A Hunger So Wild (26 page)

He crushed her so tightly against him, she couldn’t breathe. She was grateful her vampire lungs didn’t really need to because she didn’t want to pull away. One of his hands fisted in the curls of her hair. The other arm banded around her waist, ensuring that every inch of her was pressed tightly to him. “
Neshama sheli
. You destroy me.”

“I love you. So much that I feel your pain as if it were my own.”

His chest expanded beneath her cheek. “I would never hurt you.”

“Is that why you’re bottling it up?” Lindsay pulled back to look up at him. “Is that why you’re not letting me in? You should know I didn’t shield you.”

He pulled her head back and looked at her.

“You’re torturing yourself over letting me go with Vash,” she said softly. “You’re wondering what that says about your love for me. But what are you comparing it to? What we have is something no one else will have. Not just because of who we are as individuals, but because of the obstacles we’re facing together. We’re going to have to take risks—with ourselves and with each other.”

His irises were flickering blue flames, alien and ancient. Tormented. She wondered how he carried all that roiling emotion inside him, how he hid it behind the smiles he gave her and the stoicism he gave to his Sentinels, how he leashed it when he made love to her and fought battles with clearheaded precision. How she could get him to let it out.

“I manipulated you, Adrian.”

He stiffened.

“I know you’re feeling guilty about Helena.” She tightened her embrace when he jerked against her. “I used it against you to get you to put your Sentinels first and let me go with Vashti to help Elijah.”

A long moment passed. “The weakness was mine to exploit. I made it possible.”

“There’s no excuse for what I did, only for why I did it.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I have to,” she said simply, lifting her hand to push his hair back from his forehead. “Because we’re strongest when we’re one unit. I’m trying to remember that this is all new to you. That you’re trying and you’ve come really far from the man I met in the Phoenix airport. But I need you to come farther, step closer, let me in. You’re keeping me out.”

“I don’t…” He frowned. “I don’t know how to do what you’re asking.”

“Think out loud. When the thoughts are swirling around in your head, give them a voice. Let me hear them. Let me be your sounding board.”

“Why?”

“Because you love me and you need me. I know you have to be strong for the other Sentinels. They lean on you, and if you fall, they fall. But you need to lean on someone, too. That’s where I come in, if you’ll let me.”

“I’m fine.”

“Physically, yes. Damn fine. Emotionally, you’re a wreck.” With her hand at his nape, Lindsay pulled his mouth down to hers and brushed her lips across his. “You couldn’t have done things differently with Helena, Adrian.”

His hands flexed convulsively against her. “She came to me for help.”

“No. She came to you for permission. And you told her the truth—you weren’t the guy to ask for it. You broke a law by falling in love with Shadoe, then me. Helena wanted you to say it was okay for her to break the law, too, and you couldn’t do that. Honestly, it wasn’t fair for her to ask you.”

“She was in love, Lindsay. I know how irrational that makes us. I should’ve been more sympathetic.”

“You can’t tell me you weren’t. I
know
you. It broke your heart when she told you that she’d fallen in love with a lycan. I heard your voice when you called me and, later, when you told me what happened.”

“I was going to separate them. Break them apart.”

“That was the plan,” she agreed. “But you might’ve changed your mind once you saw them together. Or you might have gone through with it. We’ll never know.
She’ll
never know, because she took the option away from you. That was her decision. You can’t go around regretting the actions of someone else.”

“Even if I forced her hand with
my
actions?” he shot back, his voice clipped and icy.

“What did you do, Adrian? She asked you for permission to have a romantic relationship with one of her guards and you told her to ask the Big Guy Upstairs. Then she ran away and they killed themselves. Where in that series of events are you guilty of forcing her hand?”

“She knew me. She knew what I’d do.”

“Bullshit.
You
didn’t even know what you were going to do. No…Hang on…Hear me out. You took your time getting to her. You were thinking. Debating. Reasoning with yourself. It’s not your fault that we’ll never know what could’ve happened if you’d had a choice.” She cupped his face in her hands. “It’s not your fault. And if Phineas were here, I’m sure he’d be telling you the exact same thing.”

