A Heart Made New (39 page)

A knot of people stood in the second floor waiting room. He slowed. The pastor from the First Baptist Church was there with some other folks he didn’t recognize. Violet saw him first. “David, it’s sweet of you to come.” Her voice thickened. “I’m sorry. I know how you and Kinsey hit it off.”

She raised her wrinkled hands to her face. Pastor Bailey put a hand on her shoulder. David halted, trying to understand her words. She was offering him condolences “Is she…?”

Pastor Bailey nodded. “She’s gone.”

“When?” As if it mattered. Gone was gone.

“Just now. Willow arrived in time to spend a few minutes with her before she went.”

The fierce, agonizing wave of pain nearly knocked David against the wall. As much as he wanted to speak the words he couldn’t.
God’s plan. God’s will.
Believe it or drown in a vortex of bitterness. The pain sucked the color from the room around him and threatened to turn the air black. He gritted his teeth.
Don’t do this. Don’t do it.
Not in front of them. As much as he wanted to turn, to make his legs carry him away, he couldn’t. He bent over, hands on his thighs, and forced himself to breathe.

A hand touched his arm. He didn’t dare look up. “It’s all right.” Willow’s voice, raspy with tears, was close to his ear. “It’s all right, David. She told me she wasn’t afraid. She said you were right, that there was nothing to be afraid of. She said to tell you…”

Her voice broke. He straightened. “Tell me what?”

“To tell you she’s been riding Blackie in her dreams every night. They’ve…they’ve leaped over rivers and galloped across the prairies every night since you gave her that first lesson.”

David fought with every ounce of his small store of strength to keep the tears from forming. “She’s a fanciful child, isn’t she?”

“Yes, she was.”

Willow’s gentle correction undid him. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“I’ll never lose her, David.” Willow smiled through her tears. “The Bible says love never ends. Kinsey’s death doesn’t change my love for her. I gained so much by having her in my life, loving her, being her mom. Death can’t change that.”

“I know.” He wrapped his hands around his hat and tried to gain control of his voice. “My life was better having known her too.”

Using his last ounce of will, he forced himself to walk, head high, down the hallway and into the elevator. He punched the button and waited for the doors to close. Only then, when the elevator began its silent descent, did he sag against the wall and close his eyes.
Thank You, God, for giving her a few more good days. Thank You for using me. Thank You for letting me know her.

The darkness receded. Willow was right. Love was stronger than death. Nothing could change that. God used him to help Kinsey live
her dream. God used Kinsey to do the same for David. To give him a few more good days. To let him know what it felt like to be a father. He wanted more. More good days. More days with Annie. She deserved them far more than he did. He could make her happy for as long as God let him.

When the doors opened, David didn’t head for the entrance. He strode toward Doctor Corbin’s office. Every day from now on, for Kinsey’s sake, would be a good day.

This is the day which the L
ORD
hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

A
nnie waved the grocery list in Josiah’s face. A little help would be nice. It had been a long day at the bakery and she still had work to do at home. If they split Leah’s list, things would go more quickly and she’d still be home in time to help with supper. “Come on, help me, bruder.” She hopped down from the buggy and pointed at the IGA. “Leah only needs a few things, but they’re heavy.”

“I don’t see why I have to come in,” Josiah groused. Despite his tone, he climbed down and tied the horse’s reins to the long post and cable in front of the store. “I’m sweaty and dirty from working all day. They’ve got Englisch boys working there who get paid to carry out the groceries.”

Annie stepped onto the mat and the automatic door of the IGA swung open. She felt funny having those boys carry her purchases. They always looked at her with such obvious curiosity. Like they’d never seen a girl in a long dress and kapp before. Which obviously they had in a town like Bliss Creek. “In the time we’ve spent arguing about it, we could be done.” Annie marched toward the back of the store. “You get the bags of flour and sugar. I’ll get the clothes soap.”

He frowned. When his forehead wrinkled like that he looked just like Luke. “Where would the baking stuff be?”

He was being deliberately difficult. “That way.” Annie pointed toward aisle two. “I’ll get the clothes soap and meet you back here.”

Annie didn’t like shopping after a long day at work, but Leah had her hands full at home and no buggy available to do shopping even if she could get away. Determined to make this quick, Annie trotted through the aisles without dallying to looking at the displays.

A titter of laughter rang out. A high sound mixed with a lower, husky laugh. Somebody was having a good time on the household cleaning items aisle. Intent on her mission, Annie rounded the corner next to a neat stack of cat food in ten-pound bags. Sarah Kauffman stood in the middle of the aisle, her hands on her hips and a smile on her lips, talking to Peter Blount’s son, Daniel. Annie slowed to a halt. They seemed oblivious to the fact that they were blocking her access to the clothes soap.

Just sixteen, Daniel had barreled into his rumspringa full-tilt, as evidenced by his blue jeans, T-shirt, and exaggerated grin. Flexing biceps thick from working on the farm, he picked up a huge box of clothes soap. “I’ll carry it. It’s way too heavy for a little squirt like you.”

“You’re such a gentleman.” Sarah leaned toward him, a sly grin stretched across her pretty face. “I love a man with good manners.”

He stuttered and red blotches formed on his cheeks and neck. “Anything you need carried, I’m the man for you.” His long hair flopped on his forehead as he swiveled his head, apparently searching for more big boxes to carry.

