A Love Undone (31 page)

Jo
. Andy’s voice washed over her again, and she opened her eyes. A bright-red male cardinal was at the edge of the water, dipping his beak in and then stretching his neck, drinking. He hopped in farther, little by little, until he was bathing in it. The female swooped onto the dirt a few feet away, tilting her head as if watching for danger.

As she breathed in the beauty of God’s creation, verses from Romans chapter eight came to her, and a peace she had never experienced before became a part of her—a peace that appreciated that as beautiful as life could be, it also groaned under its slavery to corruption.

She was tired of being held captive by an unreasonable fear of rivers and creeks.

While she was removing her shoes, a bee buzzed past her face, and when she swatted at it, both birds flew off. She eased down the side of the bank. The sandy dirt was cool against her feet, and she inched toward the river until her toes were touching the warm water.

It felt like freedom, and she stepped in farther until it just covered her feet. She wished Andy were here.

“You did it, Jolene.”

She looked up to see Glen smiling.

“I did.”

He glanced behind him, probably making sure Ray and Hope were watching his sons. Then he skidded down the bank and held out his hand to her. She took it, and he kept her steady as she stepped back out of the water.

He motioned to a large rock, and they sat on it. “I, uh, have some news, and since no one can hear us, now is probably the best time.”

“What’s up?”

“Some rumors have started about you and Andy.”

“What?” Had her siblings already heard them? What about Andy’s family? Could he keep Tobias from learning of them? “Who—”

He shook his head. “Not completely sure. It’s not as bad as it sounds, but the bishop and his daughter dropped by Lester’s a few days ago. Maybe Tobias said something that caught their ear. His daughter is known for asking lots of nosy questions and putting a picture together.”

The bishop’s daughter was over fifty. She should be more mature than to stir up unnecessary trouble. Jolene’s fairy-tale moment of
having victory over the river drifted away with the water rushing downstream. And clearly Glen was disappointed. Again.

“So now what?”

“I’m not sure. The fact that you’ve not been going there nearly as often lately helps. I was in and out a good bit before then. I say we keep our mouths shut and hope the community ignores the rumors. The last of the horses will be gone in two weeks, and Andy will return home.”

Her chest constricted so tightly she felt unable to breathe.

He started to reach for her hand, but he pulled back. “Maybe one day you’ll tell me why you aren’t going to Lester’s much anymore. My fear is something specific happened between you and Andy.”

If she wanted to confess to Glen, she would tell him that seeing Andy less and him more had done nothing to dissipate her feelings for Andy. Rather than sharing a meal with the family, they exchanged glances as she walked in or out of the home. But he was in her heart, and Glen deserved the truth. “Nothing happened, Glen. Not in the physical sense. I 
… we
realized that we cared too much, and we knew we needed more separation. But I have trouble imagining my life with any other man, and I know that’s not right because Andy isn’t mine to imagine life with. Shutting out the possibilities of love and family may be refusing God’s best for me. But it’s where I am.”

“I appreciate your honesty. And if there is one thing I do understand it’s wishing the one you love were here with you. But life isn’t what we want it to be. It is reality, and I think we’re meant to accept
our limits and make the most of what we have.” He stood. “I need to check on my boys.”

She stared at the river, thinking of her parents. Glen was right. Life was about reality and learning to accept what was. But if she spent time with Glen for another year, would the reality of how she felt about him change?

The cicadas chirped, and a mourning dove cooed as Andy loaded the last horse onto the trailer, at least the last one that was leaving by motorized transportation. His work here was almost done. His bags were packed, and a driver would pick up Tobias and him in two hours.

Jolene was here … to say good-bye. She’d come an hour ago and stayed too long. It bothered Andy for her sake, but he couldn’t make himself discourage this final visit.

He signed the papers and kept the needed copies. The rumble of the truck leaving barely registered.

Jolene sat on the porch steps, and he wished they could go for a walk—simply to talk freely and say a proper, respectful good-bye. But she shouldn’t be here without her siblings or Glen. Was the presence of Lester and Tobias on the nearby porch swing enough to keep the rumors at bay? Apparently not or there would be no gossip going around. The last thing either of them needed was a minister to charge them with inappropriate behavior.

Andy clutched the papers and paused at the foot of the steps. Of the four horses still on this farm, Lester had adopted three, and Glen was adopting one.

“You’re a good horseman, Andy Fisher, and I’ll miss your being here.” She spoke with a strained nonchalance, a valiant effort to conceal what was reflected in her eyes.

He appreciated her desire to strengthen him for the winter ahead—the lifetime of winter ahead. “It’s been a good summer, ya?”

She nodded. “Ray’s so excited to have found something he’s decent at.”

“He needs to keep studying, and he can call me if he has any questions.” Andy leaned toward her and kept his voice low. “Emphasis on
he
can call. No asking for trouble, okay?”

Tears brimmed in her eyes. “I know.” She cleared her throat, and soon the tears seemed to evaporate.

Did she really understand? It seemed after coming here tonight that she needed a good lecture. He couldn’t give it, not without being a hypocrite, because he was glad they’d had a few minutes to chat, even if it was on the porch with an old man and a boy.

Glen pulled into the driveway.

And Glen
.

Andy suppressed a sigh. Glen’s horse pranced as he pulled the open carriage, and his little boys waved excitedly at Jolene. Glen brought the rig to a halt near the front porch. “I thought I’d pick up the filly tonight.”

