A Life Restored (21 page)

It was more difficult to avoid the saloon in La Paz than it had been here.
 
In Prescott, he had Paul keeping tabs on him.
 
He had even taken to helping Paul or other townsfolk on his days off.
 
But, in La Paz he had too much idle time on his hands.
 
Other than sleeping in the morning after he arrived, he found the two days off to be much too long.
 
On this last trip, Mr. Denton suggested the steam ships coming into the dock might need some help unloading and delivering supplies.
 
Thomas decided he would look into it on his next trip.

“Hey Thomas!”
 
Paul’s call interrupted his thoughts.
 
“Can you give me a hand outside setting up benches for the wedding?”

“Sure.”

He lifted the other end of the first bench Paul grabbed and the two carried it out to the designated area.
 
In a few minutes they had all of the benches moved from the dining hall.

“Craig Roundtree said he had a few makeshift benches we could borrow for the day.
 
Ma thinks half the town will be here.”

Thomas could understand that.
 
He had lived here long enough to know both Julia and Adam were well loved.

After a few trips across the street to the livery, Paul and Thomas had everything set up.

Betty smiled at the three women seated at her kitchen table.
 
They were the closest she had to daughters in this wild territory.
 
Homesickness for her own girls threatened to bring tears to her eyes.
 
She was missing so much of her flesh and blood grandchildren’s lives.

I am where you called me to be.
 
Thank you, Lord.

Hannah stood, handing the baby to her.
 
“Will you hold him while I help Julia with her hair?”

“Of course, dear.”

Hannah led Julia back into Betty’s private room.
 
Betty and Caroline followed.
 
As Hannah began working Julia’s hair, the four women chatted.

“How did you know you were in love with my brother?” Caroline asked.

Pink graced Julia’s cheeks.
 
“It was more of a gradual realization for me, I guess.
 
It’s so different when you’ve known someone all your life.
 
I knew he was steady, dependable, honest.
 
I didn’t have to learn about his character or who he was.
 
I think perhaps when he gave me the horse figurine for my birthday I really started to see him differently.
 
I missed him when I was working at the hotel and I couldn’t talk to him whenever I wanted.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to tell,” Caroline mumbled.

“Dear, you’ll know.
 
It will be something special.
 
A man will capture your attention.
 
You won’t be able to think of any other besides him.”

Caroline began brushing out her hair.
 
“Is it possible to fall in love and barely know him?”

Hannah glanced up from the ringlet she was pinning into place on Julia’s head.
 
A brief frown shaded her eyes before disappearing.
 
Betty knew there was something behind the look, so she weighed her words carefully.

“I think it is possible to be attracted to a man and barely know anything about him.
 
I don’t know about love though.
 
I think love is more settled.
 
It grows as you learn more about him and his character.”

Caroline tapped her finger rapidly against her temple.

“Uh oh,” Julia let out a groan.
 
“I know that.”
 
She waved her finger in the air towards Caroline’s tapping finger.
 
“Are you sweet on someone?”

Caroline quickly lowered her hand to her lap.
 
Red dusted her cheeks.
 
“Maybe.”

Hannah spoke up.
 
“You need to put him from your mind.”

“Who?” Julia asked.

Then it dawned on Betty.
 
Only one person would cause Hannah’s sternness.
 
It had to be Thomas.

“Think about what I told you.”
 
Hannah directed her eyes towards Caroline.

“That is your opinion.
 
Perhaps I hold a different one.”

“What are you talking about?” Julia asked.

Caroline’s defensive posture softened.
 
“Never mind, Julia.
 
It’s your wedding day.
 
We should be talking about you.”

Betty made a mental note to talk to Caroline more about the subject in the coming days while she stayed with her.
 
If she truly held feelings for Thomas—it would be wise to caution her.
 
He needed more time to get his heart in order.

“Have you and Adam talked about children?” Caroline asked.

Julia stammered, “Ah… Sort of… We’d like children.
 
We would welcome them whenever they come.”

“Are you nervous about tonight?”

