A Love Worth Waiting For and Heaven Knows (9 page)

He'd have to fix that, and quick.

 

“Harold, come help me with the tea water.” Nora took her dessert plate with her as she rose from the table.

“Sure thing, honey.” Granddad grabbed his plate and headed after her.

Julie blinked as they disappeared from sight. “Do you know what that was about?”

“No, but I think they want to be alone.” Noah rubbed his brow, because this was too much. “Okay, I'm starting to see it for myself. Harold really does love her.”

“You've taken care of her for a long while. It has to be hard to let someone else take over. He'll be good to her.”

“I'm figuring that out.”

“Didn't need an investigator's report for that, huh?”

“Not this time. I already admitted I was wrong.”

“I heard you.” Julie snared her plate and rose from her chair.

“I didn't use you. That's what you think, isn't it?” His dark gaze searched hers, forthright and unflinching. Beneath the steel was tenderness.

Julie's chest tightened. Her throat ached. What
did she do now? She stared at her plate, no longer hungry, but it was a better place to focus her attention than Noah. She was no longer angry with him. It would be easier if she was.

“I know. I chose the wrong words. I do that sometimes.”

“You're a billionaire. You're a chairman of the board. You're supposed to know what words to use.”

“Sure, rub it in.” He took the plate from her, his fingertips lingering over hers. Masculine and warm and amazing. “I'm just a man.”

He walked away, leaving his confession to echo in the shadows. Just a man, he'd said. A man who made mistakes and apologized for them. A man who'd asked for her forgiveness.

She found him in the living room, where the fire was crackling in the fireplace and the cheerful atmosphere seemed at odds with their mood.

Noah hadn't touched the thick slice of chocolate cake on his plate. He didn't look up, not even when she settled onto the couch next to him.

She set her plate on the coffee table. “Going back home tomorrow?”

“Yep. I've got a meeting that I'll do by telephone. Probably on the jet on my way home.”

“I always do tons of phone calls on my Learjet, too. It's a time-saver.”

The tiniest hint of a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I've always thought so.”

“If the doctor does get ahold of you on your plane, then you'll be alone. You need your family with you, or your friends.”

He relaxed a little, trouble starting to twinkle in his eyes. “I prefer being alone. It's easier than having women get mad at you right and left.”

“That's your own fault, buster. Why haven't you told your grandmother? She would want to be there for you.”

“Because there's nothing really wrong, that's why. I'm not going to upset her for no reason.”

He seemed so sure of himself, but Julie wasn't fooled. Not by a long shot. She'd seen his face change. He didn't like being alone any more than she did. Most of all, he didn't want to be seriously ill and alone.

“I saw you in the emergency room. I witnessed how much pain you were in—”

“It was nothing,” he interrupted, holding up one hand to stop her. “Look how good I'm doing. I feel great. My chest hasn't hurt since we went skiing. If something were really wrong, it wouldn't have vanished like that. I had fun, exercised and, surprise, no pain.”

“Have you ever heard of a fool's paradise? Of the ignorant's bliss? You should tell your grandmother and stay here until you hear from the doctor.”

“Why? I think those tests are going to come up negative, for whatever it is the doctors are looking
for. I live a stressful life. Stressful enough that it's made me unhappy for a long time. I just need to make some changes, that's all. The attack I had was some sort of wake-up call.”

“I hope so.” She truly did, but she couldn't shake the bad feeling deep inside. “I hope you're never in that kind of pain again.”

“You care about me, huh?”

“I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” His hand covered hers. “A lot of people I know want something from me. A job, a better job, a loan, a wedding ring and no prenuptial. I learned to keep to myself. It's easier on the heart.”

“I know what you mean, about protecting your heart.” Her confession came rough as she twined her fingers through his bigger ones, holding on. “That's the reason I've vowed never to let myself think about finding a man to love me. It only leads to disaster, and my heart can't take much more breaking.”

“I heard about the ring you returned,” he confessed.

“Everyone knows. That's the problem with being left at the altar. The church is full of people who can't help but notice the groom's missing.” She tried to make light of it.

He heard the pain anyway. “What kind of man would leave you at the altar?”

“He was a fertilizer salesman.”

“You dated a man who sold fertilizer? I'm not even going to comment on that.”

“He was nice to me. I thought that was enough. I just thought…” She looked so vulnerable and alone. Her ponytail brushed the slender column of her neck, so dark against her soft skin. “He didn't love me, and his best man told me so. In front of half the town.”

