A Better Man (19 page)

“Which one is your favorite?” he asked, licking marshmallow and chocolate off his t
humb.

Did watching him lick marshmallow and chocolate off his fingers c
ount?

“It's a toss-­up. The Krispies treats call to my inner child who never had such luxuries. But the strawberries are just so . . . decadent. What's your favor
ite?”

“Watching you eat the decadent strawberr
ies.”

“I don't know what to say to that, Mr. Kincade. You keep catching me off gu
ard.”

“Then my plan is working, Ms. Diamond.” The genuine smile he gave her put her completely at ease. “I'd really like to get to know you better. To know what went wrong with your marri
age.”

At ease until he said
that
.

“Why is it so important to
you?”

“Because you're important to me, Lucy. Don't you get t
hat?”

As much as their past history said otherwise, she wanted to believe
him.

“Never mind. I don't want to pressure you.” He stood and held out his hand as if he understood how difficult the topic might be for her. “So how about we da
nce?”

Christina Aguilera's “Beautiful” played softly through the speakers, and Lucy had to wonder who'd put together this wonderfully romantic mix of music. Anxious to break the tension of the conversation, she wiped her hands with the cloth napkin, then placed her hand in
his.

Instead of leading her out to the dance floor, he took her in his arms right there by the table. He held her close, and for maybe the very first time in her life she felt
safe.

J
ordan knew he'd pushed her too hard. He hadn't brought her here tonight, hadn't jumped through all the hoops to make tonight happen, just to interrogate her. If he could take back the last part of the conversation, he would. He liked the feel of her in his arms and he didn't want her running off anywhere because he'd opened his big mouth and stuck his entire size 13½ foot in
side.

“We met during the last semester of college.” She said the words so quietly he barely heard her over the music. “At first I didn't really notice him because I was focused on graduating at the top of my class. Next thing I knew he was in one of my study groups. Then he came into the bookstore where I wor
ked.”

Jordan tried to get her to look up at him, but she kept her cheek firmly planted on his chest as she conti
nued.

“We met a couple of times after I got off work and he talked me into going out with him on an actual date. He was handsome, and charming, and his family was very wealthy from old money. In the town where they live they were like the Kennedys—­almost royalty. I'd never had a man pay attention to me before and I'm ashamed to say he literally swept me off my f
eet.”

“I don't know why you'd be asha
med.”

“Because I only knew him for a short time before he asked me to move in with him after graduat
ion.”

“That's nothing to be ashamed of, L
ucy.”

“I'm ashamed of the string of bad decisions I made. I'm ashamed that I let my inexperience lead me instead of the intelligence I always depended on. I didn't really know him. Yet six weeks later we got married in a small ceremony. With my student loans I couldn't afford a lavish wedding and his family didn't want to shell out for it either. Later I found out that was because I was his second wife and they'd shelled out big bucks for a ceremony that included over five hundred gue
sts.”

“Five hundred?
Wow.”

“Imagine that. Married, divorced, and remarried before you were even twenty-­five. I completely ignored the red flag waving in front of my f
ace.”

“Sometimes it's hard to see clearly when you're too close to the subj
ect.”

“Maybe. But I've always been proud of my intellect. I'd always done well in school. It was just real life I had trouble w
ith.”

“That's just being hu
man.”

“No. That's being blind and stupid. Three months after the wedding I realized why he wanted to marry
me.”

“Because you're a wonderful per
son?”

“Because I was easy prey. It was then I took to hiding a rescue card in my s
hoe.”

His stomach tightened and turned. “A rescue c
ard?”

“It has the name and number of someone you can call who will come rescue you if the abusive relationship you're in becomes life-­threatening and you finally gather the courage to get
out.”

Jordan sucked in a breath. His feet stopped moving but he didn't let her go. He fought for a living with men who could hold their own. Striking a woman for any reason was just w
rong.

“Fear and shame got the best of me.” She leaned back and finally looked up at him. “It took me three years to finally make that c
all.”

“I'm so glad you made it out.” The desire to find this guy and beat him to a pulp lived and breathed like a flash fire in Jordan's soul. Instead, he drew Lucy back into his arms and hugged her t
ight.

S
he should have kept her mouth
shut.

When Jordan took her home, she wrung her hands. Fiddled with her grandmother's ring. Straightened the layers and layers of dress ruffles like it matt
ered.

Now he
knew.

Many people judged a woman who was or had been in an abusive relationship. They often thought she either was too stupid to get out or had asked for it. Lucy wondered about Jordan's take. Did he think she'd
asked for it
because she'd stayed? Or that she was stupid? Or weak? Her entire life flashed before her, and until recently it was a pathetic script. It might have taken her a while, but she'd finally taken control. And she was proud of her accomplishm
ents.

