A Little Rhine Must Fall (18 page)

“You are so … so …” words failed her. “Mom!” she yelled and ran on ahead to catch up with our mother. “Piper’s being a jerk!”

I was still sniggering when I caught alien/Karen’s eye. Whoops. Maybe not the best time to get into a sister fight.

“So,” I forced some cheer. “Do you have any questions about humans? We’re really quite nice, once you get to know us!” I was hoping that she hadn’t been paying attention to my little spat with Sarah.

“The ‘niceness’ of humans is really irrelevant. Either you will surrender to the Endring and serve willingly, or you will be eradicated and other workers will be brought in. I fail to see how a better understanding of humans will change that outcome.”

I glared at her. Why did she have to be so stubborn? Why did she have to be
my
problem? Why did she have to talk like a Vulcan off
Star Trek
?

“Thank you again, Mr. Spock,” I muttered.

“My name is not Mr. Spock.” She was confused.

“I know,” I sighed. “It’s a cultural reference. I was implying that you remind me of an alien off a TV show.”

“What is a TV show?”

Good grief. I looked ahead and saw Mom and the girls’ happily pressing their noses up to the glass of the puppy display. We had a few moments to explain the wonders of television.

“It’s umm, people, and they pretend to be other people who have exciting or funny things happen to them, and it is shown on, like, a window for other people to watch.” She wasn’t getting it. “You watch at home. You sit on your couch in your living room and you get to watch people going exotic places and doing exciting things. It’s storytelling, but with pictures.”

Alien/Karen thought about it for while. “So, people sit and watch other people doing things?”

“Yup.”

“Why do they not go out and do these things themselves?”

Good question. “Umm. Well, some of it is just pretend. Like when Bruce Willis jumps from roof to roof of cars speeding down the interstate. You’d die if you tried to do it. But it’s fun to watch.”

“Who is Bruce Willis?”

“Never mind, it’s not really important. He’s one of the people who act out things on the TV. Anyways, you just have to try it for yourself. You might like it!” Hey. Stranger things have happened. Maybe the alien would become so addicted to TV (like some teenagers I knew in college) that she would sit in front of it all day long and get fat and totally forget about calling home for the invasion force. Yeah, that could work!

Loud cries jolted me out of my happy daydream. Cassidy was lying on the floor, screaming her lungs out and kicking her feet on the ground. Classic temper-tantrum. Mom was kneeling on the ground trying to reason with her and convince her that yelling and crying was not the best way to get what she wanted.

Part of me really wanted to turn around and pretend like I didn’t know the misbehaving child. Another part wanted to hang back and see how long it took my mother to realize that a two-year-old is incapable of rational thought. A third part wanted to smack Sarah up the head for having that look on her face that said, “What a horrible child. Why don’t you do something, Piper?”

People were starting to stop and stare so I had to intervene. “Cassidy! Stop that now!” I barked.

She stopped screaming for all of two seconds. Maybe she was trying to obey, or maybe she was just catching her breath so she could yell louder.

“Is this normal behavior?” alien/Karen asked.

“Yes,” I said at the same time that Sarah said, “No.”

I glared at her. “What would you know?” I asked her. “It’s not like you’re responsible for raising anyone!”

“Thank God!” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Children can be such a pain!”

I fake smacked her arm. Well, half fake. “Don’t talk like that around your nieces!”

Mom was ignoring all of us. “Cassidy, honey. You can’t pet the nice puppy. He’s behind glass and we can’t get him out.”

“Pet puppy!” she screamed louder.

“How about we go get some ice cream?” my mother asked.

“
Mom
!” I cried. “No!” That was it. This was getting out of hand. It was time to use the Voice. “Cassidy!” I commanded. “Stop crying this instant.”

She stopped. She had to. I had completely removed her freewill and turned her into an obedient robot. And did I feel guilty for choosing to stop my public humiliation with magical coercion? Maybe. But not enough to stop me.

“Get off the floor, now,” I commanded. “Hold my hand and let’s keep walking.”

She obeyed.

Mom stood up too, brushing off her hands. “You are so great with your kids, Piper,” she praised me. “I’m really proud of what a wonderful mother you are.”

