A Fighting Chance (5 page)

“What the fuck were you thinking letting her drive home? She’s been here for two fucking hours drinking. Are you out of your fucking mind?” I yell at her.

“Do you really think I’m that irresponsible? Not that it’s any of your business, but all she drinks is club soda,” she says stunning me silent. Well, that’s a good thing. I’m glad she’s not drowning her sorrows in a fifth of vodka.

“Then what does she do here for hours?” I ask confused.

“Is it really so hard to believe that I’m an interesting person, and that just maybe she’s coming here to talk to me,” she whirls around and spits out angrily.

“What the fuck?” is all I can say to that. She has her twin brother and Ava and the rest of the Wellington family, not to mention her parents. Why is she talking to a complete stranger in a dingy bar?

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself for hurting that poor girl. She’s such a good, sweet, person, and you broke her heart without any warning and might I add, for no good reason. You’re a selfish pig,” she says.

“I have my reasons,” I tell her. And that’s all I’m telling her. I turn around and head home.

The next few months drag by. I have cases that I take and deal with only if they’re local. Chloe has stuck with the same routine. She works fucking long ass hours at the hospital, then heads to Deuce’s until two in the morning. I see the light dimming in her eyes a little more each day that passes. I also see how much weight she’s lost. Her once cute chubby cheeks have sunk in her face, and she has dark circles under her eyes. My heart is broken too. She’s the love of my life, and she just doesn’t understand that I made the sacrifice here. For her own good. I’m a nobody. I have nothing to offer her. I don’t even know how to be the kind of man that she deserves. I didn’t exactly have a role model growing up. I haven’t even seen my dad since I was seventeen. For all I know, he’s dead or drunk in the sewer somewhere. With all the connections I have all over Seattle, I know nothing about his whereabouts, and that’s how I want it to stay. When it comes to Jimmy Jones, denial is the best policy.

I start to think about the Wellingtons and just what I’ve learned from them. They’ve had the most influence in my life, and I don’t think any of them even know it. Their parents, Samuel and Samantha have a love for one another that I just don’t understand. They’ve raised five well respected, successful, loving children that love and respect each other and their parents. Their marriage is always one that I told myself if I ever did get married; I’d want it to be just like theirs. With all the divorce and hate in this world, they give such hope to this younger generation.

I watched Asher live through his grief when he lost his first wife, Olivia, who was killed by a drunk driver. I thought then that I was much better off not even putting my heart in that position in the first place. If I never gave my heart to anybody, then there was no way for it to get hurt. I watched Asher’s spirit die right along with Olivia. He was a broken man. Their massive house and their grounds died, too. They went from bursting with flowers and color, to dead and void of life. Then he met Willow, and I watched as his heart came back to life, right along with everything else. Willow healed his heart, and the color and the flowers came back, too. They have two kids, and I’ve never seen him happier. When I met Chloe, I thought maybe, just maybe, I could let my heart love someone.

I watched Amelia fall in love with Kyle, and I saw what he would go through to save the woman he loves. He risked everything to rescue her from a mad man. He, just like Asher, would put his life ahead of his own for the woman he loves. That moment when he found her, I’ll never forget the look of love and relief on his face. Of course that’s when I met Chloe. I’d never felt that spark for a woman before. I didn’t even question it. I grabbed a hold of it and never let it go. Until I felt that my career could put her in danger. I love her too much to put her life in jeopardy. What if someone I was hunting down, or an angry spouse who I caught cheating, decided to get revenge and take their rage out on the only thing that matters to me, Chloe? I just couldn’t live with myself. No, she’s much better off far, far away from me. When she came into my life, I started seeing things in color for the first time. I started seeing things in vivid color. I started to feel the sun on my face and it started to melt my sub-zero heart. I never thought a woman could love me for me.

