A Headstrong Woman (31 page)

“Jonathon,” she said as she entered the room.

Jonathon frowned and sat up abruptly.

“Anna! What are you doing in here?” he demanded as he came to his feet.

“I need to talk with you,” she stopped in front of him.

“Have a seat and let me turn the lamp up,” he was unnerved by both her nearness and the way she was watching him.

“No, I need to say this now before I lose my nerve. I love you, Jonathon!” she blurted. “You must know that.”
              “I know that you’re infatuated with me, Anna,” he said gently.

“Infatuated? No, Jonathon, I love you,” she insisted.

“Anna….”

Anna leaned forward and pressed her lips to his and waited for him to kiss her back.

He didn’t.

Jonathon gently took Anna’s arms and pushed her away, himself taking a step backwards to put more space between them. “Anna, you’re a very sweet young lady and I have no desire to hurt you,” Jonathon started; he was uncertain how to continue.

“You’re still in love with Emily, aren’t you?” she asked with understanding.

Jonathon frowned. “No, I mean, I still love her but that isn’t why…”

“Of course you still love her, I understand…”

“I don’t think you do. I will always love Emily, but she no longer stands in the way of my moving on,” he could see that he’d confused her. “I really like you as friend, Anna, you’re interest in me keeps us from a closer friendship but that is all that will ever be between us,” he explained gently.

Anna felt her eyes begin to sting and quickly nodded.

“I see,” she turned and all but ran from the room.

Jonathon sighed and reclaimed his position on the settee. He really had not wanted to hurt her. How had he gotten in this mess anyway, he wondered as he twirled his hair around one finger in an agitated manner. He was in love with one woman and being pursued by her sister. Jonathon stilled in his fidgeting. Was he in love with Alexandria? That he found her attractive and was interested in her he had no doubt, but did he love her? He thought of her smile, her teasing him, her chin coming up in that stubborn tilt, and he smiled. He did love her. He didn’t know when it had happened but he loved her. What was he to do about it? Alexandria had made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with men. Could he change her mind? Would he lose her entirely if he tried? Jonathon sighed; he didn’t know.

Jonathon had been dozing on and off for a couple of hours when a noise in the kitchen woke him. He cautiously made his way down the hall to the dim light in the kitchen and peered into the room. His eyes first fell on the water pump, a forgotten glass of water still beneath it. In the floor in front of the stove sat Alexandria; the door was open, and her knees were drawn to her chest. She was shaking all over and crying.

“Alexandria,” he called softly so he wouldn’t startle her.

She glanced at him; then resettled her gaze on the fire in the stove.               “You okay?” he asked as he approached her.

She shook her head but still did not speak.

“Bad dreams?” he asked.

She sighed, gave him an annoyed glance, and nodded.

“Come to the parlor and I’ll build you a fire if you want but you’re going to wake Millie if you stay in here much longer,” he told her. She glanced at him, then back to the fire. Jonathon frowned at her. He knew she’d had a disturbing night and he would do nothing to play that down but he wasn’t about to let her stew in it either. He claimed her hand without permission and pulled her to her feet before shutting the stove door and extinguishing the lamp.

He built a fire in the parlor fireplace even though it was much too warm for one and handed her a light blanket from the settee to wrap herself in. Alexandria settled in front of the fireplace; Jonathon settled into the floor against a wing back chair nearby.

“What happened, Alexandria?” Jonathon asked; he dreaded the answer but knew she needed to talk about it before she could work through it herself. Alexandria turned her head to study him a moment before moving to sit beside him, her shoulder touching his. Jonathon had about given up on her sharing when she slowly began to recount the events of her evening. She was shaking again by the time she had finished. Jonathon took a moment to absorb it.

“You’re fortunate it wasn’t worse,” he said gently.

“I know,” she admitted. “Had you not shown up when you did, it would have been.”

“Sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, I’m the one who turned down your offer of an escort home,” she reminded him.

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have been the first time I ignored your protest,” he teased her. To his surprise she laughed, only to a moment later, dissolve into tears.

“I’m so scared and I feel so dirty…”

“Alexandria, that’s natural I think but you have no reason to feel dirty. Are you afraid he’ll come back?” he asked her.

“I guess or just scared that someone, anyone, might try it again,” she admitted.

“They’ll find it a lot harder; I’ll be watching you and this place awfully close now.”

“Jonathon, I appreciate everything that you’ve done and do, but maybe you should move on, it seems I’m a bad luck charm. Maybe Anna’s right; maybe I should move back home.”

“Alexandria, I can’t believe you just said that. First of all I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. You mean to tell me that you’re going to let some drunken cowboy do what rustlers and robbers couldn’t?” he asked her.

“This was different, Jonathon, he put his hands on me and…”

“That’s more frightening and harder to ignore. I can’t say that I know how you feel but I can certainly understand it. Let me ask you this, Alexandria. Would moving back to your parents mean that no one could ever hurt you again?”

“No,” she said irritably.

“So why would you?”

“I’m tired of fighting to hold it all together,” she said miserably as fresh tears threatened.

“You’re tired and you need rest.”

“It’s more than that.”

“You’re a coward?” he asked and watched her chin snap up.

“How can you even say that?” her eyes filled with hurt.

Jonathon smiled, “There’s that stubborn tilt, you’ll be okay,” he reached out and brushed his knuckles across her jaw.

Alexandria shuddered, “Jonathon…”

“Don’t?” he tone was mildly amused.

“You have the most annoying habit of taking the words right out of my mouth,” she told him.

“I’ll work on that,” he assured her as he traced the curve of her ear.

