A Dad for Her Twins (13 page)

“It always comes back to God with you, doesn't it?” A teasing smile curved his lips as he spread his hands around her waist and lifted her into the sleigh.

When he climbed in beside her, Abby recited, “‘The righteous man trusts in God and lives.' Habakkuk 2, verse 4.” She grinned. “My mother taught me that when I was four years old. It's stuck with me.”

“Habakkuk, huh?” Cade flicked the reins and Liberty began trotting down a path with which she was clearly familiar. “I had a friend, Anita, who used to quote from that book. She said the Minor Prophets had a lot of good advice about life.”

“She was right.” Somehow she'd never thought of Cade in love with someone from the past, yet she could tell from the way he'd said her name that Anita had been special to him. A flutter of something uncomfortable wiggled inside. How could she possibly envy this Anita? “Do you still see her?” Abby asked hesitantly.

“No. She wasn't from around here. I met her when I was in the military. We broke up after I brought her here to meet my dad.” His lips tightened. “That was a mistake.”

“He didn't like her?”

“He put her down, made rude remarks about her being a city girl who'd never make it on the ranch, things like that.” Cade's voice hardened. “I was going to propose to her that weekend but she broke it off.”

“I'm sorry.” A new thought dawned. “So though you left the ranch to join the military, you intended to come back?” Abby asked.

“I wasn't sure. I had a dream of being the next generation of Lebrets to run the place but by then I was so fed up with our arguments...” He let the words trail away and pointed to the deer that stood bathed in moonlight in a meadow glade surrounded by massive pine trees.

Liberty stopped and for a few moments they simply sat together and watched the animals. Then the deer lifted their heads and dashed across the snow into the forest. Cade started them on their journey again, this time driving the sleigh under snow-laden boughs that felt like a secret passage, leading them into a more intimate world.

“I've always loved the Double L.” Cade sounded amazed, as if he'd only recently realized how much the place meant to him. “It's not just that I'm my own boss. It's more that I can make my own goals and dreams come true. Or at least, I thought I could.”

“What's changed?” she murmured, anxious to hear more of his innermost thoughts.

“Everything. Dad and I have never really agreed. He always focused on raising prize horses, but that's costly and you have to wait years, build up your reputation before it pays off. I insisted we start ranching cattle. He didn't like that but they provide our bread and butter. The horses are a sideline we can only continue if we sell our beef. Dad doesn't think that way.”

“I see.” It was clear to Abby that Cade didn't share his father's dream and imagined the tension that had caused over the years.

“The money that sustains this place really comes from the beef we raise. Our animals are always grass fed. We use no chemicals.” He flicked the reins and Liberty turned right, picking a path toward what sounded like a bubbling creek. “Because we own so much land, we have the ability to let them graze freely and to bale our own hay. Our organic beef commands a high price because it's so clean. But lately the price isn't quite high enough to sustain all we need.”

“Couldn't you sell some of the land?” she asked.

“Then we'd have to cut our herd. We need every acre to support the cattle and we need the cattle for our income.” He smiled at her. “Anyway, the future of this ranch is really a moot point. Dad needs to be in some kind of care facility where he'll get the support and help that will help him regain full health. The only way I can think of to get the money to make that happen is to sell the ranch.”

Abby stemmed the urge to blurt out “No!” Instead she sat silent, praying for help for this kind, hurting man.

“I'm glad he's improving, but his progress would be much quicker if he was where help was readily available and we don't have that availability in Buffalo Gap. The therapist's time is very limited.” He made a face. “Maybe I'm hoping that when he finally gets well, he'll forgive me.”

“For what?” she murmured.

“Being born.” The gut-wrenching hurt in those words kept her silent as they rode deeper into the woods.

What can I say to help him, Lord?

“It will get better,” she promised softly.

“Will it?” The dubious note in Cade's voice hurt to hear.

“Yes, if you'll trust God,” she told him. “Even though you can't see how it will get better, even though you don't have an answer, trust God.”

“I feel like He's angry at me,” Cade admitted.

“He's not,” Abby said. “When you hurt, God hurts because we're His children. Psalms says, ‘Lord, You are kind and forgiving and have great love for those who call to You.' He's not angry, Cade. He's waiting for you to ask for help.”

“Do I sound stupid if I say I'm afraid to do that?” Cade stared into the distance. “I trusted Him once and—”

“And you didn't get the answers you wanted,” Abby finished. “But you see, where God's love is, there is no fear. You can let go and trust.”

