A Dangerous Leap (7 page)

Knowing Squirrel had earned his nickname by foraging and stashing away supplies for later use, Matt sniffed his bagel before taking a cautious bite. “FBI,” he said around his second, less hesitant bite. He didn’t bother asking where Squirrel had scrounged up an honest-to-goodness New York bagel in this backwater village on the edge of the Colombian jungle.

They’d been in South America for eighteen grueling months, slipping in and out of cities and jungles, trailing leads and bribing local despots to locate a new drug lord operating outside of all the known cartels. Matt’s team had been drafted to work with the numerous federal agencies tasked with shutting down this particular dealer. Why this one in particular, Matt couldn’t say, but maybe that’s what they were about to learn.

“Any idea why they invited us?”

“Nope.” Matt watched the half dozen men eyeing each other with suspicion and false bravado. None of them had a real clue what was going on in-country, but God forbid they show any weakness by asking questions.

The suit stood and cleared his throat with a theatrical flair.
Oh boy, the show is about to begin
.

“We have credible evidence that the drug distributor known locally as
el Cerdo
is funding insurgents in Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria with profits from cocaine sales. He has an extensive network operating in Mexico and Florida. The next large shipment is being split up and going out of Barranquilla by boat.”

Matt listened with half an ear as the agent droned on about the different shipping points while reading text messages sent by Squirrel from right beside him.

Heard your sister stationed in FL. Think she can get good deal on place on beach?

Sure. With cocktails and steaks
. He hit send then stared at the text. He’d kept an eye on Kelly ever since their father had died. He followed her career religiously, but he wasn’t very good at actually
talking
to her. Or emailing. Or texting.

Maybe it was time he acted like a real brother—up close and in person.

* * *

“I can’t believe I agreed to go,” Kelly said as she pulled another sundress over her head. Why in the world would Ian want her to meet his sister-in-law? It was bad enough knowing it had been his brother’s bar where she’d done her annual drunk to numb her heart. The guy probably wanted to make sure his brother wasn’t dating an alcoholic or something.

“Ah, come on, it’s only Brendan’s family, not Ian’s parents or anything,” Caitlyn said from her cross-legged perch on the bed.

Kelly smoothed the red rayon over her narrow hips. “Too bright or too short?” she asked, looking down at herself, then eyeing her image in the locker door mirror. “Too short. Oh God, I look like a tulip.” She chewed on her lower lip. It wasn’t like she had a lot of choices.

“You do not. You look great in that color. And that’s the perfect length. It shows off your gorgeous legs.”

Kelly rolled her eyes while digging for sandals on the floor of the small locker. This from a woman who had real legs—legs that made grown men weep. Kelly slipped on her shoes and absently finger combed her damp hair. Maybe she should wear a little mascara, and some blush.

“You don’t have heels?”

“What?” Kelly looked up from scrounging in a drawer for her makeup bag. Or had she gotten rid of that along with her hairdryer?

Caitlyn pointed at Kelly’s feet. “Don’t you have any high-heeled sandals?”

Kelly put her hands on her hips and glared. “Look, I’m lucky to have more than one dress to choose from, so don’t push me. I’m not a high-heel kind of girl. I don’t wear makeup, or put goop in my hair. If Brendan’s wife doesn’t like me because of that, tough patooties.”

But she did want to be liked, just not for any of those artificial reasons. And she didn’t want Ian’s family to question what he saw in her. Good Lord, enough with the self-doubt already. She shoved the drawer closed and took a final non-critical look in the mirror.

“Kelly-girl, they’ll love you if for no other reason than you make Ian a happy man.” Caitlyn hopped off the bed and gave Kelly a quick hug. “You’re ten times better for him than that marshmallow he was dating before. Now have fun and call me with all the details when you get back.”

The boat took a sudden dip and Ian called Kelly’s name from the aft deck above.

“Go, if he catches you down here in that scrap of red, you’ll never make it to dinner,” Caitlyn said. She pushed Kelly up the steps in front of her.

