A Harmless Little Ruse (Harmless #2) (9 page)

A
larm replaces
the sense of completion, my gut tearing to shreds as I feel wetness from her tears against my shoulder.

“Oh, my God, Lindsay,” I say gruffly, sitting up, getting off her. “Did I hurt you? What’s wrong? I didn’t mean to -- ”

She grabs me and sits up, burying her face in my chest, her arms wrapping around me. My heart beats so hard it’s like I’m punching her in the face.

“No, no,” she says, muffled. “I’m not crying because of pain.”

“Well...I...” Shit. I can barely say the next few words, but I have to. “Was the sex that bad?”

She half-coughs, half-laughs, half-sobs. “No! No! It was amazing. You’re amazing. We’re amazing together.”

I let out my breath. Didn’t realize I was holding it.

“I don’t know why I’m crying!” she confesses, her mouth against my nipple. The vibration feels weird, chaotic and out of order. I swear it makes my heart skip a beat.

I cough. It’s instinctive, but my rhythm resumes.

“It’s okay. Shhhhh,” I say, soothing her, brushing her wet hair off her face, kissing the salty tears.

“It’s not okay. I’ve been such a bitch to you. I couldn’t trust you.”

I choke, the air shooting out of me, surprised by her words. “What? That’s why you’re crying?” We’re naked and sweaty, covered in each other’s slick, and she’s crying after the most phenomenal emotional moment of my life because she’s been mean to me?

This can’t be real.

“Y-y-yes,” she whimpers. “I didn’t know I could love someone this much. I knew I loved you, Drew, but not like this!” Her little fists rub her tears away. She sniffles. “And you’re the first person I’ve ever asked to do that. To be inside me. I didn’t know it would feel like this.”

“Like what?” I prod gently, trying to understand. I run the tip of my nose across the crown of her head, breathing in the tropical scent of her shampoo, her hair impossibly soft.

“Like I’ve been living in half the world, not knowing the rest existed.”

I’m dumbfounded.

What the hell do you say in response to
that
?

“That’s exactly how I feel,” I confess, tightening my hold on her. She wiggles closer, into my lap. We link ourselves, breathing as one, until I untangle our bodies and bring her to the bed. An afterthought, for sure, but she relaxes in my arms when we’re under the covers, as if she feels safer.

Covered.

Not quite so exposed.

Only our naked bodies underneath the surface know the truth.

Her tears subside. I understand them now.

“I never told anyone who the fourth man was in that video.”

“You didn’t? Not a single person? Not even your dad?”

She shakes her head. The admission makes me feel good for some reason.

“Why not?” I gently ask. Prodding this truth out of her feels like it’s a fulcrum that allows me to crack open the future.

“Because I couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe you’d do that to me. Just...let them.”

“I didn’t.”

“I know. Even in the face of what looked so obvious, I just...knew. I knew you wouldn’t do that to me, but God, Drew, it hurt so much.” She tightens her hold on me, her body starting to tremble. When you’re pressed naked, toe to shoulder, against someone, you feel everything.

“So you had to hold two truths inside you at the same time. Two truths that couldn’t co-exist.’

She jolts, her head popping up, eyes beseeching. “Yes. Exactly. How did you know?”

“Because that’s what I hoped for four years. That some part of you trusted me enough to know that the obvious couldn’t be true.”

“It’s the same with that picture they texted me. The one with you and part of my red scarf.”

Breathe, Foster.
Breathe.

Bzzz.

“Reality,” I sigh, letting out a sound of relief that I pretend is frustration as I search for my phone. Lindsay ends the sound by kissing me. The sound turns, twisting into a decidedly different groan.

“Thank you,” she says.

“No need.” I kiss her forehead. We just breathe together, so much unsaid.

We have time.

Bzzz.

Or not.

“Besides,” I add, standing grudgingly, searching for my clothes, knowing the phone’s in there somewhere. “This time, you’re not stealing my weapon.”

The laughter pours out of her like a contagion and she sits up, pulling me back to the bed. It’s hopeless. I can’t not laugh. I curl up around her, cocooning her, arms and legs tucked in.

She’s shaking in my arms, the vibration making my skin tingle.

It’s good to hear her laugh.

It’s even better to laugh together.