Before Jo stopped coming here, Glen usually brought only two or three of his sons with him at a time. Andy wasn’t sure why. Maybe to keep down the rowdiness or maybe because the boys would rather stay with one of Glen’s sisters and play with cousins. Or maybe to give Jolene time to bond with each one rather than feeling overwhelmed by all five. But regardless of which sons were where, Glen wasn’t here for the filly. He’d already signed the paperwork, and he could pick up the horse anytime. He was here because he’d somehow known Jolene would be here.

Andy walked toward Glen. “Sure.”

Glen lifted his youngest sons from the rig, and when he set the littlest boy’s feet on the ground, he didn’t release his Daed’s hand. “Let’s see about tethering the filly to the back of my carriage.”

Was there another way to get the horse to Glen’s place? Andy knew his patience with Glen was wearing thin. Ya, he wanted Jolene happy, and Glen was a good man, but right now it felt as if he was being a buttinsky. “Okay.”

Glen’s older son slid his hand into Jolene’s, talking excitedly about the new horse. All of them walked toward the barn. Glen removed his hat and put his youngest son on his shoulders without even pausing. “Would you like to go with us, Jo? You know, to help keep the filly calm while she’s following the rig and to help get her settled? I’m sure she’ll do better if you’re a part of getting her home.”

“I … I suppose it’s a good idea, but I hadn’t planned on …”

Andy couldn’t resist looking around Glen to see Jolene. She glanced at Andy, seeming torn. She’d avoided coming here for the last six weeks, and yet they couldn’t have even a little time to talk with Lester and Tobias nearby?

But Glen’s request was legitimate. She had bonded with that filly since mid-May, and in two days it would be September. So he understood her desire to settle the filly in her new home. Or maybe her only desire was to keep from causing trouble.

Glen moved his son onto his hip. “You can leave your horse and carriage here. Andy will tend to the horse, and I’ll bring you by here Monday morning to get it. Or we could do it tomorrow afternoon. Your choice.”

Feeling territorial, Andy wanted to tell Jolene he could find a reason to return in a month. It would be easy enough since he and Ray were planning to attend some auctions together, but Andy wouldn’t say anything that would hold her back from bonding with a good man.

He got the filly, and after the awkward minutes of attaching it to Glen’s carriage, Andy stood in the yard and waved as Jolene rode off with Glen and his five sons.

The kitchen table had at least four-dozen folders strewn across it. Ray had not been this confused since the last time Yoder yelled at him. Ha! Those days were behind him. That part was nice, but it was midweek, and Ray wasn’t working. Andy and Tobias had returned to Apple Ridge. They’d left just the way they’d arrived—quietly with no fanfare. Ray had wanted to throw them a party or at least invite them to dinner here, but Jolene declined his idea, mumbling about how it could cause an issue with some in the church. He wasn’t sure that made sense, but she hadn’t wanted to talk about it.

Silky pushed her nose against Ray’s elbow, and he patted her. She was the needier of the two dogs.

James set some papers to the side. “We have to make some decisions.”

If Ray could see into the future for just a moment, he’d know what answer to give. James wanted Ray to partner with him, and Ray didn’t mind working part time, but his main goal right now was to focus on training horses. Lester was going to let him use his
facilities, which was too amazing an opportunity to pass up. But James was looking to make a go of some business that would eventually get him out of the blacksmith shop.

James handed Ray another set of papers with pictures attached. “Not sure you saw this one.”

Ray looked at the information. “Maybe we should’ve stuck to the corner lot where you made flower arrangements and I sold them.”

“Maybe. But a man has to dream.” James smacked the table. “Now focus and help me dream!”

“But we made good money.”

“I want to start a landscaping business. Selling flowers from an empty lot is not the answer.” James had the guts to go after what he wanted, only as it turned out, he didn’t enjoy it like he thought he would. But if he hadn’t followed that dream, he wouldn’t have discovered his real one—running a plant nursery.

Woofy barked and went to the back door, and a moment later Hope entered. She must’ve already finished cleaning Mrs. Pinson’s house. He glanced at the clock. Jolene had probably already left from her half day at the bakery and gone straight to Lester’s. That’s what she’d done regularly for the last ten days, since Andy and Tobias had returned home.

“Well, hello.” Hope spoke to the dogs without noticing Ray or James.

James watched her before focusing on the folders. Ray recognized that half-interested, half-embarrassed look on James’s face. He liked his little sister? She was barely fifteen years old.

She set a stack of books on the old linoleum floor. Either she’d gone by the library, or Mrs. Pinson had loaned them to her. Hope
knelt and patted Woofy. Silky went to her too. “Do you need to go out? Ya? Okay, then, let me get a drink, and I’ll walk out with you.” After a final rub behind each dog’s ears, Hope grabbed her books and stood. Her eyes got large. “Goodness, guys, you startled me. You should’ve spoken up. I had no idea anyone was home.”

“The dogs went out recently.” Ray drummed his fingers on the table. “But it’s good to know you’re nice to the dogs when I’m not around.” He was only teasing. Hope had been gentle and sweet all her life, which should help make it up to Jolene for all the trouble he had been. But those days were in the past. If the temptation to rip something apart came over Ray again, he’d go to someone immediately and talk. Jolene would be his first choice and Preacher Glen his second.