A Dream for Tomorrow (9 page)

“What am I going to do with her?” Elizabeth quietly asked her mother on her fourth day of hosting Mrs. Taylor. The children had gone exploring with Asa, leaving the two women to wash up after their midday meal.

“You mean your guest?” Clara absently dried a wooden bowl.

Elizabeth added more hot water to the washtub. “I don’t want to complain, and I do feel great pity for her, but I don’t understand why she’s become my personal responsibility.”

Clara reached for a dripping plate. “Because no one else wants her?”

“Yes, I know…but…” Elizabeth glanced over to her wagon, which no longer felt like her wagon, and sighed.

“I know it isn’t fair for you to be saddled with her for the duration of the trip,” Clara stated. “However, it seems unkind to start moving the poor woman around against her will. She already feels lost and displaced. I can’t even imagine what that would be like. No family. No friends. Hardly any possessions for that matter.”

“I know…I’ve considered all that.”

“And you’ve heard me ask her again and again. I’ve encouraged her to stay with us in our wagon, but she’s worried about displacing Asa.”

“She doesn’t realize Father is already somewhat displaced by Ruth sleeping in your wagon.”

“Asa doesn’t really mind so much. Matthew is letting him use his old hammock.”

Elizabeth scrubbed a scorched pot with vexed vigor. She didn’t want to say the question that was really on her mind—was she going to be stuck with Mrs. Taylor for the duration of the trip?

“Your father and I discussed this topic this morning. He suggested that the wagons with the least occupants should help out. That would be us, the McIntires, and Ruby and Doris.”

Elizabeth set the pot down with a clang. “I can just imagine Mrs. Taylor’s response to sharing a wagon with Ruby and Doris.”

Clara chuckled. “It might prove interesting.”

“And the sweet McIntires. They barely have enough food as it is. And poor Fiona is still getting over losing her baby. I’d hate to foist Mrs. Taylor on them.”

“So what are we to do?” Clara wiped her hands on her apron.

“Just what we’re doing now.” Elizabeth shrugged. “Maybe I just needed to let off some steam.”

Clara slipped an arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders. “I don’t know that it makes any difference, but your father and I are very proud of how you’re handling this, Lizzie. Asa was just saying how this trip has shown him what fine children we have raised. The hardships seem to bring out the very best in both you and Matthew. We couldn’t be prouder.”

Elizabeth hugged her mother back. “So I guess we’ll just keep doing what the good book says then.”

“That would be…?”

“Live one day at a time. Like Jesus said, tomorrow has enough worries to take care of itself. No use fretting over it today.”

“How true.”

“Speaking of the future, I wonder when we’ll be able to cross the river.”

“You must have been tending to Mrs. Taylor…your father announced that Captain Brownlee told the councilmen that if we have two days in a row with no rain, we will probably attempt it.”

“It didn’t rain yesterday.” Elizabeth peered up at the clear blue sky. “And I don’t see any thunderclouds today.”

“Perhaps tomorrow.” Clara hung the damp dishtowel on a nail. “I must admit it’s been an unexpected luxury to have this break and to catch up on laundry and things. But already I’m itching to travel.”

Elizabeth smiled. “It’s funny, isn’t it? How we’ve all gotten so accustomed to being on the road. What will we do when we reach our last stop in Oregon?”

“Get down on our knees and kiss the ground?”

Elizabeth threw back her head and laughed at the image of her mother kissing the ground.

“Sounds like someone is happy.”

They both turned to see Will Bramford and his two daughters approaching. They greeted them and were surprised to see that the girls wanted to share some wild strawberries with Mrs. Taylor. “We thought it might help to cheer her up,” Belinda said.

“What a lovely idea,” Clara told her.

“She’s in my wagon. Go ahead and take them to her,” Elizabeth encouraged them, lowering her voice. “She’s been a bit reclusive, but she might enjoy the company of you sweet young girls.”

Belinda and Amelia exchanged looks as if they were uncertain.

“Go on,” their father urged them. “Take your gift to Mrs. Taylor.”

As the giggling girls approached Elizabeth’s wagon, Clara excused herself to her own wagon, leaving Will and Elizabeth standing there.

“It must not be easy having Mrs. Taylor in your care,” Will began carefully. “How are you holding up?”

She untied her apron, hanging it up to dry. “I’m all right.”

“Have you spoken to your father about the legal issues facing Brady in Oregon?”

“I mentioned it to him.” She unrolled her sleeves, adjusted her skirt, and pushed the stray hairs from her face. She tried not to imagine her mother, who was probably listening attentively on the other side of the canvas.

Will gave her a sympathetic smile. “You look weary, Elizabeth.”

She frowned, unsure of how to respond to that.

“A pretty sort of weary,” he added cheerfully.

Now she felt her cheeks blushing, and tried to think of someplace to excuse herself to, but certainly not to her own wagon.

“I know of a beautiful spot by the river,” he said suddenly. “Quiet and serene…with wildflowers abounding. In fact, that’s where the girls found the strawberries yesterday. Would you like to take a walk there with me?”

The idea of a place like that was very enticing…and yet…she wondered what Eli would think if he saw her with Will. And then she wondered why she wondered that. What difference should it make? Besides, she still had some legal questions concerning Brady for him. Why not?

“Come with me, Elizabeth. I know you’d enjoy it.” He gave her a wide smile. “I’ve seen you and your family toiling so hard while others are enjoying a short holiday. I think you deserve some time off as well.”

She glanced over at where the girls were still standing by the tailgate of her wagon. Perhaps they had managed to engage Mrs. Taylor. And even if they hadn’t, she had no intention of spending such a glorious day cooped up with her. With resolution, she reached for her prairie bonnet.

