A Last Kiss for Mummy (2 page)

But I was champing at the bit. And it must have been obvious because as soon as we’d waved John off Mike held his hand out. ‘Come on,’ he said, ‘hand it over.’

He was talking about the file, which I’d picked up from the dining table as we’d shown John out.

‘What?’ I said, all innocent, seeing the firm set of his jaw line. I obediently gave him the file.

‘You know very well what,’ he answered, taking it. ‘So how about you go and make more coffee while I dive in to this. I want a good read of what’s in here before you dive on in at me. I have a feeling I’m going to need to be very clued up and alert before we have this next conversation.’

I laughed as I trotted off back into the kitchen. That husband of mine knows me so well.

I yawned and stretched. It was one of those dark autumn mornings when the fact that you didn’t need to get up and go anywhere made the duvet seem almost hypnotic. Just so soft and so cosy … just fifteen minutes more, perhaps. I’d been having a particularly nice dream, after all. A bit bonkers, admittedly, but that was par for the course with me. My head was always so full of different people and their problems in the daytime, and then they all got scrambled up when my head hit the pillow and came back in different guises in my slumbers. This one was obviously related to the news John had brought to us, as it was chock full of babies: happy, smiley, sweet-smelling babies, which … Yikes! The fifteen minutes had obviously turned into a whole hour. And then some. When I next checked the bedside clock it was nine forty-five!

There are days when it’s okay to oversleep, and days when it isn’t, and today was very much the latter, being the day we were going to have our second meeting about taking on Emma and her baby. I threw the covers off, knowing I’d better get my skates on and shower. Today was important, so both house and I had to look our best. I smiled to myself as I turned on the water; it was ironic that almost my last thought before falling asleep the previous evening was that I’d better make the most of any lie-ins I had left to me. With a three-week-old baby in the house they’d soon be in very short supply.

But I was getting ahead of myself. We hadn’t actually agreed to that yet. Mike and I had discussed Emma at length on the Monday evening, after which he’d agreed I could call John and say yes only to taking the next step. ‘No promises, though, Casey,’ he’d warned, and I knew he’d meant it. ‘We need to know exactly what’s expected of us and we have to feel happy. Me in particular –’ He’d fixed his eyes on me, to press the point home. ‘I haven’t forgotten the Sophia experience, not one bit.’

‘Oh, don’t be dramatic,’ I rushed to answer, keen to keep him positive. ‘We’ve had other foster kids since Sophia and they’ve been challenging as well, love …’

‘Not teenage girls, Casey,’ he shot back at me. ‘With all their teenage girl behaviours. You might have forgotten all about that, but I certainly haven’t.’

He was right to point it out, because of course I wanted to hurry past that. Sophia had been a teenage girl we’d fostered a few years back, and she had certainly been an eye opener. It had been only our second placement and I suppose we were still a bit inexperienced; certainly in regard to children as psychologically complex as she had been. She had been full-on, promiscuous, full of the usual teenage angst and lots more besides, and had come to us with only one mode of operation: flirt with the male of the species at all times. Not that it was her fault; she had become the way she had due to her terrible circumstances, and had learned flirting with men at her mother’s knee, practically – as a good method of getting her way.

Until she came to us, that is, and in Mike found an immovable object that would remain so however hard she tried to be an unstoppable force. We came through it, thank goodness, and so were able to help her all the better for having been through so much with her. But when you’re a middle-aged foster dad and have a fourteen-year-old foster daughter running around in her underwear, determined to create an impact, it’s not a very nice place to be. It was equally distressing – if not more so – for our son Kieron, then just coming up to twenty-two, because she created some uncomfortable waves between him and his then brand-new girlfriend, Lauren.

We’d all learned to love Sophia, once we’d got past all that, but Mike had every right to make me sit down and think about things before plunging in with both feet again without thinking, like I usually did.

And I did think – we’d also run it by the children the previous evening, because their input was as important as our own. Riley, predictably, was as excited as I was. ‘Oh, Mum, a baby? Oh, that will be such a lovely change for you.’

I grinned. ‘Um, yes, it will,’ I agreed, ‘but not just a baby. This one does come with a teenaged mum attached, don’t forget.’

‘Yes, I know that, Mum,’ she said. ‘But you’ll be fine. Teenagers to you are like toddlers are to me – easy peasy.’