Noah gently squeezed her fingers, offering her comfort. “What kind of man couldn't love you? Wait, don't answer that.”

“A fertilizer salesman.” She swiped dark tendrils out of her eyes, sad and trying not to be. “It still hurts. Maybe worse because it wasn't the first time.”

“Someone else jilted you at the altar?”

“No, but I did have two other broken engagements, and I don't want to talk about them.” Her eyes were glassy, as if she were holding back tears. She yanked her fingers from his and leaned forward and away, breaking contact and all the connection between them. She grabbed his plate and thrust it at him.

Heartbreak. He knew how deep it cut, how much it hurt. He could imagine her in a pretty white gown of satin and lace, alone in that crowded church. Abandoned by the man who'd said he loved her. She didn't deserve that.

“What about you?” Her silver fork scraped on the china.

“Love and I don't mix.”

“Ever?”

“I tried it once, but I didn't have any better luck than you did.” He speared a piece of frosted cake and chewed. He refused to discuss what had happened the one time he'd been weak enough, and foolish, to fall in love.

“Hey, I told you my heartache. You ought to be as brave.”

“It's not a matter of courage. It just doesn't matter.”

“If it hurt you, it matters.”

She meant it. It was there in her eyes. “I came out all right, so don't worry about me.”

“I don't like the way that sounds.” She licked the frosting off her fork. “What are you? In your mid-thirties, and you've never been married. Do you have that fear of commitment thing?”

“Not me. I'm about as committed as a man can get. I work twenty-hour days, six days a week. Just about every day of the year. That's responsibility.”

“You're rich. Why do you work so much? I mean, you could retire. Then you'd have lots of time to spend with your girlfriends. You know, the ones you've got dangling on a string, pining away for you.”

“Is this your roundabout way of asking if I do a lot of dating?”

“Your social life is none of my business. I'm just saying…” Her face was burning hot. She didn't want to think about Noah and dating. He'd go for a wealthy, sophisticated woman. The sort who wore designer labels and who wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of department store sneakers.

“I saw the way the women at the party were ogling you. You were magnetic.”

“It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my bank account. As nice as your friends are, they don't see me. Who I am. What I stand for. If I were a poor man, they'd never look at me twice.”

His sadness touched her. “Some woman really hurt you, didn't she?”

“I'm not going to talk about it.”

Whatever happened, she sensed he had been hurt worse than she had in life. Tenderness filled her up, tenderness she didn't have the right to feel. Tomorrow he'd be jetting away in his plane to the East Coast, where he ran one of the most successful companies in the country.

And she'd return to her classroom that smelled of crayons and finger paint and chocolate chip cookies.

A teapot whistled in the kitchen down the hall, and Julie could just make out the low rumble of her grandfather's chuckle.

“They're so happy,” she whispered. “It's adorable.”

Noah didn't answer. “You have faith in marriage, do you?”

“Marriage is no different from life, I figure. It's what you make of it. Are you worried that your grandmother is going to be unhappy? My granddad will do anything it takes to make her happy.”

“She's had one good marriage. I guess that means she knows how to make another good one. Marriage seems perilous to me.”

“Me, too, and I've only been as far as the altar,” she quipped, making light of the feelings she was too afraid to acknowledge.

Two sets of footsteps padded down the hall and into the dining room. The faint creak of a chair told her the happy couple was sitting down to enjoy their tea and conversation. The low, contented buzz of their conversation filled the house with their happiness.

Noah put his empty plate on the coffee table. The clink of the silverware on china echoed in the quiet. He looked weary as he climbed to his feet and paced to the fire. “Want to know why I really hired that detective?”

She set her plate aside and moved close, so they could keep their voices low. “Does this have to do with the woman who broke your heart?”

“She did more than that.” He crouched in front of the fire, staring into the flames.

Why would anyone hurt this man? Julie hunkered down on the floor and waited for Noah to say more.

“Her name was Vanessa and she went to my church. Still does, actually.” He curled up next to her. “Sure you want to hear this?”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I never talk about it.” He hung his head, dark shocks tumbling forward to hide his face. “But I need you to understand. I'm a man who would never mean to hurt anyone, and I feel bad about the P.I.”

“I'm beginning to know that about you.”

“Good. I hired the detective because that's what I should have done for myself, about five years ago. I trusted someone I shouldn't. Vanessa was kind and beautiful and seemed to understand me. I was lonely, and many of my friends were married, some happily. I thought, maybe that could be me, with a gentle wife who loved me. I really wanted someone to love me. Foolish, I guess.”

