A Constant Reminder (27 page)

A few weeks had passed. They stayed locked up in their tight cocoon. Roxanne briefly told Erika what happened but she didn’t go into detail. She felt different now. She printed out the picture of Tony Demarco and compared it to Morgan.

There was something odd, something nagging at Roxanne. She wanted to marry Adam and she just needed something to put her mind at ease. She needed clarity. She needed proof. She felt bad for having these mischievous thoughts but for once and for all she wanted closure. She wanted to move to the next step in her life and she knew exactly what to do to get what she craved.

Roxanne overdosed on coffee and she came home from work and plowed Adam with hard liquor. She overloaded him with Tequila and made love to him. She rode him until he came hard and passed out drunk. She felt bad about the deception but she needed him to pass this one final test.

Roxanne had ordered a DNA test kit online. She hovered over Adam and almost changed her mind about swabbing the inside of his mouth. His mouth was already open. He was snoring hard like he always did when he was drunk and tired. She couldn’t believe how much her hand trembled as she went to put the oversized cotton swab in his mouth.

She had already swabbed her daughter’s mouth. It would only take less then a week for the results once she sent them off. If Adam was being honest she had nothing to worry about. Roxanne knew that hair color didn’t mean much. Tony Demarco’s hair was almost black and Morgan had blonde hair like Adam, his brother Daniel and their mother Jane. She knew her suspicions seemed silly but this was a way to get rid of her suspicions for once and for all.

Roxanne sent the DNA kit off in the mail the next morning. It was hard to sit at the table and watch Adam interact with Morgan. She was going crazy watching them together. She thought they smiled the same. She thought they looked the same. It was all in her head. She just wanted those results so she could just love Adam wholly and fully and put the past behind her.

She didn’t share her little undercover mission with anyone. She didn’t want to blame him prematurely.

It took five days for the results. Roxanne’s palms were sweaty when she called the number. The paper results would come in the mail but there was the option of calling the number on the box, giving the operator the test number and getting the results.

Adam wasn’t home from work yet. Roxanne had dropped Morgan over at Erika’s place. As soon as Adam walked in the door she was standing there in her sweats.

“Hey babe.” Adam said as he entered. He walked right up to Roxanne and kissed her on the lips. Her eyes followed his every move. He walked into the kitchen and plucked a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

“What’s wrong?” Adam knew Roxanne. He could see she was different. “Rox, what’s up?” He walked up to her.

“Back up!” She yelled in his face.

Adam took a few steps backwards and tried to assess the problem. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Why did you lie to me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I loved you. I can’t believe how you hurt me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You lied about Tony Demarco.”

“No.”

“Yes, he didn’t rape me. You did.”

“No, I thought we were past this I gave you all his criminal records.”

“You didn’t give me his goddamn DNA.”

“What?”

“His DNA.”

“I don’t understand.”

“His DNA doesn’t match Morgan’s.”

“How could you know that? He’s in prison.”

“Yes he is. But you’re not. I know. I know who you are. You can’t lie to me anymore. I know you are the one that raped me. I took your DNA and I had it tested against my daughters.”

Adam’s hands shot up to his head. He raked his face and hair. This was a complete and total nightmare. He thought he had his bases covered. He thought he was safe.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Why not tell me another lie. You seem to be good at lying.”

“I love you so much. I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to lose my daughter.”

“SHUT UP! Morgan is mine. You have no right to call her anything.”

“I know that. I understand how you feel.”

“You have no idea how I feel. You have never been afraid to live because every man could be the guy that raped you. Tell me how I feel now knowing I’ve been willingly sleeping with the man that raped me. Is there any level of disgust that goes deeper than that? I’ve been vomiting since I learned the truth. I never want to see you again. If I could prove you were the man that raped me, if I had real evidence I would send you back to jail.”

“But you love me now. You said you did. I know you still do.”

“I loved a lie. Everything you ever said to me was a lie.”

“We are supposed to be together forever. I need you and Morgan in my life.”

“Don’t you ever say Morgan’s name.”

“She’s my daughter. I knew that the moment I saw her. She’s my blood I can’t just pretend she’s not and now you can’t either.” Adam rushed over to Roxanne. She tried to back away but he was fast. He fell to his knees and he was hugging her legs.

“Let me go! Get off me!”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Adam cried into her sweatpants.

“I don’t care. I don’t love you.”

“No please Roxanne tell me what to do?”

“Leave me alone.”

“You have my daughter. I love you.”

Roxanne heard enough. She reached into the pocket of her lose fitting sweats and pulled out a tiny gun. She pointed it at Adam’s head. He looked up at it and slowly rose to his feet.

“Are you going to shoot me?”

“I will. I want you dead.”

“I want to die. Kill me!” Adam pushed his chest into the barrel of the handgun. “Shoot me in my heart.”

Roxanne’s hand started to shake. The small gun seemed to miraculously get heavy. Her fingers trembled as they sweated on the trigger.

“Kill me! I’m dead without you.” Adam pressed the gun deeper into his chest.

“Get back! I will do it.” Roxanne had held in her tears for the duration but somehow she couldn’t hold them any longer. “Please leave. You have to leave. I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to go. I want you to disappear from my life.”

“I can’t do that. I love you. I would rather die.”

