A Leap of Faith (The Hands of Time: Book 2) (18 page)

“Anne, are you sure this is what you want?”  Louisa stood next to her at the prow of the ship, looking out over the horizon.  This had become Anne’s favorite spot, and she could usually be found here, just staring off into the distance.  Anne turned to face Louisa, her smile wistful.

“Louisa, my parents are dead.  I realize that people lose their parents all the time, but it’s so much easier to accept death from an illness
, rather than a murder and a suicide.  I am damaged beyond repair, and will only bring disgrace to any man who might possibly want me.  The reverend makes me feel safe and protected.  He is a man of God, and if he is willing to take me on, then I must accept.  I told him that I cannot be a full-fledged wife to him, but he seems willing to accept that. 

He wants me to help him with his work
, and in time, maybe even accompany him on missions to convert the heathens and teach them the ways of our Lord.  After what happened, I couldn’t ask for a more fulfilling or productive life.  I don’t care what happens to me, but if I can be of help to someone else it would make me content.  I know you don’t care for the reverend, but he is a kind and patient man, and his visits have been a balm to my soul.”  Anne’s brown eyes had lost the glazed look they had immediately after her rescue, the light of hope beginning to peek through the grief.

“Then I wish you all the best, Anne.  You sound as if you’ve thought this through.
  I only wish that there was something I could do to help.”

“Oh, but you have helped.  You have been so kind to me, both you and Captain Sheridan.  I
cannot begin to imagine what would have happened if he didn’t see me at that market.  I know that you’re not planning on staying in Jamestown, but I very much hope that we will see each other again.  Where will you be settling once you are wed?”  Anne seemed a little more animated now, and Louisa was only too happy to talk to her.

“I really don’t know.  I came here to find my sister
.  I believe she lives in Virginia with her family.  Captain Sheridan promised to help me.  Everything depends on that.  If I find Valerie, then I would like to stay where she is.  The captain is not averse to settling in Virginia.  If I can’t find Valerie, then I will return to England with my husband.  There would be nothing for me here.”  Louisa felt a chill down her spine at the thought of not finding Valerie.  She stubbornly pushed it away.  She would not even entertain such thoughts.

“Then I will pray for you.  I hope you find your sister soon
, then you and the captain can settle in the New World.  It would be lovely to have a friend here, and I would very much like to meet your sister.”

“Thank you, Anne.  At this point, I would very much like to meet my sister as well.”

Valerie raised her dress a little off the ground to prevent the hem from getting soaked by the dew.  The day dawned misty and gray, sounds of distant thunder rumbling somewhere in the distance.  The rain would come soon, but she had a little time.  In truth, Valerie didn’t care if she got soaked to the bone.  The heat and humidity made her feel sticky and irritable, and she would enjoy nothing more than walking in the cooling rain, drops of water bathing her flushed face. 

It was only an hour since the sky began to lighten, but she wasn’t sleeping well these days.  Her breasts had stopped aching and leaking milk
, and her body was healing, but her heart was still sore.  The baby was always in her thoughts, as was Finn’s self-loathing, Cora’s suspicious death, and the feud between Alec and Charles.  Alec hadn’t spoken to Charles since their fight, leaving Valerie to doubt that the brothers would ever be able to mend their fractured bond.  Alec didn’t speak of Charles, but she could see the hurt in his eyes every time Charles walked into the room, or joined them at the dinner table.  Alec was heartbroken and confused, shaken to the core by Charles’ betrayal.  He couldn’t ask his brother to leave, but he couldn’t bear for him to stay, and Valerie had no idea how to help him.

She would have thought that Charles would apologize once he had a chance to cool down and think things through, but he was defiant and angry, not seeking reconciliation with his brother. 
What could have prompted such resentment and anger?  Finn was oblivious to the strain between Alec and Charles, but Louisa was starting to ask questions.  She was sensitive to any undercurrents, and the obvious discord affected her deeply.  She’d always been partial to Charles, following him around like a puppy and seeking his approval, but in her heart, her first loyalty was always to her father, and she felt torn between the two men, unsure of how to act.  Valerie tried to reassure her that both Alec and Charles still loved her despite their differences, but the girl was upset and moody.