“Stop fidget
ing.”

Jordan's tone held no censure. Instead his words were delivered with a smile she could see even through the darkness of the SUV's inte
rior.

“I can't help it. I always fidget when I'm nerv
ous.”

“It's the end of our date, what could you possibly have to be nervous about
now?”

Duh
should have been enough of an explanation. But no, Lucy just had to open her big yap . . . a
gain.

“I know you did this whole prom thing because you thought you needed to make up for graduation night. But you didn't. I appreciate your efforts and it was wonderful. But somewhere during the night I forgot that the whole thing was just an apology. I had fun. But everyone knows on a first date you don't tell a person you're interested in all your deepest, darkest secrets. I should have kept my mouth s
hut.”

The SUV rolled to a stop in front of her house. Mortified, she grabbed the door handle. His big hand reached across all those lavender ruffles and stopped her. His gorgeous face was inches from her own and she felt a blush of embarrassment creep up her ch
eeks.

“You're interested in me?” he a
sked.

“Is that all you he
ard?”

“No.” He smiled. “I also heard you say you had
fun.”

“I
did.”

“Good to know. Stay right there.” He got out of the SUV, came around to her side, opened the door, and held out his hand. “A date doesn't end until the gentleman walks the lady to her d
oor.”

“You don't have to do t
hat.”

“You're right. I don't have to. I
get
to.” He waved his hand, encouraging her to tak
e it.

When she finally did, he helped her from the car, tucked her hand in the crook of his arm, and walked her up the path that split her small front yard. Then he waited until she unlocked her
door.

Key in hand, she turned to thank him. “It really was a wonderful night. And I'm sorr
y I—­”

Gently he cupped her face between his large hands, then lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was slow and sweet. He tasted like rich chocolate and leashed passion as his tongue stroked hers in a sensuous rhythm that lit a fire down deep. As she clutched her hands in the lapels of his tux, she knew she wanted—­needed—­
more.

Too soon he lifted his head and while he still framed her face between his hands, she licked the delicious taste of him from her
lips.

“Never apologize, Lucy.” His dark blue gaze looked right into her eyes. “Not for who you are, who you've been, or what you've been thro
ugh.”

He kissed her again. Briefly. “I think you're an incredible woman. And I'm damn happy you're interested in me. Because I sure as hell am interested in
you.”

“Jordan
, I—­”

His lips came down on hers again and he swept her up in another wave of want and need. She was just about to pull him inside the house when the kiss ended, his hands slipped from her face, and he took a step
back.

“Sweet dreams, Lucy. Don't think about the bad stuff. It's all behind you
now.”

He gave her a smile before he turned and walked back down her pathway. Before he got in the SUV, he stopped and said, “A woman like you deserves to be treated well because she matters. You matter to me, L
ucy.”

As he drove away, any remaining ice around her heart completely me
lted.

Chapter 10

J
ordan parked the SUV at his grandfather's cabin. Instead of going inside, he walked behind the brick structure to the creek, which flowed at full capacity from the spring snowmelt and rains. Moonlight filtered through the trees and dotted the dirt pathway with dancing light. He reached up and undid his tie as he walked and listened to the water tumble over rocks and sand to clear his head. Before he knew it he found himself strolling up and down the rows of Chardonnay and Riesling grapev
ines.

When he'd been a kid he enjoyed this place because of the adventures he and his brothers had. But when his grandparents passed away and his family relocated here he'd felt no real connection. If he had to be honest, a part of that came from him not wanting to move from the East Coast, where hockey rated higher on the sports ladder than pro football. As a teenager he'd never been around long enough to get to know Sunshine Valley well. Maybe if he'd gotten his hands dirty in the soil that grew the grapes that made the wine, he would have found that bond. Hard to
say.

Except for hockey he'd never really made a deep connection with anything other than his family be
fore.

The events of the past few weeks had changed everyt
hing.

With his family he was trying to make up for lost time. With his sister he was trying to step up and be the good big brother he should have been all these years. With Lucy he'd started out trying to make up for the way he'd blown her off on their graduation night, but his feelings for her were transforming into something bigger than he'd ever imag
ined.

The dark situation Lucy had been in for so long haunted him to the core. Not only because of how horrible it must have been for her, but also because he couldn't ignore the part he might have played in her marrying such a mean son of a bitch. Maybe if he'd actually taken her out on graduation night like he should have, she would have believed she had more value than to ever get involved with someone like
that.

