A Lesson in Forgiveness (13 page)

Still, she was forcing him into something he didn't want. So, after one more quick shot of brandy, that her mother should have removed when she had the chance, Ginny made her way downstairs toward Colin's study. She didn't know if he was still awake or even if he was still in his study, but she felt the need to speak to him, find out what he was really thinking.

As she approached the door, Ginny saw light under the jamb. Knocking lightly, she heard him call out a curt reply to enter. Opening the door, she saw he wasn't behind his desk but staring out the window. She entered quickly and closed the door behind her. Having not seen Tabby to find out any gossip, she didn't need anyone seeing her in his study so late to cause some.

With her stomach churning, she whispered, “Colin.”

Swinging around abruptly, he stared into her eyes. The same green eyes that stared into hers in the moonlight. She nearly rolled her eyes over her romanticizing the situation that led her here. She really needed to control herself.

“Miss Hamilton. I believe I asked your father to have you come by in the morning.” His reply was sharp, as if he had no intention of dealing with this situation right now. Ginny knew she'd made a mistake.

“I apologize for disturbing you, my lord.” Ginny quickly turned and went back to the door. Before she could put her hand on the knob, he was there, standing beside her.

“Miss Hamilton, perhaps we should have our discussion now.” Ginny gazed into his eyes. What she saw led her to believe he could be reasonable, so she relented. She walked back into the room, taking one of the familiar armchairs.

The room was lit by a number of candles, but the corners still lay in shadows. Any other time, Ginny would have thought the atmosphere romantic, but considering the situation, it seemed morose. She could still smell the cigar scent on his clothing and a faint smell of liquor. She wondered if he started drinking after her father left him or during. He couldn't very well be blamed for either.

Sitting next to her, rather than at his desk, it appeared he would be at least civil. “I wanted you to know that if you wish, I will defy my father and refuse to marry you.”

“If I wish? This seems to have little to do with what I wish, Miss Hamilton.” His formality was a bad sign and his point was well taken. It was, after all, her plan that brought this about.

“You're right. I will simply refuse you.”

Colin, who had been sitting up straight, on the edge of the chair, now leaned back and regarded her. Steepling his fingers together by his face, his stare was intense, made more so by the candlelight. Taking a deep breath, he asked, “And when it gets out that we were... intimate in the garden and we are not married, how do you think that will reflect on me?”

“I doubt it will affect you at all. I imagine my reputation will be in shreds, but it was my plan, therefore my fault. I wouldn't want to ruin your life over my impetuousness.”

“I am glad you realize how this situation was entirely of your making. I imagine most women would turn an accusing finger back at a man.”

His condescension was infuriating. Ginny stood up and paced the room for a moment, trying to calm down.
What an arrogant prick
, she thought. It was time for someone to put him in his place.

“Point my finger back at a man? Like, say, Lord Clarendon? The man who made the bet in the first place. The man who had so little concern for my feelings or reputation that he set about to destroy both. Or say, maybe, you, Lord Whitmore. Perhaps you'd care to explain to me why if we only needed one kiss to win the bet, we needed to 'practice' first. Or why, and here is the real clincher, the most pertinent reason why my father thought my explanation was total bull, was when you told Lord Clarendon to 'go away' instead of turning around and acknowledging your win.”

Ginny's face was flush and she was panting in anger. At least she was willing to acknowledge her culpability, whereas this man would play the passive-aggressive victim. Sorry, but Ginny wouldn't allow any free passes on this one.

Standing up to face her, and probably try to intimidate her with his height, he reached out and grabbed both of her shoulders, drew her close and kissed her hard. Ginny went completely still, stiff as a board and curious how their argument had turned to this. They say that sexual passion can be born of any strong feeling, positive or negative. They would be right.

Releasing her shoulders, Colin began to rub her upper back and shoulders. When she still didn't respond, he reached up with both hands and cupped her cheeks. “Bethany, open your mouth again. Just like before.”

Pushing him away, staring into his eyes, she asked breathlessly, “Why? Why do you want to kiss me?”

