Authors: Megan McKenney
“Okay? It’s only like the greatest music of all time. You know what? I’ll make you a mixed CD of their songs. Trust me, you’ll love them.” He sat down at his computer and started to work on it.
I really did want the CD so I didn’t try to argue against him. Instead I got up from the bed and started walking around his room. It was messy, but I kind of figured it would be. Brad’s room was clean like mine was – which made us a good couple. We both liked to have order in our lives. Keiffer, however, liked to spread everything out around his room…including on the floor.
My eyes ran across a photo that he had tucked behind a baseball on his dresser. It was of a young boy holding a baseball in his hand. An older man, who looked a bit like the boy, stood behind him, a big smile on his face. I turned to look at Keiffer…who had stopped making the CD and blankly stared at the computer. I placed the picture back, not wanting to say anything.
“My dad,” he finally responded.
“You lied.” I tucked my hair behind my ears. He didn’t respond but just kept his gaze straight forward. “You said that your dad committed suicide before you were born.” I started to walk towards him, but suddenly his mood changed. He scrambled to his feet, his face showing no signs of a smile.
“Everybody lies, Jenna. Everybody. No one is perfect…not even you.” He pointed towards his bedroom door. “You need to leave.”
“Keiffer, I didn’t mean to pry. You don’t have to tell me anything –“
“Leave! I’ll give you the CD Monday at school,” he snapped. His voice was getting rougher by each second that passed.
I began to grow worried for him. How was he able to change emotions so quickly? I reached my hands towards him, hoping that he might cool down. “Keiffer, if you need to talk to someone about it –“
“Then it won’t be you! I don’t need anyone. I don’t need you, I don’t need my mom, I don’t need anyone. Get out of my house now!” He pointed even harder at the door. I didn’t need to be told again. I hurried down the stairs and ran out of his house without looking back. His sudden change of mood scared me to death. How was he able to be hot and cold in only a few seconds?
Chapter Four
Saturday came before I knew it. My mom told me to only invite a few choice people, but those people knew other people, who knew other people, so it turned out to be a huge house party. My parents had decided to sneak out for the night so we had the whole house for the party.
Every girl who showed up for the party had on a skimpy outfit and almost every guy was trying to get with one of the girls. A lot of them were drunk, including Brad. I didn’t drink though. I had too much self-respect to even mess up my brain in that way. Instead I stayed sober by drinking my bottled water. Brad was in the entertainment room with some of the girls as I stayed in the kitchen making drinks.
“Awesome party, Jenna.” A girl with blonde hair walked up to me. It was obvious that she had been drinking because she was slurring all of her words together. Honestly, I had no idea who she was. I had never even spoken to the girl in my life. However, I was used to people knowing me and me having no clue who they are.
“Thanks,” I responded. “How do we know each other?”
“I tried out for cheerleading a year ago. You said I looked like a beached whale doing a cartwheel in a tutu.” She spilled some of her beer on the tile.
“Oh, sorry about that. Sometimes I say things that are really hurtful. I don’t think you look like a…” I couldn’t finish my apology without cracking a smile. That was actually a pretty funny negative comment that I told her.
“No, it’s whatever,” she laughed. “I did look like that. But, hey, you inspired me to lose sixty pounds.”
“Really?” I exclaimed. “No wonder I didn’t recognize you!” The girl didn’t respond to me, but instead walked outside and puked in the snowy bushes. I felt my own self start to feel sick, so I ran upstairs to my room to get away from the smell.
I threw my backpack onto the floor and laid down across my bed. The music that was coming from downstairs was giving me a pounding headache. After failing to get rid of it by closing my eyes, I sat up and placed both feet on the ground. Looking down at my backpack I saw another blue CD case. Curiosity pumped through my veins as I loaded the CD into my laptop. I listened closely, hoping to find another piece to the puzzle.
“So, here’s CD number dos,” he chuckled slightly at his stupid joke. “Since I was thirteen I have seeing psychologists off and on. My mom thinks that my odd behavior is from my dad’s death. It may be, or it may not be. Either way, I still miss him. Always. Even if she doesn’t anymore. You know, people laugh at me when I tell them that I practically live in the water. Surfing isn’t just my passion, it’s an adrenaline rush. It’s the only fun I can have where I feel like I’m on the verge of death, without actually being in much harm.
“When the water rushes over you and you think you’re about to die, you come back up to the surface and fill your lungs with the cool air. You don’t die. But you have that quick, ten second rush. During those ten seconds your mind is racing and your whole mind flashes back to what you had done, what you should’ve done, and what you hadn’t done. You start seeing memories that your mind pushed way back…memories that you didn’t even know existed.
“But you want to know what the best part is? About surfing, I mean. It’s the solitary moment that I get to have to myself. It’s the one time I get to be alone and be myself without my mom questioning if I’m normal or not. When I’m on my board, looking out into the horizon, that’s the only moment in my life where I feel like I’m not broken. I’m a good person, Jenna. I just don’t think people see that side of me.” Three seconds later, the CD stopped and I listened to the sound of muted music coming from downstairs. Tears stung my eyes as I stared at my blank computer screen. It was true. You never truly understand who a person is until you let them open up to you…which was exactly what Keiffer was doing.
Still numb from the CD that I just listened to, I made my way back downstairs to the party. I saw Brad hanging out with a few guys around the grill – which they obviously figured out how to use. Several girls tried to get me to dance sexy with them but I refused, laughing off their stupid request. Instead, they turned their attention back to each other, the boys all hollering at them.