“I’m sorry,” she finally gasps. “I couldn’t trust you.”

I stop laughing.

Her skin is dewy and warm, a light trace of heat along the pores making her flush.

“Talk to me,” I say. “Tell me more.”

She sighs, a little sound of vulnerability. It makes my throat tighten. That’s the sound someone makes when they are about to be real.

I’ve wanted nothing more than the real Lindsay this whole time.

Thank God she’s finally here.

“Drew,” she says, her hand snuggling on my bare chest, the lines of her tendons standing out as she moves. “They broke me. Ripped me apart – literally.” Her thighs shift and my shoulders tighten.

“I know.”

“When I woke up, it was like I’d been turned inside out. I was nothing but pain. The physical pain subsided, eventually. But in some ways that was worse.
Not
having my body hurt.”

Oh, man. I know where she’s going with this.

Because I’ve been there.

Only she doesn’t know that.

“Because then all that was left was the pain in my mind. And that was a different kind of agony. Worse.”

I squeeze her gently. I have to. If I don’t hold on, I’ll fall off the edge of the world.

She’s giving words to
my
pain.
My
madness. Four years ago, she wasn’t the only one those assholes destroyed, but she doesn’t know that.

And I can’t tell her.

My skin erupts into a furious tingle, as if my blood’s trying to escape but hits the wall of skin and can’t. That same mind that contains all the insanity of being brutalized is the one that manages to love her, too. I’m ten thousand Drews inside a single body right now.

And only one of me can listen to her.

“Nothing I thought about stopped the intrusions,” she whispers. Her breathing is even, and she’s resting against me, skin to skin.
Trust.
She’s trusting me. Lindsay is opening herself to me. She just gave me her body. Invited me to share it. Welcomed me into her so we could find pieces of ourselves we lost four years ago.

Now she’s inviting me into her heart. Into her mind.

Into that inner space where we protect our core.

I don’t take this lightly.

I am honored.

“Nothing.”

I make a sound of comfort. I don’t know what to say.

“They medicated me into oblivion.” She snorts. “I didn’t care. It was easier to take the little cup of pills twice a day than to argue. Easier to crawl into bed and sleep. Even though I had bad dreams.” She shivers. I absorb all her pain. I take in her memories.

It hurts.

It heals.

I don’t have a choice.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, rubbing her shoulder, staring at the moon. If I look at her, I might lose the pieces of myself I just found.

“And so,” she continues, breathless now. It’s as if she’s relieved to finally talk. I close my eyes and take in the way air passes through her throat. When she speaks, the vibration of her voice touches every cell in me.

“And so I just lived like I was hollow. Insert medication. Hope it dulled the memories. Wait.” She sits up, eyes finding mine. They’re impossibly wide, big and pleading, needing more of me. “Do you know what that’s like?”

Yes.

“No,” I lie. “I can’t imagine.”

“The hardest part was thinking you had let them hurt me. Or worse – that you were in on it.”

That snaps me out of my own reactions. “For the rest of my life, until the day I die, I’ll regret that I couldn’t stop them.
Couldn’t
.”

“I know.”

“No, Lindsay, I don’t think you do.”

Her face morphs. Emotion flickers in ten thousand licks across the fine bones of her face. The moon conspires against me, giving her a grey shadow as clouds cover the light, making her eerie. Dangerous.

My heart seizes.

“You cannot fathom how hard it was to be drugged and -- ” Helpless.

I cannot say that fucking word.

“ -- and unable to stop them.”

“I can now. Now that I know the truth. They hurt you too, Drew.”

I jerk. What’s she implying? Does she know the full truth?

I stay silent. Don’t give away a thing. She’ll reveal what she knows, and I can make sure I don’t tip my hand.

“They drugged you. Made it so you couldn’t stop them. And that blood on you in the picture – they beat you up, didn’t they? I know.”

I hold my breath. What
else
does she know? Because yes, they beat me.

But they did worse, too.

“You told me,” she continues. “I believe you. I rewatched the video.”

“You what?”

She shrugs, her breast sliding down my rib, nipple peaking. “I had to. After you told me what happened, I went online and watched it.”

“You found the video online?”

She makes a huff of laughter, a sad sound. “I have my ways, as you know.”

