A Brush With Death

Belgrave House
www.belgravehouse.com

Copyright ©1990 by Joan Smith

You'd think when a man said he couldn't live without you, he meant in close proximity—if not in the same house, at least the same city or country. But no, it seems my fiancé's vital organs continue functioning just knowing I am on the same planet. While he capers around Europe, I am stuck in what Voltaire so vividly described as
"quelques arpents de neige,"
otherwise known as Canada. Voltaire got the environment right. He erred in the size. There must be zillions of arpents of snow. Whole mountains of it loom like elongated pyramids along the sides of the roadways, adding a further hazard to the little game drivers play here in Montreal. It's called kill the pedestrian. If you think the Indy 500 is dangerous, you should try crossing St. Catherine's some busy afternoon. I saw a motorist knock over a traffic cop at the corner of St. Kitt's and Crescent yesterday.

But I digress. John Weiss, my fiancé, is not totally responsible for my being here. I want to finish my education, at least get a B.A. Because French is my major, I'm taking it at McGill University, in Montreal. I was tempted to join John in London, where he's a very peripatetic investigator for a major insurance company. The last I heard he was in Holland. I'd only known him a short while when we got engaged, and at the time it seemed a sensible idea to wait till I graduated before we got married. I didn't know then that John doesn't write letters. Oh, he phones—long distance from London and Paris and Amsterdam, throwing me into conniptions of jealousy that I'm not with him.

The thing is, I haven't heard from him for
three weeks,
and with Christmas fast approaching I want to firm up holiday plans. In two days my Christmas exams will be over, and I haven't a clue whether we'll be going to my home in Bangor, Maine, for the holidays, or to Plains, Nebraska, to meet John's folks, or what. I could have gone to Mount Tremblant with the university ski club. I would have loved that, but I didn't sign up because I hadn't heard from John. I don't know what to get him for Christmas either, but if he doesn't get me an engagement ring, fur will fly, possibly also teeth and limbs.

All this makes studying for my exams very difficult. Before me sits a stack of notes six inches high that I should be reading. I am really not all that steady on the development of the novel in France. I keep forgetting whether it was Flaubert or Balzac who struggled over
"le mot juste."
It must have been Flaubert. Nobody who poured out such mountains of prose as Balzac could have spent a day struggling over one word. I hope
Madame Bovary
is on the exam. I loved Emma—as a character I mean. I think she would have been a pain in the ass to know personally. But when it comes time to discuss the character, the main thing I remember is that Flaubert, despite his struggling over the words, gave her three different eye colors—brown, deep black, and blue. And when pressed to identify her, he said
he
was Emma Bovary. I wonder what color his eyes were.

I went to bed that night with a headache and a vague feeling of unease. I was alone in the apartment that I share with a classmate. Sherry Cobden had finished her exams that afternoon and gone home. With my usual stunning luck, I had an exam on the last possible day, afternoon at that. I set the alarm for seven, to be sure I made it to the university in time for my second last exam, which I did. It went fine.
Madame Bovary
was on, for thirty marks. I recognized all of the excerpts in the sight passages and BS'd my way through the comments. I was in a good mood as I ploughed my way through campus toward the bus stop, hooded head bent into my collarbone against the gale-force winds. When the wind decides to blow in Montreal, you don't try to identify the people you meet. If you manage to tell the people from the trees and avoid both, you're doing well.

I saw a hooded, huddled form slogging through the snow and automatically nudged over to the edge of the path. The hood moved to the left to take a peek at me, and I readied a conspiratorial smile for whoever could be bothered to speak on a day like this. First I could only see an Eskimo-like ring of fur, with a red nose and a large mustache peeking out behind it. The mustache reminded me of John's. I smiled.

The face peeked out a little farther. I identified brown, liquid eyes behind the snowy eyebrows, and my hopes soared. The lips opened in a boyish grin, and there was no longer any doubt. Even without seeing his hair, which is brown and just beginning to recede a little in front, I knew it was John Weiss. His smile was unmistakable, with those white teeth overlapping just a tiny bit in front. My heart raced like a jet engine, and I felt tears scald my eyes, just before they froze.

“Cassie, is that you?” he asked. Puffs of breath hung on the zero degree air. Zero Fahrenheit, I mean. I can't get used to the centigrade scale they use here.

I dropped books, notes, clipboard and threw myself into his arms, half-laughing and half-crying. He must have been doing bench lifts. He managed to get me, wearing about twenty pounds of sheep-lined suede coat and boots and a shoulder bag holding four books, into the air and swung me around.

“Where did you come from? What are you doing here? Why didn't you write?” I peppered him with questions while my face hovered three inches above his, and the white world spun around me.

John isn't one for wasting time. Instead of talking, he kissed me very thoroughly indeed. It was a—
different
—sensation, to feel a frosty mustache turn liquid against your face. I felt something inside me melt too, and I'm not talking about sensual arousal. He still loves me, is what I thought, and I have to admit that what was dissipating inside me was fear that I'd lost him. Our romance had been brief, and interrupted by a somewhat engrossing mystery involving my kidnapped violin-playing uncle, the Great Mazzini, and a stolen Stradivarius. We didn't really know each other inside out, the way you should before agreeing to marry someone. With John's globe-trotting life, the possibility was always there that he'd go falling in love with some mane of blond hair and lithe, tanned torso on the Riviera, and forget all about me.

After a long, reassuring kiss, he put me down and we scrabbled around in the snow, trying to pick up all my junk with our bulky gloves. “I hardly recognized you,” John laughed. “Talk about all women looking alike in the dark. They all look like Eskimos here. In fact, I had trouble telling the women from the men."

