A Dance in Blood Velvet (69 page)

The Alps stood white against the sapphire sky, and the forest was a cobwebbed fairyland. A huge moon floated above the Jungfrau. She imagined how Salzburg must look with the river frozen, the church spires and domes crisply sugared, ice crusted on the roof and windowsills of Ballet Janacek’s almond-green house; the mountains flowing upwards in white veils all around.

Almost a month had passed since she and Karl had come home. Stefan had seen Rachel, Malik, John and Matthew, and reported that they’d gone their separate ways, dispersing into the ocean of humanity. But no one had seen Violette since the time by the railway line. Charlotte was haunted by premonitions that she would never see her again. A newspaper report brought her worst fears into being: “Mysterious disappearance of world-renowned ballerina.” Madame Lenoir was believed to be suffering from exhaustion; no one knew her whereabouts.

Charlotte was doing her best to let Violette go, as a mother must let go of her child... but it was impossible not to think about her.

Where are you, what are you doing and feeling? I wish I could speak to you
, Charlotte thought.
I wish you would tell me.

Movement inside the house, a flitting shadow. Not Karl; Charlotte thought it was Ilona, arriving so subtly. Then the glass doors opened, and Violette stood in the doorway, outlined by light. She wore a long, heavily beaded black dress, a white coat trimmed with black fur, white silk lilies in her hair. A creature of crystal and velvet.

Charlotte laughed in pure amazement. “You must have read my thoughts,” she said.

“I can read some people’s. Not yours.”

“I’m so glad to see you. I was afraid I never would.” Charlotte gazed at her, not knowing whether to laugh or cry; simply overwhelmed by pleasure. “You look wonderful.”

“You will be pleased to know I’ve gone back to the ballet. I told them I’d been away for a ‘rest cure’.” Violette’s mouth curved in irony. “They were worried; God, if they only knew! Anyway, I came to give you back your money.”

“What money?”

“The loan after
Dans le Jardin.
You can’t have forgotten.”

“I don’t want it back.”

“But I can pay it now. With profits.” The flex of her mouth was almost a smile.

“Keep it,” said Charlotte firmly. “Unless you no longer wish to consider me a business partner.”

“What has business to do with anything?” Violette said, her voice low. “We will always be partners in something far darker, whether we like it or not.”

Violette came forward, and Charlotte caught her hands, and they embraced. Violette bowed her head on Charlotte’s shoulder; Charlotte softly folded her hand on the nape of her neck, relishing the glossy richness of her hair. And she longed to kiss the slender throat and taste the intoxicating liquor of Violette’s blood... but the desire was sweeter for being held back.

“I’ll continue to dance,” said Violette. “It’s still all I care about. And you were right, I can dance and dance and never grow tired.”

“I’m so glad. But do your dancers realise that something has happened to you?”

“Of course not. I hide it, as vampires can.”

“Aren’t your doctors astounded at your recovery from an incurable condition?”

“What is my condition now, if not incurable?” Violette gave a soft laugh. “I shall not be seeing any more doctors, believe me.”

“I’m so happy that you’re staying with the ballet.”

Violette drew back and looked at her with serious eyes. “Why? Does it ease your conscience, to know that you haven’t wrecked my life and turned me into a perpetually murderous demon?”

“That isn’t fair.”

“Fair or not... The fact remains that I’ve changed. Yes, I can pretend to be the great Lenoir, and pretend very effectively, even to myself. But when the thirst comes, I am Lilith, and I don’t stop being her until the thist is sated. And I hate it, Charlotte. I hate it.”

Charlotte was silent, still holding her. Then she said, “But is it better than fading away into mortal sickness? Is it a price worth paying, so that you can still dance?”

“You want me to say yes, so you can stop feeling guilty.”

“Don’t play games with me!” Charlotte’s hands tightened. “It doesn’t matter a damn whether I feel guilty or not, to you or to me. You can’t have it both ways. You consented, remember?”

A gleam of vulnerability in her face. “I had no idea it would be like this.”

“Neither did I, nor Karl! No one ever knows, any more than we know what we are when we’re born.”

Violette fell quiet. “I don’t blame you, Charlotte. You did your best for me. It’s God I blame.”

“There is no God!” Charlotte said, exasperated.

