A Life In A Moment (13 page)

I
obviously did not!

The letter
burned my hand with shock and confusion. It was the most devastating
thing she could ever have written. A message I could not understand.
I don’t know if it was the farce of her cruelty or the blur of
love that blinded me to the meaning behind her words. Only she could
explain it to me — that enchanting French girl who had stormed
into my life for a second time, with a force that brought me to my
knees for good. What Ellie and Michalis hadn’t managed to
destroy, she alone did. Every time I thought of her, I fell into
despair — and I did nothing but think of her.

Two months
of her desertion passed, and her face, her perfume, her voice began
to fade away inside of me, despite my every day’s struggle to
keep it all alive. There were entire days where I practised my memory
into remembering if her eyes were blue or green.

The
slow passage of time strengthened me at last. I patiently picked up
each of the bricks she had knocked down, building back up the wall I
had once called
everyday life
.
And as I was ready to place the last brick, the earth buckled and it
all collapsed. From among the dust and rubble, Angelique emerged, and
walked into the pub.

Black! 
was
the first thing that came to my mind when I saw her eyes.

«Can
I have a beer, please?»

«Beer,
what kind?»

«Black»,
she said, as if she could read my mind.

«I
never expected to see you again», I told her, placing her
Guinness on the counter.

«Did
you really think we would never see each other again? That we met
four years ago for nothing? A mere accident?» She sipped her
drink. «You didn’t understand the message I sent you, did
you?»

«It
made no sense at all to me...»

She
smiled. «The meaning was that everything changes, every single
moment. You never know what you’re in for. That’s why you
can never rule out any possibility. When you do that, the only thing
you achieve is daring life to mock you. I may have broken up with
Francois, I may not have been in Paris with him, but I can’t
rule out the possibility of never seeing him again in the future and
joining him in the end. I admit that I was attracted to that
colleague of mine, but it didn’t mean I didn’t want you.»

« I
still don’t understand.»

«Argh!
I told you I liked a colleague of mine, and what did you do? You gave
up on me. Didn’t it occur to you that I might love you but
hadn’t realised it yet? My words in that letter were meant to
tell you that each and every moment holds the possibility for
everything to be turned upside down. Had you kissed me that night, I
would have surrendered immediately. Unconditionally. Do you
understand now? You silly man...»

I would
definitely be silly if I still didn’t understand. We had lost
each other somewhere between her optimism and my fear, but now we had
found each other again.

«So,
after I waited and waited and waited and you didn’t show up, I
realized I had to come and make things right between us... Am I too
late?»

I glanced
at my watch. «No. Actually, you’ve arrived at just the
right time. I’m closing in half an hour», I said and we
laughed. It was the first night I had ever left the glasses dirty,
the fridges not stocked, the floor unwiped. It was the first time I
risked disappointing Pavlos.

With
the pub locked up for the night, we walked out into the rain, huddled
together under my umbrella, as if all those empty months had never
been. Peals of laughter and embracing bracketed our happy chatting,
until we stopped at a junction in the road, turning to each other,
silent and serious. I watched as the black clouds in her eyes were
banished by the bright full moon of her thoughts; I felt the breeze
of her breath across my lips. I held her tight in the circle of my
arms, and breathed the same air inside the cage of our locked kiss.
Our eyes shut to the world, we failed to see the red-hot neon sign
above our heads blinking
Love above all
.

We
strolled back to my flat, in a cloudburst of kissing and caresses.
While I chased her down, wanting to taste all the salt and sweet of
her skin, she laughed in her hurry to light the thirty-one candles
that lay all around the flat. The room aglow in all that gold, she
gazed at me, holding my face.

«I
like candles. I love fire, ever since I was a small girl. The sight
of it thrills me. It’s so liberating...»

«I
want to learn everything about you», I said, laying her down on
my futon.

The
buttons of her woollen coat parted easily. I buried my face against
the soft, thin cotton covering her chest. At last, we were fulfilling
what fate had decided for us four long years ago, when she seated us
together on that train bound for Paris.

One by
one, the candles smouldered. Even as the last one left us in final
darkness, we were still consumed with knowing and wanting and loving
each other. In that moment, I understood the meaning of our life: to
make love so wholly and deeply that thirty-one candles could melt
before we had reached the end of each other.

Dawn found
us still awake and naked, in an untidy sea of crumpled blue cotton.
Through the wide windows, Sunday morning revealed all the blushing,
hot reds of its rising sun. I have no memory of how long we stayed
like that. We just let go of everything, lost for the very first time
in love...

 
39

A year
passed along beside us. Twelve months. Fifty-two weeks. Three hundred
and sixty five days. Countless moments that we gathered together in
one encircling embrace. She was the missing piece of my life’s
puzzle.

I proposed
the idea of her moving in with me. She did. I craved her constantly
by my side, and so did she. Although she worked early in the morning,
every night she would drop by my work to keep me company. After
closing the pub, we would always follow a new route home, indulging
our love for endless conversations while walking in the empty
streets. Even though we spent night after night sharing all of
ourselves with each other, I always felt there was something still
unexplored. Though I walked through her, along her, and into her, I
was unable to map her entirety. I stumbled constantly upon virgin
forests and secret underground rivers.

On
weekends, we would lie in bed for hours, discussing her photographs,
which hang on the walls in deep, wide frames. We’d talk about
their compositions, the subject matter, the form and content, the
supremacy of black-and-white, the stories lying behind them, and the
emotions they evoked. We’d talk about the same photos again and
again, though our thoughts and ideas about them would change from
time to time; a sign that we changed too.

