A Fragile Design (21 page)
She intentionally ignored his statement regarding marriage. ‘‘Then what made you finally come looking for me in Lowell?’’
‘‘As the days passed, I began asking customers if they knew anyone named Arthur or Ida. Each time someone gave me a name, I would search for the person. Eventually, a man who knew your uncle came into the shop. He gave me the address of your aunt and uncle. Your aunt told me you and Daughtie had been there but that you had left for Lowell the day after you arrived in Concord. I can’t tell you how devastated I was when I heard that piece of news,’’ he said in a saddened tone.
‘‘You found my aunt in good health?’’ she inquired, wanting to keep the conversation neutral.
‘‘Yes, she’s fine. In fact, she told me she had recently received letters from you and that you were doing well. I asked her if she would give me your address. At first she was reluctant, but your uncle convinced her I meant no harm. I’ve rented a small place for us to live—not far from my work. Your aunt is delighted we’ll be living in Concord. She asked that we wait and marry in Concord so she and your uncle may attend the wedding.’’
It was difficult to ignore the hopefulness that punctuated his words. ‘‘I’m sorry, Jesse, but I won’t be moving to Concord. I don’t plan to marry you,’’ she replied in a soft yet firm voice.
Jesse wiped beads of perspiration from his forehead. ‘‘My late arrival has permitted you to pledge your love to that other fellow, hasn’t it? The minute Daughtie told me you had gone to the lyceum with another man, I knew my fate was sealed—that I had lost you to another. He’s pledged his love, hasn’t he?’’
Bella stifled a giggle. The very thought of Taylor Manning pledging his love to anyone other than himself was wishful thinking. ‘‘You’re overreacting, Jesse. First of all, you can’t lose something you never possessed. I never promised to marry you. We agreed only to leave Canterbury together. You mistakenly assumed my decision to leave was based upon a betrothal pledge. And secondly, I am not planning to marry anyone,’’ she staunchly replied.
‘‘You need not attempt to protect my feelings, Bella. I saw the way he was looking at you. And whether you wish to admit to your feelings or not, I saw you return his look of affection,’’ Jesse said with his tone growing louder and more accusatory.
Bella stiffened her back, her chin jutting forward ever so slightly. ‘‘Jesse Harwood! How dare you sit in my presence making false allegations! You’re treating me no better than a tribunal of Shakers would. My decision to remain in Lowell has nothing to do with you or Taylor Manning. It has to do with me! I want an opportunity to make decisions for myself, to seek the truth of God’s Word for my life, to heal from wounds, both old and new. Ultimately I hope to discover where I belong.’’
‘‘And am I the cause of some of those wounds you speak of?’’ he asked.
She nodded her head. ‘‘Yes. Although after listening to your explanation, it does appear I judged you too harshly.’’
Jesse’s face brightened. ‘‘Then if I remain in Lowell and find work, would you give me permission to call upon you? I know we are destined to marry, Bella.’’
His voice was filled with excitement, making Bella’s reply even more difficult. ‘‘I cannot tell you where to live, Jesse; that is your decision. But I don’t believe we are destined to marry. Since I’ve never experienced the kind of love I believe God intends between marriage partners, I don’t even know that marriage will be a part of my future,’’ Bella said. ‘‘You have been a dear friend, but I only agreed to leave the village with you because I was desperate to go.’’
He stood and gave her a waning smile. ‘‘It’s obvious you have no desire for me to make my home in Lowell,’’ he said mournfully. ‘‘Perhaps it’s best I return to Concord. At least I have a job and there are a few people who have befriended me. May I at least write to you?’’
‘‘Of course. I would be pleased to correspond with you,’’ she replied.
Jesse nodded. ‘‘It’s getting late. I had best bid you goodnight. I’ll leave for Concord in the morning. I’m staying at the Wareham Hotel—in case you should change your mind.’’
She escorted him to the door and watched as he dejectedly walked down the darkened street. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder for a brief moment before continuing onward.
‘‘I pray I’ve made the right decision,’’ Bella murmured into the quietude of the night.
Later that night, after the other girls in the room were sleeping soundly, Bella lit a single candle and took up her Bible. Sleep would not come, and she felt as though the weight of the world were on her shoulders.
