Authors: Nate Allen
A Change of Needs (14 page)
He had become a spy in his very own
covert emotional espionage
drama, all the while living his life and fulfilling his role as father, businessman, friend …and still her most trusted confidante, after all who could she tell her secrets to
other
than him?
But what a wicked web we weave, when first we practice to deceive …and start fucking around with someone’s head and
personal
life. He was aware of the hypocrisy and hazard of it all, but essentially helpless, in part now sleeping with other women
because
he couldn’t get time with her, and not just because it was in his
nature
. She had begun to seek out other men
because
he was sleeping with other women and because he had sparked that curiosity inside her …revealing something about
her
nature. She now had an ongoing fundamental need to prove to herself that she was
special
,
not
him …
or
them
, and the preacher’s daughter was hell-bent on doing so. It was like a knot in the middle of an endless rope, it couldn’t be untied, no clear beginning or end to it, intertwined and entangled in a
messy
way …regardless of the time or distance between them. Things would end up twisted as a Franklin County back road …and
no
one
could see around the curve.
.
They say that we are most attracted to people who see us as we see ourselves, who see us as we want to be seen, and she did that for him, and he undeniably did that for her. He of course recognized it, but they had abruptly gone from getting together every opportunity they could, to an early off-season of sorts, entering into a period of torpor in
their
sexual activities with
each
other
…that thing similar to hibernation, but not quite. He didn’t like it one bit, but what were his options? Exit stage right and surrender? He was incapable of doing so, bound up by the ropes that had grown out of their “No Strings Attached” beginning.
The lunch dates and drinks after work that began to take place all centered around some upcoming availability she was going to have and she was letting him know about it. However, it didn’t take long before he began to recognize that he wasn’t hearing from her either by phone or email in the time leading up to the occasion discussed, and then it had passed, with some bullshit story attached. It began to ire him, but the role provided proximity to her and he wouldn’t relinquish it, and if he became the source of that necessary flattery then he still had a value to her, and if he had a value to her …well he was a smart endearing guy, he’d figure something out.
In all fairness to Jake, at its onset she was as knee-deep in the shit as he was, they were both addicted to it, a crowd of two caught up in the
mob effect
the passion produced, only he wasn’t fighting it and she was. Her life and all that was at risk, more so than his, served as the walls of a prison that restrained them. But she was on the inside, and he was on the outside, free to do what he pleased, aside from intentionally breaking her out, still trying desperately to rationalize irrational behavior, to be a conscionable unconscionable man. In all fairness to her, the man was changing, not irreparably or permanently, but like a virus she had infected him. He was expected to be accepting of her marital situation, and while she would come to express an interest in his activities, she would have to be accepting of the fact he was single and free to do as he pleased …at least in theory. It would be an impediment to the natural emotional evolution of their relationship,
aside from her marriage
, and that freedom of his would become his enemy, his albatross, where she was concerned. Like a child who watches with envy as their friend gets invited to the
cool kids
’ table at lunch and can’t come along, she would begin to make new
friends
in an effort to prove she didn’t need him as much anymore. And she abruptly concluded that Jake had become a little too important for her own good, but he had sparked something inside her, and there would be no going back.
He couldn’t see her when he wanted, couldn’t call when he wanted, the emails were the only avenue he had to her head and heart, and it would be an ongoing offensive against the invisible competition, against the concerns and suspicions he imagined she had
perhaps
developed towards him. Alarmingly aware of his increasingly unhealthy behavior, but like some sexual clairvoyant, he sensed the presence of other unseen and unacknowledged playmates.
He would have simply been paranoid were it not for the fact they actually existed. In some cosmic flipflop, a cross-pollination of sorts occurred at this point in their affair, leaving each with remnants of the other, now she was going up and he was going down on that proverbial elevator. Just like a vaccine that introduces a small amount of a virus into the body to induce the body’s defenses to attack it, he would have the self-defeating effect of satisfying her needs to the point she would grow immune to his specific contributions.
