A Billion Reasons Why (26 page)

“What happened to the old house?”

“We lost it, of course. It went into foreclosure. The bank sold it, and they asked me to move out. Three months after you left.”

Her mother may as well have told her she was adopted.

“I don’t understand. What does any of this have to do with Luc? Or with Dexter, for that matter?”

“Your dad never told Luc why he needed the money, or what he did with it. He was so big on life insurance, everyone just assumed that’s how I purchased this house. That’s what you thought, right?”

Some men put their trust in money and others in good friends, but her father had sworn by the value of life insurance, drilling the message into her head with the consistency of an oil rig.
There’s no reason in this day and age for a man not to have life insurance, Katie. Life insurance used to be just the good luck of God’s will. If my papa was out of work, my family scraped and did what they had to do until more work came by. If you were lucky enough to find a man to hire you, you’d work your fingers raw if necessary. Not like that today . . . Insurance is the friend of the workingman
.

Katie nodded. “I was sure the entire town bought life insurance after the accident.”

“Paddy did that to protect me. When he died, I knew it was my fault. If his mind hadn’t been on other things, like how he could rescue his family from my addiction, he would have never been sidetracked and walked in front of that streetcar. Your Paddy knew their schedules better than anyone. When he stepped into that neutral ground, the median, I know his mind was wandering, and I know why. He wanted to know if he’d done enough. If anything happened to him, were you protected? Was I? Had he done enough?”

“I never knew any of this was happening. Wouldn’t there have been signs?”

“Oh, I was careful. You were off at school, and rather than face the empty house every day, I went to the casino and I felt surrounded by friends.”

“I would have come home. I didn’t need to live at school, it was less than a mile away!”

Mam waved off her concern. “It was time for you to go. That’s what I raised you for, to be a strong, independent young woman. You’re missing the point.”

“I guess I am.”

“Your dad protected me even when I didn’t deserve to be protected, even when he was protecting me from myself. He made sure we were provided for, even if he wouldn’t be there.”

“You stopped gambling?”

“The second Paddy died. I understood then what my selfishness had caused. The house was nothing compared to Paddy. Once he was gone, I understood the repercussions. I quit cold turkey.”

“He never told Luc why he was selling the business?”

“He just asked Luc for the favor. I think the boy was surprised when he saw the business wasn’t in trouble, but your dad always said Luc had incredible ideas for the business, and if he were a younger man, he might have taken him up on them.”

“How come you didn’t like Dexter right off the bat, Mam? I mean, I know you’ve always been good about reading people, but Dexter. He was always so nice to everyone at church. In love with God and always trying to do the right thing. What did you see in him?”

Mam groaned. “I saw in him what I always saw in Mrs. DeForges—even when she was a little girl. She could adhere to all of the rules and come off as the belle of the ball or even, as you once saw for yourself, as a great spiritual leader. She can do everything that is required of her and look gracious doing it, but she is not kind, dear. And neither is Dexter. I saw no humility in his nature.”

“Mrs. DeForges was very nice to me at the shower today. I think she’s just scared of people judging her.”

“I’m sure she is, Katie, but that doesn’t make for strong character. Look at Luc. He’s got you slung over his shoulder in that picture in the paper, and he never bothers to answer such an insulting implication. That’s character.”

“You knew that was me?”

“A mother who doesn’t recognize her own child’s bum isn’t fit to be called a mother.”

Katie giggled. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was worried you’d leave before the wedding, and I wanted you to face everyone from that night. The reality that you aren’t your mistakes—I thought it was an important quest for you.”

“I don’t know how it is you can seem so ridiculous and so brilliant all at once.”

“One day your child will think the same thing of you.”

“So back to Dexter. You didn’t think he was kind.”

“Did he ever enter into your world, Katie?”

She thought about the question for a long time. “I guess he didn’t. He just invited me into his.”

The doorbell rang, and they overheard Rusty speaking to someone, but Mam was intensely focused on the conversation and ignored the interruption.

“Ask yourself this, Katie. If you gambled your life away, his life away . . . would Dexter offer you grace or condemnation? Protection or anger? The truth is, we see people’s real character when we blow it.”

“Dexter!” Katie jumped up. “I thought you left town!”

Mam busied herself at the countertop, scrubbing the granite with a kitchen towel.

“I had to get something off my mind before I left. Rusty let me in.”

“Come in and sit down.”

He sat at the table, and Mam poured him a cup of coffee. Even though he didn’t drink the stuff, he sipped from the mug before he spoke. “I think I’ve made a mistake. I do want to marry you. I mean, I don’t get all this dancing/singing business, and I don’t understand why you want to dress like you’ve been in a time machine, but I’m sure there are things you don’t understand about me as well. Maybe I wasn’t being fair.”

Katie blinked rapidly and searched for the right words.

“I’ll admit I had trouble with the fact that you’d given yourself to that character. It bothered me that you hadn’t been smarter as a young woman, but then I thought, I’m not perfect either, and if Katie loves me, what does it matter if she loved someone else once?”

“The thing is, Dexter. All those things you don’t understand about me? They
are
me. If you were intrigued by those things it might work, but it sounds as though you see them as character flaws.”

“If we’re committed to the sanctity of the institution of marriage, then I fail to see how it could be a problem.”

She put her hand on his and held it tightly. “I think I want more than that, Dexter.”

“Meaning?”

“We’re forcing something together that maybe doesn’t fit.”

“Katie, you’re not that young anymore.”

Mam coughed.

“I’m only twenty-nine. I’m not ready for the pasture just yet, thanks.”

“I’m willing to make this right. I’m willing to marry you. I don’t want to treat you like something to be discarded. Do you want to be put out with yesterday’s news?”