A tear clung to his thick bottom lashes. It slipped
free. He swiped angrily at it, then stared at his glistening finger with something akin to horror. Another tear fell. He whispered brokenly in a language she didn’t understand. When his gaze met hers, Lindsay saw shock. And fear.

She wondered if he knew that he’d cried the first time they’d made love.

“
Neshama
,” she breathed, hugging him tightly. “It’s okay. Let it out.”

“I—” He swallowed hard.

“You miss them. I know. You miss them and it hurts.”

“I failed her.”

“No. Shit. No, you didn’t. The system failed. The stupid rules and laws. And your Creator, who’s left you all on your own down here for too long without any guidance or reinforcements.”

A drop of hot rain splattered on her cheek, another sign of his breaking control.

He pressed his face into her throat. “Hold on to me, Lindsay.”

“Always,” she vowed. “Forever.”

Adrian’s wings snapped open and they surged into the air, his powerful body flexing against hers as he forced their combined weight into a steep vertical ascent. The effort was nothing for him, no strain at all for muscles he religiously honed for battle. From the cloudless sky, fat drops of sizzling rain struck her like tiny needles, drenching her in seconds.

Terrified of heights, she buried her face in his chest and hung on, clinging to him so tightly she couldn’t miss that he was sobbing silently. Her heart broke for
him, even though she knew he needed to purge in this way. His grief had been pent up inside him, festering, weakening him. She twined her legs with his, clutching at his back beneath his wings and licking the raindrops from his throat and jaw. She murmured nonsensical words of comfort, soothing him as best she could.

“Lindsay.” His mouth sought hers; his lips sealed firmly over hers. His taste was salty from grief, the faint tinge of tears blended with the wet of the rain. The wind whipped through their hair and her heavy, soaked robe.

They lifted higher and higher.

Her returning kiss was meant to console, but he wanted more. Needed it. Took it. He ravaged her mouth, his tongue thrusting swift and deep. The clothes between them disappeared, willed away by his incredible power. She should have been cold, but he was feverishly hot. And when his hand cupped her breast, her hunger rose to match his, perversely spurred by her terror of heights and her pain over his torment.

They spun as they rose, twirling in the air. Adrian’s chest heaved from the surfeit of emotion pouring out of him; his lips across her throat were desperate and greedy. He shifted her, positioned her, slid inside her. She cried out, the pleasure so sharp and unexpected. The rain stopped instantly. His head fell back, their ascent slowed until they hovered for a moment, gently turning in the soft light of dawn.

“She’s mine!”
he roared to heavens, his gaze trained skyward. “My heart. My soul.”

Her eyes stung, her vision blurred. Then he twisted and turned, aiming them downward.

They plummeted.

She screamed and locked her legs around his waist. They fell with dizzying speed, spiraling madly, his wings tucked against his back to give no resistance. Her torso was plastered to his, his steely embrace keeping her immobile. But he wasn’t. His hips were circling, grinding, screwing his cock into her. Fucking her.

The orgasm slammed into her, the shock of it rippling through her body from head to toe.
“Adrian!”

He groaned, coming hard and deep. Purging his pain and sorrow with hot, wrenching spurts.

He’s mine,
she thought fiercely, as they plunged to the earth in the most intimate of embraces.
My heart. My soul. I won’t let you break him.

Adrian spread his wings and they soared.

“Grace. It’s good to hear from you.” Syre leaned back in the motel’s vastly uncomfortable desk chair and managed a smile at his iPad, which was streaming a live feed of the doctor and her report. He was sorry to see that she looked haggard and weary, a rare feat for a vampire.

“That may actually be true this time,” she said with a quick flashing smile and a hand shoved through her poorly hacked blond hair. Syre suspected it was a haircut accomplished without the aid of a mirror, just to get it out of her face while she worked.

Through her camera’s lens, he saw the rows of
hospital beds behind her. “I’m always appreciative of good news.”

“Well, how’s this? The blood you sent is a breakthrough.” Her amber eyes brightened. Haircut aside, she was an attractive woman, petite and delicate in feature. “I blended it with samples of wraith-tainted blood and there was a short period of reversal.”

“Reversal?” From Lindsay’s blood. No, he corrected himself. Adrian’s blood, filtered through Lindsay.

