A Hell of a Dog (2 page)

That ought to work, I thought.

“But the more I thought about it, the more I thought I was asking for trouble. I wondered what on earth I could've been thinking when I dreamed this up. So I figured, okay, it's not lost yet. I'll play it safe. I'll call Frank, get a uniform. It would be well worth the expense. But Frank said no, he said I should hire you, get you to work undercover. ‘You don't want your people to know why she's there,' he said, ‘they won't open up. You'd be surprised what people say to each other. Sometimes you can stop some nasty business before it gets going. Stick her on a panel. Have her teach,' he said. ‘Let her walk the walk, talk the talk, pal around with people, listen to what's being said. She'll fit right in. She's a dog nut.'”

“You're actually concerned?”

“I am. I was hoping I could get them to bury the hatchet. Now I need you there, to make sure they don't bury it in each other.”

“Look, Sam, true, the lack of community is appalling, the attitudes less than professional, the bad-mouthing rampant, but—”

“I make a substantial amount of money doing this, Rachel. I can afford the peace of mind I'll get just knowing I have someone troubleshooting for me. Since you used to be a dog trainer, you
are
the logical choice. And Frank said you were a pretty decent operative, for a girl.” She laughed. “That's when I knew it had to be you.”

“His words?”

“Precisely,” she said. “I guess that's why I'm still looking for Mr. Okay. There are too many Frank Petries in this world, too many annoying nerds, too many guys who like guys, too many gorgeous hunks who don't bother to tell you they're married, too—”

This time I laughed.

“Don't say a word,” she said. “I know it's my own damn fault. I have terrible judgment when it comes to men. And even worse luck.”

“Who doesn't?” I was thinking about my ex, not to mention a dozen or so other guys desperation and loneliness had made look an awful lot more presentable than they actually were.

“Well, that aside, right now I have a job to do. So, Rachel, would you do this much for me, would you let me buy you dinner and hear me out? Then if you decide you don't want to do this, at least I'll feel I did my best. Your choice of a restaurant. And make it expensive.”

“How about the Gotham Bar and Grill?” I'd always wanted to go there when someone else would be picking up the tab. But then I had second thoughts. “I don't think you can get a reservation the same day.”

“Watch me,” she said. “Can you meet me there at seven?”

“No problem.”

That's when I knew I'd be working for Sam Lewis. Still, I was curious to hear what she'd say to convince me, not knowing she was preaching to the choir.

I spent the rest of the day wondering which trainers would be there and trying to picture them getting along with each other, but no matter how I grouped them in my imagination, as soon as the group exceeded one, a heated argument would break out. Maybe having me there, just in case, wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Late in the afternoon, Dashiell and I took a walk along the waterfront, New Jersey twinkling across the Hudson. Perhaps it was only meant to be seen from a distance.

Back home, I decided to wear black. Dashiell wore his usual too, white with a black patch over his right eye, his Registered Service Dog tag prominently displayed on his collar. I was about to rouse him so we could leave when I realized I didn't have my keys. They weren't in my jacket pocket. Nor were they on the green marble table outside my kitchen, where I often dropped them.

“Dashiell,” I said, “find the keys.”

He looked up from where he was sprawled on the sofa, his eyes glazed over with sleep.

“Keys,” I repeated, chopping the air with a flat, open hand, his silent signal to search an area.

Dashiell got off the couch and began dowsing for my lost keys. First he moseyed over to my jacket, which I'd tossed over the arm of the sofa. He pushed the pocket with his muzzle to release a puff of air so that he would know what was inside. Then he shoved his big nose in, just to make sure it wasn't fooling him.

He did a paws-up on the marble table. No keys, but he knows my habits, you have to give him that.

He looked around the living room, moving his head from side to side, trolling for the scent he was after. Then he headed up the stairs, his short nails clicking on the wooden steps. A moment later I heard the keys jingling as he descended the staircase. He dropped my key ring into my hand, sat, and barked. I scratched one of his top fifty favorite spots, one of the ones behind his right ear.