“No, no. You don’t love me.” Roxanne removed the gun from his chest and sprinted away from him. She stood on one side of the couch and used the couch as a barrier between them. The gun was for her protection. She just wanted him out. She hadn’t ever really considered killing him. Why would it ever come to that?

“I love you with everything that I am. I love Morgan with all my heart. I’m not that guy anymore. I am the man you see now.”

“I see a liar.”

“Give me the rest of my life to make this up to you. Give me a chance to redeem myself.”

“I don’t know you. I don’t trust you. You are a monster and you always will be. Leave me and my daughter alone.”

“I love you. I can’t just leave.”

“You’re lying.”

“No I do love you.”

“If you truly love me you would leave me alone. You would disappear so I can be sane. So I can function. That’s love, sacrifice, doing what’s right for someone else, putting someone else’s wellbeing above your own. You don’t have a clue what love is.”

“I will never love anyone but you.”

The tears stared to flow uncontrollably from Roxanne’s eyes. She raised the gun and pointed it across the couch at him. “Get out and never come back.”

Adam moved toward the door. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you then and I never meant to hurt you now.”

Adam wiped the tears from his eyes and he took slow baby steps toward the door. He kicked the end table over that sat by the door. It broke into pieces and he stormed out of the front door.

Roxanne crumpled to the floor. She bawled her eyes out and she knew the truth and there was no way out. She could no longer hide. The truth was out and it was a hard, large, chalky pill to swallow.

CHAPTER 21

Three months had passed and Roxanne had blocked her ex and his lies out completely. She was good at pretending things hadn’t happened. She had done this same thing before when she was attacked.

She lived her life like he never existed but he had and sometimes when she was alone at night she cried herself to sleep. Erika was a godsend. She boxed all his things up and had them sent to his mother’s house. She assumed that’s where he was staying. Roxanne told her he sold his place when he came to live there.

Roxanne did everything in her power to make life go back to normal for her and her daughter. She took Morgan to the park. She found reading helped take her mind off of him, his lies and the hole she felt.

Roxanne sat alone on a park bench reading a book and watching Morgan play on the slide with a bunch of neighborhood children. Roxanne was engrossed in the book and looked up for a moment.

Adam pulled up in his Jeep a few feet away but behind the bench Roxanne occupied. She noticed Morgan peering at something behind her. Roxanne turned to see what had distracted her daughter. Roxanne noticed Adam’s Jeep driving off half way down the block.

He was watching them. She almost missed it. How long had he been lurking around. Had he contacted Morgan? Had he been watching Morgan? Roxanne’s heart raced. She felt stupid because she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be afraid. She didn’t actually fear Adam even though she knew he was capable of rape. Why wasn’t she running to the police station and getting a restraining order? She sat and watched Morgan for a while longer and then took her home.

***

Roxanne looked for Adam but another month had passed and she hadn’t caught him lurking around. Maybe he gave up and went on with his life. That is at least what Roxanne hoped for.

Roxanne made a lunch date at the coffee house a few blocks from her job. She was surprised to hear from Quincy. He was so talkative over the phone. He was a welcomed distraction from the grief and self-pity she wallowed in.

Roxanne sat at a window table sipping coffee. Quincy Moore was seated across from her. Quincy was wearing the hell out of his designer three-piece suit. He was gazing into Roxanne’s eyes. He was just as handsome as he was in college and now he had a nicely groomed goatee. Roxanne wondered what would have happened if she wasn’t so mean to him back in the day.

“It’s so hard to believe you’re single.” Roxanne said. She really didn’t believe it.

“I could say the same for you Roxy.” Quincy called her Roxy just like Adam had sometimes. She hated she give Adam even a millisecond of thought.

Roxanne peered out the coffeehouse window. She spotted Adam sitting in his parked Jeep across the street staring into the cafe window at Roxanne and Quincy.

“This is getting totally out of control.”

“What’s wrong? Quincy asked.

“It’s my ex-boyfriend. He’s across the street. He’s watching us. He must have followed me.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes I’m very serious. He’s across the street.”

Quincy looked out the window. “Where?”

“In the black Jeep.”

“What’s his name?”

“Adam, Adam Hardwick.”

“That white guy?” Quincy scrunched his face.

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to go out there.”

Quincy motioned to get up. Roxanne grabbed Quincy’s forearm before he could escape his chair.

“No, please don’t.”

“You said he’s an ex right?’

“Yes he is. We are over and we have been over for awhile now.”

“Someone needs to tell this guy a thing or two.”

“Just please sit down. He’s not worth it. He’s a loser.”

Quincy sat back down. “Is this your kids father?”

“No.” She choked out.

“I thought so because he’s white.”

“No, never.” She lied.

They both watched from the café window as Adam exited his vehicle.

“What is he doing?” Quincy asked.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m going to have to get a restraining order.”

They could clearly see Adam was headed in their direction.

“I think this idiot is coming in here?” Quincy couldn’t believe this guy’s nerve.

Adam’s glare paralyzed Roxanne where she sat. Quincy jumped up from the table and headed for the café entrance.

Quincy met up with Adam out in front of the cafe entrance doors. Quincy cut Adam off before he could enter the cafe. They were the same height. Quincy noticed this right away when he assessed whether not he would be able to take Adam in a brawl. That’s if it came to that.

“Hey man what’s your problem?” Quincy asked.

“I’m not your fucking man. This is not your business.”

“Yeah it is. You can’t follow Roxanne around. Stalking is illegal.”