Growling low and deep, he responded, “I just do.” He then grabbed her face again, gently this time and kissed her again. This time, Ginny reacted to his touch, opened her mouth and kissed him back. He explored her mouth with his tongue, tasting her. He wondered why she tasted like brandy. His hands slowly made their way down her slender neck, over her shoulders and down her chest. Finally resting on her breasts, his fingers coaxed her nipples erect, making her gasp in his mouth.

His breathing was labored when he finally pushed her away. He turned around and walked back to the window. “Go to bed, Bethany.”

His words were icy and strained. She turned to leave, knowing that any further argument was fruitless. Before she opened the door, he spoke again, arrogantly and self-assured, “Know that we
will
be married within the week. There will be no refusal.”

Instead of responding, Ginny left. Her body felt oddly cold, like she'd been doused by ice water and left standing in the wind. She realized she was too tired to think any further, all her anger spent and the passion she felt during his kiss unrealized. Tomorrow would be another day, another chance to screw up someone else's life.

Chapter 11

While getting ready for bed, Tabby had nothing to report on any gossip. After telling her maid the entire story, Tabby promised to keep her ears open and report any news back to Ginny.

Crawling under the covers, Ginny laid on her back and stared up at the canopy above her bed. It was a ruffly thing, not particularly attractive. She could feel the strain of the day slowly leaving her body. It may have been the exhaustion or it may have been the brandy, but before long, she was sound asleep.

Ginny woke up at the same time as any other day. When Tabby arrived, she said that the staff now knew of the impending wedding to take place here on Friday.

“Well, I suppose Lord Whitmore had to tell them so they could prepare, huh?” Ginny's enthusiasm was non-existent.

“Pearce has the whole staff on double duty. He has footman on alert to deliver the invitations. His lordship has already sent a missive to his sister and mother so they can be here. The guest list has already been decided, with much of the local gentry on the list.” Tabby went about her story as she prepared Ginny's clothes. Ginny tuned her out and began to think.

Maybe this is how it is supposed to be. Maybe after the wedding, he'll learn to love me and we'll live happily ever after. Maybe it was always supposed to be Colin, not Miles or Dr. Cummings. Maybe I should stop thinking and learn to go with the flow.

“Miss...miss,” Tabby was waving a hand in front of Ginny's face to get her to return to their own planet.

“Sorry, Tabby. I guess I was lost in thought. Did you need something?”

Smiling sweetly, as if to say she understood, Tabby shook her head and got Ginny dressed. Once her hair was done, Ginny went with a certain level of trepidation to the breakfast room. She could just imagine the conversation this morning. No more discussions on Napoleon and local government... now it would be about wedding stuff. Or worse, nothing at all, since it was quite apparent that Colin didn't want to marry her anyway.

Entering the room, Ginny was relieved to see it empty. Pearce appeared from nowhere, pulling out her usual chair. “The usual, miss?”

“Yes, Pearce, thank you. Where is Lord Whitmore this morning?”

“He is in his study, miss. May I be the first of Lord Whitmore's staff to say congratulations. I am sure you will make a fine mistress of Wellesley Hall.”

“Thank you, Pearce. I am quite pleased that you will be my butler.” Ginny realized how stupid that sounded, so instead of shutting up, she made it worse. “You are so efficient, it's like there are three of you.”

“Thank you, miss. I look forward to calling you Lady Whitmore.”

Smartly keeping her mouth shut, she smiled. He left through the mysterious side door, that once she was married, she was totally going through it to see where it led. God, she was childish sometimes.

While eating her breakfast, Ginny wondered if she was still supposed to have her meeting with Colin this morning. He already knew her answer, or rather, her answer did not make a damn bit of difference, so did she have to suffer through a painful and embarrassing meeting? As much as she wanted to duke it out again, she figured he would just kiss her again to shut her up.

Considering his kisses, she thought that maybe it was worth going in and starting a fight. In the past day, it was the only pleasant thing to happen to her. With her breakfast completed, she wandered down the hallway toward his study. The door was closed, so she knocked and waited for his reply.