Cade didn't respond so she said nothing else, leaving it to God to work in the rancher's heart. Moments later they slid across a small bridge. Abby narrowed her gaze, peering to distinguish what she saw nestled into the trees.

“A log cabin,” she exclaimed at last, amazed by the perfect location for the tiny building. She felt Cade go very still beside her. “Is it yours?”

“I built it when I was thirteen. At twenty I redid a lot of my original work.” He directed Liberty near the front of the cabin, then stopped. “I guess you'd call it my sanctuary.”

“Sanctuary from?” His childhood? Somehow Abby knew Cade hadn't visited this place in some time. Because it was painful?

“Life.” He sighed. “I suppose you want to go inside.”

“If you don't mind.” Though she sensed his reluctance she couldn't suppress her longing to see his handiwork from the inside. Maybe then he'd open his heart to her even more.

“It's not locked. Wait, let me see if there's a flashlight here.” He dug under the seat of the sleigh, produced a crank lantern. Once he'd wound it up, he lifted her down and helped her to the doorway where the snow had melted, leaving dry, bare earth. He flicked the latch and the door easily swung inward. Cade frowned. “I thought it would stick,” he said.

“Maybe someone oiled the hinges,” she said but Cade was shaking his head.

“My father hates this cabin. He once said it was inferior work and threatened to knock it over.” He motioned Abby through the entrance.

“I don't think it's inferior. I think it's wonderful.” She stepped inside and glanced around the tiny interior. After several minutes she sensed something was wrong and turned.

Cade stood in the doorway, staring at the back wall.

“That fireplace,” he murmured in a dazed tone. “I never put that in.”

Abby turned to survey a lovely river-rock fireplace. Someone had painstakingly chosen similar stones to frame a hearth. Kindling under logs waited to be lit.

“There are matches on this mantle,” she said, pointing to the glass jar. “Shall we try it out?”

“I—I guess.” He seemed utterly confused as he bent to light the kindling. “Who could have done this?”

“Your father?” she suggested as she sat down on a rough plank bench.

“I don't think so. This is where I came to hide from him when he wanted me to hunt with him.” Cade's head twisted to the window. “I used to watch the animals through there. When I thought he was getting near, I'd make a noise to scare them away.”

Abby ached to comfort Cade's tender heart.

“I can't figure out who would do this. Who would even know it was here?” It was clear Cade wasn't talking to her. “He said it was ugly, a blotch on the landscape.”

She waited until he blinked back to reality, his eyes widening as he noticed her sitting there.

“Cade, I think your father did it while you were overseas. I'm sure he must have been worried about you. Maybe this was his way of urging you home,” she offered. “Maybe he didn't know how else to tell you he loved you, cared about you, wanted you back on the ranch.”

Cade shook his head, obviously unable to accept that. But he said nothing more as he fell into thought. Abby sat in front of the flickering fire, content to leave him with his thoughts while she dealt with hers.

This was the kind of place she'd love to have for her children. A place to come and contemplate, to enjoy the nature God had provided. A secret place to talk to Him. She was growing to love the ranch with its wide-open spaces that offered a sense of freedom she'd never known before.

In this place she'd found people she cared about and promise for the future that could fulfill her dreams of helping children. If only the adoption agency could go ahead.

“It's late.” Cade stood in front of her, watching her. “We should get back.”

“Yes. You have to work in the morning.” Abby rose. “But I'm glad we stopped here. I love your little hideaway.” She tilted her head so she could smile at him and found her gaze locked with his.
If only—
Abby refused to let that thought grow.

“I'll throw some snow on the fire.” He moved quickly to douse the flames. When it was out he waited for her at the door, casting one last glance around the room.

Neither of them said a word on the way back. Cade seemed impatient and let the horse move into a fast trot so they glided over the snow quickly. Abby mourned the loss of the gentle camaraderie they'd shared. Too soon Cade pulled up in front of the house.

“I'll let you out here so you don't have to walk,” he said.

He lifted her out of the sleigh before Abby could step down, but when he swung her to the ground, she found herself light-headed. She reached out and grabbed Cade's shoulders, clinging until the world stopped spinning. Cade continued to hold her but there was a question in his voice when he murmured, “Abby?”