“Caroline!”

“I was just asking.
 
I’m sure Hannah or Betty could set aside any fears you might have.”

“What would you know of it?”

“Mama talked to me about what to expect before I left Texas.
 
She said she didn’t want me in a situation where there might not be other women around to ease my fears.”

Betty smiled as she swayed back and forth, lulling James to sleep.
 
Caroline was definitely a little more on the brazen side.

“I… Hannah and I… We talked.”

A curt nod was Caroline’s response.

When both Julia and Caroline were ready, Betty handed James back to Hannah.
 
She left the three women to check on all the preparations.
 
She couldn’t stand the thought of something not being ready for the big event.

As she stepped out the back door, she nearly collided with a gentleman.

“Oh, excuse me.”

“Betty.”

“Ben!”
 
She gasped.
 
My, he looked handsome in his dark gray suit and clean shaven face.
 
Without the gray flecks of his former beard, he looked younger.
 
Be still my heart.

A grin brightened his face.
 
“Been a long time since I left a woman stricken mute.”

She glanced down at her food splattered apron while reaching a hand to her hair.
 
She must look a sight.

Then he did the last thing she expected.
 
He moved close and lightly brushed his lips across hers.
 
It was just a brief kiss.
 
But, the intimate gesture spoke of a promise.

“Ya look pretty,” he said.

“Now I know you can’t be Benjamin Shepherd.
 
He wouldn’t tell such a lie.”

He chuckled.
 
“Might look a bit prettier if ya stopped nosing around out here and got rid of that apron.
 
Yer son got everything under control.”

Betty hesitated.
 
Paul was a good man, but organizing things—well, that wasn’t his gift.

“Shoo, sweet woman.”

“Fine.
 
But if anything is out of place, I’m holding you responsible, Benjamin.”

“I love ya, too,” he hollered behind her.

Heat rushed to her face.
 
Had he really just declared his love?
 
Must be the wedding.
 
Turned normal people into foolish romantics.

Ben chuckled as Betty returned inside, not quite sure what came over him to say such a thing.
 
He meant it, though.
 
He did love Betty Lancaster.
 
Probably hadn’t picked the best time to say it.

Adam paced back and forth near the area where the ceremony was set to begin in another fifteen minutes or so.
 
He looked more excited than nervous.
 
Ben knew he had waited a long time for this day—much longer than little Jewel, as he knew his heart long before she knew hers.

“Might go calm him down a bit,” Ben suggested as he walked past Will.

Will nodded and headed that way.

Reverend Page moved toward the front and spoke briefly with Adam and Matt Covington.
 
Ben wondered how Adam decided on Covington to stand with him versus Jed or Hawk.
 
The four were all close friends.
 
Must have been tough to pick one.

Soon Will took a seat near the front.
 
Hannah joined him with the baby.

Covington circled around to the back of the crowd as Caroline appeared from the kitchen doorway.

Ben wiped his sweaty palms on his pants.
 
For ya, Eddie.
 
I’m doing this for ya.

“Ready?” Julia whispered in his ear.

“Yer beautiful, little Jewel.
 
I know yer ma and pa be looking down from heaven proud as can be.”

She sniffed.
 
“Stop before you make me cry.”

Then he led his little Jewel down the aisle and gave her away to her new husband.
 
Other than marrying Sheila and seeing the birth of his son, this was the best moment of his life.

A small tear slid down his cheek and Julia glanced at him as Reverend Page announced the couple as Mr. and Mrs. Adam Larson.
 
She smiled at him—that big bold Julia smile.

I love ya, little Jewel.
 
Lord, bless her and Adam with a long life full of joy.

Chapter 23

Caroline woke the next morning when Betty closed the door between her private room and the kitchen.
 
Groaning, she rolled over on her side, not willing to get up yet.

Julia and Adam’s wedding seemed like such a blur, each part moving too fast for her to keep up.
 
She proudly stood next to her friend.
 
She hugged Julia in the line for the food, telling her how happy she was to finally be her sister.
 
