A Gift of Grace (13 page)
Authors: Amy Clipston
R
ebecca stepped into the kitchen. Finding the counter clean and tidy, she couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to have help. The fact that the girls were so thorough made it even better.
Too bad Daniel wasn’t sure they should stay.
“Is it time for devotions?” Lindsay asked, appearing in the kitchen doorway.
Turning, Rebecca gazed at her niece. “I think Daniel’s ready.”
Daniel sauntered into the kitchen and sank into his usual chair.
Rebecca and Lindsay joined him, sitting across from each other. Lindsay listened, her eyes intent and focused, while Daniel read from the book of Job.
His message of hope filled Rebecca’s heart. She again thought of Daniel’s words, and she frowned at the thought of losing the girls.
She had to find a way to show Daniel they did belong in the family. They were Rebecca’s flesh and blood. They were family, her sister’s daughters. If she could get Jessica to tone down her worldliness, maybe then Daniel would admit that this could work.
When Daniel finished reading, they all bowed their heads in prayer. Daniel then stood and carried his Bible back into the living room.
“I enjoy our evening devotion time,” Lindsay said.
Rebecca smiled, marveling at the girl’s strong faith. “Jessica didn’t want to join us?”
Lindsay frowned. “I tried to get her to come, but she wanted to be alone in her room.”
Pushing back her chair, Rebecca rose. “I’ll go talk to her.”
Rebecca climbed the back staircase and padded to Jessica’s closed door. She took a deep breath to gather her thoughts and tapped on the door. After a moment, she heard Jessica’s slippers slap across the floor and the door creak open, revealing Jessica frowning with her ear buds stuck in her ears.
“May I come in?” Rebecca asked.
Jessica yanked the ear buds out and shrugged. “Why not? It’s your house.” She schlepped back to her bed and flopped onto her stomach on top of it.
Rebecca stepped into the room and folded her arms. “Can we talk?”
Her niece gestured toward the end of the bed. “What’s on your mind?”
Rebecca sank onto the bed. “I was wondering if we could talk about how things are going for you.”
“What do you mean?” Jessica sat up and crossed her legs under her.
Rebecca paused and wondered how she was going to tell Jessica to adhere to the household rules without upsetting her.
Glancing across the room, her gaze fell on her sister’s wedding portrait. Grace’s electric smile grinned back at her, tugging at her heart. She was doing this for Grace. Closing her eyes, she prayed for her lips to form the right words.
“Rebecca?” Jessica asked. “What is it?”
“I wanted to talk to you about a few things Daniel has been concerned about.” Rebecca ran her finger over her apron. “I was wondering if you would do a few things for him.”
Jessica’s eyebrows careened toward her hairline with surprise. “Do something for Daniel?”
“
Ya
.” Rebecca straightened her back. “Daniel is concerned about your behavior.”
Jessica grimaced. “We already talked about what happened with Katie. I get it—don’t share my music and my computer. Can we move on now?”
Rebecca ignored the snide comment. “Daniel is concerned about your clothing.”
Jessica’s eyes flashed with anger. She pointed to Rebecca’s dress with a disgusted expression. “I’m not going to wear that. I’ll keep my music to myself, but I refuse to wear
that
!”
“I didn’t say you have to dress like me.” Rebecca reached for the girl’s hand, but Jessica pulled it away. “I just would like you to be more conscious of your clothes. Just be more … modest.”
“Modest?” Jessica shook her head with disbelief. “What are you getting at? It’s not like I went to the shop with body parts hanging out.”
“I know.” Rebecca sighed. How could she get Jessica to listen and respond without using the sarcastic comebacks? “If you could tone down the makeup and the jewelry, Daniel would be more comfortable.”
“But I took off some of my makeup this morning and I put almost all of my jewelry back in my box this morning.”
“I know,” Rebecca said, keeping her tone even. “Just keep that in mind tomorrow morning, and we won’t have a repeat of what happened today.”
Jessica sighed and shook her head. “Unbelievable.”
“Also, he said that you went to lunch with Jake Miller alone.”
“So?” Her niece scowled. “I thought you wanted me to make friends here.”
“Yes, I do, Jessica.” Rebecca clasped her hands together, hoping to get her message across without the girl losing her temper. “But going off alone with a young man you just met sends the wrong message to others.”