“What's wrong with wanting to love and be loved?” Julie took his bigger hand in hers. Held him tight, so he would know that he wasn't alone.

He slipped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. Tenderly, sweetly.

How could anyone not love this man?

“Your parents divorced, as mine did. You have to know what it's like. The fighting. The conflict.
The constant hurting. Words become weapons that hurt more than fists.”

“Yes.” She knew exactly what he meant. “But not every marriage is like that.”

“That's what I told myself. I figured Vanessa was as nice as could be. Soft-spoken. Gentle. She never had an unkind word to say to me. Unlike you, she never showed her anger with me. That should have been a clue, in retrospect.”

“What does that mean? You liked that I became angry with you?”

“You were honest with me. You were angry. There's nothing wrong with that. She hid every honest emotion from me, and I didn't know it. I thought no discord, no problems. I couldn't have been more wrong. She was sleeping with another man—my best friend.”

“Noah, I'm sorry she betrayed you.”

“I'm a Christian. I respect my faith. I wasn't sleeping with her. I guess that made it easier for her to pretend to be in love with me. When I proposed, I gave her a five-carat flawless diamond for an engagement ring and pledged to her my undying love. I was a fool.” He'd lost more than his heart that day.

“I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that.” Julie wrapped her arms around him, in comfort and friendship.

He buried his face in her shoulder, her sweater
soft against his skin, and held her. Held her, gently and gratefully, until the hurt deep in his soul ebbed away.

N
oah padded down the hallway, following the single light shining in the dark house. “Nanna? Are you down here?”

“Just finishing up my reading.” Nanna glanced over the top of her bifocals at him, from her place at the small kitchen table. Her Bible was open before her. “I thought I told you to get to bed early, young man.”

“I was on my computer. Lost track of time.” Noah turned a wood chair around and swung onto the seat. Getting comfortable, he leaned his forearms on the chair back. “Aren't you up pretty late?”

“Seems I have too much on my mind to fall asleep easy these days.” Nanna swiped her hands over her face, looking weary. So very weary. “Between the wedding and the new house. It's a
balancing act, I tell you. Hope and Julie are helping me with everything, but some days I can't stop worrying if my dress will arrive on time. Oh, and now the meeting with the builder.”

“I'll be there, Nanna. I'll help you as much as I can.”

“I know you will. Oh, I'm not complaining. I just need another cup of chamomile tea and to spend a few more peaceful moments with my reading.” She touched her Bible. “What about you? Will you be flying off in that jet of yours the moment our little meeting is over?”

“You know I have to get back to work. If there's anything more I can do while I'm here, I'll do it.”

“My dear boy, one day, you are going to realize what you're missing in life. Then you'll stop working every waking hour of the day. You'll be running to your family instead of away.”

Her words hit their mark. Noah looked away. It was easier to stare at the floor than at the understanding on his grandmother's face. “I've been the cause of this discord between you and Harold. I should have been more welcoming to him.”

“You were polite.”

“You're defending me, and I love you for it. But you're right. We both know it.”

He thought of the story he'd told Julie tonight. The truth he'd never told anyone else, except for his attorney. Not even Nanna understood the true
reason why he couldn't stomach the idea of marrying.

He'd closed off his heart so completely, he couldn't let himself trust the people he loved. People who had never let him down.

He should confess. He should tell her about the stress attacks. They were over now, and he'd make sure it stayed that way. Nothing would cast a shadow over her upcoming wedding….

“You're the sunshine of my life.” Nanna caught hold of his hand, her grip strong and faithful, loving and loyal. “It would be a great help to me if you'd give me your opinion of the construction bid. You and Harold could look it over together. Why, it would give you the perfect chance to get to know one another.”

“So, everything really is all right?” He worried about her. He couldn't help it. “You were pretty upset.”

“I know, but Harold gave me his word that he'd try harder. Now I'll need the same from you.”

“Ah, you know I will.”

“Fine, then, enough said. The meeting with the builder is at nine sharp. I know I'll make the right decision with my two favorite men to help me. I'm so pleased that you decided to change your plans out of your love for me.”

“Bribery. Guilt. Manipulation.” He kissed her cheek. “I didn't have any choice, but I don't mind.”

“That's my dear boy.” She caught his cheek and gave him a pinch. “Now off to bed with you. It's far too late as it is. Go. Scoot.”