Sweat dampened Kelly’s palms and her heart fluttered like a flag in the wind—until she saw Ian’s expression. His gaze took a quick head to toe read, then a more…leisurely…assessment. A wicked smile kicked up the corner of his mouth. “Cait, why don’t you go have dinner at my brother’s? Give my regrets and tell him Kelly and I are on a special assignment. Might be gone a couple weeks.”

He stood by the transom door, looking better than any fantasy lover Kelly had ever conjured. Dressed in khakis and a white polo shirt that emphasized his broad shoulders, the only hunger Kelly had was for him.

“Now kids, you’re all dressed up and have people waiting for you,” Caitlyn said. She slipped her arms though Kelly and Ian’s and escorted them off the boat.

“If I remember correctly, the woman slaving over a hot stove is very pregnant, certainly hormonal, and would probably maim you if crossed. So go, have fun, then come home and tear off each other’s clothes.”

Caitlyn continued her foolish chatter while walking them to the parking lot. Kelly burned Ian’s hungry expression into her brain. There would be lonely nights in the future and she’d want to pull that memory out and savor it again, and again.

* * *

Ian stood by the breakfast bar between Brendan’s kitchen and den and accepted a beer from his brother. He tried hard not to simply stare at Kelly as the children entertained her. She’d made instant friends with Brendan and Penny’s two boys. That, of course, guaranteed Penny’s smile of approval. Four-year-old Collin held his cat up for Kelly to inspect, while twenty-month-old Riley plopped his diapered butt on the floor, grinned and latched on to one of her legs.

“Just how serious are you about this girl?” Brendan said, forcing Ian’s attention back to him.

He couldn’t hide anything from Brendan. His older brother had always had a knack for reading him. “Scary serious. Jesus, Bren, I’ve never believed in that soulmate crap, but when I’m with Kelly, it’s like I’m home.” He took a long pull on his beer and glanced into the den. “I sound like an idiot, but I don’t know how else to explain it.”

Kelly was laughing at Riley’s babbled storytelling and something warm and comforting spread through him. Yeah, he could spend a lifetime making babies and growing old with her. How the hell had that happened so quickly? Even as he had the thought, he knew the answer.

Working with her on that sailor, watching how hard she fought to keep him alive had moved him. Seeing her vulnerability later that night had awoken all of his protective instincts and she’d simply become his.

Penny looked up, exchanging some secret communication with Brendan, and a spurt of jealousy flashed through Ian. He wanted that connection, the kind where a glance spoke volumes between two people. Where shared experiences wove them closer together with each passing year. He’d grown up with parents that showed their love with those simple gestures, and he longed for the same with Kelly.

“Time to put dinner on the table, otherwise the kids will wear Kelly out. By the way, you’re on kitchen duty—Penny wants a chance to talk to Kelly alone after she puts the kids down for the night.”

Ian tried to gauge his brother’s intent. “No interrogations, that was our agreement,” he said, following Brendan into the kitchen. The aromas of pot roast and yeast bread brought to mind Sunday dinners and growing up in the Midwest. He was sure it was a far cry from anything Kelly had experienced.

Brendan grinned. “Relax, she promised no spotlights or rubber hoses. Dinner smells good, huh? Penny decided comfort food would be a good truth serum. It takes a strong person to resist pot roast.”

* * *

“Kelly, are you a med tech too?” Penny asked as she passed a basket of hot rolls.

“Thanks. No, I’m a paramedic.” Kelly took a roll and handed the basket to Ian with a wink. She guessed the family interrogation was about to begin in earnest.

“Tell her what you really do,” he prompted with a nod to his nephew.

“I’m a rescue swimmer.” Kelly looked at Collin. “I get to jump out of helicopters into the water.”

The boy’s eyes rounded. “Really? Aren’cha scared of sharks?”

“Nope, but I certainly respect the heck out of ‘em. Truthfully, I’ve only seen a couple since I’ve been stationed in Florida. All the others I’ve encountered have been while diving for fun.” Kelly looked over at Penny and saw almost the same shocked expression her son wore.

“Cool. I learned how to swim last summer, diden I, Mom,” Collin said.