Then Adam swept Julia away for a few dances before they left the crowd for the hotel.

Thomas appeared at her side and danced with her most of the night, until Ben declared it was time for everyone to retire.

She closed her eyes again, remembering what it felt like to dance with Thomas.
 
His hand on her waist.
 
Her skirt brushing against his legs as it swayed in the momentum of the dance.
 
The way he looked at her.

At one point he ushered her away to the empty, dark dining hall.
 
He told her how beautiful she looked.
  
Then he kissed her with the same fiery intensity of his very first kiss.
 
It awakened a craving in her that felt like it could never be satisfied.
 
He went on kissing her for a long time, until some sound in the kitchen announced they were no longer alone.
 
He quietly led her out the front of the dining hall and wished her pleasant dreams.

She raised her fingers to her lips and sighed.
 
Her mama’s voice tried to warn her to be careful, but she pushed it aside as she threw the covers back from her bed.
 
As she stood, she stretched tight muscles.

If she was going to be staying with Betty, the least she could do was rise and help her prepare breakfast for the hungry boarders before church.
 
After washing up, she dressed and fixed her hair quickly, then joined Betty in the kitchen.

The two women almost completed preparing the meal by the time Liang and Yu arrived to help serve.
 
Caroline grabbed several mugs and the coffee pot and entered the dining hall.

“Caroline,” Thomas greeted, letting his fingers brush against hers as she handed him a mug of coffee.

Warmth rose to her face as she wished him a good morning.
 
When she turned back towards the kitchen Betty stood in the doorway.

“Come dear.
 
Let’s sit for a while.
 
Liang and Yu can manage things for now.”

Betty filled two mugs of coffee and led Caroline into the private room to two cushioned chairs.
 
Caroline was suddenly nervous, feeling like she was in trouble.

“Dear, I’m a little concerned,” Betty started.
 
Then she took a long drink of her coffee.

The pause made her more uncomfortable.
 
“About?”

“I saw you with Thomas last night.
 
I saw the way he looked at you and the way you looked at him.”
 
Betty slowly took another sip.
 
“He’s not like the sweet boys you knew back in Texas, dear.
 
He’s lived a rough life and chosen very poorly at times.”

“People can change.”

Betty gave a slight nod.
 
“Yes, they can.
 
But it takes time.”
 
She paused again, draining the rest of her coffee.
 
“Dear, I know you care for him.
 
That is very clear.
 
And I suppose he cares for you, given the amount of time he spent with you in the dining hall last night.”

Caroline’s face burned.
 
She didn’t think they had been caught.

“I’m not trying to tell you what you should or should not do, dear.
 
Goodness knows I’m in no position to question another’s actions.
 
I will ask you this:
 
Do you know where his heart stands with the Lord?”

She held her hand up, keeping Caroline from answering.
 
“I’m not asking you to give me an answer.
 
Just spend some time and think about it.
 
I know from what Julia has told me that you are a God-fearing woman.
 
Guard your heart, dear, and choose your actions wisely.”

Caroline fought with the anger that sprung to the surface.
 
She loved Thomas.
 
What was so wrong about spending time with him?
 
Kissing wasn’t a sin.

Betty stood and sighed heavily.
 
“I only say these things, dear, because I care about both you and Thomas.
 
Please sit for a while and finish your coffee.
 
The Pengs and I can manage caring for the boarders.”

As Betty closed the door, she shot to her feet and paced back and forth.
 
She could answer Betty’s question this second.
 
No, she did not know where Thomas stood with the Lord.
 
And no, she wasn’t sure she would act any differently knowing the answer.

Dropping back into the chair, she sighed.
 
She rested her head in her hands.
 
She was so confused.
 
She knew what she should do.
 
But, she didn’t want to stop seeing Thomas.
 
He made her feel beautiful and womanly.
 
He made her feel with such intensity.
 
She even hoped that this might lead to marriage.

But, if he did not believe as she did, she could not marry him.
 
She knew what the Bible said.
 
