A Life To Waste (3 page)

A positive thing I guess you
could say is that Dave was spending a lot more time with his
friends now. Since he wasn’t spending every minute training or
racing, he was left with time to do normal stuff, things that
normal kids his age did. He started hanging out with Trevor again,
within no time they were the best of friends again, it was like
they never stopped hanging out at all for the past five years.

They went to bars and clubs
mainly, they were only 17 now but both looked a lot older. Dave had
grown to be quite tall and due to his natural frame and previous
years of training, he appeared quite muscular. Underneath the image
though he wasn’t half as strong as he was when he was 15.

Trevor had quite long hair, down
to his shoulders and a beard that could make Chuck Norris look
twice. They each probably looked about 22 or 23 so getting served
was never a problem. Trevor worked Monday to Friday, he was some
form of apprentice, Dave didn’t really know what Trevor was an
apprentice in or for, he didn’t really care either. He just knew
Trevor worked Mon to Fri. So while Trevor worked Dave would sleep,
or wait at home playing computer games, waiting for Trevor to
finish work. Then they would both meet up and get stoned, they
would usually sit outside somewhere to smoke as neither of their
parents would allow it in their house. Then afterwards they would
go into Trevor’s to play video games or watch some comedies. They
didn’t get stoned on a Friday or Saturday though, Friday night was
pub night, Saturday was club night.

Trevor could never understand
how Dave could afford to keep up with him every week, seeing as
Dave didn’t work, where did he get the money from? Trevor knew Dave
would be getting job seekers allowance, but that wasn’t anywhere
near as much as they spent each weekend, he just assumed his
parents must still be giving him “pocket money” for helping round
the house or something.

Every Saturday when they went to
the club, they would try and pull a few girls, mostly they weren’t
very successful, Dave probably could have pulled every time but
Trevor’s appearance, being the long haired bearded man, seemed to
repel the females. There were a couple of times they got lucky
though, managing to convince some University students that they
were older than they really were. Go back to the girls student
flats and “get the job done”. This overall was quite a rare
occasion though.

Dave never expected to meet a
girl on a Friday night, Friday night was pub night and they never
went on the pull on pub night, that was more about getting drunk
than looking for girls. But he did, it was Friday night getting
drunk in the pub with Trevor when he met Claire. Dave had never
seen Claire before, she had recently moved to the area with her
parents, she was a little bit older than Dave, having just turned
18, she looked older than 18 though, probably about 21, but all
girls do. Claire had been having a few drinks in the pub with a
couple of her friends, she hadn’t really noticed Dave, she had just
been happy chatting away, it was her friend, Stacy, who noticed
Trevor. Stacy was into the bearded types, Trevor had reminded her
of “Dave Grohl”.

“Come over and talk to his
friend for me while I get to know him.” Stacy asked Claire.

“Oh come on Stacy I don’t wanna
be stuck making awkward talk with the
friend
, while you and
Charlie Manson go and screw each other” Claire was never shy about
sex and things like that.

“It’s not going to be like that”
Stacy said “plus look at his friend, he’s cute”

Claire turned around to have a
look. Stacy was right, he was cute. They both went over to talk to
the boys, it took all of about ten minutes for Stacy to realise
that she really wasn’t into Trevor, the problem was, it took less
than those ten minutes for Claire to fall completely head over
heels for Dave. So Stacy was stuck for the night humouring Trevor
with small talk. Dave for the first time in his life had just
gotten his first real girlfriend.

Dave’s parents knew that he had
a girlfriend, not because Dave told them, he didn’t tell them
anything. In fact he hardly spoke to them at all, when they spoke
to him the best response they got was a grunt or a mumble. If it
was something which actually required an answer then they got a yes
or a no. That was it.

Dave had never been the same
person after the crash, he had drifted further and further away
from them as time went by. They knew that there was pretty much no
day in the week Dave was sober. They knew that every day he was
either drunk or stoned. They didn’t know what to do though, he
didn’t talk to them or show emotion or anything, so they didn’t
know how to approach him. They just kept speaking about it between
themselves hoping the one of them would figure out what to say to
him. There was another problem as well. Money was going missing
from around the house quite regularly.