“You’ve got to be kidding!” Jessica jumped up from the bed. “Did everyone think I was making out with him on our lunch hour?” She shook her head and waved her arms for emphasis. “We went to a pizza parlor to have lunch, and that’s all we did—eat and talk. And I had a good time.”
“I believe you.” Rebecca grabbed her niece’s hand, pulled her back toward the bed, and motioned for her to sit. “It’s just the perception. There’s a lot of talk in this community.”
“There’s nothing I can do about gossip.” Her niece lowered herself onto the bed and continued to frown. “I am who I am and that’s it.”
“Jessica, it’s more complicated than that. If the People feel you’re a bad influence on our community, the bishop will censure Daniel and take him to task for not being the proper leader in his family.”
Her niece lifted an eyebrow in disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“I need your support on this. If you just keep your worldly ideas and attire to yourself, then things will go much more smoothly.” She took her niece’s hands in hers. “You and Lindsay are very important to me. I want to be a good support and guardian to you girls. Your mother wanted you here, and I will do my best to keep you both happy and safe.”
Jessica was silent for a moment while her eyes studied Rebecca. “Why are you brainwashing my sister?”
Taken by surprise, Rebecca gasped. “What are you talking about?”
Her niece yanked her hands back. “Lindsay loves your little devotion time at night. She’s really getting into your religion. Why are you trying to turn her into one of your kind?”
“One of my kind?” Appalled, Rebecca shook her head and gasped. “We’re Christians just like your parents. We just choose to worship in our homes instead of in a church. I find it disrespectful that you insult our culture.”
Jessica folded her arms and scowled, her pretty face twisted into an angry grimace. “Lindsay thinks we belong here, but I don’t. We belong in Virginia with our friends and school and electricity and … all the normal things a teenager has. That’s where my mom wanted to be. She didn’t want to be Amish, and she didn’t want to be here.”
“I think you should give us more of a chance and also respect our ways. You’re a child, and you have no right to insult my home.” Feeling that the conversation wasn’t going to be resolved, Rebecca stood. “Please follow our rules—at least outside of this room. That’s all we ask.” She started toward the door.
“Aunt Rebecca?” Jessica said.
Rebecca faced her niece. “
Ya?
”
“I still don’t think I did anything wrong. If they don’t accept me, then it’s all the more reason I should leave.” She nodded toward her parents’ portrait. “I think we belong with Trisha, and she’s trying to get custody of us.”
Rebecca sighed. They were back to square one. “I know. Lindsay told me.”
“I’m not going to let you convert my sister.”
Shaking her head, Rebecca grasped the doorknob. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath while silently repeating the verse from Colossians—“Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”
“I know you’re trying to pick a fight with me,” Rebecca began, “but it’s not going to work. I’m not trying to convert anyone. I’m only trying to do my best as your guardian. If you choose to fight me on it, then I can’t stop you. But my only hope is you’ll realize I love you and want the best for you.” She wrenched open the door. “Good night.”
Rebecca held her breath and shook her head. The discussion with Jessica had gone much worse than she’d imagined. Instead of reaching an understanding with Jessica, her niece had accused her of trying to influence Lindsay.
She groaned and covered her face with her hands. She had no idea how to get through to this girl. Going from no children to two teenage daughters was much more difficult than Rebecca had ever imagined.
But she reminded herself that somehow this was a part of God’s plan. They were meant to be here; they were the children Rebecca had always prayed to have. It also was what Grace wanted for her girls.
She checked on Lindsay and found her ready for bed. After saying good night, Rebecca continued down the hallway.
While walking toward her bedroom, Elizabeth’s words echoed through her mind—“Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation.”
She needed to pray for patience and have faith. There was a reason why Grace had sent the girls here to experience her heritage.
All Rebecca could do was hold on to the belief that the girls belonged here. She loved them no matter what, and she had to show them how much she loved them. The best way to prove her love was to keep her heart open to them.
She had to understand and believe in them, since Grace believed in her.
She stepped into her bedroom. Changing into her nightgown, she wondered what she could’ve said differently to get Jessica to listen to her words instead of giving sarcastic, defensive replies.
“You’re ready for bed early tonight,
mei Fraa
,” a voice said.
Rebecca jumped at Daniel’s words. She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she hadn’t heard him enter the bedroom. She turned to see Daniel cross to the bed.
