A Bride After All (13 page)

Finally, Nick got what he thought he would get from Sean, even as he dreaded seeing his son upset. He pulled him onto his lap and held him as he had when he was a baby, and let him cry.

C
laire toed the door shut behind her and quickly placed the pair of grocery bags on the bar before grabbing up the phone. “Hello?”

“I was about to hang up. Did I get you out of the shower—and let us both pause now for a moment while I hold on to the mental image I’ve just conjured up.”

She subsided onto one of the bar stools, ridiculously pleased to hear his voice. “Hello, Nick,” she said, smiling. “How’s it going? How’s Sean?”

“Better, I think,” he said, his voice no longer teasing. “I sent him back to school today, and he says he wants to go to karate tonight. He asked me if you’d be there.”

“He did?” Her heart skipped a beat. She really
wanted to see Sean, to see Nick, but this first meeting since Sandy had come to town—and almost just as quickly disappeared again—could be awkward. Not to mention complicated.

“I nearly told him he’d have to get in line, but I restrained myself. You do know that it has been four days, sixteen hours and…twenty-seven minutes since I’ve kissed you?”

“It was better that way.”

“Speak for yourself, Ms. Ayers,” he said, but again, there was no teasing in his voice. “He’s not latching onto you, Claire. He’s not making a choice, either. Sandy is Sandy, and you’re you. She promised she’d call him, keep in contact, but he told me she won’t. Broke my heart to hear him say that, but if that’s how he wants to handle it, I can’t stop him. He doesn’t want to get hurt again.”

“I can’t blame him for that,” Claire said as she got up from the stool and began emptying the grocery bags, shoved a pack of hamburger in the refrigerator. She had to keep moving or else she’d be late for class. “I can’t just waltz in and take Sandy’s place, either. I mean, not that I’m saying that I expect to just…I mean, we haven’t really discussed…I’m not presuming…and it really isn’t good to have women just coming and going around your son, Nick…not that you’d ever do anything like—can we talk about this later?”

God. Could she have sounded more ridiculous? They liked each other, they’d been to bed together.
Twenty years ago, that was almost as good as a proposal. Now it was just being
adult
.

Except it was so much more. For her, definitely. For him, she hoped so. It was the timing. Thanks to Sandy, it was all in the damn
timing
. Were four days, sixteen hours and now thirty minutes enough time?

“I think we’d better, yes,” he said quietly. “Unless you’re still feeling uncomfortable about…”

“I’m not uncomfortable, Nick,” she said, blinking back sudden tears. “I’m trying—we’re trying—to be adults about this thing.” She winced at her use of
adult
. “Sean has to come first right now, and he’s had a rough few days. Oh, darn it, there goes my cell. I’ve got a text coming in. Hang on a sec, okay?”

She grabbed her cell out of her purse and read the message:
Skl bus kids LVH ER asap D.

On my way
she texted back and picked up her house phone once more.

“Nick? Is Sean home yet?”

“Yeah, why? What’s up?”

“Okay, that’s one worry gone. That was Derek. It looks like there’s been a school bus accident, and he needs me at Lehigh Valley Hospital. I’ve got to go.”

“Yes, of course. I just got a beep, myself. Probably Fred. Do you want me to call the community center? No, wait, nobody’s there yet. I’ll call Marylou, tell her neither of us can make it tonight.”

“What about Sean?” Claire was already tossing butter and milk into the refrigerator and grabbing two slices of bread and some slices of boiled ham out of
the meat drawer, slamming it all together in a dry sandwich she’d take with her, eat on the way.

Nick swore under his breath. “Mrs. Nicholson is still on vacation. I don’t know what I’ll do with—don’t worry about that. You’re needed at the hospital. I’ll take care of things at this end. Call me on my cell if you can get away to the cafeteria at some point.”

Not a single word about how much easier it would be if she went to Sean while he went to work writing up the news on the crash. No recriminations about how her insistence on a career was eating into their personal lives. Just
you’re needed at the hospital
. He couldn’t know how much she loved him at this moment.

“I’ll do that, I promise,” Claire agreed and hung up the phone, already grabbing for her purse and car keys. Kids, riding in a school bus. No restraints because—no, she’d never been able to see the logic in strapping children into car seats and boosters in family cars, but letting them ride without restraints on buses, where an accident could have them flying around the interior of the bus like leaves in a windstorm.

