A Bend in the River of Life (43 page)
Read A Bend in the River of Life Online
Authors: Budh Aditya Roy
Rana's mind was also crying for Paula and Joshua, two precious children of Heather. They also went through a lot in their short lives, but remained untouched by sin. Goodness they did not see in their own father. Perhaps they saw a father-figure in Rana and became attached to him. He would miss them also, as much as they would miss him.
Parting is always sad. But now in his life parting became the rule rather than exception. It was long since Keka left him forlorn. Later he jumped into an impossible relationship with Kim. The bubble got burst soon. He tried to avoid any emotional relationship with Iris, but gave into her persistence. He allowed the business dealings with Heather to develop into serious emotional relationship. Rana mused that none of these relationships had a probability of materializing because he himself was a rolling stone that had no chance of gathering moss. Kim, Iris and Heather, all of them remained prisoners of their own individual circumstances. He himself could not resist the beacon of his own destiny, the call of his job. Probably, he would never learn his lessons. He was a victim of his own undoing. However, in self-deprecation Rana seemed to be playing into his own ego. He became unmindful of the fact that he was merely an instrument in the River of Life, not the maker of his
own destiny. He was only a roleplayer, not a decision maker. Decisions had already been taken on his behalf long before he came into this season of life.
The departure time arrived unwarranted. Paula and Joshua came with Heather to see him off at the airport. Paula chose to drive the car knowing that her mother's mind might not be on the road. Everyone was talking, but the mood was subdued. An undercurrent of loss over-shadowed everything else. Rana extended his invitation to all of them to visit with him in New York to enjoy their vacation. They happily accepted his invitation in a chorus. In reality, however, Rana knew it would be difficult for them to leave two businesses unsupervised. Yet human mind responds spontaneously to the warmth of a fellow human being. Heather held his hand and requested him to call her as frequently as possible. They arrived at the airport early. Rana checked in his baggage. They still had some time to sit down at a quiet corner and exchange thoughts nostalgically as to how happily but rapidly 3 1/2 years passed away.
Boarding announcement was heard about an hour before the flight departure time and that was the saddest moment of all. Emotional hugs and kisses were exchanged amidst tears. When nothing else remained untold, slowly and reluctantly Rana proceeded toward the gate. There was a wooden partition after the first check point. Before walking to the other side he stopped for a while to exchange the last glances and waving of hands to bid final good-bye. Then he was out of their sights. Sad and forlorn, he left behind another milestone of his long and arduous journey.
One more curt but sweet episode of Rana's otherwise desolate life remained painfully unfinished. Another chapter of his meandering life came to an abrupt end. A powerful whirlwind in the River of Life just swept it away without a feeling of hurt or guilt, sorrow or sympathy. And this exactly is the nature of the River of Life. It is immense and immeasurable in human eyes. In its awesome expanse the River of Life absorbs all that occurs within its ambit and sets
itself free of any emotional outburst of exuberance or dejection that engulf the human mind. Inspired by the Wisdom of the Creator, staying detached from the earthly pain and pleasure and dancing to the tune of time the River of Life flows on incessantly through the meadows and fields of humanity to its flitting destiny, the ever esoteric Eternity.
***
The story of Heather will not be complete without a brief mention of the aftermath of Rana's departure from London, for this will lend to a smooth transition to the future events:
It was more than three months that Rana left London. But Heather and her two children were still fresh in his mind. Not a week went by without his calling them a few times and staying in touch as he had promised to Heather. As usual, on a Friday evening he called them at the same London time as always. It seemed there was a race between Paula and Joshua to pick up the receiver, but usually agile Paula won. She picked up the receiver and said, still huffing and puffing, “We knew it was uncle Rana.”
Rana asked, “Paula, how did you know?”
Paula said, “Uncle, it is your timing. The TV time here is nine sharp. Who else would be that precise?”
Rana said, “Paula, thank you so much for holding uncle Rana high.” He continued, “How have you all been? Is your mummy okay?”
Paula answered, “Uncle, to be frank with you, Joshua and I are not happy any more. Today also mummy is not home. Last couple of times we did not tell you because you would be hurt. But today we will tell you the truth. Mummy has a new boyfriend. We do not like him. He tries to impose himself on us. He wants to be our guardian. We have told him that we have our father and he does not have to interfere in our matters. He is upset with us and so is mummy, because our father called mummy to say that her boyfriend should stay away from us and if not, he will confront him and that
will not be pretty.” Paula said further, “Uncle, everything has changed after you left. We were so happy when you were here.”
