A Lady's Choice (8 page)

He winced. “Well, I wouldn't call them radicals, but that's the kind of people I'm talking about.”

“The ‘kind of people'? What do you know about any of the people who are working to give women the right they should have had years ago? Are you so narrow-minded that you think women aren't intelligent enough to make the right choice in electing our leaders?”

“No, I'm not. I'm just saying that you should respect my wish to succeed in my job and help me do it.”

She crossed her arms and stared at him a moment. “Where did you get the idea you couldn't make partner if you had friends in the suffrage movement? Was it from James Buckley?”

His face turned crimson, and he held out his hand. “Sarah, please try to understand….”

She could see the truth in his eyes, and it broke her heart. “It was Mr. Buckley, wasn't it? When did he tell you this? Was it when he helped you with my executor problem?”

He hung his head and nodded. “Yes. He recognized your mother's name as one of the leaders in the Memphis suffrage movement, and he asked me if I had a relationship with you. He told me he couldn't have associates in his office who support such radical ideas. Then he said he was sure you were a sensible girl who wouldn't want to hurt my career.”

Tears stung her eyes, and her chin trembled. “Why didn't you tell me this when you got back?”

“Because I thought it was something we could face in the future. You have enough to worry about now with your mother's illness. Please understand my position on this, Sarah. I want to rise to the top of my profession so I can afford to take care of Ellen and repay her for all she's done for me. Don't you want that for me?”

She nodded. “I want you to have whatever will make you happy, Alex. Just remember that Ellen may need more than money, though. She might like to have a voice in who represents her in the government.”

“I know. She kind of hinted at that after you and I had our first argument about suffrage. So do you understand why I'm asking you to do this?”

“Yes, I understand. I want you to tell Mr. Buckley when you see him that I appreciate his help in getting my money back and that he's right about me not doing anything to hurt your career. I would never do anything to harm you, Alex.”

He sighed with relief. “I knew you would see it my way.”

She arched her eyebrows. “But I don't. I can't turn my back on a cause that I believe in so wholeheartedly. I will continue to support enfranchisement for women until my last breath.” She hesitated before she spoke the words that she knew would break her heart. “Our relationship is never going to work, Alex. We have to end it now while we still can. You go to Memphis and play Mr. Buckley's game to get you to the top, and make a lot of money on the way. But I won't be there with you.”

He took a step toward her. “You can't mean that. I know I haven't said it, but I love you, Sarah.”

She shook her head. “It's no use, Alex. There's no future for us. I don't want to see you again.”

He reached for her, but she flinched. Her heart pricked at the hurt expression in his eyes. “You're sure about this?”

“Positive. Now please leave and don't come back here again.”

He let out a ragged breath before he pushed past her and bounded down the steps. She didn't turn around, but she heard his horse gallop out of the yard. Then she walked back in the house and leaned over the bed to check her mother.

“Mama, can you hear me?”

There was no response except labored breathing. So far she'd been unable to get any food down her mother today and that concerned her. Maybe she could get her to take some of the soup she'd made earlier. She went into the kitchen and returned with a warm bowl of broth, sat down, and attempted to feed it to her mother. Nothing she did could coax her to open her lips and swallow. Most of it trickled down the side of her face and onto the bed.

After a few minutes Sarah gave up and set the bowl aside. She scooted her chair closer to the bed and clasped her mother's hand in both of hers. She sat quietly for a few minutes lost in thought before she began to speak.

“Mama, do you remember the time when I was a little girl, and you and Poppa took me to downtown Memphis shopping? We rode a streetcar and got off at the corner of Main and Beale. The first thing I saw was a store on the corner with dolls in the window, and I ran toward it. I was pointing out which doll I wanted for Christmas when I heard voices shouting in the distance. I was so scared, but you took me by the hand and led me to the edge of the sidewalk. I saw a large group of women in the middle of the street walking toward us. Some of them carried flags. Some held signs, and all chanted at the top of their voices.

“For a minute I was scared, and I looked up at Poppa. ‘What is it, Poppa?' I asked.

“He grasped my hand and pointed to the women. ‘It's all right,' he said. ‘It's a group of suffragists marching.'

“That word sounded so strange to me, and I struggled to say it. ‘What's a suf–suf–suffragist?'

“He just smiled at me in his patient way like he always did and said, ‘They're women who want our lawmakers to give them the right to vote like men.'