“Head and facial injuries, lost teeth, broken bones,” she mumbled to herself as she drove, her mind operating objectively, assessing what she might encounter, how she would assist Derek in any way she could. She switched on the radio to listen for news bulletins, and soon learned that the bus was on its way through the area, and heading back to a suburban Philadelphia school after a day trip to New York. Several injuries, none life-threatening—which
she knew didn’t rhyme with
slap on a bandage and send them home
.

She took alternate routes through Allentown, having learned that the accident had closed the thruway, her usual route, and arrived just ahead of an emergency vehicle that swung into the ambulance bay, where three other ambulances were already unloading patients. No wonder Derek had been called in to help.

It was after ten by the time she’d written up the admitting papers for the third child needing further care, and spoken with parents who had driven to the hospital to be with their children. She’d heard a few of the ambulance drivers and EMTs talking about the scene, and it seemed a miracle that none of the children were more seriously hurt.

“How are we doing?” Derek asked her as she pulled down a set of x-rays showing several broken teeth and a dislocated jaw and replaced them in their folder.

“That depends. You have anything else for me? You were great, by the way. Kids adore you. How many exam-glove balloons did you blow up tonight?”

“I lost count. One of them insisted on two, because he had two stitches. I was beginning to see spots before my eyes before I got out of there. Hey, go home. You look beat.”

“Does that mean I have tomorrow morning off, boss?” she asked him, earning herself a kiss on the cheek and an
in your dreams, sis
before her cell phone began to vibrate in her exam coat pocket.

It had to be Nick. Maybe he was already waiting for her in the hospital cafeteria. It seemed like years she’d talked to him. Longer since she’d seen him, other than in those dreams Derek had mentioned.

She left the emergency unit and found a quiet spot in the hall before opening her phone, to see that she didn’t recognize the number displayed on the screen. “Hello?”

“Claire Ayers?”

“Yes,” Claire said cautiously, not recognizing the voice. Or maybe she did, but didn’t want to acknowledge that she did. “Who is this, please?”

“Cassandra Barrington. Well, not really. I changed it, legally. I’m Cassandra Starr now. Two R’s.”

“Ms. Starr,” Claire said, feeling ridiculous. “How…how did you get my number?”

“Oh, that’s easy. I snoop,” Sandy answered with a laugh. “I’m really good at it, too. Nick’s got condoms in his nightstand, and it looks like a pretty new box, only a couple missing. Good for him. Good for you.”

Claire sagged against the wall. “I’m going to hang up now.”

“No! I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. Look, don’t you want to know why I’m calling you?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

“I want to talk to you about Sean. My son.”

Claire’s heart rate nearly doubled. “All right, I’m listening.”

“I don’t know how to say this, Claire,” Cassandra went on, her slightly raspy voice breaking slightly,
as if she might be fighting tears. “I…I stink as a mother. I came to Allentown to screw with Richie’s head, and I ended up making my own kid cry. I feel like crap, Claire, you know? He’s a cute kid, really smart. He looked me square in the eye on Sunday morning and told me he knew he couldn’t count on me, but that was all right because he had Nick. And you.”

Claire pressed her fist to her mouth and turned her back as two nurses walked past, so that they wouldn’t see her expression and think something was wrong. She prayed nothing was wrong. “I…I see.”

“Do you? Do you know what it’s like to feel a knife plunged into your heart, and then twisted?”

“You didn’t have to leave,” Claire pointed out, trying very hard not to feel sorry for this woman. “Sean needs a mother. He deserves a mother.”

“Yes, a mother. Not me, not
his
mother. A mother. I can’t be what he needs. I think…I don’t know, maybe I’m missing a gene or something. I love him, but I’d only end up screwing him up if I gave up my career for him, you know? I’d resent it. Hell, I resent that I’m sitting here in Vegas, crying like a baby over a kid who doesn’t even like me.”

“I’m sorry, Cassandra.”

“Yeah, me too. But here’s what I want to know. I couldn’t get spit out of Nick when I asked him, so I’m coming straight to you. Is Sean right?”

Claire tried to swallow, but her mouth had gone dry. “Is he right about what?”