Rana said, âPaula, I am very sorry to hear all these. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Joshua. I love your Mummy dearly. So I am saddened beyond comprehension. But I respect her decision and can understand now why she did not call me back. Now that I know the reason, it will not be appropriate for me to call her any more. Notwithstanding, you and Joshua have my telephone number. So whenever you two want to talk to me, just call me collect.”
Paula said, “Uncle, thank you so much for your permission to call you. We feel so good when we talk to you.”
Rana said, “Paula, hang tight till it blows over and unless you have anything else to say at this time, please pass on the phone to Joshua.
When Joshua was on the line, Rana asked, “What's happening, Josh?”
Joshua said, “Nothing much, uncle. You heard from Paula the latest situation here. So apart from my studies and work at Paula's business, I am a silent spectator.”
Rana said, “Josh, I understand what you are saying. I said to Paula that you two can call me collect from time to time whenever you feel like talking to me and unless you have anything else to add, let's say goodbye at this time.”
On putting down the receiver, Rana went blank. In a sudden shock he became speechless. But he should have known better. The River of Life does not operate in a vacuum. Any void created in it is filled up in no time, for even the making of the void and choosing the new players to fill in the void is a part of its grand design.
To cut the long story short, it may be mentioned that Paula and Joshua maintained their unique bond with Uncle Rana, calling him twice a month to enquire his well-being and keeping him apprised of their situation. On his part, Rana made it a point to meet with them whenever he passed by London and enjoy with them lunch or dinner whichever was convenient.
R
ana was naturally worried for his eight year old son Saurav and six year old daughter Smita when he was informed of his transfer to London. His parents were growing older and he could not think of what he would do with his children if his parents were to pass away suddenly. Surprisingly, however, it was his children who gave him the courage, saying, “Daddy, don't worry about us; we would be fine.”
Notwithstanding those courageous words uttered by them, he would never forget their fearful faces ridden with uncertainty and tearful eyes betraying their agony at the time of his departure. Despite his work, despite his travel and despite his relationships in his far away existence, it was difficult for him to take away his mind from their misery.
Childhood is so short, so fleeting and so nimble that it is like a flash in the pan. Hence childhood is the time when the human beings need the loving presence, care, help and guidance of the parents every step of the way. There is absolutely no substitute for that in human life. When that caring presence of the parents does not come about for whatever reasons and the children suddenly transcend the threshold of childhood, they try to carve out their own destiny, for better or worse. If it turns out to be worse, that is the ultimate tragedy both for the children and the parents. Rana hoped that he would be able to take his children to him as early as possible and at least, much earlier than that threshold so that they would be able to avoid any tragedy.
Rana's principal mode of communication with his children was telephone. He found staying in touch with them on telephone was most heart-warming for he used to derive unlimited energy hearing their live voices. Nonetheless, correspondence also had its utility. In one of the letters that he received from his children, Saurav wrote, “â¦We go to school regularly. We study hard and do our homework diligently. So we hope to do well in the exam. We also play a lot in the school. When you will come home before the New Year, we will play with you all day long⦔
Smita wrote, “â¦. In the children's park in the lakes they brought new birds. I give them food and play with themâ¦. Sometimes when I think of you I cry for you. Grandpa says you will come soon but you do not come.”
These are the kind of messages that made him sigh long and deep and yearn for the lost time with his children. His eyes would moisten and he would see in his mind's eye his two luckless children craving to be with their dad at the earliest. He lamented that they had everything material in life, but nothing to give them joy and hope. Thousands of questions would throng his mind, but they would remain unanswered because there were no viable answers. There was no way that he could bring them to him without someone dependable to look after them. Surely one day they would join their dad but hopefully that day would come sooner than later so that enough childhood would still be left in them and they could be groomed under the caring and affectionate eyes of their dad.
Nevertheless, during his vacations when Rana would visit with them, some semblance of joy, hope and happiness would sparkle out of their words and smiles and be reflected on their eyes. They would be undoubtedly happy to receive their toys and other gifts that dad would bring for them. But the gifts were just incidentals. They would be immensely happy to have their daddy back with them. It was not enough to play with daddy. Far greater was their pleasure to share with him a candy or a bubble gum. It was gratifying to receive a gift
from daddy, but to be able to give him a gift, however small, was far more fulfilling. Saurav gave him a beautiful pocket diary for the New Year. He had received that diary from his cousin and had the mindset and affection for his dad to preserve it for him. Smita gave him a very nice silver pen because she received one too many of the same set on her birthday. Those small gestures were the manifestations of their deepest love for their dad and were profoundly touching for Rana. Those gifts would remain with him forever, no matter wherever he might go and whatever he might do. Every once in a while, he would open them carefully, look at them, touch them and feel them, for through them he would see Saurav and Smita, touch them and feel them.