Sarah giggled. The high infectious sound that didn’t ring true in Annie’s ears. That was the giggle that had snared her brother in a briar patch. Packages clutched in her arms, Sarah stood on tiptoes and kissed Daniel’s cheek. The splotches on his face grew until his face turned brick red. “What…what…what was that for?”

“For being so sweet.” She started down the aisle, but stopped when she saw Annie standing in her path. Her smile faded, but she turned back to Daniel. “Be a sweet pea and help me check out and take these packages to the buggy, will you? Mayor Haag wants me to mop and vacuum the entire house this evening.”

“Sure, no problem.” Daniel looked from Sarah to Annie and back. “Anything for you, Sarah.”

Sarah patted his hand, but her gaze was on Annie. “Hello, Annie. How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

Daniel shifted from one foot to the other. The silence stretched. Sarah patted her kapp in a self-conscious gesture. “Well, I have to get these groceries to Mayor Haag’s house—”

Annie knew she should let her go without saying anything. That would be the proper thing to do. What would Luke want her to do? What would Emma say? Emma would protect Josiah and anyone else in their community who stood to be hurt, that’s what she would do. “What are you doing, Sarah?”

“What do you mean?”

Annie turned to Daniel. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean any offense to you.”

Daniel’s forehead crinkled, making him look like a confused puppy dog. “About what?”

Annie focused on Sarah. “You can’t do this.”

“Do what? Can’t buy groceries?”

“Can’t do this to another boy.”

“I’m not a boy,” Daniel bristled. “I’m sixteen.”

“You’re starting it all over again.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sarah whipped around Annie and headed toward the front of the store. Daniel trotted after her, still looking like a faithful puppy following his owner.

“Sarah—”

“Let it go.” Annie found herself in the powerful grip of Josiah’s big hand. “Stop.”

“I can’t. She’s doing it again.” She struggled, but he wouldn’t release her. “I’m sorry, but you have to see she’s not what she pretends to be. She never has been. Don’t you see what she’s doing?”

“I do. Get the groceries. Get one of the boys to take the bags to the buggy.”

His tone said he expected no argument. Josiah had grown up. He might be younger than her, but he was a man. His hand dropped. Annie rubbed her arm. “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be. I’m older and wiser now. Get the groceries.”

She watched his back retreat on the same path through the store that Sarah had taken.

Thank You, God, for helping him grow up.

Josiah knew the exact feeling that flowed through Daniel Blount at this very moment. That sense of euphoria. There had been a day when Josiah would’ve walked off a cliff for Sarah without questioning why. Run to the ends of the earth to save her. He’d been sixteen when he met Sarah at the very first Englisch party of his rumspringa. Something about her red hair and blue eyes. Something about the way she looked at him, like he could do no wrong. Something about how sweet and innocent and in need of a protector she seemed.

A sick feeling crept into his stomach. If she couldn’t have him, she’d snare another man. Another young boy who would get caught in that web and spend years trying to reconcile his life in this community with the burning desire for something he couldn’t have and shouldn’t want. Josiah couldn’t let that happen.

“Sarah!”

She stood waiting in line at one of the cash registers. She turned and smiled as if she were delighted to see him. “Josiah. I should’ve known. You and Annie are still two peas in a pod, aren’t you?”

Daniel edged a little closer to her, his arms weighted down with her packages. “Hey, Josiah.”

“Could I talk to you, Sarah?” He jerked his head toward the door. “Outside.”

“I have to buy this stuff for Mayor Haag.”

“I’m sure Daniel will hold your spot in the line.”

Daniel nodded so hard Josiah was afraid his head would fall off. “No problem, Sarah. Honest, I don’t mind.”

“Thanks, Danny. You’re so sweet.”

Her shoes making a tapping sound on the tile, she swept past Josiah. “What’s up?”

He waited until they were on the sidewalk to answer. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” She brushed at a spot of grease on his shirt with slim fingers. “I’m buying cleaning supplies for the mayor. What are you doing?”

He gritted his teeth, trying to ignore her sweet scent. “I mean with Daniel.”

She grinned. “What’s the matter? Are you jealous?”

“No. Not jealous.” He fought to keep his voice down as an elderly couple squeezed past them, arguing about whether to buy chicken or hamburger for supper. “I’m not jealous because I’m courting someone else now. But I am worried for Daniel. I know exactly how Daniel will feel about you. He’s young. He’s only started his running around. Sound familiar?”

“If you’re courting someone else, it’s none of your business who I see. Anyway, he’s just carrying my groceries. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

“Am I? You’re playing with him. Just like you played with me. Only you went too far. I left home for you. I asked you to marry me. I fell off a balcony and nearly killed myself.”

She tossed her head. Her prayer kapp slid down a notch, revealing a swathe of her beautiful hair. He loved her hair. She smiled up at him as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. “I’ve moved on. I thought that was what you wanted.”

“I do. Just not with Daniel or any other boy in our community.” He took two careful steps back. “Move on. Back to Wichita. Leave Daniel alone.”

“You’re such a worrywart.” She smacked his chest, a playful smirk on her face. “He’s just carrying my packages, Josiah. Chill out.”

“You kissed him.”

“Is that what this is about? A kiss?”

“You had him hook, line, and sinker, at that moment.” Josiah
waited for a woman pushing a stroller to pass. She gave them a curious look, but kept going. “At that moment, I knew. You’ll never be a Plain woman. Never. Go home.”