“Of course at that age I'd never given a thought to the fact that women couldn't vote, but it dawned on me that one day I would be a woman. So I asked him. ‘Why can't women vote, Poppa?' “He reached up and ran his finger over his mustache like he did every time he was going to tell me something really important. ‘Well,' he said, ‘I suppose because men who have the power have never passed a law that allows them to vote.'

“I remember I propped my hands on my hips, cocked my head to one side, and looked up at him. ‘Do you think women should vote, Poppa?' I asked.

“He never avoided any of my questions, and he didn't that day either. ‘I certainly do. Women have been trying for about forty years to get the lawmakers to change the law,' he answered.

“As far as I was concerned, that settled the matter. I crossed my arms over my chest and gave a curt nod. ‘When I'm grown, I'll make them change the law, Poppa,' I said.

“I can still hear how his laugh echoed across Beale Street. He dropped down on one knee and chucked me under the chin. ‘I think you could. I feel sorry for the lawmakers if you get after them. You'll be a formidable adversary.'

“I'd never heard that big word before and asked him what it meant.

“‘It's someone who opposes something and works to change things,' he told me.

“I knew I could do that, so I smiled. ‘Then I'm going to be an adversary and get Mama and me the right to vote like you, Poppa.'”

Sarah tightened her hold on her mother's hand. “I haven't forgotten that promise, Mama. As long as I live, I won't give up working to give women the right to vote. I want you to know that.”

There was a slight pressure from her mother's fingers, and then her hand relaxed. Sarah sat by her bed without moving as the afternoon gave way to night. When dark shadows covered the room, Sarah rose and lit the oil lamp on the table beside the bed then took up her post again. Just after the clock struck nine o'clock, Sarah heard a peaceful sigh, and she leaned closer as her mother took her last breath. She sat on the edge of her chair for a few minutes and studied how peaceful her mother's face appeared in death.

The reality of what had occurred struck her, and she eased back into her chair and closed her eyes. Her father was gone, and now so was her mother. But they weren't the only ones. Today within the span of a few hours, she'd lost her mother and the man she loved. She felt as if her heart had been gouged out and thrown away.

She leaned her head on the back of her chair and let the tears roll down her face. Now she truly was alone in the world. All she had left was a promise she'd made years ago. She cried until she felt exhausted, but she didn't move from her chair.

She sat there until the clock struck six o'clock the next morning. Then she rose from her chair, walked to the backyard, and began to toll the bell that would alert her neighbors to her distress. She stood there, her hands wrapped around the bell's rope, and pulled without stopping. A horse galloped down the road and came to a stop in the front yard, but she didn't quit pulling the rope. She heard running footsteps coming around the side of the house, and she wished Alex would appear. But it was Mr. Jenkins instead. When she saw him, she finally let go of the rope and collapsed against him.

Sarah sniffed the fresh scent of approaching rain and glanced at the smoky haze hovering in the air. Dark clouds rolled across the sky, and a hot wind stirred the leaves on the trees at the edge of the cemetery. Horses snorted and shook their harnesses in warning of an impending storm.

Uncle Charlie and Aunt Clara sat on either side of her under the canopy covering the grave. The mourners had followed them from the church after the funeral and now stood outside the tent. She glanced at the familiar faces and was suddenly struck by the thought that she would miss the people she'd come to know here.

There had been a steady stream of visitors bearing food and well wishes after her mother's condition became evident the night of the party, and she had found the friendships her mother had told her awaited her in the small community. Now they gathered to offer her comfort.

She heard Brother Hughes read a scripture verse and then say a prayer, but she didn't listen to his words. All she could do was stare at the simple coffin sitting atop the grave. Her gaze drifted to her grandparents' graves next to it, and a tear ran down her cheek. Mama's wish had been fulfilled that she would rest in the cemetery where members of her family were buried.

She jumped at the touch of someone's hand on hers and looked up into Brother Hughes's kind eyes. “We'll be praying for you, Sarah. Remember that God's with you.”

Sarah stared at him and didn't respond. Those same words had been said to her at her father's funeral, but so far God hadn't bothered to show up in her life. She closed her eyes, bit her bottom lip, and wished she could wake up and this would all be a dream. But it wasn't.

She felt the pressure of Uncle Charlie's hand on her elbow. “We have to go now, Sarah. The workers are going to fill the grave. We can come back later.”

He led her into the open air, and they stopped as, one by one, the people filed by to offer their condolences. Her heart skipped a beat when she caught sight of Ellen and Alex at the back of the line.

When Ellen reached her, she put her arms around Sarah and hugged her. “I'm so sorry, Sarah. I wish I could take away some of your hurt, but I know I can't. I remember how I felt when I lost my mama. I'll be praying for you.”