Valerie picked some flowers and began her ascent up the hill to the cemetery.  She was surprised to see that she wasn’t alone in her desire to pay her respects and thought Alec had beat
en her to it, but on closer inspection, she realized the tall man standing with his back to her was Charles.  They looked so alike sometimes, especially from a distance.  Charles was an inch or two shorter than Alec, but he shared his dark hair and lithe physique.   

“Good morning, Charlie.  You
’re up early.”  Valerie noted the flowers on Cora’s grave as she came closer.  “You miss her, don’t you?”

“Yes.  I suppose you know about us.”  Charles looked down at his hands, unable to meet Valerie’s gaze.

“Yes, I do.  Did you love her?”

“I was very fond of her.  I know what you are thinking, Valerie, but it wasn’t me.  I didn’t kill her.”  Charles looked up, a picture of defiance.

“Do you really believe it was Alec?”

“
No.”

“Then why did you accuse him?  You broke his heart.”  Valerie was angry with Charles, but she
needed to understand.  Charles turned to her, his green gaze blazing with anger.

“I wanted to hurt him.  He took Finlay away from me.  I know
what he did, Valerie.  I overheard you talking.  Alec killed Finlay to get you.  Is Finn even his, or were you playing the whore to both brothers?”

Valerie had an overwhelming desire to slap Charles’ smug face, but she held back, mentally counting to ten, before answering him.  He obviously harbored a lot of resentment toward Alec, and he needed to get his facts straight.  Whatever he
believed had nothing to do with what really happened.

“You have it all wrong, Charlie.  No one forced Finlay to do what he did.  He chose his own path
, and it led to his death.  Do you know what it means to be drawn and quartered?  You grew up here, so you haven’t seen it first hand.  Your brother would have been hanged, disemboweled, and emasculated, then chopped to pieces.  Is that the death you would have chosen for him?  Alec gave him a quick death because he loved him.  It had nothing to do with me.”

Valerie watched the emotions playing over Charles’ handsome face.  He might not have seen an execution of a traitor, but he’d heard enough to know that she was telling him the truth.  The idea of Finlay suffering such a horrible,
prolonged death, left Charles shaken, his belief in Alec’s guilt undermined.

“But
Alec married you soon after,” Charles retorted.

“Finlay’s last wish was that Alec marry me and raise our child as his own.  Alec and I were bound in grief, but he never laid a finger on me until we married.  Never.  He loved Finlay
, and he loves him still.”  Charles just nodded, a look of abject misery on his pale face.  Valerie could see him relenting and decided to change the subject.  He needed time to process what she told him about Finlay’s death.

“Now, tell me, Charlie.  What did you and Cora argue about?  Louisa saw you.”

“We argued about Annabel.  She overheard me talking about courting her, and was angry.  Cora knew I could never marry her, but she was still hurt.  I told her that it had nothing to do with my feelings for her, but she didn’t really believe me.”  Charles gave Valerie a sheepish look.  “No girl wants to share.”

“What about Amelia?  Seems you argued with her as well.”

“My, you have been busy, haven’t you?  Yes, I argued with Amelia.  She wanted me to stop dallying with her sister.  She thought I would ruin any chance Cora had of getting married.  It seems one of the workers was trying to court her, and Amelia thought he would be a much better choice.  I told her to mind her own business.  Now, if you’ve finished interrogating me, I will go have some breakfast.”  With that Charles, turned on his heel and walked down the hill toward the house. 

Valerie laid her flowers on the baby’s grave and sighed.  “Your father, uncle and brother
could all benefit from some psychotherapy, Alex.  Probably wouldn’t hurt for me to join them.  Too bad it won’t be invented for another couple of hundred years,” Valerie said to the tiny grave.  “Rest in peace, my darling.”

