A Family Name (23 page)

Something in the way she said that struck
Will, but he didn't have time to puzzle it out, instead Lexi
whipped off her headphones. "We're here?"

When Will twisted in his seat to face his
daughter he was shocked to see the expression on her face. Lexi's
eyes were wide and she was blinking rapidly. Her mouth had puckered
into a tiny "o". She looked…afraid, and so much younger than her
thirteen years. Will's heart leapt to his throat and lodged there.
Every fiber of his being wanted to turn the truck around and head
home. He would give anything to spare his daughter this experience,
this potential heartbreak. But he knew what had to be done, so he
mustered up a smile.

"Should we go meet with your mom?" he
asked.

Lexi shook her head. "She's not my mom. Not
really. Yeah, I want to talk to her, but she's not my mom."

Will watched as Lexi glanced at Charlotte,
who was carefully studying the building. He could see the shininess
of her eyes, and he hoped she wouldn't cry. Once either of his
girls started, he might, and that wasn't a part of himself he was
ready to explore yet.

"Let's go," Charlotte said. "Mary's expecting
us."

They climbed out of the car, and trudged up
the steps to the apartment building. Will's nostrils were assailed
by the scent of cat pee the moment they opened the outer door, and
all the judgmental thoughts from the car came flooding back. He
reminded himself of Charlotte's reassurances in the car. They were
in control here, and Lexi was theirs.

Charlotte led the way purposefully down the
dimly lit hallway. She knocked on a door with peeling paint around
the edges. When it swung open, Will couldn't contain his gasp. He
recognized Mary immediately, though he could see that the
intervening years had taken a toll on her. She looked older, with
noticeable crow's feet around her eyes, and the haughty posture
that had always driven Will crazy had been replaced with slumped
shoulders. Still, he could see the beauty that had always been
there.

"Hello, Will." Mary's voice was still the
same husky timbre he remembered. Flashbacks from a previous life
flooded his mind. Charlotte reached out and took his hand, and he
in turn reached for Lexi's.

"Hello, Mary. You know Charlotte and Lexi."
Will put his arm around his daughter's shoulder. The fact that he
and Mary had created this wonderful person seemed incomprehensible
to him. He had certainly cared deeply for this woman, but to have a
child with her would have been a life he could never have imagined.
He hadn't loved her like he did Charlotte. Rather than stop him
cold, the thought warmed him.

"Come in," Mary said, standing back to let
the trio pass.

As they entered the small apartment, Will was
pleased to see that despite the worn furniture, the place looked
clean and lived in. He took a seat on the threadbare sofa with
Charlotte. Lexi leaned against him. From what Charlotte had told
him about Mary and Lexi's first meeting, his daughter had every
reason to be apprehensive. He felt nervous himself.

Charlotte smiled the way she did when she was
trying to project a calm façade. "Thanks for having us, Mary."

Mary sat down on an armchair across from the
sofa. She picked at the frayed arm as she said, "Can I get you
anything to drink?"

"No, thank you," Charlotte said. "So, we all
know why we're here. Lexi wanted to meet you, and the last time we
were here things did not turn out so well."

"And what can I do about that now?" Mary
asked. Her voice sharp, so sharp that Will felt Lexi flinch beside
him.

"We appreciate you having us over again,
Mary. We really do," Charlotte said. "Maybe we can start by sharing
a little about ourselves. What kinds of things do you like to do in
your spare time?"

Mary laughed, but the sound was mirthless and
brittle. "All I have is free time."

Will felt all the nervous hope that had been
building as they had been sitting there drop to his stomach.
"Mary…" he began, praying that he would find the right words. "I
want you to know how sorry I am, for not being there for you and
Lexi when she was little. I fully intend to take care of her for
the rest of her life."

Mary's hard edged face softened a bit. She
expelled a huge breath. Will felt like they all let out a
collective breath at that moment. Mary leaned back in her chair,
threaded her fingers together, and gazed at him. Then she shifted
her attention to Lexi. Will heard Charlotte inhale sharply.