“It has been a long day,” she said. “I thought I’d turn in early.”
“Are the girls settled?” he asked.
“
Ya
,” she said.
“Did you speak with Jessica?” he asked while pulling off his suspenders.
“
Ya
,” she said, releasing her hair from the bun.
“And?” he asked.
Rebecca sighed, silently debating how much to tell him. She didn’t want to upset him too. She’d had enough cross words this evening. “I explained to her that her behavior has been inappropriate and asked her to be more mindful of our ways.”
“How did she take it?” Daniel removed his shirt and sank onto the edge of the bed.
“She said she hadn’t done anything to deliberately disobey the house rules.” Rebecca ran the brush through her long hair. “I explained that her dress and her going out to lunch with Jake Miller alone had caused some concern.”
“Did she say she would change her ways?” he asked.
“She said she’d try,” Rebecca whispered, knowing she wasn’t being truthful, but wanting to avoid another discussion about how the girls may not belong here.
“
Gut
.” Daniel stepped over to her and took her hands in his. “
Danki, mei Fraa
.”
Rebecca nodded, staring into the eyes she’d admired for nearly eighteen years. She’d fallen in love with her husband the first time he’d asked her to ride in his courting buggy.
In the fifteen years they’d been married, she’d never doubted their relationship or his love for her. He’d always been loving and respectful. Even when they learned she couldn’t bear a child, he was her strength and comfort. He told her he’d love her no matter what. He said that even without children in their marriage, he’d never blame her or feel resentment toward her.
However, when he said that maybe the girls didn’t belong with them, she’d wondered if she really knew her husband. She had never imagined the man who could live without children of his own would reject her two nieces who so desperately needed parents. She now looked into his eyes and wondered if he truly was the loving man she’d always thought he’d be. Doubting him caused a deep ache in her heart.
“I love you,” he said, touching her hair.
A lump swelled in her throat. She pushed her disappointment aside and forced a smile on her face. “I love you too.”
He traced her cheek with his finger while his orbs studied hers. “Something is bothering you,
mei Lieb
.”
Rebecca held her breath trying not to cry at the sound of his voice calling her “my love.” That pet name always sent her insides into a wild swirl.
“Talk to me, Becky.” He cupped her face in his hands. “
Bitte
.”
“I just hope that the girls find their way with us,” she said, praying he’d understand.
“Let’s not discuss the girls.” Mischief glowed in his handsome face. He took her hands in his and tugged her toward the bed. “Let’s turn in for the night.”
As they stepped toward the bed, she sent up a silent prayer that Jessica and Daniel would both release their stubbornness and find common ground.
R
ebecca loosened her bun, allowing her hair to cascade in waves to her lower back. She hummed one of her favorite hymns while preparing for bed.
The past couple of weeks had blown by in a blur. With the beginning of June came the start of the tourist season, and business at the bakery boomed. Lindsay continued to excel with her cooking. She picked up recipes as if she’d been born to make them, and she helped Kathryn and Beth Anne care for the younger nieces and nephews who stayed at the bakery during the day.
While running a brush through her long brown locks, Rebecca smiled. Lindsay seemed to fit in so well, and it warmed her heart to have her niece with her every day. The girl continued to ask question after question about the Faith. Her eyes lit up while they discussed the Amish beliefs and what life was like living in the Faith.
Rebecca longed to know if Lindsay had any interest in being baptized and joining the church, but she hesitated asking since Jessica had accused her of influencing her little sister.
She frowned at the memory of that conversation with her older niece. The words still stung two weeks after they were spoken. Jessica had become more withdrawn since that night. She rarely spoke to Rebecca, but she had changed her behavior. She wore shirts that didn’t cling to her body, she didn’t wear much makeup or jewelry, except for the chain with her mother’s ring, and she stayed in her room during family visits.
Rebecca was disappointed to see Jessica so withdrawn from the family, but she held on to Elizabeth’s advice to be patient. She prayed Jessica would soon make more of an effort to be a part of the family. Rebecca believed that in due time, Jessica would come out of her shell and accept Rebecca into her heart.
Rebecca placed the brush on the dresser and padded to her bed. She was turning down her quilt when a faint knock sounded on the door. “Come in,” Rebecca called.
The door opened with a creak, revealing Lindsay standing in the doorway with her arms folded across her pink nightgown and her eyes round with uncertainty.