Maybe I’ve done the wrong thing. Maybe I should have gone with Jesse. I don’t love him, but maybe that isn’t a part of the plan God has for me
.
She opened the book to the forty-first chapter of Isaiah.
Oh, Lord,
she prayed,
just show me the truth of what I need to know. I so desire to have answers to my questions. I’m afraid that maybe I’m making all the wrong choices. I’m afraid that I’ve done myself more harm than good
.
She looked down at the page and her gaze fell upon the tenth verse.
‘‘Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.’’
Peace slipped in past the barricades she’d erected around her heart. ‘‘I don’t want to be afraid,’’ she whispered, her breath touching the flame of the candle and blowing it out. The darkness engulfed her at once. Bella thought of lighting the candle again, but instead she eased back against the pillow, still clutching her Bible close.
‘‘Lord, I won’t fear. I’ll trust you, and you will strengthen me as you’ve promised.’’
A steady stream of girls filed into St. Anne’s Episcopal Church. Bella was surprised how their numbers steadily increased each time they gathered. ‘‘It’s going to be our best turnout ever,’’ Bella whispered to Ruth, who had become her strongest ally in forming the study groups and classes. Even Daughtie had worked alongside the others, distributing notices, encouraging the attendance of the mill girls, and quietly lending her support wherever needed.
Today Daughtie was seated in the front row, and Bella beamed a smile in her friend’s direction. She truly hoped Daughtie would remain in Lowell, yet somewhere deep within she feared her friend’s heart still remained in Canterbury. But for now, she knew Daughtie was doing what she had promised—she was giving this new life a chance before making her final decision.
Bella stepped to the platform and gave the crowd a welcoming smile. ‘‘I am pleased to see so many of you in attendance. It gladdens my heart to know that women are willing to come together and search for ways to educate and better themselves. I applaud your commitment,’’ she said. ‘‘Together we are making great strides, and I want to report to you what has been accomplished thus far.’’
A smattering of applause began and then erupted into a loud ovation. When the room had sufficiently quieted, Bella thanked the group and continued. ‘‘We have successfully begun four study groups and have retained qualified teachers for each of them. Mr. Hazen, who has traveled extensively in France and Italy, even making his home in France for a period of time, is teaching two French classes. A waiting list is being compiled for the next sessions, so if you are interested, I suggest you give your name to Ruth Wilson. Ruth, why don’t you stand so everyone knows who you are,’’ she said, turning and motioning her friend to rise to her feet.
The group’s attention was quickly divided between Ruth and the rear doorway, where a group of men had entered the room and were now seating themselves in the back rows. Bella ignored the intrusion and calmly continued with her speech.
‘‘Ruth will take your name after the meeting today if you are interested in any classes. Thank you, Ruth,’’ she said as Ruth took her seat. ‘‘We also have a group studying literature. I understand that each girl enrolled in that class will write an essay dealing with the literary work being studied. We have explored the possibility of printing those essays for all to read, as I feel certain they will be enlightening compositions. Mr. Leatherman has agreed to print them, charging only his cost to us. And for those of you who may not know it, Mr. Leatherman has printed all of our pamphlets at cost, and our fliers have been free. I would ask that if you have any printing needs, you support his business. He has been most benevolent to our cause.
‘‘Now, back to our class schedule. Our final class is for those girls who, for various reasons, did not receive the basic level of schooling before moving away from home. This class teaches reading, penmanship, biology, arithmetic—I won’t enumerate further, but the class offers all of these studies. It is tailored to each student’s needs. So if you should find yourself lacking in only one or two areas, you could study only those particular topics. As I said earlier, all of these classes are full, but because you have shown there is a need and desire for education among women, we are seeking additional teachers in order to expand. We also welcome your ideas for new classes.’’
Ruth stepped forward and whispered in Bella’s ear. ‘‘Oh, yes. Ruth has reminded me that next Tuesday evening Mr. Clark will begin violin lessons for interested pupils. There are three openings available in that class.’’
A girl near the front raised her hand, and Bella nodded in her direction. ‘‘Is the cost for all of the classes the same?’’