"I should say that my new medication seems to
be working better than the last one I was on. I'm sorry that you
had to see me at a low point like that. I really am. You deserve to
be treated better than that, Alexis." Mary tipped her head as she
regarded the girl, an impassive expression on her face.

Lexi leaned forward. Will could see the
tentative look on her face. His heart ached for his little girl.
Obviously she wanted nothing more than to jump into this woman's
arms and spill all her hurt and anguish so that her mother could
comfort her, much like she did almost daily with Charlotte. Will
cast a sideways glance at Charlotte over the top of Lexi's head.
Unlike her usual smiling self, her jaw was set, and she was biting
her lower lip. "Do you even want to get to know me?" Lexi
asked.

The silence that descended on them was
crushing. Will had known that this was the crux of the situation.
Lexi needed to hear the bald truth from Mary so that she could move
forward. At the same time as he watched Mary gaze at their
daughter, he felt compassion for her. She was not a demon, though
he still felt sick at the thought of Lexi growing up in foster care
when she could have been with him. No, his anger had subsided, and
he felt sad that Mary had also missed out on all those years with
this amazing girl.

Mary sighed. "You don't understand. It isn't
that simple. Of course I want to know you. You're my daughter, but
the fact remains that I couldn't take care of you when you were
little, and I can't now."

Will held his breath. From the corner of his
eye he could see Lexi sag against Charlotte. He was glad when
Charlotte's arm snaked around the young girl, giving her support
without being obtrusive.

"I don't need you to take care of me," Lexi
said finally. "I have Dad and Charlotte. But I would like to be
your friend. Do you think we could do that?"

On a sharp exhale, Will felt tears prick his
eyes. Even though he had only been raising her for a few months, he
was very proud of the young woman she was becoming. Now if only
Mary would agree.

"I think we could work on that," Mary said, a
small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

As the obvious delight of the situation
washed over Mary, Will was pleased to see a glimmer of the woman he
had known all those years ago.

****

Lexi picked at the chipped nail polish on her
thumb. Her dad was humming along to the radio, and Charlotte was
staring out the window. They had both agreed that things had gone
much better than they expected. That admission made Lexi's stomach
hurt. She had wanted this so much, and now that she had it… well, a
part of her wasn't sure anymore. Not that she could explain the
feeling if someone asked her, but it sat heavy in her chest making
it hard to breathe right.

Still, she was pleased that her mom — Mary,
she'd insisted that's what she be called — that Mary had seemed
happy with the idea of being friends. What Lexi had said was true.
She didn't need Mary to take care of her, and she didn't want that
anymore. She had her dad and Charlotte. That was enough for
her.

"Do you think Mary will want to see me again
soon?" Lexi asked.

"Hmmm? Let's take it one visit at a time,
okay, Lex? This was a good one. Maybe we can set something up for
the end of the month. Would that be okay?" Her dad glanced back at
her briefly before turning her eyes back to the road.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Lexi let out a
breath and felt a smile cross her face. The end of the month would
give her a few weeks to get ready again.

****

When they got back to the ranch, Charlotte
unfolded herself from the passenger seat of the truck feeling heavy
and sluggish. The visit with Mary had gone better than she could
have hoped, but it had left her feeling off balance. It was almost
as if in a few short hours Lexi was slipping away from her.
Charlotte knew that she was being silly and childish, but she
couldn't stop the feelings from creeping over her. All of her
social work training had not prepared her for how it would feel to
encounter the birth mother of the child she considered her own.

Lexi took off across the driveway to tell her
grandparents about the visit, no doubt. Will stayed in the driver's
seat gazing out the windshield, lost in thought. Feeling oddly
lost, Charlotte finally headed toward the house, hoping to find
something to occupy herself with, something to help her forget
these feelings.

Upon opening the back door, Charlotte leaned
against the frame and listened to the deep silence that seemed to
reverberate through the house. Sierra and Shane must still be out
with their grandparents. No one had mentioned when the children
would be leaving, but the inevitable pressed against Charlotte like
a ton of bricks. Everywhere she looked the life that she had
allowed herself to fall into was crumbling.