The possibility weighed heavy in his chest. But it had nothing to do with the way he saw her now or the way she made him
feel.

His sister had some serious issues he needed to figure the hell out. Fast. He worried about her. She seemed so miserable. So breakable. And because he didn't know her well enough, he worried she might do something to harm her
self.

A shiver ran down his back at the horrible tho
ught.

And then there was the fact that someone had been stealing from his parents. Who would have done such a thing? And why? His parents had been warm, generous people. If someone had been in need, all they'd had to do was ask for
help.

He wished they were here now. He could use a little parental advice. A little nudge in the back and a pat on the head that told him he was doing the right t
hing.

God, he missed
them.

An ache filled his chest and his eyes watered. If he could just have a few minutes with them again to tell them he loved
them.

“What the hell are you doing out h
ere?”

Jordan wiped his eyes and looked up to find Ethan strolling toward
him.

“Trying to work some shit out in my head. What are you do
ing?”

“I heard your SUV pull up but didn't hear the cabin door close.” Ethan shrugged his broad shoulders. “I got worr
ied.”

His baby brother had always been the most sensitive of their motley crew. Ethan had been the one they all thought would set down roots, marry young, and have a bunch of kids running around. But the girl he'd loved had broken his heart and Ethan had gone in a direction opposite of settling
down.

“No need to worry,” Jordan said. “I've just got a bunch of stuff to figure out.” Like the string of text messages he'd been receiving from his agent and c
oach.

“Yeah?” Ethan gave him a crooked grin. “Well, you're getting your shiny shoes muddy out here. So what's with the
tux?”

Jordan started to walk again and Ethan was right there beside him. “I did something really shitty fifteen years ago to a girl who didn't deserve it and I was trying to make it up to
her.”

“You didn't succ
eed?”

“Maybe.
But—­”

“There's more to the st
ory?”

“I wouldn't even know where to st
art.”

“Sounds seri
ous.”

“Life has definitely taken some twists and turns in the past couple of we
eks.”

“I hear that.” Ethan reached down and picked up a piece of vine cut during last year's harvest. “If you're worried about Nicki, I had a chat with
her.”

“At least she'll talk to you. All she does is yell at
me.”

“She's pretty damn good at t
hat.”

“Yeah.” Jordan gave a harsh laugh. “She makes it no secret that she hates my g
uts.”

“She doesn't hate
you
, but she's definitely pissed about something. I think you're just in her line of f
ire.”

“Did she give you any insight as to what's going on?” Jordan asked as they came to the end of the row and headed toward the guest cabins. “I already asked Ryan, Dec, and Parker, but they had no c
lue.”

Ethan shook his head. “It's like she talks in code. The only thing she said was that the rest of us had no idea what it was like to be her. And that the only possibility of a resolution was g
one.”

“Cryp
tic.”

“Yeah.” Ethan made a cynical sound. “I'm pretty sure that young or old, I'll never figure out wo
men.”

“They're definitely one of the great mysteries of l
ife.”

“Amen to that. So . . . this girl you were trying to apologize to . . . you've got feelings for
her?”

“She's pretty spec
ial.”

“
But?”

“She's been through a lot.” Without giving away details he said, “She needs someone to give her what she needs. What she deser
ves.”

“And you're not that
guy?”

As much as he wanted to be that guy, he wasn't sure he could be. “She deserves someone better than me. Someone who has their life all figured out. Not someone who has too many balls juggling in the air to be sure of anyth
ing.”

Jordan never expected to have such strong feelings for her at all, let alone in such a short time. His instincts were to protect her. To show her that loving someone didn't have to be painful. That making love was supposed to be warm and fulfilling for both parties. He'd meant it when he'd told her he was interested in her. He meant it when he said she deserved to be treated well and that she mattered to him. And as much as he wanted to be
that
guy, he didn't really know what he was capable of. This was his first trip to the r
odeo.

“The look on your face says you want to be that guy, regardless of the juggl
ing.”

“Yeah, but too many things are piling up,” Jordan said. “And I'm probably not the guy who can make it all bet
ter.”

“Such
as?”

“I can't bring our parents back, or find the missing money, or fix Nicki's troubles in the blink of an eye. I've got the coach and my agent sending me text threats that I need to get my ass back to work ASAFP. And I can't focus on anything except that I've skated on my duties to this family for years. It's my turn to g
ive.”

“Yep.” Ethan shook his head. “That's a load of shit all right. You ever think about letting go of stuff you have no control o
ver?”

“No. I'm programmed to take care of busin
ess.”

“Too bad real life isn't as easy as slamming some guy into the boards, ri
ght?”

