A Heart Once Broken (6 page)

“Dear Lord, help me, and help Lydia and Sandra also to find happiness,” Rosemary whispered toward the heavens.

The Troyer cousins had also experienced deep wounds lately. Sandra's
daett
had died, and now there was news spread about the community that both Lydia's and Sandra's
daetts
had been
involved in a scandal that had left their families penniless and deep in debt.

Sandra's
daett
had likely died of a heart attack over the stress caused by his financial losses. At least Rosemary's
daett
, David, had claimed that was the reason for Emil Troyer's passing, and he was probably right. Before the funeral the whispers around the community had been that Bishop Henry planned to have any man involved in the scandal make a confession in church—or worse. That could mean excommunication, which was normally used as correction for the worst infractions; and on this matter the community had been greatly shamed. There had been an article in the
St. Lawrence Plain-dealer
last week about the uncovered scheme. But there was no more talk of excommunication as punishment for Ben Troyer or anyone else. The death of Emil had been sufficient rebuke from the Lord, Bishop Henry said, and
Daett
claimed that most of the community agreed. Rosemary shivered. Clyde could say what he wished, but at least her
daett
hadn't been involved in such a thing.

Lydia and Sandra hadn't paid Ezra much attention since the death of Sandra's
daett
. Ezra had spoken with the cousins at the youth gathering like normal this week, but both Lydia and Sandra had responded to his condolences with dropped gazes and short replies. But soon the two would come out of their self-imposed mourning. Rosemary wondered, did she dare give Ezra attention in the meantime? Ezra was here at the feed mill. The thought sent shivers down her back. She didn't have a chance against either Lydia or Sandra, and besides, both of the cousins were her friends. One didn't undercut friends, even if she didn't have the slightest chance of winning Ezra's hand. And no doubt Ezra would smile at her clumsiness, and that would be the end of the matter.

“Hi,” Rosemary chirped to the
Englisha
man who stood at the front door of the feed store.

He was busy with another customer, and only gave Rosemary a passing glance.

“Hi,” Rosemary chirped again as she arrived at the counter.

The
Englisha
lady behind the cash register looked up with a smile. “Can I get anything for you?”

“My
daett
wants a bag of fertilizer.” Rosemary handed over the paper with the numbers written on it. “This is supposed to mean something, I guess.”

The lady chuckled. “It sure does. Just one bag?”

“
Yah
,” Rosemary managed.

The cash register rang, and the lady said, “That'll be $12.50, young lady.”

Rosemary handed over the twenty-dollar bill
Daett
had given her and collected the change.

The lady handed Rosemary the receipt and motioned with her head. “The boys in the back will help you load, dear.”

“Thank you,” Rosemary whispered.

She knew an
Englisha
man who worked at the store could load her buggy in a decent manner, but she wanted to find Ezra. She hadn't thought of that before, but an opportunity like this might not arise again. She wouldn't dare be this bold at the youth gatherings, at least not in front of Sandra and Lydia. Here, it didn't matter. She wasn't being disloyal, because nothing could come of a few words spoken to Ezra.

Rosemary took a deep breath and peeked down several of the aisles. Ezra wasn't there. She tried another aisle with no more success. She then made her way toward the back of the feed mill, where she stopped short at the sight of Bishop Henry and Ezra deep in conversation near a stack of feed bags.

What should she do now? Wait? Interrupt them? Before she could make up her mind, Bishop Henry called out, “Well, if it isn't
Rosemary Beiler. What are you up to today, shopping in a feed mill? Did you get lost?”

Rosemary tried to smile. “
Daett
wanted a bag of fertilizer, and
Mamm
had me coming to town anyway.” Rosemary waved the receipt in the air.

Ezra appeared friendly enough, but he didn't say anything. Bishop Henry glanced between the two of them and cleared his throat. “Maybe I'd best be getting myself on home, then. And thanks for your counsel, Ezra.”

The bishop touched his hat and left. Rosemary tried to breathe. Ezra had given the bishop counsel? Likely this was about the financial scandal that affected the two Troyer families.

Rosemary put on her best smile. “Ezra, could you carry a bag of fertilizer to the buggy for me?”

“Sure,” he said, but he seemed distracted. Ezra reached for the receipt and glanced at it. “How's your
daett
doing?” he asked.

“Okay, I guess.”

“Thank the Lord your
daett
wasn't involved in what the Troyers got themselves into.” Ezra stepped around the corner to hand the receipt to one of the
Englisha
men and finished his thought when he came back. “Their poor families are left at the mercy of the church now.”

“I suppose so,” Rosemary agreed. “Lydia and Sandra are my friends, although we haven't spoken about this too much. Those things can hurt a lot.”

“That they do,” Ezra allowed. “I thought both men would have had more sense than to fall for something like that.”

“Your
daett
is a
goot
businessman,” Rosemary said. She wasn't used to being this close to Ezra alone, and if her heart didn't quiet its race soon, she'd surely pass out on the spot.