When she’d hold my hand walking down the street, proud to call me her man, I felt things in my chest I’d never felt before. When I’d see that smile on her face and know that I was the one who put it there, it did funny things to my stomach. When I’d hold her at night while she slept, I knew it was right in my heart when it skipped a beat. And for me that was a first. I’d never allowed a woman to stay in my bed overnight, and I never slept in their bed overnight either. I know it sounds harsh, but I never felt it was right to give anyone a false hope. I was there for one thing, and most of the time so was the woman. But, Chloe was different. I even put a ban on sex with her. She’d been through too much and I didn’t want to complicate things in our relationship by adding sex. I didn’t want her thoughts and feelings being confused with a sexual relationship until I knew her head was in the right place.

She’d been doing so well with therapy, and I’d even gone with her a few times. Her therapist cautioned our relationship, but wasn’t against it. She too thought waiting was a good idea until Chloe had really come to terms with her ordeal. But, now I’m thinking I fucked that up. I haven’t seen her go to her therapist once since we broke up. Between that and her weight loss, and the fact that she stopped going to family dinners, really scares the shit out of me. And nothing ever scares me. This was the last thing I ever wanted to do her; to hurt her so bad that it erased everything she’s worked so hard to get over.

What am I talking about? I’m still with her all the time by tailing her every move. She’s not in any more danger whether I’m tailing her or by her side as her man. If anyone can keep her safe, it’s me, by her side. I’ve made a huge mistake. Breaking up with her wasn’t the best way to keep her safe. She belongs with me. I’ve fucked up her recovery and for nothing. She’s been broken by a man who stole her spirit, she’s devastated over taking another man’s life, even if it was the man who kidnapped her. But I… I broke her heart. She has nothing left to make her want to live. Oh God, I’ve made a huge mistake. I have to get her back. I have to get her to trust me again and to convince her that I will never break her heart again. Even if it’s the last thing I do.

Chapter 4

Chloe

I’ve come to a routine of going to work then Deuce’s. I stay there until two in the morning, and then crawl into my bed where I fall into a restless sleep and where my nightmares become reality. I stopped going to see my therapist. She just keeps saying the same things over and over again. If I have to see her face again, I think I’d physically punch her in the teeth. I’ve stopped going to family dinners too. I avoid the phone calls from my mother, and I stay away from the condo and Ava at all costs. The only person who I talk to is Savvy, and lately I don’t want to talk to her either. I just want to be left alone. For the most part with her though, she slides my club soda in front of me and leaves me alone. I’m tired of hearing her complain about her life and how she wishes she could have done something good with it. She tells me she envies me because I’m a doctor, and she has always wished she could have become a nurse. Why anyone would envy me is ridiculous. If she wants to be a nurse, she still can. It’s never too late to go back to school and still make that happen. I have no sympathy for someone who whines, yet does nothing about it.

This morning I went to work, and I must have left my wallet at home. I don’t remember taking it out of my purse and leaving it anywhere though. So, before I go to Deuce’s, I need to run home real quick and find it, and hopefully I won’t run into Ava.

When I walk in the door, I see Ava sitting in a chair with my wallet in her hand. The little bitch stole my wallet on purpose. I give her a dirty look and start to head back out the door. Savvy will give me club sodas for free. I don’t need this shit.

“If our friendship has ever meant anything to you, you’ll at least hear me out,” she says.

Well, I knew this had to happen sooner or later. I might as well get it over with. I’ll hear her out and leave. It doesn’t matter what she says, it still won’t fix my life. I turn back around and have a seat on the couch.

“Why haven’t you been coming to Sunday dinners?” she asks.

“Max deserves to be there, not me,” I reply, angry that I even had to say his name. I’ve gone from heartbroken to mad that Max broke up with me. If he doesn’t want me in his life, fine. If I’m not worth fighting for, then he doesn’t deserve me. He couldn’t even give me a reason why he broke up with me. Well fuck him! And what am I even talking about? No one deserves me. I’m nothing. The man living in the cardboard box in the alley outside Deuce’s deserves better than me. No one deserves fucked up and broken.