“Temporary,” she qualified, “but that’s the first ray of sunshine to pierce the doom and gloom around here. We could use more—more sunshine, more blood. We got just enough to get excited and not nearly enough to test properly.”

“That may prove difficult.”

“I’ll leave that end to you. As for my end, we’re going balls to the wall. But we’d do a hell of a lot better with an epidemiologist or virologist on board. Got any of those hanging around anywhere?”

“I’m looking into it.”

She nodded. “Vash already hit you up, didn’t she?”

“Of course.” There were very few tricks his second-in-command missed…when she was on her game. “And the lycan blood?”

“Twelve subjects’ vials. Brilliant, by the way. One or two wouldn’t have been enough.”

“I’ll pass along the kudos to Vash.”

“Of course. Quick as a whip, that one. She’s a credit to you.”

“Yes, she is.” He’d trained her well, having seen the kernel of greatness in her from the very beginning. She
was bright and thorough and filled with a restless energy that fooled many into thinking she was reckless. She never had been…until the Alpha came along.

Syre was watching that situation closely. He wouldn’t tolerate Vash’s upheaval for long. A day or two more, and if the lycan didn’t rectify what he was doing to her, Syre would kill him. It would be a waste of a prime hunter, but the Alpha was less valuable if he wasn’t firmly beneath Vashti’s thumb. There was also the possibility that now that the lycans were settled in the warehouse and most were already out in the field, they could turn to vampires for leadership and protection if they lost their Alpha. If not for Vashti’s turmoil, the death of Elijah Reynolds might be ideal…

“The majority of the samples had no effect whatsoever,” Grace went on. “However, Subject E is another matter altogether. Whose idea was it to anonymize the samples? Vashti’s?”

“Of course.” He slid his iPhone over and tapped into the cloud, finding the document that linked donor with sample. But he knew who Subject E was before it was confirmed—the Alpha.

“Well, Subject E is known as FUBAR around here. You want to knock out the wraith population for good, FUBAR’s your man. Or woman. His or her blood is like the Hiroshima bomb to wraiths.
Boom
, game over.”

“Why? How?”

Grace snorted out a laugh. “I’m good, but I’m not that good. I got these blood samples yesterday evening. I’ve had just a little over fourteen hours with them. I
can give you a ‘what,’ but it’s going to take more time to work on the rest.”

“Vashti ran across a wraith with enough brain function to speak coherently. He appeared to be leading a group of other wraiths.”

“What?” All levity left her face. “Every wraith I’ve seen has cotton for brains.”

“I need more than that, Grace.”

She scrubbed the back of her neck. “Perhaps the subject had only recently been infected, within a few hours maybe. Not enough time to fry the synapses. Or maybe he’d been infected long enough to kick-start his brain cells again. I honestly don’t know. I haven’t run across anything like that here in the lab.”

“Too many questions, Grace.”

“And not enough answers. I know. I’m doing the best I can.”

“Keep me posted.”

“Absolutely. And if you can get me more of that blood, it would really help. Totally the other end of the spectrum there. One annihilates; the other is a possible cure. Knowing you, you’ll want both in your arsenal while dealing with this, and I’ve got a friend here I’d like to have back.”

Syre thought of his daughter-in-law. It was too late for Nikki, but hopefully others could be saved. “I’ll work on it.”

“And the virologist, please. I’ve got skills, but this is really outside my field of expertise.”

With a nod, he ended the call and exhaled harshly.

“What do you know, Adrian?” he murmured softly to himself. “And what will I have to do to get you to tell me about it?”

Vash raced through the trees, darting and weaving, her heart and limbs pumping strong and steady. Her body was a machine, built for her existence as an angel and sculpted by her life as a warrior. Although she heard the pounding lunges and heaving breaths of the lycan hot on her trail, she didn’t look back. There was no point. It would only slow her down, and knowing where he was or how close he might be wouldn’t make her run faster.

She’d never been outrun by a lycan. Never. She was too quick, too nimble.

But she knew Elijah was different. He’d proven that back on the highway, and even while she thought of that, he proved it again.

She leaped agilely over a fallen log, but he vaulted past her. His front paws dug into the earth and he pivoted, his tail end whipping around 180 degrees.