“How can you be so sure? Where did the three angels come from, if not from God? Why do I remember events that are meant to be myths?”

“Because the Crystal Ring gave birth to them! Man wasn’t born from God’s mind; God was born from ours. Raqia is swimming with myths and ideas that any vampire can absorb, especially if there’s a resonance with our deepest fears or desires.”

“How can you prove it? Does that make God real or not? The Crystal Ring, you say, is only a sea of dreams, yet it’s real. And so am I, and so were the angels!”

“Are you still afraid of them?”

“No. They have no power over me. And I don’t hate God, or whatever aspect of God seemed real to me, but I can’t love a being that insisted on oppressing me. Yet I can’t escape, can I? Whatever I do I am playing out a role. Lilith, Mother of Vampires,” Violette said contemptuously. “Outcast forever, because there must always be a scapegoat.”

“There is no God,” Charlotte said helplessly. “You’re doing this to yourself, for some reason. If together we try to work out why -”

“What, we’ll all live happily ever after? I don’t think so. But at least the Devil loved me.”

“I don’t think you have ever called me that before.”

“I mean Lancelyn. I regret harming him. He asked for it, with his arrogance... but still, I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s the only one who ever saw me as more than I am... saw me as I
could
have been. He didn’t dismiss me as a fearful demon, which is how Lilith is seen. He called me Dark Goddess, Cybele, Sophia of hidden wisdom... as if to say that darkness isn’t simply evil, but a gateway leading to knowledge, good and bad. I needed his vision. But he’s gone.”

Charlotte had no idea how to reach Violette or console her. She barely understood her passions and griefs. How could she, or any vampire, cope with the wild spirit of Lilith?

“Do you need his approval to be what you are?”

“No, but I need guidance!” Violette said fiercely. “They call Lilith child-killer, but I must tell you this. An odd thing happened after I left you. I was compelled to find Benedict’s wife Holly. I didn’t even know where they lived, but something led me to her. I nearly killed her; she made me so angry in her submissive devotion to him! But when I drank from her, she neither died nor went mad. Yet
part
of her died... I believe it was her childlike dependency. I changed her. She sees more clearly, no longer cares blindly for men who have used her.”

“And that includes her husband?” Charlotte was faintly shocked, out of her depth.

“I set her free. At what price I don’t know. That’s the point, the price may have been terrible. I’m not even sure why I had to do it. It was repulsive and painful for us both... but it had to be. I can only let Lilith guide me, you see. Right or wrong, she is all I have.”

Tilting her head, she placed her hand along Charlotte’s cheek and paused as if wanting to ask a question.

“What is it?” Charlotte said.

“You drank my blood, darling. Now I want to drink yours. It’s only fair.”

Charlotte saw malevolent sweetness in Violette’s eyes. Apprehension filled her.
God, how do I cope with this monster I’ve made! How bizarre, to love her and yet fear her so deeply.
Out of love she wanted to say yes - but a deeper instinct said,
No. Don’t let her.

“Does it happen to vampires too?” said Charlotte.

“What?”

“You suggest you killed the infantile aspect of her, the part that needs reassurance and love. What would it do to me?”

“Perhaps it would make you stronger.”

“Would it stop me loving Karl?”

“If that love makes you his prisoner - yes, it might.”

Charlotte pulled away. “No. I don’t want it to change.”

“Do you enjoy the fear of losing him, the pain? Wouldn’t you like to look at him and not care? All the pain, gone.”

“No, never. The pleasure’s worth the pain, Violette. It’s all I live for.”

“That is pathetic! It’s woman’s downfall, this idiocy! Why do you let him have this power over you, just because he has a beautiful face?”

“You don’t understand! You’ve never known what passion is. I have the same hold over him! It’s called love, Violette.”

“Then you are both fools. I won’t be a slave to anyone. To be free of such feelings is true freedom. How can you know unless you experience it?” More gently she went on, “I want to do this for you, Charlotte. How strong is your love, if it can’t survive my bite?”

“I’d rather not put it to the test.”

Violette’s face became cool, unreadable. “Well you’d better be careful, then. I’ll come back for you and Karl.”

“For heaven’s sake, stop.” Charlotte was scared now, trying not to show it. “I don’t know you when you’re like this. Why are you threatening us? Are you jealous?”