“I do believe I will take you up on that offer.” Elizabeth called out to her mother now. “I’m going to walk down to the river with Mr. Bramford, Mother.”

“Have a lovely time, dear,” Clara called back.

Elizabeth did her best to make small talk with Will as they walked toward the river. At the same time, she tried to suppress the nagging concerns over what Eli or anyone else might think to see her out like this, alone in the company of a man. But being part of a wagon train seemed to break a lot of conventional rules. And after all, hadn’t her own mother sounded pleased to send her on her way? Besides, she reminded herself, Eli hadn’t been around to see her in days. In some ways she felt as if he were purposely ignoring her.

“Excuse me?”

She turned to see Will looking curiously at her.

“What?” She paused, trying to figure out what she had missed.

“You seem to be lost in your own thoughts.”

“Oh…” Her hand went to her mouth. “I’m sorry. Did you say something that I completely missed?”

He chuckled. “I know that we legal types have been known to put our listeners to sleep sometimes. At least that’s what my children say. But I must say it doesn’t usually happen while walking.”

“My apologies.” She focused her attention on tying her loose bonnet strings.

“You seem to have a lot on your mind, Elizabeth.”

She nodded. “I suppose I do.” Now to distract him from guessing what she’d really been daydreaming about, she brought up the subject of Mrs. Taylor, briefly explaining her dilemma. “It’s not that I would throw the poor woman out,” she said finally. “It’s just that I was unprepared for such a burden.” She sighed. “I have my children to think of, and then there’s Brady with this unfortunate legal news. And of course, I must stay focused on all that pertains to having a successful journey to Oregon.”

“You certainly have more than enough to occupy your thoughts.”

“I know we’re not supposed to fret about tomorrow…”

“According to whom?”

“The Bible, of course.”

“Oh, yes, of course.”

“But it’s hard not to want to figure out a few things in advance.” She glanced at him, hoping for some wise counsel. “For instance, how long am I supposed to care for Mrs. Taylor? Should I encourage her to depart the wagon train at the next post? Will my family need to pay for her passage back to the East?”

He nodded, rubbing his chin as if taking this all in. “Good questions, all of them. First of all, I must ask why you are caring for Mrs. Taylor in the first place. She’s a grown woman. She chose to come on this journey. She stubbornly refused to part with her piano, which is greatly responsible for her husband’s untimely death. But none of that is your fault.”

She let out a long sigh of relief. “Yes, that’s how I feel too.”

“It was kind of you to take her in. But I do not see why you should hold yourself responsible for her indefinitely. Mrs. Taylor has shown herself to be a strong woman. If she plans to survive in the West, she will need to pull herself up and take charge of her own circumstances.”

“I agree. But at the same time, I realize that she is a widow who is still grieving the loss of her husband.”

“You and I both have some understanding of grief, Elizabeth. But I have found that the tighter one holds onto one’s grief, the longer it takes to get beyond it.”

She nodded, considering this. “Yes, but everyone is different when it comes to grieving. I’ve known those who remarry within six months of losing a spouse. Yet I only gave up wearing my widow’s weeds last winter—after three and a half years of being bereaved.”

“I suppose those who love deeply also grieve deeply.”

She wanted to ask how it had been for him, but that felt too personal. And it might give him the wrong impression of her interest.

“However, in the case of Mrs. Taylor…due to the circumstances of being halfway to Oregon, she lacks the luxury of being able to grieve at her own leisure.” He paused at the edge of a stream, offering her his hand as they balanced on the rocks to pass over it.

“This truly is beautiful out here,” she told him as she gazed out to the small green meadow they were approaching. As usual in these parts, there was an abundance of mosquitoes. She swatted them away as they walked. Fortunately they thinned out some when they reached the muddy river. “Oh, my. Do you think we’ll really be able to cross that tomorrow?”

“I hope so.” He pointed to a smooth large rock that jutted out over the fast-flowing water. “That’s my favorite place to sit and think.” He jumped onto it and then, for the second time, extended his hand, pulling her up to the top of the boulder.

Soon they were both settled on the rock, and once again she began to feel uncomfortable. Had this been a mistake? Instead of dwelling on this, she returned to the safe subject of Mrs. Taylor. “So what would you recommend I do?” she asked. “In regard to Mrs. Taylor.”

“In my opinion, you’ve already proved yourself a good friend and neighbor by taking her in. However, I do not see that you need to continue feeling as if you must care for her.”

“Should I throw her out?” Elizabeth tossed him a sideways glance.

He chuckled. “Oh, I’m certain you won’t do that.”

“What then?”

“Discuss with her what her plans for the future are.”

“I’ve attempted to do this, but she simply shuts down. Or else she turns away. And sometimes she cries.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “It’s very frustrating.”

“Perhaps someone else should speak to her.”

She nodded eagerly. “I agree. But both of my parents have tried.”

“Perhaps Mrs. Taylor needs some legal counsel.”

She looked hopefully at him. “Would you be willing to speak with her?”

“For your sake, I would.”

She looked down at her hands in her lap. As much as she appreciated his help, she didn’t want him to intervene with Mrs. Taylor just because of her.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “That wasn’t fair. I will be glad to speak to Mrs. Taylor because it’s the right thing to do.”

She looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

They continued to talk about Mrs. Taylor’s situation, and then they discussed Brady and some reasons that Will thought she might not need to be overly concerned. “Laws regarding slavery and abolition are constantly changing. Especially in the frontier. I suspect that citizens in Oregon Country will be so busy carving out civilization and livelihoods that these racial laws will not be of utmost concern. Not for a while anyway.”

“Really?” she felt hopeful.

He nodded. “Perhaps I was amiss to bring it up with you at all.”

“No, I’m glad you did. I don’t believe that ignorance is bliss.”

“Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise.”