A Blued Steel Wolfe (7 page)

With that, he headed over to where Specialist Shore was seeing to Juan. When he got there, he knew immediately that it was bad. Juan was doped up with morphine and barely conscious. Shore had removed the sergeant’s body armor and was trying to staunch the blood.

“Hey, Ell Tee,” Juan said with a weak smile.

“You’re going to be ok, brother,” Justin said as he knelt and clasped his friend’s hand.

“You don’t have to bullshit me, sir,” Juan said and coughed up blood. When the fit passed, he continued. “I know my number’s up. Just… please… take… care of… Cam…”

The light went out of his eyes as Juan Delgado died. Shore cursed and shook his head solemnly as he closed Juan’s sightless eyes.

“Sir,” Gonzo said quietly to his platoon leader. “He’s gone.”

“Roger that Gonzo,” Justin said, stoically as he stood from his kneeling position. “How many total casualties?”

“Four dead, twelve wounded, sir,” Gonzales replied.

“Damn,” Justin said with a sigh. He hated losing soldiers. He hated it even more, because these soldiers were also his friends. Captain Treadwell had warned him about this. He’d said that a platoon leader wasn’t supposed to befriend his soldiers. He would have to make hard decisions in battle sometimes, and friendship would only get in the way of that.

Despite the captain’s warnings, Justin continued to lead through respect as well as friendship. Every man in his platoon would gladly die for him. He, by the same token would gladly give his life to save any of them, as well.

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, though. The current situation demanded a cool head, and he had to keep calm.

He ordered his men to gather up the dead and help the wounded onto the choppers. Once everyone was aboard, they lifted and turned south towards Kandahar.

***** ***** *****

Los Angeles, three and a half years after…

Justin awoke in a cold sweat as his dreams brought that memory back to him in sharp focus. He looked down at Cammie, still asleep with a serene smile on her lovely face.

My stupidity got a good friend killed, and here I am sleeping with his widow
. Justin thought as guilt overcame him. He closed his eyes and regained control of himself.
If I tell her, I could lose her forever. If I don’t tell her, this is going to tear me apart. What do I do now
? He wondered.

He arose silently and picked up his boxers from the pile of clothing that included his button-less dress shirt and tux. He pulled them on, and then pulled his t-shirt on over his head before padding silently out of the room.

Justin had to think, so he went to the kitchen. He found eggs in the fridge and bacon in the freezer. He grabbed the frying pan from the hook beside the stove, and the spray grease from beside it. He turned on the stove and sprayed the pan before setting the bacon in it to cook.

While he did all that, he thought about his current quandary. He knew that keeping the secret inside him would rip him apart, emotionally. Telling her, however, would probably kill any chances of their burgeoning love from ever blossoming. Then his father’s voice came back on the conversation they’d had about honesty in romantic relationships.

“Remember, Justinian, you must always be truthful with a lady. Even if that truth destroys what you have with her, you must never hold anything back. If you are honest with her, then she may forgive you. However, if she learns about it another way, it will destroy any hope of keeping her love.”

Justin nodded as he took the crispy bacon out of the pan and set it on a platter. Then he cracked open the eggs and began to scramble them in a cup. He hadn’t even told his father about the details of the raid that killed Juan Delgado. The only man he’d told was the Catholic Chaplain during Confession, but even he’d said that Justin did nothing wrong.

When Captain Treadwell and Colonel Reilly debriefed him and his men after the firefight, they ruled that he’d done everything by the book. He couldn’t have accounted for the other Taliban force in the area. None of their intelligence personnel even had knowledge that the other platoon of tangos was in that area of operations.

That didn’t stop him from feeling responsible, though. He’d been in the field long enough to know that you had to prepare for
every
contingency. He’d failed to prepare for that one though, and it cost three good Rangers their lives.

He absently flipped the scrambled eggs in the pan, letting them soak up the bacon grease for flavor. He nodded again as he knew what he had to do. Justin sighed as he resigned himself to the worst case scenario. If he lost Cammie because of this, he would have to live with that. He couldn’t live with the secret anymore, though. In light of his newfound realization of love for her, he owed her the truth.

“Well, that smells good, baby,” he heard Cammie say as she stood behind him in the kitchen. He turned around, and the sight of her took his breath away. Even disheveled with her hair a mess and wearing only his button-less dress shirt and a pair of clean bikini panties, she looked delicious. The shirt hid her nipples, but left her midriff and cleavage bare. The sight caused him to stir inside his shorts. Her smile promised more to come, but only after some food.

“Thank you, Cammie,” he replied, smiling in spite of the dark thoughts from only a moment ago.
After breakfast. I’ll tell her after breakfast.
He promised himself.

She noticed him drinking in the sight of her in his shirt, and smiled naughtily at him. Justin reluctantly tore his gaze away to finish plating their food. He brought both plates, knives and forks to the kitchen counter with two high bar stools, and set them down. He retrieved two glasses from a cabinet. Then he poured them some orange juice to wash down their morning meal.

“Breakfast is served, dear lady,” he said with a smile. They ate side by side, but all too soon, they finished their meal.

“That was wonderful, baby,” she said as she followed him to the sink where he set down their plates and utensils. She wrapped her arms around him from behind, and he felt her wonderful breasts pressing into his back. As he ran some water over the dishes, he felt himself hardening for her again.

“Thank you, sweetie,” he replied with a sigh. Then he turned in her arms to face her. As her dark eyes looked up into his turquoise gaze, she saw the sadness there.

“What is it, Justin?” she asked, a feeling of concern coming over her.

“There is something I need to tell you, Cammie,” he responded after taking a deep breath. He took her hand and led her to the living room. They sat together on the couch and he took her hand in his.