“Pearce is that you? Come in already, dammit.” Well, that didn't bode well. It looked like she was in for a fight after all. Could be worse, he could hit her instead of kiss her.

Opening the door, she quickly said, “It's not Pearce.” Not that just looking up wouldn't have made that point obvious. “Would you like me to fetch him for you?”

“No, sit down. I have some questions for you.” Ginny took her usual chair while Colin walked to the door and yelled for his butler. As Colin spoke out of earshot, Ginny speculated why she actually listened to him. Perhaps she was setting a bad precedent, since Ginny was not the obeying type. She wouldn't want the earl to think he could get away with ordering her around.

Returning to his desk, looking extremely put out, he turned his annoyed look toward her. “You will need to discuss who you want invited with your parents as soon as possible. The invitations will need to be posted today.”

“Alright,” Ginny dragged out the word to emphasize her displeasure.

“You will need new clothing. There is a modiste in town who I believe keeps some nicer fabrics in supply. You and your mother should go into town today and speak to her. If she can't make you a dress so quickly, perhaps she can alter one of yours to make it appropriate.”

“Alright.”

“What is your favorite flower? Preferably something I have on hand in the hothouse or garden.” His military-like tone was wearing thin. Ginny guessed it was time to turn on her “charm.”

“Why don't you tell me what my favorite flower is. That way, it would save me the trouble of giving you the wrong answer and then having to listen to you complain about it.” When it came to sarcasm, Ginny was lord and master.

His look turned murderous. Ginny realized her blunder. Don't poke a bear unless you have a big gun as protection. She considered her options, one being running away and fast. She peered toward the doorway, considering her ability to reach it in time.

Anticipating her, he said, “You would never make it.”

Better to play dumb. “Whatever do you mean, my lord?”
“You had better start being grateful for all the time and expense I am going through for this, Bethany.”

“Or what? You'll actually be nice to me again. We could go back to being friends and speaking to each other as equals. I guess I'm not one to live under a police state. I was never a soldier and I don't like taking orders. Not to mention, I told you that if you didn't want to marry me, I would refuse you.”

“We are not equals, nor will we ever be. I am certain your father did not accept this kind of behavior. I will not either.”

“Do you want a child or a wife?” she said with a voice matching his tone.

“I want a wife who will appreciate all I can do for her. You will want for nothing, Bethany. All I ask in return is obedience.”

“Well, it seems we have a problem, because I don't want anything from you that would require my providing unquestioned obedience.”

“Dear God. Why must you be so impossible about this?”

“I'm sorry, Colin. I can't provide you what you want. After the time we've spent together, you'd think you would realize that.”

His head in his hands, Colin realized she was right. One of the reasons he was able to be friends with her was because she thought for herself. She didn't rely on his opinions and didn't follow along. Now, with the two of them to be married, why would he want her to change. He knew why. It was because he didn't want to get married yet. He didn't want to lose his one chance to go abroad and live out his youth. He wasn't ready to raise children. He wasn't willing to give all he worked for up because of some stupid stunt perpetrated by his youthful guest. And mostly, he wanted her to feel the same pain he felt.

He stood up and walked past her. Ginny turned to watch him as he went to the door and locked it. Turning back toward her, she became truly scared. What was he going to do that required him locking the door. Was he going to show her just how much stronger he was than she?
To hell with this
. Ginny quickly stood up and got on the opposite side of her chair from him.

What the devil
, he thought.
Is she afraid of me now? Am I acting that badly?
“Come here now, Bethany.”

“No.”

Letting out a sigh, he walked back to his desk and sat down. First he looked at her, then at her chair. Ginny turned to look at the door, then back at him.
What the hell, I might make it.
She ran toward the door and reached down to find the key gone from the lock. She hadn't noticed that he'd taken it.

“Looking for this?” Colin was so close, she could feel his breath in her ear. She turned slowly and faced him. Placing the key back into his pocket, he walked forward until she had no choice but to have her back up against the door. There was no escape, even if she got around him. Jumping out the window was no option, even if they were on the first floor.