“I thought we’d put a stop to that,” I say tightly.

She bats at my chest. “You can’t outsmart me.”

I snort. Her eyebrows go up. She kisses me.

As her lips brush mine, I find the passion is gone. In its place there is a sense of regret. Of peace. A kind of sad acceptance that the past has damaged us, but somehow we’ve found our way back to each other. We’re scarred and battered, bruised and broken, but we’re together again.

That is its own miracle.

Bzzzz.

I groan. “My phone.” I stand, searching again for my clothes, finding the damn device and checking.

Seven a.m. staff meeting in two hours. You want me to get a suit for you? Senator Bosworth plans to be there
, Gentian texts me.

I should be worried.

I’m not.

Worst case, he fires my company from covering Lindsay.

Best case, he yells at me for punching Blaine.

There is no option for being praised.

“Who’s the text from?”

“Gentian.” I walk closer to the window, careful not to make my body viewable from outside. The pre-dawn light makes the sky a strange color. I’m wiped and wired at the same time. A long, hard day followed by too many beers, a six-mile run, and a lovemaking session that qualifies as the best of my entire life.

All the good and bad in the world crammed into the same single day.

“Hey,” Lindsay whispers, coming up from behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist. “Everything okay? Is Silas texting because there’s a problem?”

Understatement of the year.

“Your dad plans to attend our seven a.m. staff meeting.”

“But he’s in D.C.”

I shrug. “Maybe he’s on video feed. Or maybe his schedule changed. My little stunt with Blaine might have worse consequences than I anticipated.”

She sighs, hot breath tickling my shoulder blade. Pressing her cheek against my back, she melts into me. “They don’t tell me anything. I’m relieved now, though.”

“Relieved?” I text back a quick
yes
to Gentian, then put the phone down and press my palms against her hands. Having her touch me is an anchor.

“I think they’re happy I performed the part. They’re done with me, for a week or two at least. I smiled, I was vibrant, I played the good daughter in a highly public role. I’m not some sex-crazed kinky deviant who is an embarrassment to the good senator.”

“Lindsay,” I protest, my voice low with anger. “No one thinks that.”

A bitter laugh vibrates against my back. “Everyone thinks that, Drew. Daddy said he couldn’t believe I let it happen.” I rotate her around so she faces me.

“He said that to you? I remember Harry saying it to
me
.” Fury turns the room a dark shade of red, her sadness making me protective..

She blinks rapidly as she struggles to remember. “Oh. Maybe that’s when I was eavesdropping on you two.”

“When you were what? Excuse me?”

An impish smile stretches her lips and she shrugs. “It was my first day back. I was desperate.”

All I can do is sigh.

“At least I didn’t punch a California state representative,” she needles. “My only saving grace is that the news media cycle is so fast. Everyone cares more about a boy in a tiger display at a zoo than they do about me now. The media is fickle. The more boring I am, the better for Daddy.”

“You’re anything but boring.”

“You know what I mean.”

My temper flares up. “Yeah. I do. And I hate it. You’re so much more than a pretty face on a stage, filling a spot on a politician’s checkbox.”

“Am I? Are you sure?”

I tighten my hold, my thighs pressing into her hips, my cock dragging across that soft skin right above her mons. As much skin as possible needs to connect between us. If I touch her enough, I can erase time, right?

I know I can’t.

But I’ll give it my best shot.

“I’m sure.” I kiss her forehead, then both cheeks, finally settling a sweet kiss on her lips. “More than sure. You deserve your own life, Lindsay.”

“I don’t know what that even means.”

“You’ve been home barely a week. Give it time. Settle in and give yourself space.”

She grabs me, hard. “I don’t want space. Not from you.”

“Present company excepted.”

She laughs, her eyes flicking up to catch mine. “I’ve missed you. Not just you. Not just your presence. I’ve missed this.” Her palm flattens against my back, sliding up my spine as if counting the bones. “The easy way we have with each other.”

“Me, too.” Emotion overwhelms me. She cannot possibly know how deeply I’ve ached for her. Four years.

Four fucking years.

“All that anger, Drew. I was so hurt, and I hated you so much for betraying me. Knowing now that I was wrong makes me feel so ashamed. I’m sorry.”