“Wait till you see the demoiselles with their coats off. I don't think you'll have any trouble."

We had everything picked up, and I said, “Do you want to go to the coffee shop, or back to my place?"

“I rented wheels. I thought we might go out somewhere for lunch."

“You're planning to drive in Montreal? Brave man."

“Yeah, I noticed they drive like Cariocas, and the snow adds a new challenge."

It was a great relief not to have to line up on the street corner and wait for a bus. In winter, the cold, raw wind whips up from the St. Lawrence and can freeze you solid in two minutes. People are so anxious to get in out of the cold there's a stampede at the bus doors. John had rented a blue Crown Victoria. He likes big cars. It was still warm, and I had the luxury of taking off my gloves and pulling down my hood. John did the same.

He turned and studied me from his melting brown eyes. “Yup, you're a woman all right,” he smiled, and kissed me again, in a much more leisurely way than the first time. Then he said, “Where do you want to eat? Let's make it someplace special."

I noticed that beneath his Eskimo coat, John was wearing a very elegant dark suit, white shirt, and striped tie. I had thrown on a big sloppy sweater and wool slacks, with long johns beneath, which added an inch to my nether dimensions. During exams, I hadn't bothered much about such details as hair and makeup.

“Oh lord, I can't go to a decent restaurant looking like this. Let's go to McDonald's."

“You look fine to me, Cass,” he said, and turned on the engine. To avoid parking problems, we went to his hotel, the Bonaventure, which is a very nice hotel. John's specialty is recovering stolen property that his company has insured, and he makes a very good living indeed.

I felt like a poor relation in that fancy dining room, but John had enough class to cover me. When I first met him, he was masquerading as a cowboy, and I tended to think of him in that guise. He really did have a little touch of the West in his speech, but as he ordered from the French menu with no trouble, I realized he was cosmopolitan. Of course he would be, with his globe-trotting job.

I have an unnatural passion for luxury. Meretricious glamour always attracted me. Vuitton luggage, truffles, Dom Perignon champagne, anything in a Tiffany box. Thus far, these goodies are familiar to me only from the pages of
Connoisseur
magazine. You don't see many Vuitton bags in Bangor. John says I have one foot firmly anchored in a castle in the air, the other on a cloud.

We started with a Bloody Marie, which John explained is a Bloody Mary with garlic, and very tasty. “I discovered this in Marseilles,” he said nonchalantly.

“What were you doing in Marseilles?"

“Recovering a three-million-dollar yacht that was supposed to have sunk off the Riviera. The guy had it painted and rerigged and took it to Marseilles to sell. He blew up a little tugboat and had some friends testify that it was his yacht, the
Stella Maris
."

I hung on every rich syllable. “How did you find out?"

“I knew from the debris it was a scam, and just took it from there."

“That must have been a good addition to your wallet. Why are you looking a little glum? Oh darn, they don't have nouvelle cuisine.” I was not entirely distressed to have to submit to regular French cooking. In fact, I was smiling from ear to ear. John's life is the stuff my dreams are made of—not just the European travel, but also with an exciting job thrown in to keep it from being totally decadent and eventually, I imagine, even boring.

His lips clenched a moment, in a way that makes his mustache jiggle adorably. “I'm a bit ticked off with the company, Cassie,” he said, and took a long drink of his Bloody Marie.

John drinks, but in moderation. The glass was emptying rather quickly. “The thing is, I tipped the company off to a possible crisis, and they went and gave the assignment to Jeff Penderson. Jeff's a good man, I'm not knocking him, but I thought the Van Gogh assignment would be mine.

“Van Gogh? What do you mean?"

“You must have been reading about the ridiculous prices Van Gogh's been getting lately. His
Irises
went for nearly fifty-four million, and the
Sunflowers
before that for not much less. A fairly insignificant little portrait was valued at four mil after Sotheby's auctioned
Irises.
It cost sixty thousand to insure. Do you realize the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam has two hundred and five Van Gogh's? And there are weirdoes out there who just love damaging these priceless artworks. Van Gogh's
Berceuse
was slashed a while back by some discontented artist. Insurance has become a nightmare for museums."

“I begin to see the problem. I didn't realize Van Gogh was that prolific, two hundred and five in one place."

“There are over a thousand, all told. We're only used to seeing the ones that have been reproduced, or are in our own American galleries, and maybe the Tate. The
Sunflowers
are the most famous, of course. He did a whole series of them. You often see a copy of
The Starry Night
from the Museum of Modem Art,
I'Arlesienne
from the Met, and of course the self-portrait with the bandaged ear. He did eight hundred oils and seven hundred drawings in the most prolific decade of his life, before he committed suicide in 1890. Hundreds of them are in galleries all over Europe, the Netherlands, and Belgium and France. The security threat is staggering, and some of those museums are not rich, I mean in money terms. For the ones we have insured, I wanted to be the expert. I suggested they beef up security, and we cut a deal on insurance."

“Who'd steal them? He could hardly sell them ....”

“The woods are full of closet connoisseurs. Selling them wouldn't be any problem. It's recovering them that'd be hard. They'd go into very private collections around the world. It wouldn't be easy to get into the kinds of places they'd end up, with electronic security systems and guards and dogs and a lot of clout with the authorities too."

My blood tingled in delight. “Are you on a case?” I asked.

He smiled and squeezed my band. “A very important one. Yours."

“That's wonderful, John,” I said dutifully. Well, I was happy, of course. “How long will we have? We have to make plans for Christmas."