At first they thought they were
misplacing things, after a while though it happened too often to be
coincidence. They couldn’t prove Dave was taking it though and they
didn’t want to accuse him. He was already so distant that they
didn’t want to push him away.

This constant tension started
having its effect or their marriage, they had been arguing quite a
lot more and snapping at each other for no reason. They were always
apologetic later, they both knew it was just down to stress and
were quick to forgive each other. After all, they still loved each
other, that hadn’t changed, had it? Or was it strength in the love
they shared for Dave that had bound them to each other for so long?
This bind was starting to weaken, and although neither of them
wanted to admit it, they could feel it. They both started drinking
more, it started off just the one drink after dinner, just to
settle down and relax. Then it became just a drink for when they
got home from work followed by a drink after dinner.

It wasn’t long before it was
just drinking from when they got home until they went to bed. This
usually led to many drunken conversations and like most drunken
conversations, it didn’t take long for them to transform into
arguments. These arguments started happening quite a lot, three or
four times a week. They had already had a couple this week, tonight
was Friday, they had both drank quite a bit more than most days
because they were off work tomorrow. It wasn’t until they were both
getting ready to go to bed that their argument started. It hadn’t
long started when Dave walked through the front door, also drunk.
In their intoxicated state, all his parents nervousness and anxiety
about approaching him had disappeared. The second Dave walked in
the door they invited him to join in.

“oh here he is now!” his dad
shouted, like he was an announcer or a presents “the fastest boy
around! Fucking fastest fingers around more like, ya thieving
little bastard”

Dave stopped in his tracks, more
shocked than anything else, he hadn’t really spoken more than a
couple of sentences with his parents for the past two years and
then he walks straight in this. He hesitated for a moment, but only
for a moment, then it was time to say his piece.

All the rage and anger he had
suppressed over the past few years, all the hatred he had for
himself for how he was letting his life go to waste, all the hatred
he had for some so called god or fate that snatched everything away
from him. All of those things had been lumped together inside him
like some ever growing ball of fury. He released it, he unleashed
all those feelings straight into his father’s path. He roared at
his dad, about how he hated him, how he felt he was never there
when he had problems, how he had to go to Phil as a father because
his Dad just wouldn’t understand him. All this release was a hell
of a lot for Dave to take he started to break down. With tears in
his eyes and a lump in his throat he said “you always hated Phil,
you hated how close I was to him, I bet you were happy when he
died!”

“Now come on Son, you know
that’s not true, I”

Before his dad had a chance to
finish his sentence Dave’s tears had dried up. The rage and anger
returned.

“Who the hell do you think you
are, Dad! You’re no better than me. All you do is sit round and
drink and fight with Mum! What? You like to shout at her because
she is smaller than you, big tough guy picking on his little
helpless wife.”

Dave’s mother was looking at his
face with terror, she didn’t recognise this person that was stood
in front of her. A face so angry, so frightening, she wanted to get
away from him.

“Well you won’t pick on me!”
Dave screamed.

The stranger his mother saw
stood in front of her jumped forward, he charged at his dad lunging
up and thrusting his hands into his dad’s chest. Dave had caught
his dad off guard and sent him tumbling over onto the floor. He
quickly jumped on him.

“Dave, Son! I didn’t I love Y
mmmphhh”

His sentence was cut short with
a punch to the mouth.

“Please Son don’t mmmmphhh”

Another straight in his mouth,
he felt his mouth fill with blood, he could feel his lips swelling
immediately.

“Dave, don’t!” His mum
screamed.

But Dave didn’t stop, he lost
control, punch after punch thrown, lefts and rights flying one
after another each and every one landing all over different parts
of his Dads face.