I raised my eyebrows. Oh, really? I thought. She must have a short memory. Or just that selective amnesia that parents need to have, if every child in the world isn’t to be an ‘only’. Bless them, I loved them, but my grandsons had not been ‘easy peasy’ at all; they had been as demanding as any other little boys I ever knew, made worse by the fact that they were so close in age.

Still, I was flattered that Riley assumed teenagers were ‘easy peasy’ for me to handle, even if that wasn’t strictly the case either. I did have some considerable experience of them to draw on, it had to be said, having spent many years handling them in large numbers in a behavioural unit in a high school, but dealing with kids in a school setting and having them in your home were two completely different things, as our experience of fostering so far had shown us.

But I was pleased Riley was happy for me, and felt so positive about it. It was generally Riley who sided with Mike in all situations where jumping in with both feet was my normal way of carrying on.

Kieron and Lauren had reacted in a similar fashion. They’d probably not be that involved in any case because they were both busy with their own lives. Right now, specifically, they revolved around working as many hours as they could manage, to save up for getting their own place.

‘It’s up to you and Dad,’ Kieron had said, laughing, when I asked him how he felt about it. ‘I don’t even know why you feel you have to ask us, because you’ll only do what you want to do anyway!’

I jumped out of the shower, towelled myself dry and began to ferret in my wardrobe for something suitable to wear. Kieron was right, I supposed, though I’d keep asking him anyway. Because one day he might have strong opinions about a placement, and I knew that however headstrong I was I would respect that. In the short term, however, I had to get a move-on. Mike was taking time off from work to attend this afternoon’s meeting, so would be home before I knew it, for an early lunch.

And then we’d be up and running – and there was no mistaking the little shiver of excitement I felt about it. And also intrigue. The start of a new placement didn’t just mean getting to know a new child – in this case, children – but also the start of a new relationship with the child’s social worker, too, and I wondered what this one might be like. It might be someone I’d worked with already, of course; I’d certainly had dealings with plenty over the years. But in reality that had never actually happened. Every new child seemed to come with a new social worker, too, so it was no surprise that I didn’t recognise the name of this one.

Her name was Maggie Cunliffe, and I wondered what she was like. With the name Maggie, I pictured her to be in her mid-forties to fifties, which pleased me for some reason. I tutted to myself – how very ageist of me!

The truth was, of course, that good social workers, like the kids in their charge, came in all sorts of shapes and sizes. I’d met young, fresh-faced types, just out of university and keen as mustard, right through to the battle-worn, tattered-suited, ready-for-retirement types. Where would Maggie fit in here, I wondered? Well, we would soon see.

Very soon, as it turned out, the already short morning having disappeared from beneath me, with Mike dashing in with less than fifteen minutes to spare. And my response to his greeting of ‘Get the kettle on, love, will you? While I run up and shower’ was greeted, in return, by my usual pre-meeting answer of ‘Don’t you dare leave so much as a drip on my bathroom floor!’

I was always a bit like this when an important meeting loomed. I’d done the house from top to bottom yesterday but I still felt I could do more. I’m a bit of a clean-freak and was characteristically anxious in case I’d missed some speck of dust or splash of water somewhere. Ridiculous, really, since neither John nor Maggie would be up inspecting my bathroom, but even so I just couldn’t help it.

‘Now, remember,’ Mike warned me, having come back down and joined me at the dining table, ‘we’re here to listen to what they have to say; to mull it all over and consider the possibilities. Not to immediately ask when the girl can move in, okay?’

‘Oh, be quiet, Mike,’ I chided him. ‘I’m not a child, you know. Anyway, they’re here now,’ I added, gesturing to the car that was pulling up outside. ‘Go on,’ I said. ‘Go let them in.’

I smoothed my blouse down over my jeans and glanced again out of the window as Mike did so, childishly pleased to see that I’d been right; Maggie Cunliffe looked exactly like a Maggie. Mid-forties or thereabouts, I decided, with a lovely warm expression and curly blonde hair. She was also, I noticed appreciatively, dressed in jeans and a warm jumper. Nothing prim or proper about her. I felt immediately at ease.

The file itself, however, looked rather more daunting. Introductions done, the coffee poured, the biscuits politely declined – so far – it appeared out of Maggie’s briefcase and landed on the table with a dull thud. Which was unusual. It was normally the case that we had almost nothing to go on, and had to find out the extent of a child’s difficulties the hard way.