Sarah started choking and coughing and Mom turned to pound her on the back a bit. I would have liked to pound her on the back too.

Megan saw a toy store up ahead and dragged Mom off to investigate, leaving the alien, a still obedient Cassidy, and me strolling behind. I could tell my sister’s look-alike was deep in thought.

“What?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Perhaps I should make a recommendation when I send in my report.”

That sounded like she was still going to send in a report.

“Your young seem to take up the majority of your time and attention. They are helpless and self-destructive. They require constant supervision and training and have no financial or physical benefit.”

I couldn’t
quite
disagree with her assessment. “But they grow up into adults!” I reasoned. “All the time and training makes them better humans.”

She frowned. “Perhaps. Which would make it illogical to destroy all your young and only keep the adults.”

I felt the floor spin under my feet. “Yeah,” I croaked. “That would be illogical.”

She smiled. “Yes. There must be a way to incubate your young until they reach maturity. These troublesome years can be bypassed until they reach productive adulthood.”

I laughed. “You don’t know anything about humans,” I said.

“Why? It seems logical.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “But without all the ‘troublesome’ years, you will just have babies in big bodies. Humans need the years of training and learning to grow up. Some never grow up even
with
the years of training.” I glanced ahead at Sarah, “Look at my younger sister, for example.”

“She looks adult to me.”

“Never mind. That was a joke. You can’t ‘incubate’ humans. It won’t work. We’re not made that way. And kids
do
give something back. They make their parents into better, more patient, more selfless people. Trial by fire and all that!”

I’m not sure that I convinced her of the worth of children. Lunch with toddlers can turn you off eating for good. No one likes to be reminded of what food looks like after it has been chewed up, mixed with other food, and then spat back on the table.

As naptime approached, Megan and Cassidy’s whininess level increased. We had reached critical melt-down before I finally got them home, sent Megan to the potty while I changed Cassidy’s diaper and put them both to bed. I leaned against their door, completely exhausted. I needed a nap too.

“So,” Sarah whispered. She had decided to come over and “hang out” with her two older sisters. At least, that’s what she told Mom. In reality, she was supposed to help me convince the alien that Earth was a great place to live. I was pretty sure that I had failed that morning.
I
didn’t want to live on Earth anymore.

“Yes?”

“Is it my turn yet?” Sarah asked.

“Your turn?”

“Yeah. You went with the mothering, children, normal life, sort of approach.”

“You’ve got a better idea?”

“Yup!” She smiled and my heart sank.

“Do I want to know what your plan is?”

“Nope!”

I rubbed my eyes and thought longingly of my bed. Being pregnant was extremely tiring work. I felt like gravity had doubled. “Can you at least wait until Cecily wakes up and can go with you?”

“Nope! She won’t be up for hours. Time’s a-wasting!”

I gave up. I was too tired. How bad could Sarah’s idea of a good time actually be? Maybe she was going to take the alien to a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen, and show how humans are kind, helpful, gentle people who should be left in peace.

Yeah. And maybe by clicking my heels together I could make the world a place of sunshine, rainbows, and gumdrops.

Something was making me feel more nauseous than usual. I followed my nose to the hall bathroom and opened the door. Wow. I couldn’t decide which was worse. The smell of wet paint or the neon pink walls. Both made me want to hurl.

For a moment, an alien invasion didn’t seem like such a horrible thing.

Chapter Seventeen:

Threat

Sarah and our alien “sister” took off in Sarah’s car, leaving me standing in the middle of my living room with a sinking heart. Whatever Sarah was planning was not going to be my idea of appropriate, but I was too tired to stay up and worry, and too worried to lie down and sleep.

I finally decided that even if I couldn’t sleep, I should at least lie down. Megan and Cassidy were out and this would be my only chance to rest until they went to bed that evening. I halfheartedly picked up a few toys and headed back to the comfort of my bed. That’s when I saw my bedroom door. It was closed.

I stopped. Had I closed the door when I left this morning? Why would I have closed it? Otis liked to sleep on my bed and he needed to be able to get to his litter box. I wouldn’t have locked him in my bedroom. So, why was the door closed?

