A Love Worth Living (13 page)

Any time he touched her, innocent or not, she couldn’t think. And if she had trusted him any less, being this vulnerable would have driven her crazy.

His lips latched on to her neck to nibble and suck, until her thighs squeezed together in empty agony. “I need you.”

“I know, Care, I promise. Trust me.”

I do
, she screamed, but the words lodged in her throat. That would stay her secret, for now. She trusted him with her body, no question, but that didn’t present much of a risk, did it?

Scooped up against his chest, she nuzzled against the bare skin and inhaled as if she could indelibly mark him on her soul. She’d never again be able to breathe without remembering the smell of him, clean and reassuring. She ached to have him inside her.

He carried her across his condo to the bedroom—exactly where she wanted to be. She fell to the bed, cushioned by his hands, and trapped by his body. David reached between them to pull off the rest of her clothes. Each brush of his fingers teased her.

In the span of a breath, his clothes fell to the floor beside hers.

“Need you.” His words skated over her nipples and hardened them to aching peaks.

“Now?”

“Now.” He groaned, fingers exploring the slick heat between her legs. Her eyes sank closed to absorb every movement of his body and store them away for a cold, lonely night after he’d moved on.

When David sheathed himself in a condom and set the head of his cock against her opening, all her worries fled. Her hips twitched up, taking the first inch of him.

“We have all night, Care. No need to rush.”

“Need you now.” Wrapping her legs around his back, she squeezed, desperate for him to fill her and chase away the darkness. She let her body do the begging, kissing his arms and nibbling his chest until he cursed and sank into her.

His hands never stopped. He touched her everywhere, fingers electric and as painful as they were pleasurable, because this was anything but fucking. Every thrust tore at her heart. He was making love to her, and she couldn’t take it.

Carrie squeezed her eyes shut so she couldn’t see the truth his impassioned face was broadcasting. She stopped moving and hoped he’d finish soon so she could reassemble the walls he’d smashed through.

And he did, or rather he pulled out, paused, then settled onto the bed next to her, stroking her arm until she looked at him.

With false bravado she cocked her eyebrow and waited. In response, he gathered her into his arms, but said nothing.

She couldn’t see beyond his chest. She focused on his nipple, the barely golden skin, the hair scattered across his chest. She counted the follicles in an attempt to lose herself in the mindless task.

Better than losing herself in him.

Betrayal—by him, by herself—crawled up her throat until she spoke. “That wasn’t fucking.”

“Well, it depends how you—”

“Yes, literally it was, sure. But you were… You—” She blushed and tried to find her way around the words without handing him a part of herself.

Astute as ever, David picked up on her thoughts. “Ah, I see.”

He turned her over onto her stomach, yanked her hips backwards and waited at her still-needy entrance. “Is this more what you had in mind?”

Even as her body reached for him, her mind rejected it. His movements were cold, dispassionate. Even his body felt less alive against her, like he was a machine instead of a man.

She shook her head against the gray duvet and reached out for something solid. He grabbed her hands and locked them against her lower back, holding them in place with his body.

He curved over her back, so warm against her skin. “I will never…ever…
just
fuck you, Carrie. You deserve better.
Always
.”

She broke his hold, rose from the bed, snatched her underwear from the floor and put them back on, needing a physical barrier to shore up her mental ones.

When she looked up, he was gone. She returned to the bed and curled on her side, emptier than before.

On a sea of unshed tears, she fell into a restless sleep.

Chapter Fourteen

Later, when the room held a moonlit glow, David slipped under the covers with her.

She tensed, not knowing how this worked.

“I’m sorry.” His words scraped across her raw nerves. “I shouldn’t have left. I know better.”

She wanted to rail against him for making her body betray her. She’d slipped so easily into his fierce, tender loving she’d almost missed what was happening.

Blaming him for that wouldn’t help either of them. “Can we forget about it?”

His sigh shifted the hair at the nape of her neck, a whisper of a lover’s caress. “Do you want these friendly benefits to include sex?”

The moment lengthened, stretched, until it wrapped around her. “Yes.” The admission was easier when she could talk to the navy-blue wall in front of her, instead of to David himself.

“Then no, we can’t forget it.” When he moved, the bed dipped and her body shifted toward him until she lay on her back and David’s naked torso loomed over her.

She stared past his shoulder at the ceiling, not ready to see what his eyes said about yet another emotional land mine, but the weight of his stare called to her.

“Why do you bother with me?” She only realized she’d spoken aloud when his features tightened in anger.

With jerky movements he crowded her until his knees bracketed her thighs and nothing separated them but underwear.

She couldn’t fight this, not when she was so weary and he was so alive.

“I bother with you because you’re worth it.” He bit out the words as his angry eyes took hers hostage. One of his hands pressed between her breasts to cover her fluttering heart. “Because you’re such a damned good person, and you make me better just by being around you. Because seeing your tears breaks something inside me, and your smile puts me back together.”

Her words of denial never formed. David stole them with his kiss, swallowing her doubts and recriminations, if only for now.

Tears tracked down her cheeks. His, hers, she didn’t know which. Theirs.

“If this bit of you is all I ever get, I’ll die a happy man. And nothing—
nothing
—will stop me from being here for you as a friend. Not even you, doing your worst.”

She slid her hand between them to cup his erection, deciding to seize the moment. She was tired of fighting with herself.

He cupped her jaw and kissed her damp cheeks. “Let me love you, just for tonight.”

She’d deal with the fallout tomorrow. “Yes.”