Sarah straightened and stared into Ellen's eyes. “Thank you, Ellen. You've been so kind to me since I came to Richland Creek. I'll never forget you.”

Ellen patted her cheek and smiled. “That sounds like you're leaving.”

“I am. I'm staying with Uncle Charlie and Aunt Clara tonight. Then tomorrow he's taking me to Mt. Pleasant to catch the train to Memphis.”

A flicker of sorrow crossed Ellen's face. “You take care of yourself.”

“I will.”

Ellen stepped aside, and Alex moved in front of her. He swallowed as his gaze drifted over her face as if trying to memorize every feature. “You're really leaving?”

Her chin trembled, but she didn't flinch from his gaze. “Yes.”

“Where will you be?”

“I'll be at The Simpson School for Girls. It's in Mrs. Simpson's large Victorian house on Adams Street.”

He nodded. “I know the area.”

“And you'll be at Mr. Buckley's offices on Front Street. Do you know where you'll live?”

“I've rented an apartment on Madison Avenue.”

They stared at each other for a moment, but there didn't seem to be anything else to say. Sarah stuck out her hand. “Good-bye, Alex. Thank you for everything you've done for me. If I need a lawyer again, I'll contact you.”

He took her hand in his and squeezed it. “Good-bye, Sarah. I wish you the best.”

She pulled her hand away and turned to Uncle Charlie. “Please. I want to go now.”

He nodded and took her by the arm. As she turned away from Alex, she felt as if the life had drained from her, and she clung to her uncle's arm for support. She wanted to look back, but she didn't.

She felt the stares of the silent crowd boring into her all the way to the buggy. Uncle Charlie helped her and Aunt Clara in. Then he climbed into the driver's seat, gathered the reins in his hands, and clicked them on the horse's back. As they slowly moved out of the churchyard, Sarah could feel Alex's penetrating gaze burning into her back, but she forced herself to face forward.

Thunder rumbled through the air and lightning flashed across the sky by the time the buggy pulled up to her uncle's store. Uncle Charlie jumped out, helped Aunt Clara and Sarah step down, and hurried them toward the porch. “Clara has the key to the front door,” he said to Sarah. “I'll get the horse in the barn before the storm hits.”

He hurried back to the buggy and drove around the back of the store. When Aunt Clara had the door unlocked, she turned around. “Come on in, Sarah.”

She shook her head. “I think I'll sit out here a few minutes. I'll lock the door behind me and then come on upstairs.”

“All right. But don't stay out here and get wet.”

Sarah waited for Aunt Clara to go inside before she walked to the edge of the porch and clutched the railing. Only two months ago she'd stood here with her mother and grumbled that she had no friends in Richland Creek. A few minutes later she'd met a man who had opened her heart to what it meant to love. Now that she'd lost both him and her mother, loneliness was eating away at her like a dreadful disease.

The heavens opened, and the rain began to pound on the tin roof of the store. Large drops of rain pelted the yard leaving depressed dusty circles in the dry earth. She watched as the rain grew heavier and formed big puddles in front of the store.

After a few minutes she sighed and turned to go inside but stopped when she caught sight of a horse and rider approaching. The man sat hunched in the saddle, and rain poured from the brim of his hat. Sarah's breath caught in her throat. She would recognize Alex anywhere.

He pulled his horse to a stop in front of the store, dismounted, and looped the reins over the hitching post. He looked up at her, doubled his fists, and strode up the steps until he stood in front of her. His clothes clung to him, and he wiped his wet sleeve across his rain-streaked face.

He took a hesitant step toward her. “I couldn't let you go like this.”

She struggled to keep from bursting into tears. “Please, Alex, there's nothing left to say. We have different dreams, and they've set us on different paths. There's no way for us to overcome that.”

He took another step toward her. “But I love you, Sarah. I love you. I love you. That's all I can think about.”

His agonized words made her want to rush into his arms. Instead she backed away and pressed her hands to her ears. “Don't say that.”

He grabbed her hands in his and pulled them away from her ears. “I can't let you leave without telling you I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I knew it would be hard for us, but I wanted to try.”

“I did too.”

He grasped her shoulders and pulled her closer. “Is it really too late for us, Sarah? Can we not work this out?”

“Alex, please…”

He tightened his hold on her. “Answer me one thing. Do you love me?”

“I…”

He gritted his teeth. “Do you love me?”