Kelly smiled at Penny, wanting to reassure her, before turning back to the boy. “That’s great. Does your brother know how to swim too?”

Penny gave a nervous laugh. “Oh, no, he’s too young. When he turns three—”

“Actually, Pen, babies take to water naturally. Kelly learned how to swim before she could walk,” Ian offered.

Under the table, Kelly pinched his thigh. “Penny’s right, Ian. If she’s not comfortable with him in the water so young, he might pick up on her worry and become frightened. They learn best when their mother’s having fun too.”

Penny gave her a grateful smile. “I’ve seen notices posted for the water babies swim classes, but I guess I never took it seriously. Did your mom teach you how to swim?”

Warm memories washed over Kelly like a summer rain. “No, it was my dad. He was the real swimmer in our family. He taught my brother and me, but I had the better stroke, giving me an edge over Matt. I became faster than him—of course he stopped challenging me to races when I started beating him all the time.”

She’d loved racing him, and it had hurt when he started refusing, but like their mother, he was too competitive to let someone else win. Especially when she’d been eight years his junior.

“Where were you stationed before moving here?” Brendan asked. He looked up from cutting Collin’s roast into bite-sized pieces.

Kelly grinned. “Kodiak, Alaska. One of the most coveted Coast Guard assignments for a rescue swimmer.” And because she’d proven herself there, she’d found the “family” she craved. She’d been one of the best of the best, one reason Joe’s contempt hurt so much. She didn’t like being the odd one out.

“Wow, did ya see polar bears?” Collin asked.

“Honey, don’t talk with your mouth full,” Penny chided softly.

Obviously Collin liked animals more than water or helicopters. “Yep, from an airplane, but the best place for critters was St. Paul Island, Alaska. They have thousands of fur seals there. We’d go out and watch them from special blinds set up to hide us. The blue fox there is very tame too. And our station had a cat for a mascot that looked a lot like your kitty.”

Collin’s eyes lit up. “Really?” He turned to his mother. “Can we go to Laska?”

“Wait a minute. You did a LORAN station tour in St. Paul Island?” Ian asked.

“Isn’t that the place you said you’d never go?” Brendan offered with a wink to Kelly.

“Why, is it really bad up there?” Penny asked.

“No.”

“Yes,” Ian said over Kelly’s reply.

Penny looked amused. “Why do you think it’s so bad?”

“Well, first of all, you’re stuck there for a solid year with no family, a bunch of guys you’ll come to hate, and it’s colder than a witch’s t—uh, tail.”

Brendan laughed at his brother’s almost PG-13 gaffe. Kelly liked the way the two brothers interacted. It seemed so, well, normal.

“Kelly, what’s it really like,” Penny asked, ignoring her husband’s laughter.

“Well, you’re there for a solid year with no family, with a bunch of guys you come to hate,” she mimicked. “No, really it’s kind of fun. We did lots of hiking, and winter camping, and they have a special program with the local school to help the students. That was really nice. But it is a long cold winter, no doubt about that. You really count the hours till the C-130 crew comes in from Kodiak, because seeing new faces every three weeks becomes a major high point.”

Penny raised her eyebrows. “And they let women serve there with the men?”

“Oh, yeah. I can’t think of a single job a woman could be excluded from in the Coast Guard. There were four of us when I was up there.”

“Would you go back?” Brendan asked. He gave Ian a funny look Kelly couldn’t decipher.

“Kodiak, in a heartbeat. St. Paul Island, only to visit. They don’t do rescues from there, and I missed swimming too much. I’d never go back to a job that eliminated what I do best.”

The mood around the table seemed to change. Talk about the baby’s upcoming birth, how much Penny was looking forward to having a little girl, and the boys’ antics continued during the rest of dinner. But Kelly couldn’t shake the idea that she’d somehow disappointed Ian or his family. She just didn’t know what she’d said or done to change their attitude toward her.

Chapter Six

Kelly sat on Collin’s bed, reading a story as he fought to keep his eyes open. Riley had succumbed to sleep twenty minutes earlier, but Collin was hanging tough. She admired his tenacity.