His face dipped close to hers, his eyes scanning hers, moving over her cheeks to her lips. She couldn't look away, couldn't stop staring into the blue vastness of his eyes. His hands tightened around her waist, drawing her infinitesimally closer. If he shifted just the tiniest bit, his lips would graze hers.

Longing rose in her, longing to be held, to be loved, to belong. But she couldn't have that. She wasn't any good at love. She'd failed Max. She could never forgive herself if she failed Cade, too. Sanity returned and Abby drew back, freeing herself from Cade's disturbing touch.

“I'm fine. Just a little dizzy from moving too quickly.” She took another step away from him. “I'll be all right,” she whispered. “You see to Liberty.”

Then, turning, she escaped into the house without looking back.

Though Abby immediately prepared for bed and switched out her light it was a very long time before she closed her eyes. She couldn't stop puzzling over her reaction earlier. What was wrong with her? She couldn't have wanted Cade to kiss her or embrace her because she knew no good could come of it.

But no matter how much she repeated that to herself, the image of Cade's blue eyes searching hers would not leave her mind.

Tomorrow she'd have to go back to hiding, maybe in the quilt room where she'd have something to keep her thoughts off Cade.

Chapter Ten

“S
o do you finally have all your questions answered?” Abby asked, trying to smother her smile.

“For now.” Cade had never been more aware of the interest of the townsfolk as they left her doctor's office and walked down the streets of Buffalo Gap. The only thing that made it worthwhile was that it was Abby by his side. “Go ahead, make fun of me, but I like to be prepared.”

“I am making fun of you,” she chirped, her grin widening when he rolled his eyes. “As long as you feel better, that's the important thing. Now we'd better hightail it over to the seniors' center and get the finishing touches on that Valentine's party. We have a lot of money to raise.”

“I know.” He drew her to a stop, determined to say this. “Abby, you have to promise me you won't overdo today. You heard what the doctor said. This is an important growing time for the twins. It's not the time to overtax yourself.”

“Okay, Uncle Cade. I hear you.”

“Uncle Cade?” he said with a frown.

“That's what you'll be to the twins.” Abby grinned. “Now let's focus on the party.” She studied him for several moments until Cade got the feeling she needed to unload on someone. “Do you really think we can raise enough tonight to pay for what we need at Family Ties?”

Cade didn't, but he wasn't going to say that out loud. Anyway, Abby beat him to it.

“Forget I asked that,” she said. “I'm trusting God and I'm not going to start doubting now, when we're nearing our goal. What we have to focus on next is getting those windows scraped and repainted.”

“You're not doing any painting, Abby,” he said, expecting an argument. “No way.”

“I wasn't intending to.” She shot him an arch look. “But I am hoping to persuade the local painter to do it for free. It'll be a detailed job and will take a long time. I'll keep praying he'll agree.”

As if that settled it.

Cade said nothing more as they resumed their walk to the seniors' center. Frustration ate at him. Praying didn't seem to be helping with the adoption agency. Despite Abby's concentrated focus on the quilts, the group had only completed one quilt so far. There were several tops completed but the quilting itself seemed to be something few knew how to do and that added to the guilt Cade felt that he hadn't yet figured a way to get her quilting machine.

He'd also failed to drum up more funds to complete the mechanical room alterations at Family Ties required to meet government standards. But it wasn't only his failure to fund-raise and thereby help Abby help the town that bothered Cade. He'd run into a brick wall with the government about her funds. They'd stonewalled him for weeks and now the man he had been talking to was avoiding his calls.

Cade also felt he was failing to help Ivor adjust to a future that would mean leaving the ranch. Worst of all, Cade couldn't seem to connect with God.

Then there was the ranch. The buyer he'd hoped and prayed would take the Double L had backed out this morning, leaving Cade with yet another failure. Like the others, this potential buyer had pointed out the ranch's shortcomings, as if Cade wasn't fully aware of them.

He'd worked hard to rectify the disreputable state he'd found the ranch in when he came home, but apparently what he hadn't done was more noticeable than what he had. In Cade's mind, this was no different than when he'd been a kid and his efforts had never seemed to be enough for his dad.

“Hello in there?” Abby tapped his cheek. “Did you fall asleep?”

“Not yet.” He noticed that they'd walked past the seniors' building. He followed her back, thinking how much he liked her cheeky grin and the soft touch of her fingers against his cheek. Maybe he was getting to like them too much, but lately it seemed impossible to control his affection for this spunky woman who'd married his best friend.