Ezra gave Rosemary a kind look. “Your family may not have much, but at least they didn't do something foolish. I've tried to
speak a few words of comfort to Lydia and Sandra, but they're quite brokenhearted right now, which is understandable. I don't hold any of this against them.”

“
Yah
, it is sad,” Rosemary said. “This is a very hard time for them, and especially for Sandra with her
daett
's death.”

“Come.” Ezra motioned with his hand. “They should have the bag ready by now.”

Rosemary followed him, stealing a brief glimpse of his handsome face when Ezra looked the other way.

“There's our bag of fertilizer,” Ezra announced as they approached the back dock. He hoisted the bag on his shoulder and set off across the parking lot without a backward glance.

Rosemary hurried to keep up with Ezra's long steps, and called after him, “You can put the bag in the back.”

Ezra braced himself on the side of the open buggy with one hand, then easily lowered the bag with the other. Rosemary forced herself to move closer.

“Thank you.” She smiled up at Ezra. “That was nice of you.”

Ezra chuckled. “Glad to help, Rosemary. You have a
goot
day now.”

She wanted to call after him, and say something…but what? It was all so useless. And she was wrong to act like this anyway.

Rosemary watched Ezra's back for a few moments before she untied Buster and climbed in the buggy. As Rosemary drove out of the parking lot, Ezra waved from the dock and Rosemary waved back. At least Ezra noticed her enough to wave good-bye.

That was a small comfort.

Chapter Six

L
ydia wasn't sure what to do. Sandra had told her at a youth gathering last night that both of her sisters had been with two
Englisha
boys at a rock concert in Canton the weekend before.

On Friday evening, when she found Emma and Rhoda alone in the kitchen washing dishes, she decided she needed to confront them.

As she entered the kitchen, she didn't beat around the bush. “What do you two think you're doing by seeing
Englisha
boys?” Lydia demanded.

Both Emma and Rhoda continued to work and ignored her.

Lydia didn't dare raise her voice.
Mamm
and
Daett
were in the living room, and she didn't want them to overhear this conversation.
Mamm
probably wouldn't say anything, but
rumspringa
or not, this behavior couldn't be
goot
for the family's reputation—especially coupled with the financial disaster
Daett
had already brought on them.

“We're not doing anything anyone else isn't,” Rhoda finally offered.

“So who paid for you to attend this rock concert?” Lydia tried to keep her voice even.

Both sisters continued with their work but said nothing.

“Rock concerts are expensive,” Lydia continued. “And you were with
Englisha
boys.”

“Oh, come on, Lydia. You dated
Englisha
boys yourself during your
rumspringa.
Remember Rudy?” Emma shot back. “So don't condemn us. We're supposed to try out the world during our
rumspringa
.”

A denial was useless, Lydia thought. Her sisters knew that many of the Amish girls went out with
Englisha
boys during their
rumspringa
time. But they also should know that those girls paid their own way. Otherwise obligations were incurred, which was the problem. And as for Rudy…well, she had hoped her sisters had forgotten about her dates with Rudy.

“See, she's dumbstruck.” Rhoda rubbed the words in. “So don't lecture us, Lydia. There's enough trouble here at home already.”

“If you mean our financial situation,” Lydia said, “that's still no reason to accept money from
Englisha
boys. They'll expect payment of some kind.”

Emma and Rhoda glanced at each other and shrugged.

Lydia didn't hide her horror. “So they already have!”

“I can give out kisses for a rock concert,” Rhoda snapped. “That's all we've done, or plan to do.”

Lydia sighed. “Will you at least think about our family? Our reputation can be rebuilt, even with what
Daett
has done, but the way you two are acting doesn't help.”

“We'll behave ourselves,” they said together. “We promise.”

Lydia comforted herself, glad that at least her sisters sounded more willing than they had earlier.

“We're good girls,” Rhoda added.

Lydia didn't protest as she placed the last of the dirty dishes on the counter and left for the living room.

Mamm
looked up with a sorrowful face when Lydia walked in. She asked Lydia, “Is something wrong between you and the girls? I thought I heard arguing.”

“Just trying to give some advice.” Lydia kept her voice lighthearted.

Mamm
wasn't fooled, though. She chided, “We're all going through some hard times right now, Lydia. Give your sisters some slack.”

You don't know what you're saying,
Lydia almost said, but she tried to smile instead.
Mamm
was doing the best she could.

“I'm awful sorry about our state of affairs,”
Daett
said from his rocker. He appeared to have aged some twenty years in the past few weeks.

“We'll make it somehow,” Lydia mumbled, then gathered her courage and spoke louder. “Isn't there some way you could give the girls money for their weekends? I think the
Englisha
boys are paying for some expensive items. I don't think that's right.”

Daett
's face grew even longer. “We barely have money for food, Lydia. The church is helping out, so we certainly can't spare money for
rumspringa
.”

“Then tell the girls they have to stay home,” Lydia pled.

“And have them rebel completely?”
Mamm
said.

So that was the reason for her parents' hesitation?
Mamm
must have spoken with both of the girls, who must have threatened to jump the fence permanently if their normal
rumspringa
time was interfered with.