“Collin, sweetie, it’s way past your bedtime. Tell Kelly good night,” Penny said softly as his eyelids fluttered again. She chuckled as she smoothed dark hair back from his brow.

Just that quick, he fell asleep, looking small and unbearably vulnerable.

“You’re a natural with children,” Penny told Kelly as she led her from the boy’s room.

Bitter pain severed the longing that had been building all evening as surely as any cleaver. “I love them as long as they belong to someone else,” she said with forced lightness. Suddenly uncomfortable, Kelly wanted to go home. She didn’t want any more reminders of all she’d lost when her own marriage had failed. She’d learned to compensate for feeling inadequate and out of place around real families by concentrating on her Coast Guard career. Motherhood did
not
come naturally to her, but saving lives did.

It would just have to be enough.

“Oh, come on. Surely you want children of your own someday,” Penny said as they walked into the den where Ian and Brendan stood talking. She rubbed her swollen tummy with a look of pure contentment.

Now Kelly fervently wished she’d refused Ian’s invitation. “No, actually, having children isn’t an option for me.”

Penny’s shocked expression slipped into embarrassment and she quickly pulled Kelly into an awkward hug. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—never mind.”

Desperate to leave and unwilling to make believe any longer, Kelly hid her feelings behind an artificial grin. “I have an early training session in the morning and need to call it an evening.” She held her hand out to Penny. “Thank you for a lovely dinner, Penny. You’re a wonderful cook and have two delightful little boys.”

“I’m just glad you and Ian are together. You’re good for him, really good,” she said softly in Kelly’s ear.

Confused by Penny’s words, Kelly said her goodbye to Brendan and ignored Ian’s questioning look. Maybe she’d claim a headache; one seemed to be building at the back of her head like a summer squall.

Once she settled into Ian’s car, Penny’s odd comment suddenly made sense. She sagged against the seat and groaned softly. Dammit, Penny thought Kelly’s statement meant she
physically
couldn’t have children.

The sad reality was Kelly feared having a child more than anything she’d ever faced during a rescue mission. She knew how to guard against physical threats—but she didn’t have a clue how to protect her heart from the pain a baby could inflict. Or the emptiness its loss could create.

* * *

Ian, still reeling from Kelly’s off-hand remark to Penny, drove on automatic. Her expression, the one she’d shown before she’d recovered from Penny’s comment about having children, had been one of pure grief. That damn plastic smile she’d pasted on hadn’t fooled any of them, least of all him.

Emotions he couldn’t identify threatened his equilibrium, making him question his feelings for Kelly. That made him angry—first with her, for making him fall in love, then with himself for being so damn shallow.

They didn’t speak on the long drive to the marina. When he pulled into the parking lot Kelly took the initiative by claiming a headache, preventing any awkward words. The mood had fallen so flat he had a hard time remembering his earlier excitement at seeing her in that red dress.

She’d opened the car door and started to step out when he grabbed her hand, stopping her. “Kelly, wait. Look, I don’t really understand what happened tonight, but I do know we need to talk.”

She sat stiffly, half in and half out of his car. “I really don’t feel up to it right now, okay?”

“Sure.” He added a quick kiss, forestalling the protest she appeared ready to launch. She didn’t kiss him back, and when she tugged her hand he let her go. He sat staring at the walkway long after her hurried steps had carried her from his sight.

The future he’d envisioned had always included a wife and kids. He blew out a disgusted breath. Hell, did those unborn children mean so much to him that he’d contemplate a future without Kelly? He slammed his hand across the steering wheel. Jesus, he was such an idiot.

These days, there were all kinds of options for children. Hell, whatever they decided, they’d make it work together. Because no matter what their future might be, he wasn’t ready to call it quits on the only woman he’d ever loved.

* * *

Tears built up behind her eyes, but Kelly refused to let them fall. She stopped along the walkway and slipped her sandals off and breathed in the warm salt air. It cleared some of the sadness that had settled around her when Riley had opened the door to greet his favorite uncle.

