kiss.” Laney panted.  They broke away from one another again and she leaned back in her seat, pushing some hair away from her face as she tried to catch her breath. 

     Benji couldn’t help but to laugh when he realized his windows were completely fogged over. And why wouldn’t they be?

    
It’s getting hot in here.
  He thought in amusement, glancing at Laney.