“What are you so deep in thought about?” Abby asked, pausing on the step above him.

“I got a phone call this morning. A space has opened at the nursing home. If I just had the money, Dad—”

“Cade, he doesn't want to go there,” Abby said, a hint of steel lacing her voice.

“I know he says that, but I think once he got there—” He let it go. “Doesn't matter because we can't afford it.”

“Here you are. I've been looking for you. Come inside. I need to talk to you both.” Mayor Marsha ushered them up the stairs and into the building, dragging on Cade's arm so he'd follow her to the cloakroom. “Something's come up.”

“Are you all right?” he asked, concerned by her pale cheeks.

“Yes and no.” Marsha sat down and inhaled. “I've been on a waiting list for knee surgery. Doc Treple said it wouldn't happen until June but he called today. I'm to be at the hospital tomorrow morning.”

“How can I help?” Cade asked.

“I'm getting nowhere in drawing this community together and we all know it,” Marsha said with a sigh. “I've lived here for almost ten years but people still see me as an outsider.” She studied Cade. “But you're a local. You grew up here. You're part of them. You could unite them enough to make the agency happen.”

“Me? But I don't know the first thing—I've been away—” Cade gulped and stared at her. “I can't.”

“Yes, you can, Cade.” Marsha bent forward and began listing ideas she had to bring the adoption agency more community support. “You just need to get out among them, be seen encouraging it. They'll listen to you and I believe more people will begin to pull together.”

She kept on speaking, filling his mind with possibilities and the more she did, the more Cade began to imagine it happening. And yet...

“I have too many responsibilities now,” he objected. “I haven't got time.”

“I've found we always have time for what we want to do,” Marsha said, her clear, straight gaze locking with his. “I believe God could really use you in this, Cade.”

“I do, too.” Abby spoke up and he realized she'd been standing there, listening the whole time. “Say you'll do it.”

“It would be a great load off my mind if you would,” Marsha said. “I believe that if we don't keep pushing ahead, Family Ties will never happen. And that would be a great loss to this community.”

“But it's so much to take on.” He glanced at Abby. It would mean working with her more closely than ever, but at least he'd be there to make sure she didn't overdo. He doubted he'd have much effect drawing people together but Abby was the one people flocked to. With her in his corner he might have a chance. “If I agree to do this, will you help me, Abby?”

“Of course.” She grinned. “I was waiting for you to ask.”

Cade glanced from her to Marsha. He'd failed at so many things. Maybe just once, if Abby kept praying and he pushed himself harder than he ever had, he could succeed. Maybe God would finally answer.

“Okay.” He nodded. “I'll do it with Abby's help and you behind us.”

“And God,” Abby added with a grin.

“Thank you, Cade.” Marsha rose and hugged him tightly. “You're such a kind, generous man. I know people will respond to your spirit of caring.”

He desperately hoped so because he couldn't stomach another failure.

While Abby went to make sure the catering for tonight's Valentine's dinner and dance was in order, Cade sat with Marsha and went over the list and plans in her massive folder.

“These are just ideas,” she said. “Change anything you want. Get Abby's opinion. She's got a great heart for others. You're lucky to have her working with you.”

“I know.”

“You care about her, don't you?” Marsha asked. Cade blinked in surprise.

“She was my best friend's wife. They loved each other deeply. She's still mourning Max,” he added.

“From what she's said, I think Abby's dealing with some other things to do with Max's death.” Marsha raised one eyebrow. “You should ask her about that. Just remember that Abby's a vital woman. One day she'll find love again.” Marsha leaned over and whispered, “I hope it's with you. You'd be perfect together.”

“But I'm not staying in Buffalo Gap,” Cade blurted.

“Oh?” Marsha frowned. “Your father didn't tell me you were leaving.”

“Because he doesn't know and I'd appreciate it if you'd keep secret what I'm going to tell you.” Cade waited for her nod, glanced around, then lowered his voice. “I'm trying to sell the ranch to raise enough funds so he can go into a nursing home. Then I'll do something else.”

“Go back to the military?” Marsha shrieked. “But you can't. That would almost kill him. He was so worried while you were gone.”

“Please.” Cade winced. “I don't want this broadcast, especially with Abby approaching her due date. I don't want her to worry about a place to live.”

