A Dream of Desire (26 page)

“There’s Robert.” Talia pointed to where Robert was racing away from the docks. “But where are Peter and…oh no.”

James followed her line of sight to where Peter and Martin still stood on the deck of the
Warrior
. His heart sank. He started toward the ship.

The two boys jumped together and hit the water with a splash. Talia gasped. James ran to the edge of the quay. He dove into the water without thinking. The cold iced his blood. He fought for the surface and swam toward the spot where the boys had sunk beneath the water. Fear clawed at his throat.

He reached Peter first, grabbing the boy around the chest. “Where’s Martin?”

“Don’t know.” Peter coughed up a lungful of water, his teeth chattering. “Went d-down.”

James cursed. “Can you swim?”

“S-some. Go…go after him.”

James released Peter and dove for Martin. The water was black and murky. He swam deeper, his hands skimming slimy plants and debris. When his lungs tightened, he swam up to grab a breath and went down again. Finally he sensed the boy kicking for the surface beside him, and he reached out to grab him. They came up together, sucking in air and spitting water. James hauled Martin onto his back.

They started back to the quay, the shouts and noise filling their ears again. James pushed Martin onto the quay before him as someone reached a hand down to help Peter clamber up.

Only when James had hauled himself out of the water did he look up to see that Talia was flanked by two river police officers.

I
t was all a terrible mistake.” Talia kept her voice haughty as she eyed the officers. She had refused to speak to them or allow them to speak to Martin and Peter until they’d returned to the King’s Street town house and gotten the boys and James into dry clothes. The boys were now eating soup and bread in the kitchen.

“I’m quite certain my father, the Earl of Rushton”—Talia paused to allow that illustrious title to sink into the officers’ minds—“will be dismayed to learn that his daughter has been accused of something so heinous.”

The officers glanced at each other and shifted with discomfort.

“I am equally certain,” Talia continued, “that my brother, Mr. Nicholas Hall, who is at St. Katharine’s Docks right now settling matters with the foreman, will be happy to compensate you both for treating me with such concern.”

“As will I,” James added.

“Er…just a bit of a mess, you know, milady,” one of the officers muttered.

“Yes, I know.” She blinked at them both. “I’m just so thankful no one was hurt.”

The officers exchanged another glance.

“Er…perhaps we’ll be off then,” the second one said. “You’re certain there’s nothing you…well, if you’ve got anything to convey, you know where to find us.”

“I most certainly do. Thank you so very much.”

She walked them to the door, then called Soames and asked him to ensure that both Peter and Martin had had enough to eat.

“Then please escort Peter back to his father’s house, and Martin to the Brick Street dormitory,” she said. “And tell Miss Colston I will call upon her tomorrow.”

“Yes, milady.”

Talia returned to the drawing room, where James was sitting by the fire. Amusement creased his eyes as he looked at her.

“Well done, my lady.”

Talia sank into the chair opposite him. She allowed her gaze to track over his hard-edged features, washed in firelight, the strands of sun-streaked blond still gleaming in his dark brown hair. An ache pooled in her chest.

“You came to find me,” she whispered.

“Of course.” He stared down at his clasped hands. “For the first time, I needed to run toward you. Not run away.” He lifted his head, his eyes shadowed. “Because I realized I can’t live without you. You’ve been…always, you’ve been a part of me, Talia, the good part. The reminder of family and dedication. Of courage. Everything I never had.”

Talia’s heart tightened. “You’ve always had those things, James. You just didn’t want to admit it.”

“I wanted to escape.” He shook his head, his mouth compressing with self-disgust. “Bloody fool, I’ve been.”

His words should have elicited some hope in Talia, but instead she just felt sad. As many times as she had thought about being with James, marrying him, she’d never been able to find a solution to the stark fact of their very different lives.

“Talia, dear, your bath is ready.” Aunt Sally hurried into the room. “And Nicholas is on his way back.”

Nicholas. Fear curled through her. She hadn’t seen her brother yet, as he’d gone directly to the docks after James informed him of all that had happened.

She lifted her head to look at James, startled to find his gaze on her, somber but without apprehension. With Aunt Sally in the room, she couldn’t bring up her embarrassment over bursting into his study and revealing the truth of their intimacy.

With a murmured excuse, Talia hauled herself upstairs to bathe. She let Lucy help her undress, then sank into the hot water with a sigh of relief. She soaped away all the grime and sweat, scrubbed her hair, and changed into a blue cotton morning dress.