It was the first instance perhaps of him pimping himself out on her behalf, an instance where the deed itself afforded him no immediate benefit, but it was an investment. A step towards what he sought, and like a hog rooting around in the slop looking for something delectable he would have to eat the shit first. He had been the type of kid with tears in his eyes that wouldn’t cry “uncle” to make it stop, and she would metaphorically damn near twist his arm off. But the kid had matured into a patient impatient man with an enormous tolerance for pain, and he would need it.
In nature, those who refuse, or are unable to adapt become extinct or useless, and while the notion didn’t sit well with him it was either that or concede his place in the rotation of her developing “roster.” So he would have to go into that “
I can’t quit you babe, …so I’m gonna have to put you down for a while
” mode, it was driving him crazy. And he needed to get laid. Their episodes had been characterized by very emotionally charged intense periods, and no matter what, he always walked away feeling like a stud horse kicking in his stall, and he derived a tangential benefit from them. Other women could sense a heightened level of confidence in the already quietly confident man. And it was time for him to cash in on those dividends with a gal or two he knew could conduct the transaction.
He had met Maureen and her roommate Lisette at the Crooked Creek Saloon, or the “Creek” as the locals called it. It was Raleigh’s largest nightclub, a meat market and if you couldn’t get lucky there …God help you. It was a club divided into theme sections, a country bar, a pool hall, a large contemporary dance section with DJ, and a smaller disco section. He had wandered through the place …as usual, scoping it out, doing his math, until he settled in the disco section. It was an area of the club he didn’t frequent often as he was more into the contemporary music than the retro-atmosphere of the disco section. But it was smaller, like a barrel of fish, and the women, surprisingly younger for the genre, on this evening outnumbered the men.
To be seen you had to join the game, and he asked a number of ladies to dance and was having a good time, when in between songs he was approached by an attractive long dark haired Hispanic woman, her name was Lisette, she told him that her friend Maureen wanted to dance with him, it seemed a bit odd, but perhaps Maureen was shy …not to be the case it would prove. But as luck would have it Lisette was the one he was more attracted to, don’t you hate it when that happens?
He would ask Lisette “
What about you, would you like to dance?
” “
I’m spoken for,
” she replied flashing a pawnshop engagement ring. He was in an ambiguous period in his life, and that was currently not an issue for him he thought to himself before he returned the words to her, “
That’s okay, you’re spoken for and I’m talked about, we’d make a great couple.
” She laughed unguardedly, “
Thanks, but no thanks.
” Her sassy New York Puerto Rican accent reminded him of the good-looking sister in
Ugly Betty
. Apparently she had accepted some soldier’s proposal before he left for overseas, she hadn’t seen him or any man in nine months, and she looked to be ripe. But Maureen was on the auction table, so
“M”
for Maureen it is he thought.
They were best friends from Brooklyn who had moved here a few years back, and worked as hairstylists at a salon that he didn’t really care to hear the details of. But before the night got too late, they escorted our friend to a doublewide out in the country near Holly Springs, forty minutes from the club. They got extremely comfortable, no need to mask intentions, the ladies now in t-shirts and underwear, Jake reduced to nothing but his unbuttoned jeans.
The women enjoyed a joint together, and asked Jake if he wished to partake, he would have gladly accepted in another time, but had sworn off it since the divorce, and his efforts at being a role-model to his soon to be middle-schooler. “
I enjoy the altered states, but I prefer the southern ones,
” he smiled, again Lisette abbreviating her laugh as Maureen appeared perturbed about the apparent chemistry between the two. He couldn’t help but notice Lisette had some big tits under her t-shirt, and she was squirming in her chair like a four year-old that needed to pee. She liked the sight of the man’s physique, and was reconsidering her position on the matter, but Maureen was taking note of everything and dismissed her to her bedroom like a child or a pet. She was apparently the alpha bitch …or she owned the trailer.