Enough,
she scolded herself. Self-pity
did not solve anything. She had learned that a long time ago.
Instead she decided to focus on the positive things happening in
her life at the moment. The renewed contact with her foster parents
made her feel good, although she didn't yet know how to proceed to
deepen the connection. The ranch felt like home, and even if she'd
have to give that up all too soon, the feeling right now made her
glow. Lexi, Shane, and Sierra. They were always positives. In all
her years as a social worker she had heard foster parents talk
about how the kids in their care felt like their own, but she had
never understood that until now. Those three… they did feel like
her own. She loved them like her own.

And then there was Will. Just thinking about
him sent a shiver of delight racing along her spine. She loved him.
There was no use denying it to herself any longer, and on some
level he was interested in her. Those soul-melting kisses were
proof enough of that. Whether or not he saw a future for the two of
them remained to be seen, but for now Charlotte was willing to take
things where they were at.

Charlotte tugged off her boots, happily
wiggling her stocking feet in freedom. She supposed she should
start thinking about something for dinner. As she stood at the
refrigerator door, letting cold air spill out, contemplating the
food lining the shelves, she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around
her middle. Will leaned down, his breath warm in her ear as he
kissed the exposed skin of her neck.

Her breath hitched in her throat, making a
small gasping sound. "I… I didn't hear you come in."

"That was sort of my plan," Will said, his
voice warm and deep.

She turned slowly in the circle of his arms,
looking up at him with a dizzying appreciation for just how
handsome he was. Pulling her against him, Will pushed the
refrigerator door closed. Charlotte could feel the smooth metal of
the door handle against her back as Will lowered his mouth to hers.
The kiss was sweet and anything but chaste. Charlotte wound her
arms around Will's neck, and he ran his hands down her back,
settling on her hips. All she wanted to do was get closer to him.
The need burned deep in her most primitive being. They were already
flush against one another, but at the moment Charlotte felt that
their clothing was definitely in the way.

Feeling brazen she caught the collar of his
shirt in her hands to draw him deeper into the kiss. The
inarticulate sound that Will made caused Charlotte to smile in the
midst of their passion. She liked the affect she had on him, just
like she loved the affect he had on her. They fit together in just
the right way. Longing pooled in the pit of her stomach, and desire
hummed through her veins.

A bang at the back door caused them to jump
apart. Charlotte felt the flush of guilt as if she were the
proverbial teenager. Will, however, just chuckled, leaned down, and
kissed her again. "We seemed to get interrupted a lot, don't
we?"

Before she could answer, Shane and Sierra
came running into the kitchen with their grandparents in tow. The
older couple looked exhausted. Charlotte pulled out chairs and
started about making a pot of tea. Will scooped up Shane and caught
Sierra by the hand. "Let's give Grandma and Grandpa a break," he
said.

The kids' grandpa grimaced as he tried to
smile. "I think I need to lie down for a bit."

"Sure, anything you need," Will said as he
gently guided the children toward the living room.

Charlotte pulled out a variety of herbal tea
as the kettle whistled on the stove. "Do you like honey or sugar in
your tea? Cream?"

"Honey, please." The older woman smiled at
her gratefully as Charlotte handed her a cup of hot water, and
placed the tray of tea bags on the table. "I'll tell you, those two
are the sweetest little things, but they sure did give us a run for
our money today."

"They do have a lot of energy," Charlotte
agreed as she poured herself a cup of water. "Oh, I have lemon too.
Hold on a second."

When they were finally seated at the table,
Charlotte took the chance to really look at the older woman. She
did indeed look quite tired, but she looked happy. The little part
of Charlotte that held tenaciously to hope wondered if maybe there
was a chance to save their family yet. As soon as the thought
entered her mind Charlotte felt the weight of guilt crash down on
her. How could she want to deprive these wonderful people of their
grandchildren, especially after they had lost their own daughter?
She had to bury this selfishness.