“Not at all. This torture you call passion isn’t necessary.”

“Ah. For my own good, is it?” Charlotte turned away, wanting to close herself away from Violette. “My family, friends, even Karl tried to do what they thought was ‘best’ for me, never understanding that what I needed was the worst.”

“Lilith isn’t good or kind,” said Violette. “I might do it anyway, simply because your stubbornness infuriates me.”

“The only advantage I ever had over you was that you were mortal and I was a vampire,” Charlotte said, impassioned. “Now that’s gone. You’ve become a goddess and I’m still just me. I want to say, ‘Don’t talk nonsense.’ I want to hold you and tell you I love you; but all you would say is, ‘You cannot patronise Lilith.’ And you’d be right.”

Without warning, Violette put her arms around Charlotte’s neck. Charlotte felt her lips on her neck, shiveringly delicate; she waited for the eyeteeth to pierce her skin.
I won’t pull away or let her see I’m afraid.

“I will come back, Charlotte, because I love you. I’ll take you away from Karl and you won’t care, because you won’t need him. One day. And you’ll never see me coming.”

The feel of Violette’s lips remained on Charlotte’s throat, metal-cool and sweet; but the dancer had gone.

She leaned on the balcony rail and dropped her head onto her arms.

Some time later - perhaps half an hour - Charlotte sensed Karl’s presence in the house. She opened the doors and went in to him.

He read her expression.
“Liebling,
what’s wrong?”

“Violette was here. She was so strange.” She recounted their conversation. Karl listened gravely, stroking her face, his hand warm with his victim’s blood.

When she finished, he said, “It probably pleases her to leave you in dread of some vague threat that means nothing. I refuse to live in fear of her, or anyone. Let her be; it’s all we can do.”

She sighed, releasing all her tension, leaning into his slender, familiar body. “Your tranquillity drives me mad sometimes, but I’m glad of it now. You’ve been so philosophical about Violette and Katerina. Your strength amazes me every time.”

“I’m not that strong, beloved.”

“You are. You seem calm, but I know how much it hurt you, Karl. Don’t ever think I don’t know.”

“I lost Katerina before. It is harder the second time, because I thought it couldn’t happen again. But what can I say? Katerina tried to kill you. Violette killed Katti, but she saved you. How can I hate Violette for that? Katti caused me the greatest grief, because I thought she had the grace to accept you - and she hadn’t.”

“But if I’d been in the
Weisskalt
for forty years, and come back to find you with someone else, I’d be tempted to kill them too.”

“It’s not the same. Katti and I were never lovers as you and I are.”

“But still lovers,” said Charlotte. “And this is the love of vampires, isn’t it? Fierce, intolerant and possessive.”

“When it should be the opposite,” Karl said sadly. “Are you defending her now?”

“She can’t defend herself.”

He smiled at that. “You are more tolerant than ever she was.”

“I can afford to be, now. Will you ever forgive me?”

“For what?”

“Violette.”

“Dear heart. Do you need me to say yes, before you can forgive yourself? You were never unforgiven. I never dreamed you would meet someone like her, just as you never foresaw Katti’s return... But there’s no law to govern your behaviour as a vampire. Every transformation is different. I couldn’t expect you to stay placidly at my side, a pliant
hausfrau
in an earthly marriage. I wouldn’t want you to. No, our union was the exact opposite of a Christian wedding, was it not? So I hardly have any right to complain.”

“But I wish you would!” Charlotte exclaimed. “I want you to be possessive; I’d die if you weren’t! How badly must I behave before you say ‘enough’?”

Karl slid his hand around the back of her neck, his fingertips hard. “I still think what you did to Violette was wrong. But why should I reject you for doing wrong?
Liebe Gott,
we do worse every day! If Katti’s death taught me anything, it is that your life means more to me than the world. Charlotte, you feel far worse about Violette than I do. That is why I tell you to forgive yourself.”

She bowed her head under the pressure of his fingers. Neither spoke for a time. The light glimmered on her dress; the colours she loved, plum and bronze and dull rose. She looked into Karl’s face, luminous with the otherworld glow that had first drawn her to him. And the feeling between them changed subtly. The thorns of distrust were stripped away and only the rose remained.

“One thing we have both learned,” he said, “and that’s never to fear that other loves can destroy ours. They cannot.”