“About what? For crying out loud, do I have to draw you a picture? About you and Nick. I know Nick loves you. He nearly jumped down my throat when I brought up your name. He’s very protective. I know Sean loves…is crazy about you. What I don’t know, Claire, is how you feel. I need to know that.”

“If you don’t mind, Cassandra, I think Nick should be the first person who hears how I feel about him.”

There was a short bark of laughter at the other end of the phone. “Okay, good one. But I think I get the drift. So here’s the deal. I screwed up, I admit that. I screwed up by staying away, and I screwed up by showing up. But I made a promise to Sean before I left, and I intend to keep it, even if he doesn’t believe me. I’m not going to disappear again. But I want you to know that I’m not going to get in your way, either. Kids need to know they’re secure, right? Nick’s his security, and you, too, I’m guessing. I won’t mess with that. But, please, don’t shut me out of my son’s life. We can, you know, e-mail each other, stuff like that? You could keep me up to date, kick me in the backside if I haven’t called at least twice a month. Like that?”

Claire realized that if she agreed, it was as good as saying yes to Nick if he showed up in the cafeteria, got down on one knee, and asked her to marry him. Strange that she would make her first commitment to Nick’s ex-wife.

“Yes, we can do that, Cassandra,” she said,
taking the first step in the direction her heart knew almost from the first that she should go. “I’m sure Nick will agree.”

“Maybe. Only if he thinks I won’t be a bad influence on Sean,” Sandy said, and then sighed. “I’m hoping you’ll convince him.”

“Cassandra, Sean cried for two days when you left. Nick knows a child will always love his mother. That’s simply the way it is. I’m just so happy that you’re going to be a larger part of his life.”

“But never the most important part,” Sandy said, sighing. “You know, the part that helps him with his homework or teaches him how to dance before his first…his first date. Damn, here I go again, getting all weepy. Richie thinks I’m nuts. Let me just hang up for now, okay? Nick has my e-mail address now, so if he agrees, you can get it from him. And I’ll answer, I promise.”

“I’ll do the best I can, Cassandra. And thank you.”

“Uh-huh, sure. But you know how you can thank me? You can make Nick get rid of those damn flowered couches. Bye!”

Claire closed her phone, and smiled as she stuck it back in her pocket, only to have it begin vibrating with another call.

This time it had to be Nick. She quickly fished the phone out of her pocket and put it to her ear. “Hello? Nick?”

“Claire? Hi, it’s me, Marylou. Sorry I’m not Nick, but I was just wondering when you guys thought
you might get home. Sean’s been asleep for a couple of hours now, and I’m starting to dream about my own mattress. Not that I mind!”

Claire headed back into the unit, so that she could get to the cafeteria without having to walk all the way around the outside of the huge building. “Nick got
you
to babysit?”

“You say that as if I don’t know how to do it. And he didn’t get me to babysit. I volunteered. He found one of the
Chronicle’s
reporters to take over his class and I took Sean to his class and then subbed for you again.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Marylou, thank you. But I didn’t fax over a lesson plan,” Claire said, wondering if Marylou might be eligible for a Nobel Prize or something.

“Just remembered that, did you? It was okay. Chessie had a late appointment, meaning I couldn’t snag her to babysit again, so we used little Stefano to show how to properly bathe an infant. Let me tell you, Claire, that baby has quite a set of lungs on him.”

“Didn’t like his bath, huh?” Claire asked as she pushed through a set of fire doors and entered the main lobby, looking around her, hoping to see Nick.

“As the kids say, not hardly. Claire?”

“I’m looking for Nick now. Why didn’t you just call him? Well, never mind, I’ll find him for you.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I know I could have called Nick, but I really wanted to talk to you,” Marylou said, her voice dropping as if she might be
overheard. “Chessie didn’t really have a late appointment tonight.”

Claire stopped walking and went to the side of the corridor, the better to hear Marylou. “Okay. What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you this much, that woman can be
so
glad I wasn’t there when Chessie ran into her today at the mall around lunchtime. Chessie was there picking up a little engraved gift for Barb for Saturday. She does that, you know, gives each bride a little engraved gift. She’s such a sweetheart, isn’t—”

“Marylou, I’m trying to find Nick for you. You want to speed this up a little? What woman should be glad?”

“Diana Peters, aka Chessie’s maid of honor, aka the bimbo who took off with the groom five years ago, the night before the wedding.”