‘‘No, some are less than others. However, if the teacher requires specific study materials, you must agree to purchase those before the class begins. Some of the girls who have already purchased books for the current classes have agreed to loan those to the next group of students.’’
A round of applause and murmuring among the audience followed this remark.
‘‘The sharing of class books caused me to wonder how many of you own books that you might be willing to loan for other girls to read. In fact, even more than educational classes, it was the sharing of reading materials that originated the formation of this group. As some of you know, I had hoped—’’
A shuffling of feet and scraping of chairs near the back of the room caused Bella, along with most of the audience, to shift her gaze toward the commotion. The men who had earlier entered the auditorium now stood, one of them with his hand high in the air.
‘‘Yes, what is it?’’ Bella inquired of the man and at the same time noticed that Taylor Manning was standing next to him.
‘‘We’re members of the Mechanics Association, and as you may know, our organization has a library.’’
Bella nodded. ‘‘I’m aware of your library, sir. In fact, I sought permission for women to use your library some time ago.’’
‘‘So I understand. Well, it appears we men don’t move with the same swiftness as the good women of Lowell. However, we have finally discussed your request at length, and upon Mr. Taylor Manning’s recommendation, we have agreed to extend library privileges to your membership, Miss Newberry.’’
A roar of applause filled the auditorium while Bella met Taylor’s gaze. He seemed rather proud of himself, smiling in his self-confident manner. What was he up to? she wondered. Why hadn’t Taylor made the offer? And was there some reason they had come before the group rather than notifying her beforehand? Perhaps Taylor thought the girls would be overwhelmed with gratitude and accept the proposal without question. And from the enthusiastic response of the crowd, it appeared as if they would do so. She, however, wanted more information.
Bella patiently waited until the clapping subsided. ‘‘Thank you for your generous offer, sir. Are you prepared to discuss this matter at greater length for our group? If so, why don’t you join me on the platform,’’ she invited.
‘‘Come on, Taylor,’’ the man who had first spoken directed, pulling Taylor along by the arm until they were beside Bella on the stage.
‘‘Why don’t you introduce yourselves,’’ Bella encouraged.
Taylor gave her a sheepish look. ‘‘This here’s Taylor Manning,’’ the other man said while pointing a thumb in Taylor’s direction, ‘‘and I’m Oliver Franks. We’re officers of the Mechanics Association,’’ he proudly announced.
‘‘Thank you, Mr. Franks. Will there be any cost for the use of your library materials?’’ Bella inquired with a sweet smile.
Mr. Franks shifted his position on the stage, moving behind Taylor. ‘‘Mr. Manning can share the details with you,’’ he said as he bobbed his head around Taylor’s shoulder.
Taylor cleared his throat. ‘‘Mr. Franks is correct that we have agreed to permit use of the library. However, because there is an expense connected with the operation of the library, we would expect you to pay the same yearly dues as the men. Of course, the dues need not be paid in one sum; they can be paid in a weekly or monthly sum—whatever best suits the particular needs of each patron.’’
Taylor’s answer was followed by shuffling feet and murmurs as the women turned to discuss the matter with each other.
‘‘Ladies! Ladies!’’ Bella called out. ‘‘May I have your attention, please. If there are questions, please raise your hand and Mr. Manning or Mr. Franks,’’ she said, looking first at one man and then the other, ‘‘will answer. I would like to begin by asking if these dues will afford us all of the same privileges granted to the men.’’
Taylor appeared momentarily puzzled by the question, glancing first at Oliver Franks and then back at Bella. ‘‘Exactly what privileges are you referring to, Miss Newberry?’’
‘‘Well,’’ she began, ‘‘I was thinking we should have somebody on the committee that makes book selections as well as a representative on the committee that makes selections for the lyceum speakers—if those are different groups,’’ she said, gracing him with a bright smile.
Her request brought excited agreement from the ladies in the audience.
Taylor pulled at his collar. ‘‘Those decisions are made by the officers and then reported to the members for their discussion and vote, which has been more of a formality as the men have never requested any changes,’’ he replied. ‘‘With these rules in place, I don’t see how a woman could become a part of that decision-making group, do you?’’