When we
did eventually get up, we’d make breakfast. Sweet coffee for
me, fresh orange juice for Angelique. Breakfast-time became a
peculiar sort of lesson in English, French and Greek. Whatever we
said in English, I translated into Greek for her, and she returned
the favour in French. This is how we gradually were able to
communicate in our mother tongues.

I had
obtained my driving licence, if for no other reason but to borrow
Pavlos’ car and visit the small towns around London. The
English countryside was so beautiful and virginal that every
excursion seemed like a painting we drew with rain colours.

As for the
people in our lives, Pavlos and Samantha lived together quite
contentedly, though their fruitless efforts to conceive had taken
their toll on them. It was sad to witness their resignation to
failure. I kept it all to myself and never once shared it with
anyone, including Angelique.

The pub
was in full swing and it didn't require any extra attention. The only
change was Sylvia’s decision to travel around Europe, leaving
her spot behind the bar after seven loyal years. She was replaced by
Matt, a strapping young guy, who was very talented at bartending, but
didn’t let any of his cats out the bag. Though he smiled a lot,
he was reserved. He spoke only when absolutely necessary, laughed
politely at our jokes, and answered the questions he felt comfortable
with. At first, it annoyed me, but later on, at Angelique’s
instigation, I realised that, if I let him be, he might eventually
open up.

Back
in Greece, nothing had changed. Uncle Haralambos was running the
bookshop, with Aunt Urania heading up the restaurant; Natalia and
Thanos were still together, as were Michalis and Ellie. By now, the
two couples had managed to reconcile, heeding the old saying 
Let
bygones be bygones
. The road they would
follow together eventually led one of them to London, arriving
towards the end of winter.

Get ready for guests. Coming on Friday. Thanos.

A broad,
spontaneous smile lit up my face after reading the telegram I had
just found in my mailbox. A nostalgic sort of happiness flooded me. I
bounded up the two flights of stairs into my flat, and called him in
breathless, boyish excitement.

«You
have absolutely no idea how happy I am!»

«That’s
why I’m coming! We’ve got so much to talk about. You left
without ever looking back, remember?»

«Of
course I remember, but did you just say
I’m?
What about Natalia?»

«Your
cousin isn’t coming. She’s only got two more modules to
pass and her exams begin next week.»

«Oh,
alright, then. I’ll be waiting for you!»

«Okay,
Vassilis. See you in three days!»

Thanos was
coming to London for two reasons. Firstly, he wanted to see me. Five
years was a long time for friends like us to be apart. Secondly, he
was a messenger with important news. News which would leave me with a
cold, brittle smile.

 
40

Of
course, Angelique came with me to the airport. I felt like shouting
out with my excitement. Seeing the trickle of passengers begin to
emerge through Arrivals, I trained my eyes on each one, and jumped
forward when I saw someone who resembled him. A second look showed me
it
was
Thanos.
Had it not been for his trademark glance, I might never have
recognised him. Five years had left their mark. He strode hurriedly
towards me, as did I, arms wide open.
Our
friendship would nest there always. We knew that whatever words we
spoke in that moment would be mere frivolousness, tumbling down the
cliff of five years like pebbles into the sea.

Pointing
at Angelique, I joked, «I have no idea who this girl is! She’s
been following me since I climbed out of the car.»

She
punched me with a wink in my arm, and then shook Thanos’ hand.

«Don’t
listen to him! He always talks such nonsense when he’s
emotional. I’m Angelique, by the way.»

Thanos was
beaming all the way back to the car. During our journey home, he
heard my girlfriend narrating the surreal story that had bound us
together.

«Wow!
And you met up again by accident after four years.. Natalia will
collapse into tears when I tell her this story», he smiled.

Because
our little studio apartment was far from ideal for such an occasion,
we gathered at Pavlos and Samantha’s place. With Bob manning
the pub, Pavlos came home early to help Samantha prepare a welcoming
feast for my friend.

«So,
how’s everyone back home?», asked Pavlos.

«Just
fine. Always on the go. Your aunt still at the restaurant, your uncle
at the bookshop, Natalia at the university...»

«When
do I get to meet them?» Angelique whispered to me.

«When?
When we go to Greece. Unless they come here before we get there.»

It went
unsaid that Thanos would explain everything to me after we’d
dropped Angelique off at home, and took a walk along the Thames
before my shift kicked off.

«Beautiful
city!» he said, holding on to the balustrade next to me, gazing
across at the bank opposite.

«Yeah,
it is, a beautiful city with lousy weather!»

«You
can’t have it all, my friend.» He turned around to look
at me. «You’ve put down strong roots here, haven’t
you?»

«Yes,
indeed. Everything that needed to just fell perfectly into place.
Still, who knows what the future will bring…»

«You’ve
never thought about coming back?»

I shook my
head. «It crossed my mind once or twice, before I met Angelique
again. But I never thought seriously about it.»

He fumbled
for something in his pocket, and pulled out a crumpled, worn
photograph. «Do you remember this? It’s the one we took
altogether at your place. Nine years ago.»

Yes, I did
remember that photo. Thanos was the one on the left sporting his
trademark cheeky grin, with Natalia laughing at him, Michalis staring
at Ellie and Ellie gazing at me. The positions we had so
spontaneously taken up were prophetic: the first four became couples,
while I, left standing on the very edge, ended up leaving them and
Greece behind. Ellie stood between Michalis and me. Whose hand had
assigned us fatefully to those positions? I handed the photo back to
him. There was no reason for me to keep it.

«You
know, the four of us talk about you as though nothing ever happened.»

«You
shouldn’t!»

«What
do you mean?»

My face
said it all. «There’s no point pretending nothing
happened. Just look at the result of it all. I changed my entire life
because of it. Yes, what they did didn’t kill me, and
everything should belong in the past, but I can’t pretend that
nothing happened, Thanos.»