And that, in essence, is the nature of love. It always seeks to fulfill itself in the regular and recurrent offerings of small but heartfelt gestures, signifying the depth and perpetuity of its longing and yearning for the object of love.
During one of his visits, Rana was astonished to see their considerable physical as well as mental growth in six months. As usual, Smita was the dominant between the two siblings. It was delightful for him to see the wonderful understanding between his two children. Out of his good nature and unstinted love for his little sister, Saurav would allow himself to be dominated by Smita. She would choose where to go and what to do without any opposition from her big brother. At the same time, it was pleasing for Rana to see her motherly instinct growing rapidly. At lunch or dinner she would counsel her dad like a wise mother, “Daddy, you should eat this fish, it is good for your health; or, daddy, do not leave anything on the plate, or, Daddy, you must eat the apple, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.”
Rana would only feel immensely happy to oblige the overbearing mother in his little daughter. Looking at Smita on her ninth birthday, Rana remembered the words of his grandma Rajani while massaging her on her lap when she was a baby, “Look, look, she would grow up
to be the most beautiful among our women.” He thought that his grandma's words could not be more prophetic! Smita's tender beauty began showing up to its promise.
Rana also enjoyed watching the stark contrast between his son and daughter. Saurav was quiet, soft-spoken and studious. Smita was always on her toes, observant and not afraid to speak out her mind. The siblings would discuss the matters of their common interest but the little sister would be the spokesperson. The most poignant moment for Rana arose one day when Smita asked him at the lunch table, “Dad, when will you take us with you?”
Rana responded, “My little mummy, I want to take you and Saurav today, but I can't. Though you have grown up somewhat, yet it is not nearly enough to fend for yourselves. You do not cook; you do not drive; you do not do your laundry, to name a few daily chores. Besides, daddy has to travel quite a lot. Who will take care of you when daddy travels or when you are sick? I hope you understand what daddy is saying.”
Smita nodded her head and said, “Okay daddy, I understand; we will wait.”
Rana could realize that though on the surface Smita expressed her apparent understanding only to appease her daddy and make him happy, her heart and that of Saurav must be aching for not being able to exercise their natural right and desire to live with their dad. So to mollify their feelings he said further, “Mummy, daddy's heart is always pining to be with you and Saurav as much as yours do for him. But here you have two nannies, grandma, grandpa, grandma Mita and everyone else to care for you. There you will have no body except daddy. He will be busy at work or traveling and you two will feel helpless and uncared for. Daddy will take you and Saurav to him as soon as you are able to take care of yourselves even in daddy's absence. Besides, law there prohibits the parents to leave their children aged twelve and below at home without the supervision of
an adult. I hope daddy has been able to explain clearly the impediments to taking you to him right now.”
He looked at Saurav also. To re-assure her afflicted father, Smita kissed him and said, “We understand daddy. Don't worry. We will wait till you feel that the time is right.”
The nature of love is this. It always refrains from inflicting mental distress and agony to the object of love at the expense of self affliction and wounded yearning.
One of his winter visits began with a bang. Saurav and Smita came to the airport with their maternal grandma Mita to receive their dad. Usually, winter in Calcutta is mild somewhat like Miami with an occasional burst of cold spell swooping down from the Himalayas. On the day of his arrival there, Calcutta was under the grip of a cold wave. The siblings grew up so fast in the previous year that their winter garments appeared shrunk considerably. They were counting on daddy to come and buy them the new winter clothes because he would always take them to the best stores and they could also participate in choosing their own clothes. Good luck would have it, Rana bought some beautiful pullovers and cardigans for them in London immediately before the Christmas. It was just a hunch. He liked them and bought under sheer impulse. He had no idea that the children needed any warm clothes. The brother and sister knew that daddy would bring lot of gifts for them in a special bag for ease of declaring the imported goods to the customs. When the porter hauled his baggage from the customs and they were waiting for the driver to bring the car from the parking lot, the siblings opened the bag a little to snatch a sneak peek. Suddenly they became excited. Saurav said to his sister, “Smita, look, look, these are sweaters. Daddy has brought sweaters for us.”