The planks felt damp against her bare feet. Sounds of sail rigging clanked and boat lines creaked as their floating charges bobbed in the water. The familiarity of it all soothed her bruised heart. She had a good life, she had no reason to regret the choices she’d made. If Ian didn’t like it, he could go back to Heather.

Her breath hitched in her throat. She’d just gotten used to having Ian around. She wasn’t ready to give him up. But if it came to that, there’d be no tears, and no foolish begging. This time she wouldn’t make any desperate admissions of love.

She continued to her boat, her steps slow and measured. Tomorrow would take care of itself, tonight she’d lie on the bow of the boat and watch the stars drift overhead. Maybe she’d let Mizzen join her—that way she wouldn’t feel quite so lonely. Or alone.

A Benny Goodman tune drifted over from the Bluewater boat at the end of the pier. The retired couple dancing on the aft deck, moved with matched steps. The scene sparked a memory of Kelly’s parents.

She must have been nine or ten, Matt just off to college in the States. They’d been living in the Pacific, one or the other of her parents just back from temporary duty, and the sound of music had awakened her in the middle of the night. She’d found them dancing in the miniscule living room, their bodies swaying rhythmically to the sad wail of a saxophone. Oddly enough, the scene had filled her with dread.

Kelly contemplated her long-ago reaction as she boarded her boat. Why in the world had such a romantic scene shaken her so badly that she’d cried herself to sleep?

Mizzen greeted her with a meow when she opened the hatch. “Hey Miz, don’t trip me,” she said as she padded down the carpeted steps of the companionway into the dark cabin. Caution, and experience, made her balance on one foot while sweeping the other side to side in front of her. She encountered a furry lump in the middle of the floor. Of course, Mizzen preferred being the center of everything. Even if it meant getting stepped on.

“Your plan to cause me grave bodily harm failed, catzoid,” she said. She pushed the protesting cat out of her way with a bare foot and switched the light on in the galley.

Not bothering to turn on any other lights, Kelly went straight to the forward stateroom and dropped her sandals on the floor. She yanked her dress over her head, trying hard not to think of the silly excited mood she’d been in when she’d pulled it on.

The sudden sway of the boat made her whirl around, the dress clutched to her chest, her heart jumping wildly against her ribcage. Someone had stepped onto the stern.

“Kelly?” Ian’s voice called softly. She heard a tentative tap on the hatch before it opened.

Frozen in place, she watched as he descended the steps, his expression making her wish for things she couldn’t have. Things she knew she shouldn’t even want. Things she didn’t deserve.

“I’m sorry, but leaving you didn’t feel right.” He stopped about two feet away and shoved his hands into his pockets, his eyes searching her face.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“Is your headache that bad?”

“No.” His presence was already working its magic on her, drawing her in, making her believe.

“We don’t have to talk, but God, I do need to touch you,” he said and stepped forward.

His hands skimmed down her arms leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. Whether it was weakness, stupidity, or a combination of both, she didn’t have any defense against him. She let him gather her to his chest where she felt his heart beating in a life-affirming rhythm. Dammit, she wanted him, why did she have to make it any more complicated than that?

Kelly looked up at Ian and let go of her dress. The material whispered past her bare thighs on its way to the floor. Ian’s pupils dilated, darkening his eyes to midnight blue. She slid her palms up his chest, part of her still amazed she could spark desire in a man like him.

“Kel, you do things to me that I don’t understand.” He lowered his head and kissed her. His lips, at first hard and demanding, softened to a gentle caress. “Make love to me,” he whispered.

He picked her up and eased her onto the bed, his body hovering over hers. The heat and weight of him a soothing promise. “Let me love you.”

For a moment, she let herself believe he really could do just that.

* * *

Tonight was different. Tonight, Ian allowed his love to show. In the careful way he slipped off her remaining clothes, the slow strokes of his hands across the silk of her skin. Tonight would be all about love, not just sex.

He stripped and joined her on the bed. Kelly, for once, didn’t try to take control. Her eyes, looking black in the dim light, were unguarded. He saw her vulnerability—her uncertainty.

And hated the thought that he might have caused it, no matter how blindly.