The rain began just as Valerie left the tiny graveyard.  Rivulets of water poured down her face and between her breasts, making her feel instantly cooler.  She turned her face up to the sky, enjoying the downpour
, and twirled around.  Her skirts were plastered to her legs, but she didn’t care.  It felt heavenly.  The roar of thunder reminded her that it was time to go home.  Valerie ran through the rain, sliding on the wet grass. 

Valerie stripped off her wet clothes and crawled into bed, cuddling next to
Alec for warmth. 

“You
’re all wet!  Where have you been so early in the morning?”  Alec pushed her wet hair out of his face and pulled her closer.

“I went to visit baby Alex.”

“Oh,” was all he said as his hand slid between her thighs.  Valerie closed her eyes and allowed him to stroke her.  Alec’s mouth fastened on her nipple as Valerie moaned, partly with pleasure and partly with pain.  Her breasts were still sore and her body was telling her that it wasn’t ready yet, but she didn’t care.  She’d missed Alec terribly and wanted him to continue.  She could feel his cock pressing against her thigh, and wrapped her fingers around him, returning the favor. 

“Come to me, Alec,” she whispered.

“Are you sure?  It hasn’t even been a month yet.”

“I
’m sure.”  The pain was excruciating, nearly making her scream, but she bit her lip and wrapped her legs around him, urging him on.  She wanted to feel pain.  She wanted to feel something other than sorrow, and eventually it began to hurt less.  She wasn’t enjoying it, but she wanted him to get pleasure, to find some comfort in her body.  Alec was hurting too, and now they could share their pain, both physical and emotional.  Alec rolled off her, satisfied and kissed the top of her breast. 

“You didn’t enjoy that, did you?  Did I hurt you?” 
He looked upset at the thought, angry with himself for letting his instincts overrule his brain.

“Yes, you did, but I wanted you to.”  Alec gave her a strange look, knowing better than to ask
for an explanation.

“Alec, I want to get away from here for a while. 
Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe.” 

“I was thinking of going to the West Indies to see if I could find some new
suppliers.  Would you like to come with me?  The
Misty Dawn
should be coming into port in a few days, and leaving once the cargo is loaded.  We’d be gone for a few weeks, but I think Bridget and Mrs. Dolly can hold down the fort.  Besides, Charles will be here.”  That was the first time that Alec had mentioned Charles in weeks.  Maybe he was beginning to thaw.

“Yes, I’d like that
very much.  I’ll start making arrangements today.”

Chapter 55

Agnes curled into a ball and turned toward the wall of the cabin.  She didn’t want her mistress to see the tears sliding down her face.  She had prayed for months for a miscarriage, but that was before she felt the child move.  At first, the movement was so slight that she barely registered it, but the last few days it began getting stronger, and she couldn’t deny any longer that there was an actual human being growing within her.  A terrible guilt stole over her as she held her hands to her stomach, feeling the rippling movement in her womb.  Was it a boy or a girl?  Would it look like her? 

Agnes wiped the tears away with the back of her hand and sighed. 
Mistress Jamison had just informed her that she would be marrying Captain Sheridan tomorrow.  That certainly complicated things, not that they were easy to begin with.  As of tomorrow, Captain Sheridan would become her master, and God only knew how he would react to having an unwed mother under his roof.  Would he turn her out?  Fresh tears began to flow, as she pulled the blanket over her head to stifle her sobs.  With no money, no friends and no husband, how would she be able to survive in the New World?  Who would give her a job once her belly could no longer be hidden beneath an apron? 

“Agnes, are you all right?” 
Mistress Jamison sat down on her berth, her cool hand on Agnes’ forehead.  “Are you ill?”

“No, Miss, just very scared.”  It was time to tell the truth
.  Agnes swallowed hard, knowing that the next couple of minutes might change the outcome of her whole life.

“Why are you scared?”  Her mistress took her by the chin and forced her to look at her.  “You can tell me.”