“I shouldn’t be here alone with you,” she said absent-mindedly. “And I shouldn’t feel so safe with you,” the words were uttered on almost a whisper.

Jonathon felt his heart flip. As much as he respected her, he decided it was time for her to return to her room. “Good night, Alexandria. You need to get some rest,” he forced his hands to his sides.

Alexandria looked momentarily hurt. “You’re right,” she finally agreed as she stood. “Goodnight,” she hurried from the room.

“Goodnight,” he called after her. Good morning would have been more accurate, but he didn’t correct her.

Jonathon stared at the fire. He felt overly warm but he suspected the fire wasn’t to blame. He was going to have to remember to keep his hands to himself where Alexandria was concerned. He didn’t want to put either of them in a position that they’d later regret.

Alexandria dressed for work with leaden limbs. Between the events of the night before and loss of sleep, she wanted nothing more than to climb back into bed. After leaving Jonathon, she had tossed and turned for hours, her mind troubled by the changes in their relationship. He shouldn’t be touching her and kissing her as he had and she shouldn’t be allowing it, enjoying it even. She had been blissfully unaware that she could feel such things and wanted that back. She sighed as she shoved her hat on her head and moved out of her room to dress Lilly. She arrived in the kitchen to find Millie bustling about as usual and a subdued Anna standing at the stove. Her sister appeared to have been crying and looked as exhausted as Alexandria felt.

“Has Jonathon gotten up yet?” she asked as she started setting the table. Anna’s shoulders rose and fell in a quick shrug.

Alexandria frowned.

“If he has I haven’t see him,” Millie answered.

Alexandria turned and went to the parlor to wake her foreman. She smiled at the sight that greeted her. He was sprawled on the too small settee, one arm over his head, the other across his chest, and one foot on the floor. He sported the beginnings of a beard and her fingers itched to rub it; she resisted. She had always loved rubbing her dad’s unshaved cheeks in the morning, however that action would be entirely too familiar with a man who wasn’t her relation.

“Jonathon,” she shook him gently.

She hated to wake him.

Jonathon moaned; his eyes opened slowly. When he opened his eyes to find Alexandria leaning over him he was struck with the urge to pull her close and hold her; he knew better.

“Good morning,” he said sleepily.

“Breakfast is almost ready,” she stepped back to allow him room to get up.

“I’ll have to go make myself presentable,” he told her as he struggled with his boots.

“You’re fine, just come eat,” she told him.

Jonathon rubbed at his stubbled jaw and frowned. “I’m not presentable…”

“Jonathon, Millie is a widow, I’m a widow; Anna has a father and brother, what is so shocking about some whiskers? You’re worse than a woman about your appearance,” she accused.

“You look tired,” he noted.

“And you look wide awake,” she smiled.

“I like bantering with you, Alexandria,” he informed her; then added thoughtfully, “maybe too much.”

“What?” Alexandria frowned.

“Nothing,” he said as he stood.

Alexandria let the comment go.

After breakfast, Jonathon shaved and changed before he and Alexandria joined the men on the range. Each of the men looked over her bruised face and fought against anger. Nick had been the only one among them that would even consider hitting a lady. Sparky had a few bruises himself Alexandria noted as he approached her.

“Alex, I’m sorry none of us was here to help you when you needed it. I just wanted to tell you that none of the rest of us would ever offer to harm you,” he assured her.

Alexandria smiled at him. “I know that, Sparky. Nick has made me uncomfortable for some time. How old are you?”

“Twenty-two.”

“How old were you when you came?” she asked with a frown. She could remember him showing up in town years earlier.

“I was fifteen, just turned. I had run away from an abusive stepfather. I stayed until my Mom died and my older sister married, then I struck out. Elijah took me in, showed me the ropes… I have a lot that I owed Elijah,” he said quietly.

“Do you find my being here and my attending yesterday’s festivities inappropriate? You respecting Elijah as you do.”

“No, Alex. I don’t begrudge you any happiness you can find. I wish you the best,” he said sincerely.

Alexandria smiled at him. “Thank you, Sparky. Is that a nickname?”

“Yeah, Elijah gave me that nickname, said all it took was a spark to set off my temper, then started calling me Sparky,” he admitted with a boyish grin. “I manage my anger better now than I used to though. At least most the time,” he added as he rubbed his bruised jaw. “I swore when my Mama died that I’d never stand by and let another man hit a woman….” his voice trailed off; his face was anguished.

“What’s your real name?”

“Wesley, Wesley Smith.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Wesley,” she extended her hand.

Sparky studied her a moment, smiled, and took her hand.

***

Alexandria rode silently beside Jonathon; her thoughts occupied, and body sagging. Jonathon had bullied her into coming back to the house for lunch and an afternoon of rest. She had been about to fall asleep in the saddle.

Jonathon watched Alexandria and wondered what she was thinking; she looked troubled. At the house, Jonathon reached for her and lifted her down. He felt her tense; her gaze pinned on something or someone over his shoulder, and turned to see what had disturbed her. Lane, staring at her in disbelief, stood at the bottom of the porch steps.

“What happened to your face?” his scathing gaze slid over her.

“One of my men attacked me; he’s moved on now.”

“Moved on? Are you crazy? Look at you; this is no way for a lady to dress! I told you that you’re ruining your reputation, do you not care?”

“Not particularly,” she shrugged.

Jonathon silently applauded her.

“I have a ranch to run, Lane; I’ll do whatever is necessary to do that.”

“Do you know what people in town are saying?”

“I thought we already covered this, I don’t care what people think. I’m going to raise my daughter and run this ranch to the best of my ability. It’s the only option open to me.”