“The thing is, Dexter, I’m not afraid to be single. So that’s not a reason to get married. Once I made a mistake that cost me my reputation and a lot of years to overcome. Big decisions scare me, and you can see why, but I don’t think we can compromise in ways that matter. I believe by not being able to decide for certain, that leads us to our decision.”

“I’m not going to offer again,” he said.

“I understand.”

He slammed the mug on the table. “I need to catch my flight. The cab is waiting.” He swept out of the room so quickly, she felt his wake.

“He’ll be engaged by the end of the year,” Mam predicted. “Men like him just get married when they feel ready. Kick off the dust, Katie. He isn’t worth your tears.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t really have any.”

Mam stroked the back of her head. “When the storms of life push against you, our real temperaments come out to dance. We’re all entitled to a tantrum now and then, Katie. No one is perfect, but the man who would take your darkest secret and use it against you for power? It’s the ultimate betrayal. You told him the truth about your past with Luc, and he used it to make you feel undeserving of real love. That’s criminal.”

“I had to. I couldn’t marry him and not tell him that.”

“No one who truly understands grace will tell a person their sin is beyond it.” Mam lifted Dex’s coffee cup and wiped away any trace of him.

Chapter 19

Q
UE
S
ERA,
S
ERA

“Katie, you’ll never guess who I found! Katie!” Eileen shouted through the house.

Katie wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. Her face felt pudgy and swollen from crying, and judging by the hair in her face, there was nothing left of her updo. As she walked into the living room, Jem DeForges stood in the entryway, his imposing frame overwhelming the small room. Pokey jumped at Katie’s feet.

“Katie!” Jem extended his arms to her and pulled her into a tight Southern hug—the kind she’d received more of in the last few days than in her entire eight years in California.

Jem’s clothes looked as though he lived an island life— khaki pants, a camp shirt finished off to look professional, with a cotton blazer. He was a walking Jimmy Buffet song.

She pulled away and patted at her hair. “Jem, I look terrible. Why is it gorgeous men never walk into my life when I look my best? You’re here looking like Ernest Hemingway in the middle of the day, and I’m a wreck.”

“Katie-bug, I consider it a favor. I can’t handle you all dressed to the nines. It’s too much for my fragile heart.”

She playfully hit him. “I forgot how charming you could be.”

“Jem has something for you, Katie,” Eileen said from over Jem’s shoulder. “I was shopping at his Canal Street store—”

“I thought you went to Magazine Street.”

“I got lost,” Eileen said with narrowed eyes. “Jem asked if I saw you anymore because he had something for you.”

“Didn’t you know I was here for the wedding?” she asked Jem.

“I did, but I didn’t want to give you this in front of everyone. I’ve been saving these for years, and I didn’t want the family flapping their gums about it.”

Her interest piqued, Katie said, “I’ve forgotten my manners. Come in and have a seat. Can I get you some coffee? Tea?” All she had to add was “me” to her offer, and she’d be as cheesy as Luc’s air hostess.

Jem, the oldest brother in the DeForges trio, didn’t seem like a jeweler. He wore no jewelry for one thing, and he possessed no salesmanlike qualities. The jewelry shop had been the last business, besides the real estate holdings, left in the family’s economy, and like a dutiful son, Jem had taken it over when his father retired. Where once the DeForges boys had seemed like one entity, surviving their mother separated them into three different worlds. Ryan took on the typical youngest brother role, playing the role of Momma’s boy and not entering the competition between his older brothers. Luc survived by besting his mother’s expectations and then escaping Louisiana altogether. Jem, Katie thought, had survived by sheer force of will and determination.

He stretched out his long legs on the settee and reached into his jacket pocket.

“So what is it with you and your brothers wearing suit coats in the middle of a New Orleans summer?”

“It’s what we do here.” He snapped his lapels.

“The Deforges are Renaissance men in the truest sense of the word.”

Jem held up a black velvet jewelry box. “These came into the shop a few years ago. Believe it or not, I saw them and thought only of you.” He placed the box on the settee, and she sat next to it.

“For me?” she asked stupidly. Pokey tried to jump between them, but his small legs wouldn’t reach. Katie bent down and pulled the dog onto the sofa with one hand. “Now we have an official chaperone. Just like the old days when this settee was made.”

He laughed. “And this one bites, so I will keep my hands to myself.”

“Just open the box. I’m dying here!” Eileen said. “I had to wait through the whole car ride.”

Katie lifted the lid. Two green gems in the shape of cat eyes met her.

“They’re earrings,” Jem said. “When I saw them I thought,
Where have I seen that color?
I tried to place it but couldn’t. So I put them aside. And then it dawned on me. Katie’s eyes. They look exactly like Katie-bug’s eyes. I always planned to send them to you, but good intentions only go so far. I didn’t have your address, didn’t want to ask my brother for it. You know the drill.”

“They’re beautiful, Jem. But I can’t keep them.”

“Why on earth not? You think I let them gather dust all those years to have you hand them back to me in a split second?”

“Jem, you just don’t give earrings to someone you haven’t seen in eight years.”

“Is that how long it’s been?” He shook his head. “It feels like yesterday you left. You’re not someone who just left town, Katie. I associate you with most of the good times my family had.”

“Surely they started before college,” she said.

“Coming-of-age good times, then, if you will.”

“They look like my ring. Well, the ring I hope to have again at some point.”

“Green. They’re fair emeralds. Not worth as much on the open market, but they’re priceless when you put that color on a pair of eyes.”

“They’re emeralds too?” she asked.

“Yes, but you know, the color of an emerald is what determines its value. Even with inclusions, a darker emerald with brilliant color will be worth more.”