He stood and swung the chair into place. How could he tell her about those stress attacks, or whatever they were? She'd be worrying about the doctor and when he'd be calling and what he might say, during her meeting with the builder. A woman didn't get a new house, custom-built, every day.

It was only a stress attack. It wasn't as if it would be happening again. There was no need to tell her. Problem solved.

 

Noah's story troubled Julie most of the night. She woke up thinking about him, as the morning dawned bitterly cold. She had failed relationships that hurt to this day, but nothing like that. No wonder he'd given up trusting in people.

Well, he could trust her.

She added him to her morning prayers, hoping for a good answer from the doctor. He had looked healthier last night, almost as if the painful attack had never happened. Maybe Noah was right—it was stress. He certainly had a stressful lifestyle.

Snow began falling on the way to school. By the time she reached town to grab her morning latte at the coffee shop, the roads were slick. School buses with chains on their tires clunked down the main street, heading out on their routes.

“Hey!” Susan popped into Julie's classroom, her own latte in hand. “How was Sunday dinner with Mr. Billionaire?”

It felt private, all that had happened between her and Noah. “Fine.”

“Fine? Misty and I have a theory.” She tapped into the room with complete confidence. “Mr. Ashton the Third is sweet on you.”

“On me? No, we're friends. And before you say one more word, remember that he lives in New York City. I live in Montana. And it's not only the miles that separate us.”

“Aha! I knew it. You like him, too, or you wouldn't have thought this out so much. Admit it.”

“His grandmother is marrying my grandfather. We have to be nice to each other. It's like a rule.” Julie searched through the file folder open on her desk for the bright red
H.
“I'm a potato farmer's daughter. I have nothing but a string of failed relationships, so I don't think that makes me a prime candidate for a relationship with a wealthy, handsome and perfect man like Noah.”

Susan nodded sagely. “Perfect, huh? Well, I guess that means he's available, after all. You don't mind if Misty or I try to charm him the next time he's in town.”

“Go right ahead. Neither of you are victims of romantic doom.” She grabbed the stapler and attached the
A
in place above the friendly-looking snowman.

“Sure that you're not feeling a little jealous? A little possessive?”

“No, why should I?” Julie stapled a
P
next to the
A.

“Can we say the word
denial?
C'mon, Julie. You forget who you're talking to. I was standing right beside you when Keith told us that Chet decided not to marry you. I stayed with you when you cried long into the night. I sent back the wedding gifts for you, so you wouldn't have to face doing it. I know how much that hurt.”

“You're a great friend, Susan. The best.” Julie stared at the stapler in her hand, feeling lost and confused. “I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me that I should take a risk again. That being jilted once doesn't guarantee it will happen again.”

“So? What's holding you back?”

Julie thought of Noah. Of all the wonderful things he was. How he treated her. How much fun they'd had together skiing. How he'd apologized to her when he was wrong, and he opened up to her later. He told her his most painful secret. He held her in his arms, just held her.

“Noah is not the right man for me.” She couldn't afford to let him be.

 

But that didn't stop her from thinking about him after school, when her room was quiet and silence
echoed in the hallway as she closed her classroom door behind her. Had he heard from the doctor? Was he back home in New York by now and going about his normal life?

“Julie, I sure enjoyed the engagement party,” the principal's secretary called the minute Julie stepped foot inside the front office. “I haven't had that much fun in ages. Your granddad sure looked happy.”

“He is, thanks. I'm glad you had a good time.” Julie looked in her box—the usual stuff—and jammed the paper into her book bag.

“My favorite part was seeing you dance with the billionaire,” her cousin, Jenna, commented from behind a nearby computer. “Is there something going on? I had to help keep an eye on the caterers because you ran off with him.”

“I'm pleading the Fifth.”

“You took him to the hospital, didn't you? My brother saw you two in the hallway. He's an EMT, remember?” Jenna nodded sagely. “I bet Mr. Ashton was injured rescuing the little Corey girl.”

“He's quite the hero,” the secretary agreed. “Isn't that him waiting out there by your car, Julie?”

Every head in the office turned toward the window that looked over the lawn to the parking lot. Sure enough, there was Noah leaning against her truck fender. What was he still doing here?

His smile was genuine when he noticed she was marching across the grass in his direction. She had
no idea what he was doing there, but he looked good doing it. He could have been a page torn from a men's fashion magazine with the way his longer black coat was unbuttoned to show a glimpse of the black suit beneath and a matching silk tie. He looked like a man who didn't belong in this small Montana town.