Although she would have liked to sleep for a few hours, she knew she had to speak with her brother first. She returned downstairs, her nerves tensing when she heard Nicholas’s voice coming from the drawing room.

She paused in the doorway. James was standing by the hearth, his feet apart and his hands clasped behind his back. His gaze locked with hers. A tremble swept her from head to toe at the resolute, determined look in his eyes.

“James—”

“I would very much like to marry you, Talia.”

Although such a statement would have once sounded like magical bells to Talia, now they only filled her with dismay. She risked a glance at Nicholas, who was sitting on the sofa, staring down into a glass of brandy.

“Nicholas, I’m sorry. I…” Her voice faltered.

Nicholas set the glass down and rose to approach her. Gentleness softened the lines around his eyes as he settled a hand on her shoulder.

“Far be it from me ever to judge you, sister,” he said.

Talia shook her head, tears stinging her eyes. “I’ve done just what she did.”

“And what is that?”

“Disgraced our family. If people begin talking about me, about our family again…it’s entirely my fault.”

“I hardly think either Lady Byron or Sir Henry is apt to run around gossiping about what you have or haven’t done with Lord Castleford,” Nicholas said. “You haven’t disgraced us, Talia, anything but. You’ve only ever been a blessing to this family. The only one, in fact.”

Talia swiped at a stray tear as guilt stabbed through her. “I told myself so many times that I’d never be like her.”

“And why do you think you are? Bastian seems to have concluded that she followed her heart, but at the expense of the rest of us. Have you done that?”

Had she? Talia stared at the knot of his cravat. She had followed her heart all those months ago at Floreston Manor, and she’d ended up hurting both herself and James. And as much as she’d tried to deny she still had strong feelings for him, her heart still pulled in his direction, as if it alone knew the core truth of James Forester.

She looked past her brother’s shoulder to where James stood. His expression was shuttered, but his eyes glittered as he watched her. Warmth spiraled through her.

“He’s got the approval of us all,” Nicholas murmured. “You know that.”

He squeezed her shoulder and moved toward the door. Talia drew in a breath, her heart hammering as James approached. He reached out to touch a lock of her hair that had escaped its pin and curled it around his finger. Even with space still between them, Talia felt the warmth of his body.

“I meant it,” he said. “I do love you, Talia. I’m only sorry it took me so long to understand that. To admit it.” His eyes darkened with self-directed irritation. “I would give anything to keep you from being hurt, yet I’m the one who did just that. I want to make amends, Talia. I want to prove myself to you.”

“You already have.”

Hope sparked like fireflies in his eyes. Talia’s heart ached. She reached up to put her hand on his cheek, rubbing her palm over the rough stubble coating his jaw. A thousand thoughts flew through her mind—all the dreams she’d once had about what their future together could be.

“I know who you are, James. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you if I hadn’t. I’ve always trusted you, yes, but I’ve also always trusted myself.”

He brushed his thumb across her lower lip, sending a tingle across her skin. “Is that why you kept all the letters I wrote to you? The mementos? My coat.”

Talia’s throat tightened as she nodded. “I…I’ve thrown it all away, James. Once I realized there was no sense in clinging to the past. To what could never be.”

“It
can
be, Talia.” He lowered his head and pressed his warm mouth to hers.

“I want to marry you,” he whispered against her lips. “Allow me to do everything in my power to make you happy. I swear upon my soul I will prove myself worthy of you.”

“James, I will always count you as my dearest friend. But you were right when you told me you could never be married. I don’t want to be the reason you’re bound to London. And I don’t want to be left behind while you travel the world.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere without you, Talia. I can’t stand the thought of you in one place and me in another with only letters to bind us.”

“You mustn’t stop your work, James. Even if you said you would, I know you’d still have the urge in your blood. And I never want you to resent me for keeping you in London.”

“I’ve already resigned from the southern Siberia expedition.”

Talia stepped back in shock. “You what?”

“Yesterday. I sent word to the RGS that I’m unable to carry out my duties and they need to find a new commander.”

“But…but that was the whole reason you made the agreement with Alexander. Because you wanted to carry it through.”

James cupped her cheek, his eyes both serious and tender. “Since then, I have come to realize there is something far more important to me than an expedition to Siberia. I don’t want to go any longer, Talia. I want to stay here with you.”

Talia’s heart gave a wild, joyful leap at his words, even as her mind warned caution.

“Are you certain of that?” she whispered.