I looked around for Harvey. Sure enough, he was crashed out on the couch, four little doggy legs in the air, twitching with his dream. No help there. A dragon could be hanging out in my room, toasting marshmallows with his breath, and Harvey wouldn’t notice. Well, maybe he’d notice the marshmallow smell. He liked marshmallows. The only dragon I’d ever met didn’t seem the kind to frivolously toast marshmallows, so I could probably rule that out.

In movies, the heroine slowly creeps into the mysterious room, while danger music blares and you try to yell at the screen to stop her from being such an idiot. There was probably nothing waiting for me in my room. My mom or sister had closed the door. Except I couldn’t remember them doing that, but maybe my memory was faulty. I was going to play this safe.

I was still standing there, staring at the closed door.
How
to play it safe? Mark’s shotgun was in the bedroom closet. The silver-tipped stake that Cecily had given me as a present was under my dresser. Mark’s aluminum baseball bat was also in the closet.

Great planning, I mocked myself. Keep all the weapons in one inaccessible location. At least I had a vampire friend next door. A vampire friend who was asleep and might not hear her cell phone ringing. Hmmm.

I could run next door and wake her up, but that meant leaving my daughters asleep in a house that might have an intruder. Or, I could wake up Megan and Cassidy and drag them next door with me. But that meant putting up with whining, tired children for the rest of the day. Or, I could sit here and dither until whoever was in my bedroom got tired of waiting and came out and ate me. Nope. Not the last option for sure.

I tiptoed back towards the girls’ hallway, cell phone in hand. I would try calling Cecily. I did
not
want to wake up sleeping children.

I was on my fifth call attempt when I heard something bump in my bedroom. Crap. There really
was
someone in there. And now that they had made a noise, they were probably guessing that I
knew
there was someone there. Which meant that their surprise was blown and there was now no reason to keep on hiding. Crap.

I ran to the kitchen, still dialing Cecily, and grabbed up a steak knife. No. Too small. I tried a meat cleaver. Not pointy enough. How about a santoku?

“What?” a sleepy voice said in my ear.

“Santoku or chef’s knife?” I asked absentmindedly.

“What?”

“Oh! Cecily!” I whispered in relief. “Get over here now! There’s someone in my bedroom!”

A moment later my sliding-glass door opened and Cecily slipped in, two-handing the Sword of Justice. Although the sun was still up, her eyes were completely black and hungry.

She took one look at my santoku knife and shook her head in despair. “You are hopeless!” she hissed.

“Hey!” I retorted, hurt, “It’s an all-purpose knife! It’s very versatile!”

She rolled her eyes and stalked over to my bedroom door. The short hallway was cramped but she managed to lift one high-heeled shoe and kick the door open.

I sighed and crouched at the same time. If I lived through this I was not looking forward to explaining to Mark why our door was busted.

“Piper,” Cecily called.

“Is it safe?” I whispered.

“Come in here.”

I peeked around the corner. The room was empty. Weird. Had I just let my imagination run away with me? I was starting to feel really foolish when I followed Cecily’s gaze to my pillow.

My silver-tipped stake was driven into the bed, pinning down a piece of printer paper, probably from
my
printer, on which was written the words: Payback Time, Human.

My right hand was gripping the knife so tight that I had to slowly loosen my fingers with my left hand. I was mad. Really mad. And maybe a little scared.

“Matthew,” Cecily said grimly, sniffing the air. She pointed at the window which was open, air-conditioning the outside.

“He ruined my bed!” I shrieked. “Hasn’t he heard of email?”

Cecily choked on a laugh. “Email?”

“Yes!” I was on a roll. “He could have called, or texted, or written a letter, or hey, even taped a note to my front door,” I pointed with shaking fingers at my bed, “but no, he has to
ruin my mattress
!”

Cecily slowly sheathed the Sword. “Are you okay?”

“Okay?” I yelled. “Do I look okay to you? That stupid vampire put a hole in my bed! Do you know how much a king-sized mattress costs? Do you? Do you?”

“Piper—”

“It costs a lot!” I went on. “And how am I going to explain this to Mark? Huh? Have you thought of that? My door is broken and there’s a huge, frickin’
hole
in my mattress!”