Relief colored his deep sigh. He shifted so her hand could slide beneath the waistband of his briefs, and when he growled her name, tendrils of assurance unfurled in her.

She’d brought him pleasure. Pride bolstered her—she wanted to hear him moan again.

Maybe she couldn’t return his affections, but she could give him this.

She pushed him to his back, and he let her explore as his fingers dug into the sheets.

First her hands, then her mouth, followed the lines of his body: the strong chin, the defined shoulders, the indent that bisected his chest, the soft trail of hair leading to the silky length of his erection. He smelled musky and clean, and the scent dismantled what was left of her control.

With tentative licks, she discovered the gentle ridges and tight curves of his body, learning what made him twitch and what made him groan. And when she finally took him into her mouth, his shoulders jerked off the bed and his hands reached for empty air.

He let her torture him for long minutes. Each time he breathed her name, her eagerness for him grew.

“Enough.” He breathed like he’d just run the stairs up to the condo.

He wrested control, and she took his place. His shoulders spread her thighs and exposed her to him.

If he hadn’t stared at her so reverently, hadn’t laid kisses along her stomach and down to the tender juncture of her hip and thigh without breaking eye contact, she would have been self-conscious. “I’ve never…”

His lips crept closer to her aching center. “Ever?”

She bit her lip. Sex was fine. It didn’t require eye contact or real intimacy, not the way she normally did it—quickly, efficiently and only when essential.

This was different. David’s hot gaze locked her attention, invited her to think of all the wicked, pleasurable, addictive things he could do with his mouth.

With sex, both she and her partner could take pleasure, but now all of David’s attention was on her alone.

If she were with anyone else, she would have refused, but between the desperate need building in her and the wicked promise in his eyes, she couldn’t.

“Not until tonight, no.” She exhaled her confession before she could think twice.

“Oh, sweetheart, reach above your head and grab the headboard.”

She was laid out like a wanton, and he made her wait. He stroked her breasts, around her nipples, slid his fingertips down her sides and palmed her hips, until her skin itched with need. He followed each touch with his lips, with his tongue, with hot wet kisses. Her hips jerked up, needing to quell the growing ache inside her.

When his lips finally,
finally
enclosed her nipple, she shouted his name. Her hands clenched the headboard as if squeezing hard enough could trap the moment forever.

His thighs nudged hers apart and he pressed against her center. She writhed, reaching for an elusive orgasm.

He released her nipple, and she almost sobbed in agony, until he turned his attention to her other side. Licks and nibbles peaked that nipple until just a cool breath across the point made her cry out.

“That’s how I want you. Mussed hair. Heavy eyes. So needy you can’t think beyond this second.”

She nodded, as if it would entice him to touch her more. When his hot breath blew across her exposed thighs, her skin prickled in anticipation.

With his thumbs, he parted her and though she would have felt too vulnerable only days ago, tonight she begged him to go faster.

The first touch of his lips was her undoing. The sensation didn’t make her fly apart, but each lick tore away another layer of isolation, flaying her alive as she edged toward orgasm.

How would she ever survive this? How could she ever ask him to stop?

One long, elegant finger slipped into her and stroked across her G-spot, breaking her apart.

“David, oh God, David.” She came against his mouth until tears stained her cheeks and her body lay as boneless as a rag doll.

She heard the tear of a condom wrapper before David stretched out over her, his erection lying warm and heavy against her slit. He stroked her arms and her hair, murmuring sweet nothings until she finally begged for more.

That compelled him to act. David sank into her, filling her core and slipping into a piece of her heart she hadn’t wanted to admit was empty. The orgasm-satisfied part of her body celebrated, while her mind railed against the intimacy.

She ignored her fears and doubts.

They moved in unison until, with one final thrust, she flew apart around him again and he came with her name on his lips.

He tucked her against his chest and held her as she cried. She’d shed more tears in one night than she had in the previous decade.

He would be her undoing, but at least she recognized it.

“Fall apart tonight, Carrie. I won’t let you lose yourself. It’ll all be okay.” His soothing words lulled her to sleep.

Chapter Fifteen

When David opened his eyes, sunlight streamed through the room. Carrie curled into his side as if that very spot was made for her. He debated getting up to make breakfast, but after yesterday’s issue with the French toast—which he still hadn’t gotten a satisfactory explanation about—he decided to play it safe and stay in bed.

Oh, the hardships he endured for her. With a soft snicker, he enveloped her warm, supple body with his arms and watched her sleep. The dark circles under her eyes had faded and, though a day of good eating wasn’t enough to undo a month of bodily stress, she looked stronger. Her hair shimmered against his white pillow, a far cry from the dull, lifeless mass it had been when she’d returned.

She twitched in her sleep, her fingers pawing at his chest. A broad, stupid smile grew on his face and only faded when little muscle spasms turned into full-on thrashing. Whimpers choked her. David loosened his hold, not wanting to trigger a worse nightmare.

“Daddy!” she cried out, her voice small and innocent. “No!”

She undid him and, even if he knew better, he couldn’t sit back and watch her suffer. He cushioned her body with his to take her angry thrashing blows because that pain hurt less than doing nothing. He pressed soft kisses to her lips and let gentle platitudes tumble from his mouth until she settled and her eyes slipped open.

“Another nightmare?” Her voice was raspy from the screaming tears she’d shed.

He nodded. “Do you remember?”

She hesitated. He saw the lie tempt her, but with a sigh she shrugged. “It’s an old one.”