Her parents taught her well.
 
Do not be unequally yoked.

How did she get herself in this situation?
 
Her heart was already entangled, snared, trapped.
 
Again she rushed into something without considering the consequences.
 
Perhaps, she could forget what she felt.

She could not.

Maybe she just needed to pray that Thomas would come around.
 
Yes, that is what she would do.

Thomas waited until the singing had been going on for a while before he took a seat in the back of the dining hall.
 
Only the reverend and his wife could see him enter.
 
Everyone else, including Caroline, faced forward singing loudly.
 
With several rows of people he didn’t recognize between him and Caroline, he was sure he would go unnoticed.

He didn’t want anyone to see him here.
 
He wasn’t even sure why he came or what he hoped would happen.
 
Even though he attended church at his father’s request after his mother passed, Thomas never paid attention.
 
Once his father was gone, he stopped going.
 
Drew never tried to force him and Uncle Peter certainly did not care.

After leaving Caroline last night, he ran into Paul.
 
That’s why he was here.
 
Paul had said nothing to him—he didn’t have to.
 
The disappointment on his face was enough to start the guilt forming in his heart.
 
He knew better than to sneak off with Caroline, even if he had no intention of taking it any farther than just kissing her.

When he saw Paul’s face he remembered what he said—that a girl like Caroline would never let herself get involved with a man like him.
 
He never asked Paul what he meant.
 
He didn’t need to.
 
Thomas knew what he was.
 
He was a bank robber, a gambler, a drinker.
 
His actions cost his brother his life, so maybe he should add murderer to that list.
 
Not one of those things would a decent Christian girl seek after.
 
If she knew the truth she would have nothing to do with him.
 
And that would break his heart.

Perhaps that was why he was here.
 
She would want a man like the one he was pretending to be—a man like Drew or Paul.

Paul was right.
 
He could not be like them without some help.
 
His actions every time he was around Caroline were proof of that.

So, if going to church made such a difference for Drew and Paul, could it possibly make a difference for a scoundrel such as him?

When the music ended, Reverend Page stood and began reading, “‘But when this priest’—he’s talking about Jesus—‘had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God…
This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord.
 
I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.’
 
Then he adds: ‘Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.
 
And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.’”

Thomas’s heart jolted.
 
Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more
.
 
Was that even possible?
 
How could anyone forget what he had done?
 
He couldn’t.

Hannah did.

No, she hadn’t forgotten.
 
She had forgiven him.
 
That’s what she said.
 
She forgave him.
 
She never promised to forget.

Thomas’s palms grew sweaty.
 
He shifted in his seat.
 
The bench he was sitting on sagged under the weight of the bulky man who sat down next to him blocking him in.
 
He glanced and immediately recognized Paul.

“Forgiveness from our family and our friends can be flawed.
 
Sometimes it’s is hard for us to forget,” the reverend was saying.
 
“But, forgiveness from God is perfect.
 
He tells us that he will not remember our lawless acts anymore.
 
There is no long list of wrongs, no reminder of our failures.
 
Instead, there is grace—lawless acts wiped clean.

“This forgiveness is not without action on our part.
 
We must accept the sacrifice Jesus made for us.
 
We must ask for his forgiveness in order to receive it.

“But, oh when we do!
 
It is given freely.
 
Our sin is remembered no more.”

Thomas swallowed hard.
 
It was a tempting thing—to reach out and grab onto what Reverend Page described.

Only Thomas could not do it.
 
He remembered all too well God’s part in the man he had become.
 
If only He had seen fit to let a hurting broken boy grow up in his mother’s love.
 
Perhaps then he would not have any lawless acts in need of being forgotten.

As soon as Reverend Page bowed his head to pray, Thomas swiftly climbed over the back of the bench and ran out the door, clutching tightly to his hurt and pain.

After a day of churning emotions, Caroline welcomed Monday.
 
At least she would be too busy looking for a job to think about her conversation with Betty and her subsequent discomfort in the church service or her disappointment that Thomas was not in attendance.