“Oh my God, what’s wrong honey?” Cammie said, seeing the pain in his eyes. “You aren’t having second thoughts about us, are you?”

“No! God no, Cammie! I want to be with you more than anything!” Justin exclaimed. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “But after what I have to tell you, you might never want to see me or talk to me again.”

“You aren’t gay, are you?” Cammie asked, raising one of her eyebrows.

The question caught Justin off-guard, and he laughed at that. “No, Cammie. You have nothing to fear, there.”

Then he grew serious again. “It has to do with Juan’s death. I gave the orders that got him killed, that day.”

At her look of surprise, he continued. He explained everything to her about the skirmish, tracking the enemy for three days, and finally the raid on the Taliban camp. He admitted to her, his own ineptitude on that day. He berated himself as an idiot for not taking the precautions that he would’ve normally taken in that situation. He told her about his superiors, and how they told him that he did nothing wrong. He made no excuses, though. He explained why he felt responsible, whether or not anyone else could see it.

“… and that’s how and why Juan died, Cammie. I’m truly sorry, but I know that nothing I say will ever make it right,” he finished, tears streaming down his face.

Cammie simply sat there as she tried to process everything that Justin told her. She saw the pain in his eyes, and part of her wanted to hold him close. Another part of her wanted to scream at him for taking her husband away from her. Yet another part calmly assessed everything that he’d just told her about that horrible day. That calm part of her mind also tallied up every time he’d helped her over the years, before and since that day, her husband died.

She knew that he’d called Jared from Afghanistan and asked him to consider her for the position of legal secretary. She’d found that out from Justin himself, when she confronted him at Juan’s funeral. He made it clear that he didn’t persuade Jared to hire her, though. She’d won the job on her own merits.

She remembered the pain in his voice when he’d first called her to report that Juan Delgado was killed in action against the enemy. She thought of how much it mirrored the pain in his voice now.

Cammie remembered the second time she’d seen him, when he came home on Leave after that fateful day. Her anger at him for calling Jared had totally abated by then. She remembered him offering his assistance with anything she might need to make her life easier.

She thought at the time that he was hitting on her, but he never made a pass at her. He always helped her out whenever he was home on Leave. However, he never once asked her out or acted inappropriately towards her. She knew that he only had her best interests at heart.

She paused in her thoughts to look into his eyes again. She knew he wanted to say something, but he held is peace pending her verdict.

She remembered how he’d volunteered without a second thought when that scumbag kidnapped Tam. He’d personally led the rescue mission alongside Royce, commanding the Wolfe extraction team and making sure that her sister didn’t die in the ensuing battle.

She also remembered how he’d helped her move after that, into the larger house that her new salary allowed. He’d put together another detail from the Wolfe Enforcers and they’d helped her move everything into her new abode. Even then, he didn’t make any inappropriate moves on her. Even then, he stayed a perfect gentleman.

Then she remembered how he looked at her during the wedding, as if discovering her for the first time. She felt the same way, looking at Royce’s Best Man with the new eyes of love, even as he looked at her in the same way. The unspoken bond of friendship they’d shared since that day he first called her to report Juan’s death spoke volumes about his character. Until she showed interest in him, he’d been content to have her as a friend. Now that friendship was growing into something else. When that happened, he knew he couldn’t keep the secret from her anymore.

She’d loved Juan Delgado with all of her heart. So much so, that she’d never even entertained the notion of moving on, until she met Justinian Wolfe. She now admitted to herself that she’d seen something in him, even back then. She didn’t see him as more than a good friend, though. But when he’d helped rescue Tam, she felt
something
for him that was more than mere friendship.

But until the day of the wedding, she refused to acknowledge those feelings to herself. Something inside her screamed at her that she would be stupid not to give in to her feelings. She knew Juan when he was alive, and she knew that he would want her to move on after he died. Could she move on, though? Now with this revelation, she had to ask herself one more question.
Can I move on with a man who blames himself for my husband’s death? I don’t know…

“Justin,” she said softly, breaking the silence as her eyes started to well up. She reached up and stroked his face, brushing away his tears. “Dear, sweet Justin, the only thing you proved that day was that you’re fallible like the rest of us. With this confession, you’ve proved that you’re human. I love you, Justinian Wolfe.”

Profound relief swept over him as he clasped her hand on his cheek and kissed her palm. He pulled her to him, and she went willingly into his embrace.

“I love you too, Camille Jenkins,” he replied, holding her in a close embrace. He drew back slightly and smiled sadly, as he gazed into her eyes. “Are you sure, though?”

She nodded with a sad smile of her own. “I’m sure, baby. Are you sure that you can accept the fact that you’re human just like the rest of us?”

“I can try,” he said with a wry smile. After always holding himself to a higher standard that everyone else, he knew that it would be a long road back to mortality.
For her, but more for myself, I need to stop thinking of myself as all-knowing and all-seeing.

In the wake of that epiphany, he drew her face in close and kissed her lovingly.

“Maybe I was wrong,” she said dreamily as they broke the kiss. “Maybe you’re a god after all. No mortal man can kiss like you do.”

“I was about to say something similar about you, dear lady,” he replied with a loving smile. “Are you sure you aren’t a goddess of love in disguise?”

***** ***** *****

Cammie changed into a tank top and shorts. Then she called her parents at their new house, and asked if they could take care of Nate for the day. The doting grandparents were more than happy to have their grandson with them so it wasn’t a problem.

Then they went searching and found all of the buttons that she’d popped off of Justin’s shirt the night before. They laughed as they found them all, and then he dressed again in the tux slacks and gathered up the coat and tie too. They went to his place, where he changed into casual clothing too, a black t-shirt with a large black and gold RANGER tab on it and blue jeans.