She reached up and touched his mouth with her fingertips. “Don’t frown,” she said.

Her smile was tentative at best. He took her fingers and kissed each in turn. Her breath hitched and her eyes filled.

“Let’s pretend this is forever,” she said softly. She slipped her arms around his neck and drew his lips down to hers on a sigh.

She opened her mouth to his tongue, and pressed her breasts against his chest. Her hard little nipples sent jolts of desire to his groin. Sucking her bottom lip into his mouth, he nipped it lightly between his teeth, then soothed it lavishly with his tongue.

Kelly writhed, wrapping her arms and legs around him, urging him to complete their union.

“No, not yet,” he breathed into her ear, tracing the outside ridge with his tongue before delving inside. A shiver rippled over her, tightening her nipples even more, driving him closer to the edge.

Hell, maybe neither one of them was in control.

He untangled her arms from around his neck and pinned them to the bed above her head with one hand. Then with slow, deliberate licks and nibbles, he kissed his way along her jaw, down the thin column of her neck, making a slight detour at the apex of her collarbones, and all along her sternum. Ah, decision time—go left or right?

By now Kelly’s squirming had aroused him as much as the visual banquet of her perfect breasts, their dusky tips begging to be sucked.

“If you don’t make up your mind,” Kelly said in a husky voice, her threat unspoken but evident in the maneuvering of her hips.

Ian glanced up at her face. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips parted, her eyes glazed with unmistakable hunger. How the hell did he think he could live without her?

With only a quick look to verify his target, he flicked his tongue over first one, then the other nipple. Her eyes closed and she whimpered while moving her hips in a damn effective way.

He growled low in his throat. “Uh-uh, not yet—jeez, Kelly, cut that out.” She’d managed to shift in such a way he was damn near inside her. “Honey, I don’t have a condom on yet.”

“Then get one. Now,” she demanded.

“No, dammit, first I’m going to do this.” He unhooked her legs from around his waist and rolled away. Before she could move, he locked her down with his arms and hands and attacked her nipples with his tongue and lips. Even as she bucked her hips against him, she shrieked with laughter.

God, how could he not love her?

* * *

Kelly vowed revenge as she submitted to Ian’s sexual torture. Her plotting took a detour when his fingers sought a particularly needy spot.
Oh, my—

The climax hit her hard, tearing a cry from her very heart. Opening her eyes, she saw a worried blue gaze hovering over her.

“God, Kel. You scare the hell out of me when you do that.”

She smiled weakly, her body drained of all energy. “You’re the one pushing the buttons.” She widened her eyes. “Wow, is that the infamous G spot?”

The corner of his mouth kicked up in a smug look of satisfaction. “Lovemaking 101—Basic Anatomy.”

“Got any other tricks you can teach me?” she asked, reaching up to touch his face.

His smile faded and his expression turned serious. Kelly’s chest tightened, restricting her breathing.

“Yeah, but it might take a lifetime. Think you’re up for the challenge?” he said softly.

She stiffened. He couldn’t mean—no, she couldn’t allow herself to believe he meant anything permanent—if she was wrong it would destroy her.

“Don’t look so panicked.” He rolled to his side and propped his head on his hand. “Kelly, honey, I love you.”

She couldn’t say anything for the wild thudding of her heart. A few seconds passed before calm returned along with her sanity. He didn’t mean the ever-after kind of love. She knew guys threw those words around like beads at Mardi Gras.

His sigh broke the momentary spell his declaration had woven around her and she tried to smile. He didn’t have to know she’d never heard “I love you” before—she did have her pride.

“I can tell by your skeptical expression you don’t believe me.” He shifted again, balling a pillow up and tucking it under his arm.

“I think you have this backward. You’re supposed to say that to get me into bed with you—not after the fact,” she said, attempting to lighten the mood that threatened to smother her.

“So what do I need to do to convince you I’m serious?”

How had they gotten sidetracked from great sex to a talk about love? The whole thing felt like some kind of weird role reversal. Kelly sat up and folded her legs Indian style, slapping a pillow onto her lap. “Why does it matter what I think?”