“Hey, beautiful. I saw the school buses pulling down the street and all the kids running down the sidewalk, and I figured you might be through with work for the day.” He stole her heavy book bag and carried it for her. “Can I bum a ride from you? I need to get to the airport.”

“What happened to your sister? Wasn't she going to take you?”

“Her little boy's earache is worse, so I told her to stay home. Nanna and Harold met with the builder today and dragged me along. I escaped after we'd gone over the contract, but they're still talking over the finer details of the house. Since I don't have a car, I'm stranded. So, here I am, hoping some pretty lady will take pity on me.”

“It's your lucky day. I have an available vehicle, and I happen to have the rest of the afternoon free. You look good, so I take it the morning brought good news. What did the doctor say?”

“He hasn't called yet.” Noah opened the truck door for her. “He's been stuck in surgery all day,
but his nurse swore an oath that he would call me before four.”

“It's been a tough wait?”

“No. I don't think it's bad news. It's just the waiting so I can hear those words for sure.” He took her elbow to help her into the truck. “I don't want to be an imposition. Do you mind playing taxi for me?”

“Not at all. That's what friends are for.”

“Thanks.” He shut the door for her, pure gentleman.

She liked him, far too much. Good thing she didn't have to worry about a romance developing between them. And if a part of her wondered what it would be like to be in love with Noah, she would simply ignore it.

He hopped in the passenger door and tucked her book bag on the floor. “I'm sure your granddad will tell you all about it, but he and Nanna have finally settled on a house plan. They break ground as soon as the weather changes. I looked over the contract for them, that's why I'm staying in town longer than I planned.”

She started the engine and backed out of the spot. “How did it go?”

“With your granddad, you mean? Well enough. I think he was glad enough to have someone who could read contracts for them.” A shrill jingle sounded from his coat pocket. He tossed her a slightly worried look as he fished out the phone.

Hadn't he distinctly said he wasn't worried?

“I can do this.” He took a deep breath, released it and punched a button. “Hello?”

Julie pulled up against the curb in the residential district. With the engine idling, she could hear the mumble of the doctor's voice.

“I see.” Noah sounded…different. Strained. “Of course. I'll think about it. Thanks.”

Her heart felt as if it stopped beating. Her blood turned to ice. The news wasn't good. Noah had turned completely pale as he punched the button that turned off the phone.

He was so silent. She wanted more than anything for him to turn to her and say, “The tests came out perfect.” Anything to put the color back in his face and to sweep away the lines digging into his brow. This was not good news at all.

She didn't know what to say. No words came to mind, so she reached across the small distance between them to touch his sleeve. Noah didn't acknowledge her touch as he gazed out the side window. Snow tumbled in fluffy pieces to melt on the hood and cling to the windshield.

“I really thought it was nothing.” He sounded so far away. “I'd talked myself into it. Nothing but denial, I suppose. After you took me skiing, I felt so great. I thought I'd dodged a bullet, that nothing was really wrong. If I started working out more and taking some time off, that would do the trick.”

“What did the doctor say?”

“They found a suspicious mass in my abdomen.” He felt wooden. Shock coursed through his veins, turning his blood to ice.

Tumor.
He couldn't say the word aloud to Julie. Cancer at the worst. Gallstones at the least. The doctors wouldn't know until it was removed, and that meant surgery.

He buried his face in his hands. How could this be happening to him? It couldn't. The scans had to be wrong. He felt fine. He felt healthier than he had in years. It couldn't be cancer. Look at how he'd reduced his stress for one afternoon and the pain disappeared. That had to mean he was going to be all right. Right?

Lord, please let the tests be wrong.

He knew deep down they were not. The doctor wouldn't have called until he was certain.

“Noah, I'm so sorry. Did they say anything else?”

“Only that I had to have it removed as soon as possible.”

“Do they know if it's benign?”

He shook his head. She was asking in a polite way if he had cancer, and he couldn't say that word out loud. What if it was that serious? He might be looking at the end of his life.

It couldn't be that bad, could it? This couldn't be happening to him.

“We can pray that it's benign. Will that help?”

He nodded. Her hand on his sleeve was the only thing that felt real right now. His head was spinning. His heart was thundering. But the steady warmth of her hand was like a connection that kept him grounded, that kept him from panicking. Her words were soothing as she began to pray.