“So where were they?” I asked.

But I didn't wait for an answer. I know his habits, too. He's the strong, silent type, not in the least inclined to divulge hard-won professional secrets.

3

THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN

Walking toward Twelfth Street, I was thinking about Sam, wondering if she'd be large and homely, like so many of the women I'd met in dogs. Unlike most people, animals love you anyway.

I pictured her waiting for me at the bar wearing shapeless pants and an oversize top, her ample derriere draping over the sides of the bar stool, her mousey hair pulled back in some no-nonsense, no-style look, her unpolished nails gnawed to the quick.

As I turned east on Twelfth Street, I wondered how I'd know her. Then it occurred to me that it wouldn't exactly be an issue. When I walked into the Gotham Bar and Grill with a pit bull, chances were good she'd know me.

“Super,” she said in that husky voice, “you're early, too.”

I turned around, but where was Sam?

Behind me, smiling, was a woman about my height, also late thirties, as thin and stylish-looking as if she'd just stepped out of the pages of
Vogue
. Her straight black hair was cut short in a bouncy Dutch boy bob, her makeup flawless, her dark eyes as bright as a schipperke's.

“I always used to arrive fifteen minutes ahead of schedule when I had to meet my dad,” she was saying, “and there he'd be, scowling and looking at his watch, because
he
'd gotten there half an hour early. It's warped me for life.”

She raised the hand that wasn't holding a glass of wine, and a solicitous maître d' appeared to show us to our table. He glanced at Dashiell's credentials, then led the way, Sam following him, Dashiell and I following her. She was wearing a totally gorgeous black suit, probably a size four, the jacket nipped in at the waist, the skirt a good ten inches above her knees. She had the best legs I'd ever seen, unless you count this one transvestite who sometimes hangs out at the Brew Bar on Eleventh Street. If Sam Lewis was having trouble with men, I might as well get myself to a nunnery.

The maître d' took us to a table for four instead of a tiny two-person table, one of the advantages of bringing a dog along. A pewter-colored Statue of Liberty loomed majestically over our table, and high above us were gigantic light fixtures shrouded in off-white cloth, looking like upside-down parachutes suspended from the ceiling of the cavernous space.

Sam ordered a bottle of Montrachet and plunged right into work. “Here's the deal,” she said. “I've been keeping a database of dog trainer wanna-bes from all over the country, you know, the ones who follow their favorites to seminars and hear the same talk, and get to see their hero, over and over again. Most of them teach an obedience class, free, for their local dog club, hate their jobs, and want to train dogs for a living. I did a huge mailing, got an excellent response, then got a great deal at the Ritz. I wanted a location that would let us use Central Park, of course, because I didn't think we could do tracking in the Roosevelt Ballroom. Am I right?”

She stopped to inspect the wine bottle the waiter had brought, watched him uncork it, sniffed the cork, sipped the wine, and nodded to him to indicate that it was acceptable.

“The program is fabulous, Rachel. And because we'll have so many of the most respected practitioners in the field, I felt we could offer a certificate of attendance at the end, the way Cornell does for its weekend workshops, and that, of course, allows us to charge more.”

“But how did you convince the trainers that it would be to their benefit to work together?”

“I'm good at that,” she said, rubbing her thumb and forefinger together. “Anyway, I knew that once I started getting some of them to agree to do it, the others would fall right in line. They might not want to do it, but they were more afraid of being left out. Do you want to order?” she asked, all in the same breath.

I picked up my menu and began to read, but I didn't get very far.

“It's a beautiful setup. Most of the people attending have no way at all of getting a good education in the field. They're out in podunk somewhere, and there isn't a decent trainer within a three-day drive. This way, they get all the top people, all the important topics, great demo work, hands-on practice, slide shows, videos, even the contacts they need for further study, those who want to and can afford it. And the trainers got so into this that several of them suggested we do advanced professional workshops, restricted to those who are speaking, before and after each day's program. No one, it seems, plans to sleep. I know
I
certainly don't.”

