A Beautiful Lie (The Camaraes) (100 page)

“
Thanks, Ewan,
”
Muira sighed sarcastically. 
“
That
’
s just what I wanted to hear.
”

After Ewan left Muira found herself wandering down to the stables.  She hadn
’
t had the chance to ride in ages, and the pretty mare the Lachlan had bought for her when he was still trying to regain a place in her good graces was probably impatient for some much needed exercise.  Besides, a good ride would hopefully give Muira the chance to blow the cobwebs and confusion from her own mind.  At least, that was what she was hoping for
…

She waited in the castle courtyard while the groom saddled her mount, trying to stop her thoughts becoming too depressed.  What right did she have, after all, to feel gloomy and miserable when it was Tavish who was facing the gallows?  Anything that she was feeling had to pale into feeble insignificance next to the fear that she imagined consumed him. 

Sighing heavily to herself, Muira didn
’
t even notice when the groom arrived with her mare.  He gave a gentle little cough and Muira came to her senses, apologising quickly and then allowing the young man to help her up into the saddle.

“
Off for a ride?
”
called a voice that Muira knew well.  She smiled tentatively and nodded as Lachlan appeared from out of one of the adjacent buildings.  Her husband sighed wistfully, and glanced out of the castle gates. 
“
I wish I could join you,
”
he declared earnestly, which earned him a stern sounding cough from the elderly gentleman who was following in his wake.

“
But duty calls?
”
Muira supplied for him.  She felt a guilt tingle of relief when Lachlan nodded.  She wanted to be alone with her thoughts to work out what it was that she was feeling. 
“
But I
’
ll see you this evening?
”
she added, not wanting to be alone with her thoughts indefinitely.

“
Hopefully
,
”
Lachlan grumbled, shooting a disgruntled look in the direction of the grey-headed man who was apparently accompanying him- and was standing tapping his foot quite pointedly now. 
“
Enjoy your ride then, Muira.  Be careful,
”
he said, looking with longing as his wife and the groom trotted out of the courtyard.

Enjoy her ride
…
Muira wasn
’
t sure about that, everything seemed shrouded in shades of grey, all of the colour of the countryside seemed to be dimmed, and all of the sounds muted.  She could really almost believe that the shadow of death loitered over the land of the MacRae
’
s, watching and waiting to strike
…

Muira rode for longer than she meant to, it wasn
’
t until her groom murmured something about them heading back before it got dark that she even realised how long they
’
d been out.  Time had lost its meaning.  She was waiting with Tavish for the final moment of judgement.  She hated the connection she felt with the man, but she couldn
’
t seem to sever it.

She wanted to confide in her husband.  Lachlan had this almost magical ability of being able to set things right, but Ewan had warned her against discussing the matter with her husband, and she was inclined to trust his judgment on this occasion.  What could Lachlan do after all?

Nothing
…

Her husband couldn
’
t do anything, that was the conclusion that Muira was forced to reach, or rather, Lachlan had already done what he had to do, and that was why Tavish was facing the gallows
…
and so Muira spent the remainder of the day, and the whole of the one that followed, feeling distanced from her husband. 

As she slipped into bed the following evening, Muira couldn
’
t help but watch the clock.  It was only a matter of hours now.  Tavish was to be hung at dawn
…
Muira wondered how he would pass his last night.  Somehow she didn
’
t think that she would be able to sleep, she doubted that he would manage to either.

“
Lachlan?
”
she whispered, pushing back the quilt covers and suddenly getting back out of bed. 

“
Mmm?
”
  He lifted his head with a murmur from the book that he was reading by the fire.

“
I want to go and see him.
”

“
You want to go and see-?
”
Lachlan began to ask, but realisation hit him before he could get the whole sentence out. 
“
No!
”
he barked, snapping the book shut.

“
Lachlan please?
”
Muira begged. 
“
I have to- I- I can
’
t explain, it
’
s something I need to do.  If I don
’
t then I know I
’
ll regret it for the rest of my life, Lachlan.  Please?
”
she begged him.  She watched him frowned, and then took a hesitant step forwards when he stood up and turned away from her, moving towards the fire.

“
Muira, I can
’
t let you,
”
he said, in a soft, strained voice. 
“
Not now.  Maybe if you
’
d asked earlier,
”
he looked at the clock on the mantle. 
“
It would be cruel to disturb him this late,
”
he grunted.

“
But Lachlan I need-
”

“
What do you need, Muria?
”
he snapped, turning so swiftly that he caught his wife but surprise. 
“
Closure?
”

“
I- I don
’
t know, perhaps?
”
she mumbled weakly.

“
Because this is a man
’
s life we
’
re talking about, Muira,
”
he said harshly. 
“
I
’
m not going to let you go down to see MacEantach and kindle his hope, or his lust, or his anger- his hated whatever it might be, just because you think that it might make you feel better.
”

“
That
’
s not fair, Lachlan!
”
Muira squeaked, but it her heart she knew that there was some truth to what her husband was saying.  It wasn
’
t comfort that she wanted to give Tavish, or forgiveness, it was peace of mind that she wanted to take from him
…
and she was afraid that Lachlan was right, that that was wrong of her. 
“
I- I just don
’
t know what to do to stop it crushing me,
”
she cried, taking a wary step forwards and then accepting Lachlan
’
s embrace when he offered it to her.

“
Poor darling,
”
he whispered against her hair, rocking her in his arms as though she was a child. 
“
Time will heal this pain,
”
he promised sagely. 
“
Until then you have to bear it.
”

“
And if I can
’
t?
”
she croaked.

“
You can,
”
Lachlan said, with such certainty Muira felt a little better. 
“
You
’
re strong, and if there is ever a time when you don
’
t feel strong enough, I
’
ll carry the burden for you,
”
he said gently, pulling her against his chest.

Muira stayed nestled in her husband
’
s strong arms for as long as it was possible.  Even if Lachlan couldn
’
t understand exactly how she felt, just being held by him was soothing in its own special way.  However, just as Muira was beginning to doze standing in his arms, he murmured something about going to bed and she jerked wide-awake again.

Lachlan sighed heavily, and rubbed his hand up and down Muira
’
s back, trying to massage the sudden tension out of her muscles. 

“
You need to rest,
”
he said quietly, leading her back towards the bed.

“
I won
’
t be able to sleep,
”
Muira argued sadly, but she didn
’
t try to resist as Lachlan helped her back under the covers.

“
Try?
”
he murmured, kissing the top of her head, almost paternally, before stripping off his shirt and kilt and wandering around to the other side of their bed to join her, extinguishing the candle before getting in beside his wife.