“Lindsay.” Rebecca sank down onto the bed and motioned for her to enter the room. “Please, come in. Is something wrong?”
Biting her bottom lip, her niece stepped across the threshold and scanned the room. “Are you alone?”
“
Ya
.” Rebecca patted the quilt next to her. “Daniel sometimes likes to stay up late reading downstairs. Join me here.”
Lindsay crossed the room and lowered herself onto the bed next to Rebecca. “I was wondering if I could ask you a question.”
“Of course.” Rebecca smiled at her niece’s wide-eyed innocence. “You know you can ask me anything.”
“I was wondering …” The girl ran her finger over the stitching on the log cabin-design quilt that had belonged to Rebecca’s parents. “I was wondering if it would be okay if I went to the service with you on Sunday.”
Rebecca cupped her hand to her mouth and stifled a gasp. She’d hoped the girls would open their minds and hearts to the idea of joining her at Sunday services, but she’d never dreamt it would happen so soon. Lindsay continued to amaze her with her interest in their way of life.
“Are you certain that you want to go?” Rebecca asked.
“
Ya
.” Lindsay giggled after saying the word. “I thought I’d try a little Pennsylvania Dutch.”
“
Gut!
” Rebecca said with a smile. “Now, honestly, Lindsay, are you sure you want to go to service?”
“Well, yeah.” Her niece’s brows knitted together with confusion. “Why would I ask to go if I didn’t mean it?”
“I just want to be sure that you don’t feel pressured.” Rebecca took her niece’s warm hands in hers. “If you ever feel pressured by me to follow our ways, you’d tell me, yes?”
Lindsay’s eyes studied hers. “Yes, of course I would. But you don’t pressure me. I enjoy our daily devotions, and I miss going to church. Being with you and learning about your ways makes me feel closer to my mother. Is that crazy?”
“No.” Rebecca pulled her into a warm hug. “It’s not crazy at all. It makes perfect sense. Now you know that most of our service is in German and Dutch. You may feel a bit lost.”
“I know,” Lindsay said, still holding onto Rebecca. “But the more I practice, the more I’ll understand.”
Warmth and hope swelled within Rebecca while she held Lindsay close. It was her dream to share a service with her nieces. She hoped that Lindsay’s interest would spark Jessica’s.
“I have another question.” Her niece pulled back from the hug. “Would you help me find something more appropriate to wear?”
Rebecca’s eyebrows furrowed in question. “What do you mean?”
“You make your clothes, right?”
Rebecca nodded.
“Would you help me make a dress like yours?”
Rebecca’s eyes widened in shock. “You want to dress Plain for service?”
“
Ya
,” Lindsay whispered. “Would that be okay? Or would I get in trouble with the other members of the church?”
Rebecca shook her head. “I don’t think you’d upset anyone.”
“I know this is a big step, but I think I want to try. Well, you know,” Lindsay’s cheeks flushed a bright pink, “if you think it’s okay.”
“Of course I think it’s okay.” She took Lindsay’s hands and stood. “Let’s go down the hall to the sewing room.”
Early Friday morning, Rebecca stood by Elizabeth while they kneaded dough for sugar cookies. Her sisters-in-law and Lindsay were out back in the play area with the children.
“How are things going with the girls?” Elizabeth asked.
“Better,” Rebecca said with a smile.
Elizabeth studied her. “You look happy. Things must be going
really
well.”
“Lindsay wants to come to service on Sunday.” Rebecca rolled out the dough.
“Really?” Elizabeth’s eyes widened in surprise.
“
Ya
.” Rebecca began to cut out the cookies. “We’ve been making a dress for her. We work together in the sewing room every night.”
“
Wunderbar
.” Elizabeth looped her arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze. “How is Jessica doing?”
Rebecca’s smile faded. “She stays in her room alone most evenings. She doesn’t participate in our devotions at all.”
“She’s not adjusting well.” Elizabeth shook her head.
“She’ll be okay,” Rebecca said while placing the cookies on the sheet. “We just need to give her time and give her guidance. Like we read in 2 Peter 3:15: ‘Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation.’”
“Are you sure?”
Rebecca stopped placing the cookies on the pan and met her mother-in-law’s frown. “What do you mean?”
“Are you sure that Jessica will adjust to our ways?”