She picked up her menu and began to read.

I reached for mine. Monkey see, monkey do.

“I still wasn't thrilled with the numbers, but then I was talking to Bucky King about how hot dogs are now, since that Elizabeth woman's book, and he came up with the idea of opening up the last day to the public. He's a total genius, that man, do you know him? Of course you do. You know everyone. So now we have three hundred pet owners signed up for Sunday, basic training, a panel on problems, a slide show on body language, and to end the day, a little trick work. Once that had been arranged, I went after the vendors. After all, we have one hundred and sixty-two people in for the week, plus an additional three hundred the last day, and my bet is they're going to want every book and gadget on the market.”

“It sounds terrific,” I said, picking up my menu again. But I didn't look at it this time. I turned toward the huge windows in the rear that looked out into the lit-up garden and waited.

“Except—”

I lowered my menu.

Sam leaned closer and spoke in a whisper. “I think some of our participants, the less successful ones, actually believe they would reap the benefits if a competitor were”—she paused and tucked some hair behind one ear—“out of the way. As if that would make the work fall to them. Do you know what I mean?”

I nodded.

“From where I sit, I can guarantee you, there's plenty of money to go around. It's not some other trainer who's stopping any of them from making it. It's only themselves. But that's not the way
they
think, Rachel. The venom between some of these people is unbelievable. This is where you come in.”

“They did agree to work together, didn't they?”

“Yes and no.”

“Meaning?”

“I never did tell them who else would be there.”

“How did you get away with
that?
”

“Each time I called someone, even the first of them, when they asked who else had agreed to attend, I said, ‘Don't even ask. I don't have the time to read you the list. Just assume everyone will be there.' Then I apologized for getting to them last, mea culpa, terrible oversight, would they ever forgive me?”

“Didn't any of them pressure you?” I knew from personal experience how dogged trainers can be.

“For sure. Marty Eliot said he wouldn't commit until I told him whether or not Bucky would be there, because he knew if Bucky had agreed, there'd be lots of great PR. So I said, ‘What do
you
think?'”

I
didn't think Bucky would wipe his ass if the press weren't present to record it, but I took a sip of wine instead of saying so.

“Point of fact, Bucky's arranged for TV coverage for the last day, for a five-part PBS special. But I saved that tidbit, in case I needed additional artillery to convince any of them. The funny thing is, I never had to use it.”

“You're shameless.”

“I know. I let them jump to their own conclusions.” She grinned, a lady who was used to peering down at the rest of us from the catbird seat. “It worked for
me
,” she added. “This way had another advantage. I didn't have to listen to all that
stuff
, you know, mention a competitor's name and you hear, ‘Why are you having
him
there? He's
so
overrated,' or ‘Her? You mean she's still alive?' You know what I mean, don't you? After all, you were one of them, in a manner of speaking.”

“Well—”

“Of course,
you
weren't like that. But some of them. The funny thing is, they all pretend to love and admire each other. At least, at first. They're loath to appear to be as small and petty as they actually are,” she said, taking another sip of wine. “It's a riot when you know the truth. The other thing I had working for me was that they don't want
me
for an enemy. I've been booking these people for seminars all over the U.S. and Canada for years, making them a fortune. These are people not only promoting their methods, they're selling their books, pushing videos, gadgets, special collars and leashes, whatever. Some of the stuff is far out. One of them—oh, you'll see. Do they want me to stop booking them? They most certainly do not.”

I smiled.

Sam pulled out her appointment calendar, which looked as if it needed the services of Weight Watchers, and kept going.

“I need your attention elsewhere, so I put you down for the opening talk on the last day, forty-five minutes. Give me a topic.” When I didn't respond, she looked up. “Frank was right, Rachel. You are the right person for the job. So, a topic?”