“That's about the only thing I'm good
at.”

“Bullshit. Stop being so fucking hard on yourself. You're right. As much as I'd like you to be able to, you can't bring Mom and Dad back. Let that go. Mourn them. Miss them. Hold your memories close. It's okay to live your own life and still be respectful of the loss. As far as the missing money goes . . . Ryan and Dec will get it figured out. It might take a while, but they'll find out what happened and then we'll get this place updated so it starts making money again. When it comes to Nicki, the rest of us will help out wherever we're needed. We've just taken a step back because you seem so determined to do right by her. We don't want to take that away from you.” He grimaced. “Plus she's scary as h
ell.”

Jordan chuckled because it was the t
ruth.

“So that leaves you only two things to focus on—­your lady friend and your career.” Ethan clapped his hand over Jordan's shoulder. “One you should be able to sweet talk, the other you can fast talk. Get it done and quit your bitch
ing.”

As his well-­meaning brother walked away, Jordan knew the truth. He wasn't much good at anything except smack talk on the
ice.

Only one thing in his life was certain; as soon as he returned the calls to his agent and coach, he'd become the guy who made promises he couldn't
keep.

T
he deep breath Jordan took didn't do much to calm the dread tightening in his chest as he knocked on Nicole's bedroom door early Sunday morning. According to Aunt Pippy, who'd met him downstairs with a cup of coffee and a warm cinnamon roll, Nicki was still asleep. Unfortunately what needed to be said couldn't wait for her to leisurely a
rise.

He'd been prepared to knock several times before she'd even consider answering, but she surprised him by opening the door almost immedia
tely.

Hair mussed and wearing long-­sleeved flannel pajamas with cats and polka dots on them, she squinted up at him from one bloodshot eye. “What do you want?” she mutt
ered.

“We need to t
alk.”

“About what? What did I do now?” She shifted her weight to one hip, which indicated a definite attitude was in
play.

“I don't know that you did anything wrong unless you have something you want to ad
mit.”

“No,” she answered suspiciously
fast.

“Can I come
in?”

“Whatever. Even if I tell you no you'll come in anyway.” She turned and shuffled back to the bed, where she sat down, crossed her legs, and pulled a fuzzy purple blanket up over the top of her like she wanted to hide. Her blue eyes stared out at him from beneath her co
coon.

He followed her into the room and leaned his backside against her dresser. Without all the makeup and perfectly styled hair, she looked about ten years old. Which didn't help lessen his guilt for waking her early just to drop a bomb on top of her temperamental little
head.

“Late night?” he a
sked.

“It wasn't a school night so don't get your tighty-­whities in a
wad.”

“That wasn't an ans
wer.”

“That's because it's none of your business. You're not the boss of
me.”

“You have approximately, what, five months before you turn eighteen?” He folded his arms, and without giving her a chance to respond, he continued. “Until then everything you do is my business. You heard Mom and Dad's wishes. I
am
the boss of you, along with Ryan, Declan, Parker, and Ethan. So humor me. In the future when I ask you a question, please respond with an appropriate answer. O
kay?”

She folded her arms and jerked her chin upward just enough to deliver a silent, rebellious
Screw
you
.

“We need to talk ab
out—­”

“You're leaving.” Her eyes narrowed and she scoffed. “I
knew
it.”

“Ni
cki—­”

“Don't
Nicki
me like you care!” She jumped up and paced the room, throwing her hands up in a barely controlled temper tantrum. “How dare you make promises you knew you wouldn't keep. You're just like everybody e
lse.”

“I'm only leaving for a few days. I'll be b
ack.”

“Bullshit!” She grabbed the pillows from her bed and threw them at him. “Get
out.”

“Ni
cki—­”

“Get out. Get out. Get out!” Each
out
was accented by the hurling of whatever she could get her hands on—­books, stuffed animals, a bottle of nail po
lish.

Fuck.

He couldn't handle this. He didn't know what the hell he'd been thinking trying to take on Nicole and her gargantuan atti
tude.

He wasn't equipped for
this.

Failure slapped him in the heart as he escaped before the bottle of Juicy perfume conked him on the
head.

As soon as he closed the door behind him he heard her
sobs.

They broke
him.

Crushed
him.

Made him desperate to know what was going on in her
head.

Yes, she'd just lost both of her parents, so tears and sadness were to be expected. But it was the bitter anger and inability for her to be even remotely reasonable that caused him such concern. He might not know teenage girls very well, but he knew his sister's outbursts weren't normal. Something very deep was going on that for some reason she didn't want to share with an
yone.