She and Jake had a couple of beers, relaxed a bit more, but it was now 2:00 a.m. and the man had been brought there for a purpose, and she was ready to put him to use. They would not retire to the privacy of the bedroom, probably because she wanted her girlfriend to hear what was going on as they crawled up on the couch. It was not the man’s best performance, he was not all that motivated, questioning himself all the while as to why he wasn’t coiled up with the other woman, but he needed to make a good enough showing to impress the audience as the door to Lisette’s bedroom was now cracked and he could see her in the dim light flipping through a magazine, but studying him instead. It was one of those occasions where Jake shot over par, a respectable outing, making certain as he rose the
spectator
got a good look at him in all his glory, as Maureen dragged him off to her bedroom to tell him all about herself before falling asleep.
He lay there in the small uncomfortable bed for a time before he got up intending to escape the light of day. He quietly exited Maureen’s room to find Lisette sitting in the den, no TV, no nothing, her finger posed in the corner of her mouth suggestively like some hooker in an Amsterdam brothel window, and like the Holly Springs tourist he was, he was going to have to pay her a visit. The forty-five year-old aroused at the sight of her, great refractory time he thought, impressed with himself.
She had small nipples for such huge breasts, the areola, the brown part, about the size of a quarter, and the nipple itself the size of a field pea, and they were incredibly sensitive, almost to the point she didn’t like them touched, as if it tickled too much. Pulling a page from the reference section of the aforementioned library, he gently wet them down and began to nibble on them like a mouse to cheese, trying not to trip the trap.
She wiggled and writhed like his dog rolling around on her back in the yard scratching her “itch” as he gave her his inches,
and fed her well
. She would announce her warm, moist
arrival
with that same sassy accent in …
broken
…
incomplete
…sentences, it was
sexy
, but Maureen’s appearance at the door declaring it was time to leave prematurely ruined the moment for Jake, who had not yet
arrived
. It was 4:25 a.m., he thought it rude and unfair, but she was tossing his clothes at him now, and it was apparently time to go …and he could take his
hardon
with him. Lisette put her business card in his back pocket as he left noticeably disappointed, but he would know how to get up with her, and tonight presented such an occasion. He would see her …absent Maureen, and they would enjoy each other’s company for an evening of much needed distraction, and finish the game of “twister” they had begun. Laura, Linda, …Lisette, “
L
” like a
L
ollipop had been good to the boy.
Aware that
out of sight
sometimes meant
out of mind
, and obsessed at the fact that others were barking up her tree as well, he continued to email Rae, in that “
I’m shaking the bush boss,
” way to let her know he was still out there and hankering to see her when possible. But she was busy developing outside interests …like Tony. Jake had confirmed some desirability she thought existed about her, and Tony looked like he saw it as well. He was a massage-therapist at the Country Club she belonged to, and she enjoyed a good pampering after her tennis, golf, or workout. He was in his late twenties, and had a reputation among some of the wives for providing “additional services”
free of charge
on occasion. He was always flirting with Rae, as his hands glided all over her body, she didn’t look like she had given birth to three children, and he told her so. He questioned why he never saw Mr. Johnston at the club, apparently his idea of physical activity was grading papers she replied. They had a natural physical chemistry, and he apparently understood discretion and she targeted him as a potential playmate. As she rolled from back to front, underneath the sheet, she asked him to rub out her thigh, tense from her workout, and she nearly left a wet spot when he touched it. This time when he would make a suggestive comment she would ask him if he was interested in getting a drink later, he could talk the talk, could he walk the walk.
Jake and Rae had met for a drink earlier in the week where she told him Glen would be a guest-speaker at a conference at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville that weekend, and if things went the way she hoped, she’d be available, wondered if he might be as well. But Jake was sensing a pattern developing, one in which she would halfheartedly feign an attempt at hiding the fact she had made other plans after he had properly nourished her ego. He told her he anticipated being free, as it was Rene’s weekend, but in the interim he got the dreaded call he had anticipated regarding his mother. Ann was fading fast, her body shutting down, not because of disease or trauma, but the simple accumulation of a difficult life’s mileage.