His mum rushed to him and tried
to push him off, as Dave raised his arm to throw what must’ve been
at least his fifteenth punch, he drew his elbow back and caught his
mum square on the jaw. She fell back onto the floor.

Suddenly Dave stopped. He turned
round to see his mum on her back after he had accidently struck
her. He then looked on the floor in front of him and saw the bloody
mess beneath him that was his fathers face. He felt complete
horror.

“What did.....I didn’t.....I
didn’t mean...” Dave was mumbling. He looked in a complete trance,
totally and utterly shocked by what he had just done. He looked
around, glancing in a daze back and forth at both his parents lying
on the floor, both defeated, both hurt, physically hurt at the
hands of their own son. He ran out the door.

Dave spent the entire night
walking the streets, he didn’t really go anywhere or do anything,
he just walked. He spent the entire night thinking about what he
had done. How could he do that to his own parents? After everything
they had done for him, how could he even think about laying a
finger on them, let alone, what he did. Then he started thinking
about how he had lost all his dreams and hopes in that car crash,
he lost his coach, he lost his running career, but he hadn’t lost
his parents. They had still stuck in there, every day since, even
though he had treated them like dirt, they had never abandoned him.
After hours of walking, thinking and being overcome with guilt, he
decided it was time to go home. He needed to go and face his
parents and apologise. He knew that his apology wouldn’t be enough
at first, but he would try, even if it took years, he would try and
get them to forgive him.

It was daylight when Dave
returned home, he walked into the living room where his mum was sat
on the chair crying. He saw that theere was blood on the carpet,
evidence left from the beating he had given his Dad. He tried to
ignore it.

“Listen Mum, I’m sorry” He
said

“Well it doesn’t matter now does
it” she replied “ It’s too late!”

“What do you mean? Mum, I’m
sorry I”

“He’s gone!” She interrupted.
“He was unconscious when you left us last night, I thought he was
dead!” She tried to stop the crying so she could speak, she was
able to stop a little, but still kept losing her breath and sobbing
while she spoke. “I spent half an hour just trying to wake him up,
you made a total mess of his face, I can’t believe you did that!
How could you do that to your own father!”

“Mum, I didn’t mean too, I lost
control” Dave wept.

“Well he has left now” She said
bluntly “He said he couldn’t live with you anymore, he had ignored
the drugs, he had ignored the thieving, but now he couldn’t sit
well knowing that any moment you could
kill
him”

“Mum, I would never do that, I
honestly didn’t mean that last night, I lost control”

“Well what about next time you
lose control hey! You nearly killed him last night! There is no
point feeling sorry now, he’s gone! He packed his bags and he
left!”

Dave sat back overwhelmed with
what he was hearing “I can’t believe it, I’m so sorry Mum”

“Well you bloody should be! My
husband is gone now and it’s because of you! What makes it worse is
for some stupid reason, I still don’t hate you. I want too! I
really want to hate you, but I can’t and that’s my weakness.” She
started sobbing again. “He wanted me to kick you out, or if we
couldn’t get you out, he wanted to call the police. I said I
couldn’t do that, I couldn’t kick my son out onto the streets no
matter what he had done. I can’t forgive you for what you have
done, but I can’t hate you, for some stupid reason, I still love
you and can’t see you put out there to waste away. Well your Dad
said he couldn’t stay here with you. So, he gave me the option, him
or you. I chose you”

Dave couldn’t believe it, not
only had his Dad left, but his Mum had chosen Dave over him. Why?
After what he did why the hell did she choose for him to stay?
Maybe it was some unwritten rule that Mothers have to stand by
their kids no matter what they’ve done or how bad they are. Maybe
it was embedded into her brain, or her heart. She had let the man
she loved walk out the door and it was all Daves fault. He had
never felt so low, so helpless. He had ruined his family and now
there was nothing he could do about it. He leaned over and hugged
his mum, gave her a kiss on the cheek and in a soft whisper with
tears in his eyes he said “I love you mum, I’m sorry I ruined your
life” Then he walked slowly to his bedroom and cried himself to
sleep.