“Well, he doesn’t come to Sunday dinners either. I’ve seen him around, and he looks miserable.” That was it. I lost it. How dare she care that he looks miserable. He’s the one who broke up with me. He probably needed sex, and I’m sure it didn’t take him long to find a piece of ass either. Funny thing is, I would’ve been more than happy to satisfy that need for him. It was him who put the ban on our sex life, not me. The more I think about Max, and the fact that Ava is so worried about him, infuriates me. Not even thinking about my actions, I stand up and over turn the coffee table. I head to the entertainment center and start throwing things one by one on the floor.

“Chloe, please stop! What are you doing? Please, just talk to me!” she screams as tears run down her face. Rage and anger that I’ve never felt before rip through my body, like an out of body experience. As I go from object to object and smash them on the floor, the little devil on my shoulder smiles. And, God, does it feel good. With every broken vase or knickknack I feel better. The little things just aren’t cutting it anymore. I grab the couch and upend it like it weighs nothing.

Everyone is so worried about Max. They couldn’t care less about me and everything I’ve gone through. Just then the front door opens, and in walks Kyle and Amelia, Asher and Willow, Adrian and Shay, and Aiden.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Kyle yells as he looks around at my carnage. My blood boils. Not only did Ava take my wallet to make me come home, but she called everyone in to do a sort of idiotic intervention.

“Did you do this too? You called all of them here? How could you? I thought you were my friend?” I yell, and point at everyone standing dumbfounded in the doorway.

“I am your friend! I’m worried about you. That’s why I called them all here. You need help,” Ava insists as tears stream down her cheeks.

“I don’t need help, I certainly don’t need help from any of you, I’m fine,” I yell back.

“You’re not fine, we all see it. I’m worried about you, sis,” Kyle says in a sad tone.

“You’ve all lost your ever loving minds, I’m fine!” I yell.

“If you’re fine, then what’s with this mess, and why is Ava in tears?” Willow asks.

“We’re all worried about you. You haven’t come to Sunday dinners. You’re working way more hours at the hospital than you need to. And you’ve lost a lot of weight. Don’t stand there with broken shit all over the floor and tell me that you’re fine. You’re not!” Kyle yells at me.

“Are you still going to counseling? I can come with you if you like. We all love you. We’re all just worried about you, that’s all,” Amelia says.

“I don’t have to stand here and take this from any of you. You can all go to hell! There’s nothing wrong with me. I work a lot of hours, yes, and I joined a gym, so what, leave me the hell alone!” I say to all of them. It’s a big fat lie about the gym, but where I go, and what I do, is none of their business. I grab my wallet and slam the front door behind me.

Just as I get in my car, I see Max’s Explorer pull up behind me. I wipe my tears and drive off. He follows me all the way to Deuce’s. I don’t even get the key out of the ignition before he’s already trying to pull my car door open.

“What happened? Are you alright? Why did everyone come over to your house?” he asks, grabbing me by my arm as I step out of my car. Then he realizes that he just gave himself away, that he’s been watching me. I figured he was. Once Savvy told me he asked her to keep an eye on me inside the bar, I started to notice my tail. Usually, either Levi or Max would always be watching me. I rip my arm out of his hands and start walking into the bar.

“I need to talk to you. Please just hear me out,” he begs.

I stop in my tracks, whirl around and say, “Now you want to talk to me? After all these months, now you want to explain yourself to me? Not happening. You had plenty of time to talk to me. Well your time is up,” I say, turning back around and walking into the bar. I make it just inside the door when he grabs my arm again and pulls me into his body and wraps his arm around my chest. Oh God, even after all these months of talking myself into believing that he’s an asshole, and that I’m better off without him, I melt at his touch. I remember like it was yesterday sleeping soundly in his arms at night. I remember burying my nose in the crook of his neck and smelling his scent as I’d drift off into a peaceful sleep. I remember the feeling of joy waking up the next morning still wrapped in his arms and damn it, I still miss it.