Not so here, clearly. Maggie dived straight in with a summary.

‘Emma’s mum was only sixteen when she had Emma,’ she began. She had a soft Scottish accent, which seemed to go just perfectly with her name. ‘There was no boyfriend – again, there’s no knowledge of who the father was – and, as you already know, Shelley – that’s her name – has battled with her demons since we’ve known her. She’s an only child herself and has long since been estranged from her own mother, and has a long history of substance abuse. Various addictions have been on file here: alcohol, prescription medicines, as well as an array of illegal drugs. During her worst periods – and there have been quite a few down the years – she’s had Emma placed into care, or had the authorities just step in and take her, but, because she never objected and so often put Emma in care voluntarily, a court order’s never been sought.

‘Every now and then,’ Maggie continued, ‘Shelley would sign herself up for rehab, get clean, and then come out determined to step up to the plate and take proper care of her daughter, but of course the harsh reality is that with each new episode of this kind she was just chipping away at Emma’s trust.’ Maggie sighed. ‘So, as night follows day, each time Emma went back into care – and the older she got – the more and more she felt she didn’t need her mum. It’s a really sad one, this.’ She glanced up and looked directly at me. ‘You can see how the picture’s formed here, can’t you, Casey? And it’s why we’ve ended up with the Emma we have today.’

I nodded sadly. I could see it all too clearly. She’d be feeling lost, hurting lots and desperately needing some attachment. In my years working with teenagers I’d seen so many like her; girls who’d gone on to get pregnant at such a tragically early age simply to stop an ache that they had inside them. It was partly a need to nurture, a need to have at least something – someone – to call their own, to replace the pain of not having a mother’s love and affection.

‘I can indeed,’ I agreed, visualising this poor child so very well. ‘And we’re up to speed with the situation with the boyfriend, as well. John’s filled us in there.’

‘Yes, indeed,’ John confirmed. ‘So the next stage, if you wouldn’t mind, Maggie, is to fill Casey and Mike in – well, fill all of us in, actually – about anything extra that has to happen, given this is a mother and baby placement. I’m not fully conversant; is there some extra training that might need to be involved?’

Maggie shook her head. ‘Not in this case, I don’t think. If you were new to fostering, obviously, or if you’d not brought up your own kids, but, no, in this case, I wouldn’t insult your intelligence. It’s obviously not going to be like your usual programme – no points system for Emma to follow or anything – just gentle guidance; it’s more a case of both providing a loving, supportive, non-judgemental home for the two of them, and helping Emma take responsibility for taking care of her child herself.’

I nodded. There was a world of difference between that and being looked after. Emma was Roman’s mother and had to be a mother to him. It would be all too easy for her to slip into a completely different, more dependent role, were she allowed to. I’d seen it happen myself. And it was understandable to some extent, as any mother would probably know; even if your child becomes a mother they are still very much your child, so if they were thirteen or fourteen – even fifteen and sixteen – the urge to mother both child and grandchild would be strong. I would have to guard against doing that, for definite, because it was the sort of thing that would feel so natural to do.

Mike must have been reading my thoughts.

‘How much “help” would this entail, specifically?’ he asked Maggie. ‘I mean, you obviously wouldn’t want us taking over, here. She’d have to do all the usual baby-related tasks herself?’

Maggie lifted a hand and waggled it slightly in front of her as if to indicate there was a degree of give and take here, that we’d have to use our judgement about how strict the division of labour needed to be in this specific situation. ‘Well, in normal circumstances – whatever “normal” is – yes, that’s what we’d expect. However, in this case, we do have to make some allowances. Emma obviously hasn’t had the usual sort of upbringing. No younger or older siblings, no extended family, no experience of babies. The place she’s at now is that she seems to be coping quite well; with the support of the baby’s social worker, who stops by a few times a week to teach her the basics, she is coming on okay. Roman’s social worker also has to record supervisory visits, where she’s been noting down Emma’s ability to care. She’ll continue to do this, obviously, because it really is central to the placement. It’s on the basis of those visits that the court will eventually decide if Emma’s fit to look after her child on her own.’

There was a short silence after Maggie said this, as perhaps there would be. This wasn’t just a case of us providing a home for a young mother. Our home would be the stage on which both mother and baby’s whole future would be played out. At some point – and it only just hit me at that moment – someone other than me
would
stand in judgement over Emma and make a decision that would affect their whole lives.