“I'm sorry,” she murmured. “It's just—I thought you were home to stay. We all did.”

“I wish I could be,” he admitted honestly.

“It can't be an easy decision,” she said. “You've always loved the ranch.”

Cade couldn't imagine how this woman knew so much about him. All he knew was that since he'd begun helping with the agency, Marsha had become as close to a mother as he'd ever known. Maybe that's why he felt comfortable talking with her so openly.

“But you will be here until June when the adoption agency opens?” she asked anxiously.

“There's no rush about leaving until we get a buyer. I'd like Dad to have one more spring on the ranch.” He stopped speaking as Abby returned. “Everything okay?” he asked, seeing the way her green eyes had darkened.

“I'm not going into labor, if that's what you're asking. Not yet.” Abby laughingly explained Cade's visit to the doctor's office to Marsha. “I'm only interrupting you because I need help to move a table. Apparently we've sold more tickets at the last minute.”

“You're not moving anything.” Cade turned to Marsha. “After the dinner, you go home and prepare for your surgery. Abby and I will be here if something's needed. And we'll carry on till you return.”

“You make a good team,” Marsha murmured when Abby had left the room. “Maybe you could make that a permanent thing.”

Cade stopped and turned to look at her. He saw the flicker in her eyes and knew she was matchmaking. He also knew he had to stop it.

“Abby's a wonderful person,” he said. “Any man would be happy to have her on his team. But there was only ever Max in her life and to me she'll always be his wife.”

* * *

Abby heard Cade's words with a sinking heart, yet was confused by why that should be. She was determined that Max would be the only man in her life, yet she couldn't shake her growing fondness for Cade. Why was that?

Lord, what are these feelings? I failed Max. I wasn't the wife I should have been.
Finally she admitted the worst.
I tried to love him, but it wasn't real love.
Again the black cloak of guilt almost smothered her.

“Are these feelings from You, God? What are You trying to tell me?”

Someone called her name. Abby hurried away from the cloakroom, confused and disappointed that the man she admired saw her only as Max's wife. But it was understandable. In this condition, who would find her desirable?

When Cade found her a few minutes later, Abby had pasted a smile on her lips. Since she couldn't dislodge the questions that plagued her, she made herself focus on the party. This was to be their major fund-raiser along with the silent auction to be held later. The success of both would bring them much closer to their goal of opening the adoption agency.

“Do you think we've covered everything?” Cade asked as people began to file into the hall.

“We've done all we can do. Now we might as well enjoy the party,” she told him, not nearly as blasé as she pretended. She let him lead her to her seat and smiled when he held the chair for her. His hand grazed her shoulder as she sat and it wasn't just the babies who leaped for joy. Abby's heart thudded in reaction to even such a small touch.

“Abby, you look lovely.” Karina Denver touched the velvet dress that Mrs. Swanson had presented to Abby just this morning. “This matches your eyes perfectly.”

“Thank you, Karina.”

“I'm so envious of you.” Karina's gaze slid to her stomach. “As soon as the adoption agency is up and running, you can count on Jake and me to be your first customers. We want a child so badly.”

“Then I'll pray that God will direct one to you,” Abby promised. “I think you'll make a wonderful mom.”

“So will you.” Karina smiled and Abby returned it, glad for the wonderful friendship she'd found with this woman.

Mayor Marsha opened the evening by introducing Cade as the new lead on the project. After Pastor Don said grace, Creations, a local eatery, served a meal designed to enhance the romance of the evening. Abby relaxed in the flickering light of the candles. Caught up in a conversation to her left, she felt someone staring. She turned and found Cade watching her.

“Is anything wrong?” she leaned over to whisper in his ear. He shook his head, a faint smile curving his lips. “Is something funny?” She patted her hair.

“Everything is fine, Abby.” Something glimmered in those expressive blue eyes but she couldn't decipher it in such dim lighting. “I suppose you're going to insist on dancing later?” he rumbled in a voice meant for her ears only.

“If someone asks me,” she said coyly.

“I doubt you'll have a shortage of partners.” The way he said it made Abby do a double take. It also gave her courage.

“Will you dance with me?” she asked bravely, holding his gaze with her own. Cade slowly nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“My pleasure.” Through the rest of the meal his shoulder bumped hers as the servers picked up the dishes, brought coffee and distributed a chocolate dessert that had everyone groaning. “You're not having any?” Cade asked when she waved the server away.