She closed her eyes and nodded. “Yes, I love you, but I can't be the person you want. I'm going back to Memphis, and I'm going to throw myself into the suffrage movement. In time you'll forget about me.”

His dark eyes flickered with pain, and Sarah knew hers must mirror his. “So this is it. We throw away what we could have because we can't find a way to work out our problems.”

“Please,” she groaned. “How can we find common ground? I've grown up in a household where suffrage was talked about every day. From the time I was a child, I've wanted to fight the injustice of women not having the right to vote. You're going to work for a man who forbids you to have contact with people in the suffrage movement. How can we overcome that?”

He shook his head. “I don't know. I just know I'm dying inside.”

“I am too.”

He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers. They stood with their eyes closed for a moment until he spoke. “It can't end like this.”

She struggled to blink back her tears, but it was no use. “It has to, Alex. There's no answer for us. Please go while I still have the strength to send you away.” Her last words were lost in a sob.

He drew back and looked into her eyes for a moment before he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “I'll never forget you.”

Her skin burned where his lips touched her. “You'll always be in my heart, Alex.”

He tightened his hold on her and then released her. He took a step back, reached up, and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “I'll worry about you on your own.”

“I'll be all right. I'm very resilient.”

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. “If you ever need me, let me know. I'll come for you wherever you are. That's my promise to you.”

Before she could say anything, he turned and rushed down the steps. He grabbed the horse's reins, jumped into the saddle, and galloped down the road. The rain beat down on him so that he soon disappeared from sight.

Sarah watched for several minutes before she turned and entered the store. She locked the door behind her and leaned against it. The locket her mother had given her hung around her neck, and she opened it. The smiling faces of her parents peered up at her. She stared at them for a moment before she snapped it shut.

A sudden burst of thunder shook the store, and she flinched. Outside, the fury of the storm unleashed itself. The house shook, and lightning flashed across the sky. Rain pounded the tin roof like the sound of a beating drum, and thunder rattled the windows.

She thought of Alex riding through the storm and her knees grew weak. He'd be nearly drowned before he reached home, but Ellen would take care of him. But who would do the same for her? Her fairy tale that had once looked so promising had not ended with a happily ever after. She was alone and would be responsible for herself from now on. But she could do it. As she had once promised her father, she could be a formidable adversary, and she could face whatever the future threw at her.

Ellen stood in the middle of Alex's bedroom, her hands on her hips. “Do you want to take all this furniture when you move to Memphis?”

He scratched his head and looked around at the room's furnishings, which he had used all his life. “If you don't need it, I think I'll take all in this room. I can buy some things after I get settled.”

“I couldn't believe the size of that apartment when I saw it,” Ellen said. “You'll have more room than you'll know what to do with.”

Alex walked over to the cedar chest and opened it. “Do you mind if I take these quilts and sheets with me? I don't think I could sleep if I didn't have one of your quilts covering me.”

Ellen laughed and looked over his shoulder at the contents he rifled through. “Oh, I imagine when you get married your wife will want something other than old homemade quilts from your sister.”

Her words caught him off guard, and the cedar chest's top slipped from his hand. He caught it before it banged shut and eased it down. For days he'd tried to put his last meeting with Sarah out of his mind, and yet it returned at the most unexpected moments. He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “I don't think I'll ever marry, Ellen.”

“Why not?”

“I gave my heart away, and I have nothing left to give anyone else.”

Ellen took his hand and pulled him toward the bed. They sat down facing each other, and Ellen looked into his eyes. “Alex, you can't go on the rest of your life thinkin' about Sarah. You've got to look for happiness somewhere else.”

Alex shook his head. “I won't ever love anyone else like I love her.” He faced his sister. “She said she loved me, Ellen, but she couldn't give up her dream. If she really loved me, why was her dream more important to her than me?”

“I don't know. Have you ever turned that question around on yourself?”

He frowned. “I don't understand.”

Ellen took a deep breath. “Well, if you really love her, why couldn't you find a position in some other law firm that didn't oppose her cause?”

Alex leaned forward and clutched his hands between his knees. “I've asked myself that. Then I tell myself what an honor it is to get a chance in James Buckley's law firm. It's the best in Memphis, if not in the whole state. This could open up all kinds of doors for me. And for you too.”

Ellen's eyes grew wide. “How's it gonna help me?”

“Because I'll have more money to take care of you. That's what I've always wanted.”

Ellen chuckled and patted his arm. “You don't have to take care of me. I've been in charge of this farm and all the tenant workers that help us for years. I think I've done a mighty good job of keeping a roof over my head and food on the table.”