Smita asked him, “Daddy, is it true that you brought sweaters for us?”
Rana replied, “Yes, my little girl.”
Smita asked, “Daddy, how did you know that we needed winter clothes?”
Rana replied, “Since daddy loves you so much, he can feel your needs and wants even from distance.”
And that is the nature of love. It is endowed with a rare intuition and instinct that can see through with uncanny transparency the hopes and dreams of the object of love even from distance and acts toward translating them with dispatch and awe.
In one of these vacations Rana planned to take the children to Vishakhapatnam, a sea resort that he visited with his father and grandmother in his boyhood. For Saurav and Smita the play space for them was virtually unlimited along the stretches of the spotless beach in front of the hotel just across the road. Rana was very appreciative of his children that despite the latitude given to them, they were always supremely disciplined. They would not venture out to the beach without their dad. In presence of their dad their aspirations knew no bound. He could clearly see the joy in their eyes every time they came close to him. He could sense their desire to snuggle up to their dad in the midst of a play just to have a little touch, an affectionate hug or a loving kiss in confirmation of his unflinching love for them. He heard their unrestrained voices, singing a song recently taught in the class or reciting an inspirational poem learnt during a special occasion at the school. He would sigh long and deep, for those moments would never come back again. But, at least, he had the solace that they would remain carefully preserved in his memory chamber forever.
On the next visit, Rana took them to Darjeeling to show them the place where their dad met their mum, Keka. For them it was kind of a persistent curiosity beseeching their innocent minds. While visiting the places of interest for them in Darjeeling, Saurav remained mostly quiet, but Smita kept her dad busy with a non-stop flurry of queries, seeking information on their long departed mother. On the Mall, where Keka and Rana had their actual chance encounter, Smita
asked, “Where exactly on the Mall you met my mum? Were you alone? Who were with you and her? Who talked first? Did my mum smile at you? Where did you go for riding? Did you talk to my mum while riding?” and other queries of that nature. It was not easy for Rana to respond to some of her queries. But he was patient. He understood her restlessness. The mother whom she never met remained an enigma to her. They were growing up rapidly. Many such questions were crowding their restive minds. There was no one to answer them and relieve their curiosity. Rana could understand the pain they were suffering in silence. So he kept allaying their curiosity about their deceased mother of whom they had either scant knowledge or none at all.
Upon returning from Darjeeling they were taken to the photo studio for their passport photo and then to the travel agent to apply for their passports. They could hardly conceal their joy for they could realize instantly that daddy just began the groundwork to take them with him in the near future. The day their passports were supposed to be delivered, they came near him at the crack of dawn and whispered in his ear, “Daddy, we have to pick up our passports from the travel agent today.”
Rana smiled at them and thought that they were the two embodiments of purity. Anyone could read their minds. He knew immediately that obtaining those two passports in hand instantly was their top most priority. They were apprehensive that if the passports were not collected while daddy was in town, no one else might take that interest. Good luck would have it, the passports were ready; the travel agent did a fantastic job. Returning home with the passports, they again whispered to him, “Daddy, give the passports to us. We will keep them in a safe place.” They also showed him their safe place. His mind was filled with compassion for them. He at once felt the intense longing in their hearts to exercise their inalienable rights to be with their dad at the earliest. He could comprehend that at that moment those two passports were the most valuable assets to them.
Those were like their hopes epitomized. Nothing else, no other gifts would come close to soothe their hearts. So to boost their morale he gave them the passports for safe-keeping till his next visit when they might accompany him to the United States of America. Holding those two passports they rejoiced unabashedly in his presence. He saw in their joyous smiles an unwavering trust in their dad. He observed in their glittering eyes the shimmers of the ever gliding River of Life, carrying the hopes and aspirations of humanity to its far away destiny, the ever inscrutable Eternity.
In any case, before Rana's departure on that occasion, his father Amit told him in a low voice that it was imperative that the children were taken to him as early as possible. Otherwise, he impressed, they were getting depressed and demoralized. Rana had no doubt about that at all. Besides, between the lines of his father's mutterings he got another message also that apart from the fact that his children were getting impatient, so too did his parents. At their old age they were also getting tired of carrying the burden of rearing up two grandchildren, a duty they had failed to perform at the childhood of their son when they themselves were young. Rana felt profoundly sorry for his parents. It was never his intention to put that burden on their shoulders, causing enormous inconvenience to them.