Rebecca considered the question and a chill of doubt washed over her. “She has to adjust. There’s no other way.”
Elizabeth rolled out her dough. “Just be sure you’re listening,” she said without looking up.
“What do you mean?” Rebecca asked.
“Be sure you’re listening.” Elizabeth began to cut out the cookies.
“Listening to whom—Jessica?” Rebecca studied Elizabeth, trying to understand what she meant. “She’s a child. How can she possibly know what she wants? She’s a lost soul now that her parents are gone. Her mother wanted her with me.”
Elizabeth finished cutting out the cookies and loaded them on the pan. Then she faced Rebecca and gave a knowing smile. “Just open your heart and make sure you’re listening. That’s all I meant.”
“But this is what Grace wanted.” She took a deep breath. “This is God’s will. These girls are the children I could never have.”
Elizabeth took Rebecca’s hands in hers. “Just open your heart and listen.” She squeezed her hands and let go. “Let’s get these cookies in the oven.”
Rebecca slipped the cookie sheets into the oven while contemplating Elizabeth’s advice.
Wasn’t she listening to the girls? And Daniel?
Wasn’t she listening to God?
A chill slithered through her veins despite the heat emanating from the row of ovens.
The door from the parking lot opened, revealing Sarah schlepping in while hugging her arms to her stomach. She groaned as she crossed to the nearest chair and sank onto it.
“Sarah Rose.” Elizabeth rushed over to her, grabbing a cold glass of water on the way. “You look awful.”
“I feel awful.” Sarah took the glass and gulped. “I woke up sick, and I can’t seem to shake it.” After placing the glass on the counter, she swiped her hand across her forehead. “I’m burning up and my stomach is churning. Is this normal?”
“
Ya
, unfortunately.” Elizabeth rubbed Sarah’s back. “I was sick with all of my pregnancies, but it will get better after the first trimester.”
Sarah glanced over at Rebecca. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help bake this morning.”
Rebecca shook her head. “Don’t worry.” She touched Sarah’s shoulder. “You look a little green. You should take it easy. Maybe go home and lie down for a bit.”
“
Nee
.” Sarah shook her head. “I’d go crazy at home alone.” She turned to Elizabeth. “
Mamm
, was
Dat
different while you were pregnant?”
“How do you mean?” Elizabeth pulled up a chair and held Sarah’s hands.
“Peter’s been acting different lately. He’s been really quiet. He hardly talks to me anymore.” Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know if he loves me anymore,
Mamm
.” Covering her face, she sobbed.
“Oh, Sarah Rose.” Elizabeth pulled her youngest child close and rubbed her back as she cried. “Of course he loves you. Your hormones are just getting the best of you.”
Rebecca smiled and hugged her chest. She knew Sarah would make a wonderful mother. Rebecca just hoped she could too.
Later that afternoon, Lindsay pulled a sheet of Dutch almond cookies from the oven. She inhaled the sweet aroma as she scooped the cookies onto the cooling rack.
A smile overtook her lips while she contemplated how much she enjoyed learning the recipes. Mom would be so proud!
“What have you got there?” Elizabeth asked as she examined the cookies lining the rack.
“I thought I’d try a new recipe. The bakery was quiet, and the ovens weren’t on.” Lindsay placed the rack in the sink. “I hope it’s okay.”
“Of course it’s fine.” Elizabeth smiled. “The cookies are perfect.” She looped an arm around Lindsay’s shoulder. “You’re a wonderful addition to our bakery. I’m so glad you’re working with us.”
“Thank you.” Lindsay felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment at the compliment. “I enjoy learning these new recipes. My mom and I used to bake together.” She sighed. “I really miss her.”
“I’m sure you do.” Elizabeth rubbed her shoulders. “I knew Grace when she was young.”
Lindsay’s eyes widened with surprise. “You did?”
“
Ya
.” The older woman’s smile looked a little sad. “She was a lovely girl. You and your sister resemble her. She wanted more than the community could offer her.”
Lindsay nodded as she turned off the oven. “I know.”
“Rebecca mentioned that you want to come to our service.”
Lindsay bit her lip. Was Elizabeth going to say she wasn’t welcome? “Would that be okay?”
Elizabeth laughed. “Of course it is. We’d love to have you worship with us.” She rubbed Lindsay’s arm again. “You’re always welcome.”