Pulling my sweater a little tighter, I braved the snow outside and went over to where Brad was grilling with some of the guys. “Hey, baby,” Brad said as he slipped his arm around my waist. He smelled of alcohol, but I knew he was only a bit toasted. He wasn’t drunk yet.
“Hey,” I answered back, giving him a kiss on his cheek.
“Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he laughed.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess I’m just a bit tired. It’s already one in the morning.” I rested my head against his shoulder. “I didn’t know the party was going to go for this long.”
“This party is going to go until at least four,” one of the jocks on the football team said. I let out a yawn and closed my eyes.
“There’s no way I can stay up until four,” I answered back. “Will you watch over the party?” I asked Brad. I knew that it was babyish of me for going to bed at my own party, but I was starting to feel exhausted.
He agreed to it so I headed back towards the house. On my way back, a faint object of Keiffer’s roof caught my eye. I stopped walking and focused my eyes on it a bit harder. There, sitting on his back staring up at the stars, was Keiffer. Curiously I made my way around the house until I reached his lawn. Standing in his front yard, I called out to him.
“So this is what you do for fun? Sit on your roof at night?” I asked sarcastically, shaking slightly from the cold weather. Keiffer jumped at the sound of my voice, and then quickly sat up. He stared at me before answering.
“You should come up here,” he called down to me.
I shook my head and crossed my arms across my chest. “No way, I’m too scared of heights. And it’s really, really cold.” I looked at the flimsy ladder that he had leaning against the roof. There was no way in hell that I was going to climb up that, especially with the chance of ice being on it.
“If you’re sure. You’ll be missing a great view though,” he responded before laying back down. I looked up at the sky, focusing on the stars.
“Really? How great?” I asked, feeling a bit left out.
“It’s pretty amazing, I’m not going to lie,” he responded.
I knew that it was probably wrong but I took the initiative and started climbing up the ladder. It was taking me a while to move my foot up because I was nervous but I managed. As soon of Keiffer noticed that I was climbing up to be with him, he jumped to his feet and offered me his hand. I took it nervously. I hated anything to do with heights…I wouldn’t even wear high heels.
I felt myself get wobbly, but he just held onto my arm tighter. “It’s okay, Jenna…I won’t let you fall. Trust me,” he looked me straight in the eyes as he said it.
I knew that he wouldn’t let go, so I did exactly what he told me. With one last push up, I lifted myself onto the roof. It took me a few seconds to catch my breath. I was absolutely terrified of being so high from the ground. Thankfully he had taken the time earlier to brush off the snow that had been on the roof.
“Look at you,” he said. “You made it up without falling.” Right then, for the first time ever, he gave me a real genuine smile. I made out a dimple on his left cheek. I smiled back at him, glad that I was able to finally see a different side of him.
We both laid on our backs, looking up at the sky. “Wow, you’re right,” I said breathlessly. “Look how bright those stars are.” He let out a noise so I knew he was listening. I didn’t feel like I needed to talk around Keiffer. He was a pretty quiet guy to start with so talking really wasn’t going to get anywhere.
“You’re glad you came up here then?” He asked, still looking up at the stars.
I nodded my head. “Yes, this is pretty amazing,” I laughed. Noticing that I was shaking, he took off his winter coat and wrapped it around my shoulders. Reluctantly I took his offer, though I tried my best to not touch it with bare skin. I had no clue where he had been.
About five minutes of silence we both saw a shooting star. He pointed it out, but I had already seen it before he even said something. “Look, there. Did you see it? It was a shooting star,” he had exclaimed.
“You have to wish on it,” I answered. We both looked at each other before closing our eyes and making our wishes. I wished that my application to Yale would arrive there safely and that they would accept me without even a question about it. I knew it was a big chance but that was the one thing that I was willing to waste my wish on.
“What did you wish for?” Keiffer asked, his voice low…almost a whisper.
“That my application would be accepted at Yale,” I responded without even thinking about it. “What was your wish?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t really believe in them.”
“No,” I said sternly. “If you’re going to make me say my wish then you better tell me yours.” I sat up from the roof. He stayed laying down, his same goofy smile spread across his face. I actually found his weird smile a bit attractive. Since I had seen his real smile, I found his creepy one foreplay to the real. I knew what he was capable of, which made him a little bit cuter.
“I didn’t make you do anything,” he responded. “You were willing to tell me.”
“So you better be willing to tell me,” I hissed. He didn’t say anything for a while, but I kept a dirty glare on him until he finally sat up also.
“Fine, I’ll tell you. I wished that this semester would go by as slow as possible,” he looked down at the shingles before flicking his eyes back on me.
“Ew,” I laid back down. “Why the hell would you wish that upon anyone, let alone yourself?” I was actually excited to graduate. After graduation came college. Brad would be going to Julliard in New York and I would be going to Yale, but we would both continue to date. That was obvious.
“I guess I would just like more time.”
“Time for what? Homework? Teachers? Stress?”
“Life,” he responded.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked nervously. He studied my face again before looking back down at the shingles.
“I don’t know,” he tried to laugh it off. “I’m just rambling.”
“No, Keiffer, there’s a reason why you said that. Are you going to tell me in one of your CD’s or can you actually just tell me to my face? Because no matter which way you slice it, I’ll be finding out some way.”
“Let’s just leave that question alone for right now, okay?” He said.
He stared up at the stars, and so did I, but I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking about what he said. I looked over at him once in a while, but he never looked back at me. Even without him saying anything else, I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel like I normally did with other people. Most other people just wanted to talk to me because I was the popular Jenna Horowitz…but not Keiffer. No, he wouldn’t have minded if I was up on the roof with him or not. He was content with who he was and he didn’t need me, or anyone else, to change him.