“More than ever.” James broke away from her suddenly and paced to the middle of the room. “You were right when you said I’m a coward, Talia. I’ve been running away ever since my mother died, ever since I discovered no one would help her. But I don’t want to run anymore.”

“If…” Talia took a breath, not wanting to wish too hard, to hope for too much. “James, if you stay here, what will you do?”

“I’ll work with the RGS from the London offices. Perhaps finally straighten out my father’s estate. Heaven knows I would love to turn over the running of the household to you, both in London and Devon. I can’t remember the last time I visited the manor.”

“And when you get the urge to travel again?” Talia asked. “What then?”

“I’ll ask you what city you want to see, and we’ll go there together.” He turned to face her. “You used to love travel once, didn’t you? Will you come with me?”

Love coiled like an embrace around Talia’s heart at the expectation and hope in his expression. She could imagine without any effort at all a life like the one he described—the two of them spending the season in London and returning to Devon in autumn. She could see them traveling together, to the Continent, to Russia, even America. She could picture herself taking care of the household and perhaps, one day, their children…

She lifted her head to look at him. “And Brick Street, James? The ragged schools? What of them?”

A frown tipped his mouth. “I will not deny the importance of your work, Talia, nor will I prevent you from conducting it. I will, however, ask that you allow me to accompany you when you venture into districts such as Wapping.”

Talia wasn’t foolish enough to ask if he would actually help her, both practically and financially, but there would be time for that. There was still the possibility of Lady Byron’s patronage, and for now that would be more than enough to find a new location for Brick Street and to start furnishing the school properly.

Silence fell as she and James looked at each other. Talia became aware that her heart was beating swiftly, like a wind-whipped leaf.

“Tell me…” He paused, his throat working with a swallow. “Tell me I have not done irreparable damage. Tell me somewhere, somehow, you still have a shred of love for me. Is that true…or false?”

Tears pricked Talia’s eyes. “False.”

He froze, his eyes darkening with despair. Before he could speak, Talia stepped forward and put her hand against his chest. Beneath her palm, his heart thumped.

“I don’t have a
shred
of love for you, James,” Talia said. “I have a…an
abundance
of love for you. It’s never gone away, no matter how much I tried to tell myself otherwise. I love you, James Forester. I have always loved you.”

He exhaled hard, relief easing the creases on his face. His eyes softened with tenderness as he slid his hand to the back of Talia’s neck and drew her toward him. Their lips met with a soft, gentle touch brimming with the promise of the future. Talia closed her eyes and sank into the kiss, feeling as if a flower had bloomed open inside her. As if all the dreams she’d ever held for her and James had finally come true.

Lt. George Lawford, governor of Newhall prison, announced that his nephew, Mr. William Lawford, had taken a position with the prison hulks board and departed for New South Wales. The lieutenant further announced that, owing to a newfound “inheritance,” he himself would retire and live out the remainder of his days in the country.

James dictated a letter to the governor of New South Wales, with whom he’d become acquainted during his recent expedition, and requested that he employ Mr. Lawford, who was on board the
Warrior
. Mr. Lawford would be well suited to overseeing convict labor in the stone quarries, James suggested, as he was unable to return to London owing to the fact that the Home Office would deny any request to return.

Once that matter was dealt with, James and Talia turned their attention to their upcoming wedding. Neither of them wanted to wait. Talia initially thought they should plan the wedding for the end of summer when her father returned, but she felt as if she had waited a lifetime for James already.

And once James set his sights on marriage to her, he immediately began making arrangements for their wedding. Not a week after his proposal, Talia went downstairs one morning to find her brother Sebastian, his wife, and his stepson, Andrew, in the dining room, having breakfast with Nicholas and Aunt Sally.

Talia threw herself into Sebastian’s embrace with a happy laugh. She hugged Andrew and hurried Clara upstairs with her to discuss the wedding gown choices the modiste had sent the previous day.

A flurry of activity took place for the next few days, and then finally Talia woke to the morning she would marry James Forester. Clara and Lucy bustled around helping Talia dress before they went to the nearby church where James was waiting.

Her heart gave a happy leap at the sight of him—tall and handsome in a dark blue morning suit and silk cravat. His sun-streaked hair was brushed away from his forehead, his brown eyes filled with warmth as he watched her approach.

He bent to brush his lips across her cheek. “I love you,” he murmured in her ear as the priest called for everyone to take their places. “And never will I tire of telling you that.”