“I am nearly five months gone with child, Miss,”  Agnes covered her face in case Mistress Jamison was going to slap her, but she simply smoothed back her hair and smiled.

“Yes, I was beginning to suspect as much.  No one has sea
sickness for two months, and only in the mornings.  Did you think I would throw you out?”

“Yes, Miss.  Once y
e marry Captain Sheridan he might dismiss me because of my disgrace.”  Agnes continued to sniffle, but she was beginning to feel slightly more hopeful.

“Captain Sheridan will no
t dismiss you, Agnes.  I’ll see to that.  I will still need a maid, pregnant or not.  Was it some boy you knew in Plymouth?”  This was the hard part.  It would have been much easier to tell Mistress Jamison that she had been in love with some young man, who deceived her, but her mistress had been kind to her, and she didn’t want to lie.

“No, Miss.  It was my uncle.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”  Mistress Jamison looked horrified. 

“My
mam died of the flux three years ago, leaving me alone.  My father died before I was born.  I walked from our village all the way to Plymouth to find my mother’s sister, Susan.  My mam always spoke lovingly of her, so I hoped she would take me in.  Aunt Susan welcomed me with open arms and gave me a home and a job.  I was to help ‘er and Uncle Gerald at the inn, cleaning rooms and doing the washing.  I didn’t mind the work as long as I had a roof over my head and people who cared about me.  Uncle Gerald was always nice to me, bringing me sweets and giving me an afternoon off, here and there.  I was happy.” 

Louisa nodded.  She could see exactly where this was going, but she let Agnes continue.  “
I saw Uncle Gerald watching me sometimes, and it made me feel ever so queer.  He’d just smile and wink at me.  It wasn’t until about a year ago that he finally made ‘is move.  I was cleaning one of the back rooms, and ‘e came in and locked the door.  Aunt Susan was in the taproom serving customers, so there was no one to stop him.  ‘e said that I was beautiful and I drove him crazy with desire, and could he just touch my tit.  I didn’t want ‘im to, but I was afraid that ‘e’d throw me out, so I pulled down my bodice and let ‘im touch me.  He was gentle and just kissed me on the tip of my nose after he’d had his fill. 

I knew it
wouldn’t stop at that.  The next time ‘e asked me to lift my dress and let ‘im touch me down there.  I was so scared, but ‘e didn’t hurt me.  ‘e just stroked me for a bit and let me go.  He gave me a ribbon and told me not to tell my aunt. 

I thought that if that’s all
‘e wants, I can live with that.  ‘e didn’t ask for anything more for a few weeks.  Just wanted to fondle me a bit.  I let him.  Eventually, he asked me to give him my hand.  He wrapped it around his cock and put his hand over mine, moving it back and forth.  It was such an odd thing to do, but ‘e seemed to like it. By the time I turned fourteen, ‘e was having me regular-like.  I prayed that ‘e would get tired of me and stop, but ‘e didn’t.  ‘e never hurt me, but ‘e made me understand that if I refused ‘im, there would be a price to pay. 

And t
hen my aunt found out.  She walked in on us one day, and she beat me black and blue.  I could not sit for a week.  She said she would get rid of me, and it wasn’t long after that Mr. Dobbs showed up, looking for a maid.  I already knew I was about two months gone with child, and thought my aunt would kill me if she found out, so I took the job as yer maid and prayed that I would lose the baby.”  Agnes was crying hard now, her eyes averted from her mistress. 

“
Agnes, you shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened.  You were just a child.  You still are.”

“I was so scared of being thrown out on the street, Miss.  I know what happens to girls
who cannot find a position.  They end up whoring until they either die of disease, or some drunken sod does ‘em in.” 

Louisa drew Agnes to her and held her tight.  “You
’ll be all right, Agnes.  I promise.  I will keep you with me, no matter what, and your baby will be safe with us.  Captain Sheridan is a kind man, and he won’t let any harm come to you.  Now, help me prepare for my wedding.”  Agnes nodded and slid off the berth, happy to have something other than her own problems to think of.